i love Antonio Banderas and you should too!

yep. it's Tuesday and whilst my life is typically incredibly uneventful on a daily basis, today has been ridiculous.

the plan was for us to lie in, me to read until two, take Sebass to the vet and then come home and literally do nothing for the rest of the evening.

pshhha! like a day could ever STAY as simple as planned! it seems the days i WANT things to be exciting or eventful are the ones that lag the most and the days i'd rather just lie in bed all day reading somehow fill up with countless lists of shite.

we arose as planned and i lazily writhed in bed as Muffin stumbled around the house. Sebass and i snuggled and snoozed until breakfast lured me from my fluffy nest. we ate, paid bills and went home where i laid in bed reading with Sebass until appointment time. 

the appointment initially went as i expected, everyone fawning after him, as he is literally the most adorable dog in the entire world. he pranced, got lots of treats and then got poked like a little pincushion. he got shots for Distemper and Rabies, got his temperature taken (via his butthole) and then was taken in back for his microchip. i immediately hated the dumpy ginger veterinarian who whisked him away because he yelped. a lot. a shrieking, miserable yelp that i couldn't do anything about. Muffin lied to me and told me that it wasn't him, generating a story about a tiny chihuahua that was taken in back who MUST be the one yelping.

she came back and Sebass leaped into my arms. Dr. Dumpy tried to win his and my affections back with snacks, but i knew we'd never trust her again.

post-vet we came home to a stupid goddamned neon sticker on our second car which we only noticed aster seeing a similar sticker on a neighbour's car. the sticker claimed we would have our car towed (at OUR expense) in two days time if we didn't get our tags updated (sidenote: the reason we'd not gotten our tags updated on our second car was because we're poor and hadn't had the cash to update them.) to add insult to injury, we only had a hundred bucks left between us and our working car had become decidedly NOT working during our drive to the vet when the check engine light came on, meaning we couldn't safely drive to the Department of Licensing to get new tags.

so we walked.

anyways, we got tags for our car which needs an emissions test, so the tags only allow us to leave the car parked, not drive it anywhere, ever. we walked home and made a quick pit-stop at the office of our apartment complex to complain about the sticker and the sneaky, shitty way that they went about notifying us that our car should be moved.

now though, we're home, bellies full of pizza (which we decided we needed after our shitty day) and Cola. Sebass is lethargic and feeling terrible for himself and we're watching Desperado, which has completely reminded me how much i ADORE Antonio Banderas... which leads me to my list....

Antonio Banderas... who, when i was younger, i loved SO MUCH that i used to write him letters professing my love to him and begging him to keep growing his hair long. also, i had the above images VERY proudly hung above my bed as a young teen. i was just SO in love with him. when i was younger i loved EVERYTHING he was in and HATED Melanie Griffith for marrying him. i literally wouldn't have anything to do with any film she was affiliated with for the longest time.
Antonio Banderas' face
Antonio Banderas' voice
Antonio Banderas' hair 
Antonio Banderas' cheekbones
Antonio Banderas' eyes
Antinio Banderas' lips
snuggly Sebass... which mainly only happens first thing in the morning or whilst medicated.
Muffin... he's my favourite and always will be.
pineapple on pizza
Oreo crusts
pecans
Stephen  King
painting
Michael's 
planning for Halloween... firstly, because Janey will be here and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER! secondly, because Muffin, Janey and i will be going as part of an amazing theme that will blow people's minds. thirdly, because I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
pregnant bellies
days that i feel less fat
taxidermy
tuna
saving money
Master Chef
Fall Lineup... pretty much ALL of our favourite shows are on in the fallm so in the next month we'll be glued to our telly, laughing our arses off.
The Jetsons Movie
blueberry ice lollies
coupons
talking shit about Quentin Tarantino.. because i hate him and he's a cunt.
holographic glitter

eh, i think that's it. i can't find my cord to plug the fan into my laptop, so i've got a pretty roasty lap right now.

have a fabulous week!
 

Tiwesdaeg + updates

urgh! it's been too long! i'm so terribly sorry.

things in my life have been busy/happy/stressful/sad and that's kinda just left me completely devoid of energy, desire or time to post. in a nutshell, i shall offer you a list of the recent comings and goings in my life...

