11: do you have any siblings?

indeed! i have two sisters... they are quite lovely. i never really know what to call them. as a child i always just called them my sisters but now, given our family history, i am often forced to call them 'half sisters' as we only share the DNA of our mum. we look a dramatic amount alike (or so people say) and get along reasonably well, despite many problems in the past.

i get along mostly with my eldest sister, LaDonna, who is just an incredibly fabulous creature who really does have a huge amount in common with me. she is just hysterical and really down to earth.

i loves her big time.

i also have two brothers-in-law due to marriages to my sisters and a sister-in-law through husband.

10: what were your first words and who told you what they were?

i am going to guess that my mum told me what my first words were and that she told me they were 'mum.'

9: what's your saddest memory?

as a child or overall? i guess if we are talking about my saddest memory from childhood that causes me a pain in my belly from thinking about it, it would be when i had to go to the vet with one of our ill dogs. he was old and had run away and gotten hit by a car so he had a fucked up spine and his prostate was swollen, causing him extreme pain.

he was my mum's favourite and because she was disabled, she could not come with us. when we got there the vet said that he would have to be put down. he was suffering quite a great deal. i spoke to mum and she agreed. i couldn't be in the room when it happened, so i waited out in reception. i still heard him yelp just before he died though and it was one of the most horrible sounds in the world.

i will never forget the look on my mum's face when i came home with just puppy's blanket in my hands. it totally broke her heart.

i heart things and things NOT tuesday

you know, every so often i get excited about a giant amount of things before the week is out and i just cannae hold it in or i will forget all of it and then the list on tuesday runs the chance of being barren.

so as a result, on the occasion that my delight cannae be controlled, i am now implementing 'i heart things and things NOT tuesday!' hooray!

on to hearting!

• Japanese Restaurants... on our last night in brighton, husband and i had a wee date at a tiny japanese restaurant and MYGOD it was the best ever. like, usually, when you go into a chinese restaurant the waitresses are large and moody. they make it seem like you are inconveniencing them in some way because you would like to ingest food. well, at this restaurant (which, for some reason i cannae find the name of) the waitresses were all the tiniest japanese women you have ever seen in your life and they just pranced around and smiled the most precious smiles ever. it was like all the cutest little japanese schoolgirl stereotypes all rolled into one when you saw them. so friendly and oh so precious. and the meal... OMG the meal! it was like, the best thing ever. it was a prawn den ricebowl with like, the best white excitement ever tossed all over the top. the rice was perfect and the honey ribs and prawn tempura was to die for. i was mostly the most pleased ever. no, really. it was just amazing.
• the sea. i have now grown to realise that if i do not live by the sea at least once in my life i will have not lived to the fullest of my capacity. being from midwestern america, i was never privy to the joys of excess humidity and the saltiest water in the world, but i took advantage of the sea whilst i was there much like a randy college boy would were he to see a drunken, passed-out paris hilton laying on his couch. i wept upon first glance of it. we drove by it on the minibus and i just welled up (which is nothing THAT exciting, as i seem to be weeping at every single thing, ever at the moment). upon arrival at our hotel, we settled in, unpacked and departed for a prance around a city that held no familiarity with us. we were with two other people and i could barely contain myself from just running away from them and flying into the sea fully-clothed. instead, though... i contained myself long enough to allow us to get some cupcakes and cider for an afternoon of amazing delight. the cupcakes were perfect, the cider was icy and the sea was producing all the best sounds in the world. we met up with gem and mel after their meal and returned to our posts at the seafront with more cider and fish and chips for some pre-wedding chats and generally to enable us to breathe in as much of the most beautiful air in the world. due to the amount of booze cat and i had drunk, we decided to go paddling in the sea only to decide that our calves getting wet was not nearly enough, so we moved in further so our thighs were participating... soon, though... that was not enough. we needed to become a part of the sea and we sat in and the sea just hugged us like i have never been hugged in my life. it covered us and it was the warmest and loveliest experience ever.
  i honestly cannot recommend the sea any more than OMG you NEEDZ to go NOW!! it is the best thing ever. OMG!
• orangina. never before have i drunk orangina, but i have decided that after i saw the following advert on telly that i have no choice but to drink it almost constantly... please watch and enjoy...

