Day 23 - A photo of you that your hair looks nice in.

pshhhhuh! like i could EVER pick just one!

Stay Tuesday

Urgh… I am very torn about this week… the week itself has been barely ‘blah’ with a slight twinge of ‘hooray,’ a mix that is altogether okay, but could be better… 
Today I find myself in a bit of a melancholy mood, which is odd after the amazing amounts of win that my night last night was made of (please see below for further information). I find myself struggling to be anything but sassy to anyone who says more than one sentence to me… those poor souls don’t seem to know what’s hit them when they approach me and I immediately become filled with sass and moody, spewing all of that forth onto them in an unapologetic way.
I am not entirely happy with my mood today… in fact, I hate it when I am like this… when I have this stupid cloud of arsey floating above me that I can’t seem to shake.
Despite the fact that my levels of arsey are so high, I’ve been very, VERY delighted with a lot of things this week. Please see the list below… 

Powface… yeah yeah, I know… you’re sick of hearing about him. Prior to last night, so was i. despite all the reasons that I should hate him and stop hanging out with him, I just can’t because of magical nights like he and I had last night… from time to time many days will go by with nary a word from him. I hate these lapses for many reasons, the biggest being the fact that they ALWAYS seem to come when I need him the most. As the days whittle by I begin to devise ways that I can be aloof and sassy towards him to show him how much I HATE the way he abandons me, but then… THEN, he ALWAYS shows up like he did last night. Danie was sat at a table at the pub, having just made BFF with an elderly man who was enamoured by her tattoos, she had settled in to study her book about life in the UK. In the days leading up to this date I’d been warning Pow about the fact that I felt like I was going through an ‘ugly phase’ where I hate my hairs, face and body… prior to his arrival I sent him a reminder that I am going through an ugly phase and not to hold it against me. He walked up to me and immediately said, “no you aren’t” and gave me a hug. I held him tight and for a long time, trying to memorize as many things about him as possible then sat back down and he got a drink. He returned to the table and told me that I looked really good, almost like something ‘magical had happened’ to me and I looked completely blissful. I told him to stop being gay. We bantered and talked about his projects and Muffin and Amy and general existence… it was just lovely. It’s always just lovely. Every single moment that I spend with him is highlighted with wonderful… from the way he sometimes gives me a little rub on my arm or leg to show me he’s around to the way his little face falls when I mention my moving away to the way that he says things that I don’t expect and completely take my breath away (ie. Last night, upon our arrival to the date he looked at me with a very serious expression and said to me, “Hey , if another sassy american turns up on the scene whilst you’re away, don’t worry, you’re  my number one sassy american dan.” This came completely out of nowhere and totally blind-sided me. I wept and this will forever be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.). I love his beautiful giant face and how much fun we have when we’re together. (I ALSO love that he has promised me that he will ABSOLUTELY attend the Scharff/Verlaque wedding in america so as to be able to give his tiny danie away) 