job... i got a job. i started working in March and i totally was in love with every single second of it. i use the past-tense because i have since lost the job. i worked there and worked hard. put every tiny bit of me into it because i ADORE working with customers and i can't get enough of working the graveyard shift. it was perfect until literally four days ago when they called me into the office, and after weeks of managers not-so-subtly dropping hints about the lack of funds and hours, they let me go, saying that they simply couldn't keep me anymore. devastated, i came home and have since just felt completely lost and have totally enveloped myself into SUPER training our new puppy.
puppy... who we have officially named Sebastian Stinkfinger (known from here-on-out as Sebass), was picked up last Thursday after a two-hour drive to Arlington (which was amazing, by the way! a little beautiful Northern Washington town just covered in huge farms, trees and lakes). we've now had him for three full days and we love his little face. i especially love that he's around pretty much all the time for me to snuggle during my days without a job now. he's been so much fun in our house and we couldn't be happier.
Muffin and me... we've been having a few problems recently, over the last several months. he's been making a lot of silly, selfish mistakes. we've been ironing a lot of wrinkles that seem to be really making a huge difference now. things have felt so much better over the last couple of weeks, and despite the fact that i hate how much we've had to endure to get to this point, i love that we seem to have finally hit the home stretch.
creating... which i've been doing a lot. i've been crocheting, knitting, scrapbooking, painting, embroidering, drawing and writing. it's been really nice for me to have a series of outlets.

which my Tuesday list is... an outlet, so have it!


elephant shrews
when dogs are missing their teeth... BECAUSE THEIR TONGUES STICK OUT AND IT'S ADORABLE!
damsel flies
cats with big noses
sunny but windy days
finally sorting the house out
hologram nail varnish
my hairs... which i've been braiding and pomping and pig-tailing and generally making wonderful.
cola from Taco Bell... it is ALWAYS, without fail, the best cola in the world!
our mailman... he's sassy, black and really funny. i love him.
Lush
Life documentaries
delusional cigarette purchasers... the ones who are blatantly over twenty or thirty and still feel like they NEED to show their ID because they are SURE that they look underage. their delusion makes me chuckle.
Etheopean Wolves
Jason Segal
21 Jump Street... literally, the funniest film i have seen in a VERY long time.
Instagram is FINALLY on Android... for MONTHS i've hated every single person that had an iPhone who could post those adorable, beautiful and fun photos on Instagram. FINALLY though, Android has it and it is everything that i hoped it would be!
Fried Egg Jellyfish
documentaries
onion straws
Me, Myself and Irene soundtrack
Diane Keaton
Hooters wings... particularly the garlic parmesan ones.
JANEYVISIT... yes, the day has finally come that my favourite Janey will be coming to visit the Muffin household!! the excitement is beyond explanation and the list of activities we will be doing whilst she is here will be the longest list in the land. BWEEEEE!!! I CAN'T WAIT!
anniversary planning... which is shaping up very nicely. we shall be going back to the place of our honeymoon. same city, same hotel, new memories. we've booked the hotel and gotten a fucking SWEET upgrade. Sebass will be attending with us and we can't wait to see the ocean again.
old photos of tattoo'd women
preparing for Puppy
Muffin changed the background of his mobile... he always acted so blase about the puppy, so when i came home one evening to him standing at the front door with his mobile in his hands and a big smile on his face, i didn't expect to see the fluffy little face of our soon-to-be little man as his wallpaper. it made me realize he was just trying to act big and tough, but he was excited, which got me MORE excited!
Sebass going into his kennel on his own... anybody who's ever had to kennel train a dog of any age, they KNOW how exciting it is to have their little guy or gal prance into their kennel all by themselves and sit down contentedly. Sebass did just that yesterday and i was SO excited! it's not an easy road, but we're getting there. 
Muffin's inquiring... he's particularly delightful, conversation-wise, at night, just before bed. the night we got Sebass, in his sleepy lull, Muffin turned to me and asked if i thought a dog's vagina was like a woman's when it came to having a baby. he then led the conversation to Sebass's mum and what i thought her dog-vagina looked like and if i thought it would go back. yeah. i'm a lucky lady.
 

Tiistai

tuesday, eh? it literally feels like every single one of my days has completely blended together. i tarted a new job and work really odd hours and alongside trying to juggle my home life, relationship and work with a new sleeping schedule that doesn't leave me feeling like a goddamned zombie during the very few hours i'm not at work or sleeping. it's been difficult, which is why i've not been in contact at all with anybody, really. i feel terrible about having completely fallen off the grid. i mean, i am seriously never on Facebook and haven't properly checked my emails in weeks.

this job is much more demanding than any i've had before and it's really taking a lot of getting used to.

anyways, it's been a long few weeks and this is a long-assed list, so i'll get it done so's i can get some sleepies in before my graveyard tonight. here, have it.