• swapping things... again!! so, i have received another swap and i just cannot stress how much fun it is! this time i have swapped with a girl in florida and she has sent me the largest box of delights ever. as you can see from the photo there are oreo cakesters, chef boyardee ravioli pots, almond joys, maple syrup and grape delight! i have almost never been happier in my life. it is just the best thing ever to get parcels and to open them and just... well... it's just like christmas. i cannot explain how amazing it is. i will be sending her stuff off tomorrow and it is just as much fun from my end. you get to imagine what this person that you do not know would enjoy. i just love to be able to share all the delights that are in england with other people who are NOT here. it is so fun!

• honourable mentions... american treats aplenty, coke, my goldfish, cupcakes, popping spots, when i overhear classic conversations (an example is when we were walking down the street in brighton and we overheard a lady arguing with a shopkeeper and she decided it would be fair to say the following... 'fuck off back into your shop and suck your mutha's cunt!' yeah... classic, indeed), maple syrup, rik mayall, cheesecake, chevy, alan carr...

big gay weddings and a small amount of disappointment.

a list of things that i did for gem and mel for the wedding?

• made the bouquet of wonder and flowers for bridesmaids to wear.
• cared for their dog in a hotel across the city because theirs apparently does not like dogs (and as a result, was kept up all night the first night due to his incessant groin chewing and leg licking).
• planned the hen night of delight.
• gave up my house and my husband's cooking skills for the hen night so all the ladies had a place to convene, eat a big fat curry, make themselves pretty and suitably inebriated.
• planned and organised the wedding cake of glory to be as they did not have a wedding cake and it is just NOT RIGHT for someone to not have cake on their wedding day!
• went to numerous dress fittings and took photos to help the beautiful gem be sure that the dress was absolutely perfect.
• left work early several times to meet up to discuss wedding-related things.
• made countless phone calls to make sure everything was just right. (this included people bringing things for the hen night, wedding and for the BBC to send flowers to their room on their wedding day)
• spent more money than i ever should have for food and decorations.
• was the only reason that gem had bridesmaids, as she did not even think to have any until i mentioned it.
• was NOT asked to be an official witness to their wedding.

should i be pissy about it? no, most likely not, but it still feels like a bit of a slap in the face because i REALLY put a lot into this. this wedding stressed me out more than my own wedding did and at the end, when the officiator came out to prepare the witnesses for the ceremony, he called sarah up instead of me.
i am not saying i regret doing the things i did for them, and perhaps it is a wee bit petty for me to be upset about it but it just feels like perhaps that would have been the ultimate thank you for someone who threw their entire life out of whack to make sure your wedding and hen night was as perfect as physically possible. am i just being stupid? when i say it out loud i feel like i am just being a big fat stupid face but mygod, i am only human.

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anyways, all that aside, the wedding and the entire holiday was flipping brilliant. in fact, if i do say so myself, the entire week has been perfect.

it all started last friday when i left work in a big fat hurry to ensure i was home in time to get all the shopping done for the hen night. i tidied like i never have in my life, got all the decorations i could ever need and made all the final phone calls.

saturday was a day of OMG TEH STRESS!! husband was still in a whirlwind of unsure-ed-ness about whether or not he wanted to even come home and help cook. i was running around tidying and answering the almost-constant phone calls from the BBC, trying to figure out when they were arriving. when they finally arrived, it all calmed. i was able to just sit and relax. they helped decorate and we discussed the differences between drinking here in england and america. the crew were amazing. i really enjoyed talking to them.

once everyone arrived i was able to really just chill out. i LOVE playing the hostess and i can say that there is no more satisfaction than pouring your first drink for a guest of the night and watching everyone sit in the garden eating a meal lovingly prepared by your husband...