Bangkok Ladyboys… I have had the desperate desire to go and see these fabulous creatures since I moved here back in 2004… Chris always very aggressively denied me the pleasure of being able to see men dressed like girls prancing around the stage… the moment I saw the first poster up this year I told myself that I was going to go and Pow was going to go with me; he happily obliged and we finally had the date of glory last night. we arrived not really knowing what to expect, sat at our designated table (number 28) and waited with wild anticipation… we giggled, took photos and offended the rest of the people at our table with our discussions about erections and the need for extra pairs of pants. the lights dimmed and we fidgeted as the announcer called out his opening words and the curtain opened to reveal the mystical world of Victorian Thai Ladyboys. From there we were pulled into two hours of hysterical cabaret, amazing costumes and wigs… oh my LORD so many wigs. I watched with glee as these mystical creatures performed their amazing dance routines with perfect step and sync. They were beautiful, their tits were perfect and everything was tucked away in all the right places for optimal confusion and self-doubt. The whole night was sprinkled with fabulous little comments from my favourite, asking which my favourite was or pointing out how amazing their nipples were. It was glittery, exciting and truly outrageous; a definite recommendation to anyone who wants a great night out.
Birdsong
Cherry Carmex
Drawing up ideas for Johnny
Being told I’m beautiful, even when I don’t feel it
When people notice the huge holes in my ears
The alarm in some people’s faces when they find out I’m getting my scalp tattooed
Work
Pauly Shore
Nick Parker
John Goncalves
Making things for people
Chevy
Planning the Scharff/Verlaque wedding (all details to come in due course, I promise)
Knowing that I’ll not be gone from England for more than a year
Things that smell like my childhood
When people ask me questions about my appearance
Buttons
Gays
Bacon fries
Kopparberg Elderflower Cider
The fact that browsing the internet on my mobile is free
REALLY cold cans of cola
Halloumi cheese
Samosas
Triple chocolate muffins
Glitter
When I find people have ACTUALLY read my blog
Finding a dress that looks relatively fabulous on me
Red peppers
Risotto
REALLY cold water
Sunny days
When I get a ride into work
Walking home whilst drunk
Goldschlaager
Paperclips
Comfortable shoes
Having a fag in the bath
Burger King french fries
Fat dogs
How easily I can talk to Muffin… I am used to avoiding most difficult topics as part of my specialist training as the wife of Mr. Butcher, so I find myself very often settling with unhappiness or angst rather than just letting it out and talking to Muffin. He hates that I do this and it causes some tiny rifts under our little cruise boat of love… this is clearly an issue I need to deal with promptly because every time, no matter HOW much of a tizzy I get into it is easy peasy to talk to him… he always approaches any of my problems with a wonderfully open mind and amazing thoughtfulness. He’s just the epitome of tact, gentleness and love and I can’t believe that I’ve been so lucky to have ensnared such a special creature into my life for the foreseeable future.  
How much Muffin can make me laugh
Bananas
Days when Pow texts me a lot
Blood orange juice
The projected plans
Talking about my move to America... whilst this originally offered me little more than OMGSTRESS, i am now in a position to be able to talk about it with a rational head that knows i won't be away from my favourite place in the world for too long. i am now getting excited about talking to people about my move and all things that surround it... what things i will store in Pow's roof, how long i will stay in cheyenne, what kind of place Muffin and i will get, etc... it's all just very exciting!
Having really long, deep conversations with Pow
Audio-typing
Telling people how beautiful they are
When Muffin posts lovely things on my wall
ALL the things in my house
Chicken Kievs
The flavour of blood
Helping people
Jon Pitore
The tiny hat i made for Curtis's baby
Trees with moss on
Coke Zero
Dane's hair
Writing on my hand
Looking forward to something
When i remember my dreams
The fact that my sister didn't freak out when i told her about my scalp tattoo
Being entrusted with big tasks
Birdsong
Crossing days off in my diary
Raffles
Emails from Dane
Vegas planning
Pow hugs
Nice days
Warmer weather
Mojitos
My hair... kinda

have a glorious week everyone! i hope it is as stupendous as you all deserve!

tuesdays are made...

This last week has been gloriously blissful… it seems like my life becomes more wonderful with every passing week, like I have someone out there in the cosmic unknown watching out for me and finally repaying me for all the stuff that I have done and been through in my life. 

Then I come back to earth and remember that all the magic that I have in my life has come as a result of all the hard work I have done to make that magic… it’s like I’m an actual magician… pulling one trick after another out of the bag. 

Let’s move on to the best bit, hey? I have a busy day ahead of me and really should get this show on the road…

Enjoy!

·      the following conversation… which was had between my colleague and I this morning (my colleague is a tiny, forty-something woman who always has the most sassy, wonderful things to say and has been ever-so patient with my out of control bursts of talking about the muffin, pow pow, my divorce and Johnny):

Me: OMG! TEN DAYS!!
Al: Is that ALL?! (**sarcasm**)
Me: OMGYES! I am going to be hysterical this time next week... I’m sorry in advance for how out of control I am going to be Al. 
Al: Well, I’m sorry in advance in case I hit you. 

·      the costume… which I am not at liberty to share MANY photos of, but I have (as you can see) shared one… a very tiny teaser. I am outrageously proud of this costume. I went into this particular project with no forward knowledge of how to scale up a pattern, how to cut a pattern or even where to start with putting one together, so to think that I have come so far with it today, three weeks after starting it, makes me feel incredible. The costume remains in a constant state of hung next to my bed… I stare at it as I fall asleep, I stare at it when I am on the phone to the muffin, I stare at it when I am on the phone with Pow… I stare at it constantly… I love the costume and I can’t actually believe that I have created something so stupendously perfect. I think my absolute favourite thing about it are the immense levels of happiness that I see on Pow’s face when I show it to him with slightly more finished on it.  His little (giant) face lights up like Christmas and I love that I can bring that much joy into someone’s life. 

·      Johnny dates with Pow… these are quite possibly my favourite kind of date in the world at the moment. I love sitting down with him and talking about all things Johnny-related. I love planning things and drawing things and generally feeling like I am a part of something so wonderfully special. 