it went a little like this...

we ate and pranced... once we were finished and we have performed a suitable amount of talking, we then proceeded to take a group photo and run away to another pub of which i am not such a huge fan. it turned out amazing though because SO MANY splendid people turned up.
we were obviously followed by the three from the filming crew for the entire night, but it was so totally fun. cherry, who is in the red top to the right there. she was just like, the funnest person ever. her and i had many a lovely talk that night.

the film crew made a quick stop over to the stag's night just so they could see how much less they are enjoying themselves and we moved on to another pub which sucked balls.


upon arriving, the landlord was incredibly inebriated and therefore the most awkward person on the planet. he decided he would short change husband a pound and when husband mentioned it the guy said that he could make something of it and if he did, he would bar him from the pub. yeah. apparently, he rolls like that. after that incident we decided to finish our drinks off and run away to the next pub where we were to meet the stags.


OMG was this place glorious. i hadn't been there in over a year and since then it had been turned into a gaybar which i had been a bit leery about because it was like, the most heterosexual bar ever in the world before. WELL! let me just say, it was the most fabulous place ever on the planet. and i shall show you!



and OMG the wedding was incredible. i really had a brilliant time in brighton. it was my first time REALLY seeing the sea and i couldn't have imagined it to have been any better.

i am just going to post loads of photos now, as i am completely exhausted.












overall, it was just splendid because i was at at the sea and husband was there and i got to share a really special event with some very close friends. i really, really loved these last few days. they were something i will remember forever. hooray!

dear hairs... AGAIN!

don't say i didn't warn you. i tried to tell you that your last chance was looming and you wouldn't believe me. you still caused me trouble, embarassed me in front of my friends.

i couldn't take it anymore. it's over.

dear hairs...

please understand that i do not hate you for being impossible with me. i completely understand that i have treated you quite badly in the past and can see why you would just not want to have to go along with one of my antics again. i know i have asked a lot of you in the past and i appreciate if you do not want to listen to me ever again, but i could really use your help.

last night you and i tried to have a date. not ever in the history of our relationship has a hair date gone so badly between us. i didn't brush you correctly and you wouldn't dry or hold any sort of pose long enough for me to photograph it. you know i think you are beautiful and you still insist on hiding that special beauty you have behind a mask of flat and dull horror after letting me see a small sneak peek of what you have to offer.

i don't know how much longer this is going to be able to work out hairs. it just seems like things are going downhill with us. i try to make you happy, i do. i have an entire cupboard full of bottles and pots of things i thought you would be pleased with but you still just hate me. what can i DO!?

please, just this one time, know that your help would be amazing. this will be the last thing i ever ask of you and then we can go our seperate ways. i just want to look splendid at the wedding. can you please help me do that?

yours truly,

'the head'

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i just cannae believe how impossible hairs can be sometimes. in an effort to make myself the most beautiful creature for the wedding i attempted pincurls last night. i felt wildly confident in the beginning. i got them all twirly and set and put a little rag on my head to help in drying and generally looked sassy.

i left the hairs to their own devices for like, two hours and ran around the house, did washing up, pranced to the shop, snuggled the rabbit, ate dinner, watched hollyoaks and a bit of aladdin.

now, here's the thing. because i have the shortest hairs in the world AND because they are ever so thin now, i had thought that they would SURELY dry within two hours. i mean, the girl in the tutorial i had read said her hairs dried in two hours and she had the longest hair in the world ever. so, i take the first one out and am so pleased with the springyness that it has to offer that i take a seat to delve further into agraba whilst removing the remaining hair pins of doom.

well, it seems that that first one was the ONLY one who decided to dry. to make things worse, i did this trial run so late in the evening that i did not have time to make my hairs right again before bed, so i have had to attend work this morning with a bit of a frantic mop.

my hair is larger than it ever has been and i am not impressed. as i only put pincurls in the front of my head, it is huge in the front and flat as a wee english pancake in the back.

oh hairs, how i loathe the!