·      Good GOD ten days… oh yes, today officially marks ten days until the arrival of the muffin. Ten days until I get to see the love of my life again for the first time in eight years… ten days until I get to see how real this all actually is. This time next week, it’ll be THREE days! SQUEE!

·      The ‘bulimia banter’ janey and I have… this is particularly a favourite because it just offers hours of fun. It all started back when I lost all the weight when chris and I first split… there was an individual who was concerned I was bulimic and was genuinely concerned for my health… this branched into janey pretending I was bulimic in public every time she saw me because I had lost more weight with every visit. This has now reached a full-blown out of control status with the banter we have on facebook… I returned home from my last trip to London with the following posted on my wall…

Danie, i love you very much, and i love having you stay, but i think its time we addressed your current situation; i found lots bags in your room left behind from where you stayed this weekend. bags of sick in the wardrobe. did you think i wouldn't find them? and all that food you bought while we were out. all wrapped up... and stuffed under the bed. did you think i wouldn't notice?
like i wouldn't notice how much more weight you've lost, and how you always go to 'powder your nose' after every meal, and return smelling of toothpaste and mouthwash.
i HAVE noticed and i'm worried.
i love you so much and can't stand you wasting away in front of my eyes.
i'm always here, and i'll always help you, but its breaking my heart when you do this.
xxx

To which I replied…

you know what jane?! it is just SO like you to feel like it's appropriate to bring this bullshit up like this in such a public place? where do you fucking get off thinking it's appropriate do smear my name like this in front of all my friends? so, i have a problem, i eat a little less than other people do... i sick up more often than some... my body my choice! ♥

her rebuttal…

argh! thats your answer to freaking everything: 'my body my choice!'
danie stop being bulimic, don't get the vagina tattooed on your head, don't lie on the floor... all thrown back in my ever loving face!

My response…

oh THAT'S RICH coming from you, jane i-like-to-piss-myself-in-the-middle-of-the-train-station hallam. fuck off with your 'caring' if that's what you can call it. i'm not interested. if you loved me you'd love me for everything that i am, not DESPITE my problems. i need a friend jane, not a counsellor.

And finally, from her…

at least i learn from my mistakes, and try and help others! and it wasn't piss- it was very liquid feashus from my tummy bug!

i love janey more than most things and people!

·      The way people smile to themselves when they receive a lovely text

·      A pair of massive tits in a tight top

·      Watching clouds move

·      Hot chocolate

·      My special black, shiny M&S shoes with the ribbons

·      Lee Lee dates

·      Really extravagant and elaborate coving

·      The teeth alastair’s making for Johnny

·      My penmanship

·      ‘Rehab’ by Amy Winehouse

·      The fact that Pow knows to stop changing channels when he sees Alan Carr on telly

·      Finding an excellent bargain

·      Hannah Zair cuddles

·      LOTS of glitter

·      Nick Parker

·      Robert Z’Dar

·      The silhouette of a tree that’s lost all of it’s leaves

·      Saline drips

·      Getting away with being naughty

·      Yankee candles

·      Long emails from the muffin

·      Having neon blue hair

·      Love songs

·      Rubbing soft things on my face

·      Good posture

·      Lee’s tartan jacket

·      Sassy haircuts

·      Cranberries

·      Dim Sum

·      Su Mai

·      The greasy spoon date with Pow (and the fact that he KNEW I’d want to take the little order number slip for my book

·      Shopping for Johnny stuff with Pow

·      Bacon

·      How excited about stuff Stacey gets

·      Bright, contrasting colours

·      Wearing a ring in my lip (as compared to a stud)

·      Fizzy water

·      Chewing on plastic

·      How much Ali’s dad likes to talk

·      Dane’s dogtags

·      My cleavage

·      The 80’s night at Bar One where I sat and sang 80’s songs and watched mannequin, ghostbusters and goonies with Nick

·      Disaster movies

·      Tibet

·      Spam fritters

·      Mayo and ketchup mixed

·      Massive explosions

·      Vuze

·      Binary

·      The French language

·      Pretty nailpolish

·      The Mona Lisa

·      Shopping with Pow Pow

·      Russian Accents

·      Buddy, the puppy at Bar One

·      Well-behaved youths

·      01032010, movie date with Pow

·      ‘Where the Buffalo Roam,’ both the film AND the song

·      Bill Murray

·      Beef stroganoff

·      The photoshoot with Nom and how unbelievably beautiful the photos are and how outrageously sexy I felt

the end! Have a stupendous week all! Yay!