Hoarders... again, i've become obsessed with Hoarders. Netflix added a new season and i seem to have not been able to stop watching it since i found out. i love the show, but also hate it. i feel the need to watch it, but it upsets me because of the house i grew up in.so many of the episodes remind me of my mum and our house and i KNOW what it's like for those people. it's embarrassing, smelly and devastating.
"bless this mess"... there's little i love more than when there's a sign in a hoarder's house that says something about the mess and how they'll clean it later or they like it. it always makes me giggle.
Sizzler
beetroot
Lactulose... because i LOVE poopin'!
my doctor... my healthcare ran out last month and during my final visit with my doctor there was a short, emotional goodbye. he's such a wonderful doctor and i really believed him when he told me that he hopes things go okay for me.
old station wagons
New York accents
Muffin protecting me at gigs... he's such a huge, wonderful bear and i LOVE having him around at gigs because i like to stand at the front and he'll position himself behind me and literally destroy anybody who might display any threat of crushing me. he just makes me feel so safe and pleased.
when the members of bands you love turn out to be nice... too many times i have fallen in love with a band only to find that they are complete douchebags. it is because of this that i find it so wildly refreshing to walk up to someone who creates music that has changed my life and have them react kindly and like a friend.
Sean Bonnette... as per the above, i can officially say that the lead singer of Andrew Jackson Jihad is just one of the nicest people i have ever met. as soon as Muffin and i arrived at the venue and i saw Sean soundchecking i immediately got all squirmy and pleased. once they were finished i stood to go for a fag and saw Sean. i anxiously walked over to him and gushed about how amazing i thought he was and how i had missed them play in Derby just after i left England. he was so inviting and really friendly and remained such the entire night, even after i harassed him like six times for autographs and to tell him facts. he even ended up dedicating a song to me during their set. meeting Sean totally made me love Andrew Jackson Jihad even more than i already did. he's an amazing guy.
the dog... we're still watching the puppy of one of Muffin's friends and i just love him so much! he so smart and funny and has really given me something tangible and small to love and care for. i'll miss him when we send him off.
JOB! so i now officially have another job! i work at Walgreen's and have done now for just over five weeks. it's fabulous and really nice to have something to do, have money coming in and meet new people.
broccoli
Spring Forward... despite the fact that i hate losing an hour, i ADORE later sunsets and never have anything to complain about when the spring forces us to push our clocks forward.
cats with folded ears
when our upstairs neighbours SHUT UP
cider
pens
the conversation i had with Muffin last night... Muffin and i were laying in bed when he turned to me and literally said "Would you rather be invisible or fly. But get this, if you're invisible, everything you eat isn't and so your poop wouldn't be." my husband is a delight.
Friday nights... these are my favourite nights at work because on Friday nights, on the overnight, the trash guys come and clean up the entire parking lot, empty bins and dust out fag trays. that literally means that about a quarter of my work is completely done for me.
loud, trumpet-like farts
James Cameron... who, after an interview on The Colbert Report, delighted me by being incredibly funny, friendly and not at all what i expected.
Hank... the street cat who is running for senate.
rat hands
skunks
when an animal collapses from a tranquilizer... i'm not saying i like it when animals are shot by them, but when a horse or a deer are needed for medical treatment or movement is shot and, after the long wait, they collapse to the ground like a sack of flour being dropped, i really think it's funny.
lemurs
porcupines
Stockard Channing
SOMEBODY GUESSED MY SCISSORS RIGHT... one of my biggest annoyances comes from people seeing the tattoo of scissors on my chest and asking if i am a hairdresser. i get that question about four times a day and finally, after nearly two years, have had ONE person guess that i am a crafter. YAY!
Celebrity Apprentice
Fifty First Dates
Janey parcel

Trixie at Denny's... the best negro waitress in the world who calls me "babygirl" and "mama."
graveyard shift... it's the best shift ever. i had completely forgotten how much i adore the overnight, busy-with-actual-work shift. i get to spend a lot of time actually doing heavy-duty work that helps pass the time much faster than the busywork that is constantly interrupted by the heavy flow of customers. granted, i'm in the middle of a seven day streak of overnights in a row right now, but i am still happy.
dog on his pain meds... he was SO loopy and it was so funny.
payday
being able to pay bills by myself
milk
Audubon paintings
 
 right, i have to get myself together for work. i shall do another more informative blog on my next day off, i promise.

have a fabulous day!

<3

freaking Tuesday

oh. em. gee.

things have not been very sane in the McBlowme household for the last several weeks, which explains my lack of posting. so many things have contributed to my lack of contact, not only on here, but on Facebook, emails and any other type of communication you can imagine. in fact, unless you actually come TO my door and force me to hang out, i can't seem to find the means to conjure up the energy to face life outside my apartment.

i've been rather depressed (again), which is the result of a lot of crappy-crap, including, and not limited to losing my job, gaining even more weight and a fair few arguments with Muffin (which has put a shallow dent in the newlywed armor.

in better news, the dent is slowly being bashed out, i've been applying for more jobs and pushing myself harder than before to get myself to a better and more comfortable weight.

no matter what, though, i am ALWAYS working on lists and i have a list today, finally for this Tuesday. sorry again for the delay, and please enjoy.

cherry cola
aquariums
Grimm... which i have recently learned that this is one of the best shows i've seen in a while... content-wise, that is. the graphics aren't amazing and the acting isn't superb, but the premise of it is really interesting and quite fun to watch in general.
when a young child can point out Johnny Cash... i was out a couple of weeks ago and had a Johnny Cash shirt on and i had a little girl, no older than six, shout out to her mother that he was on my shirt. it is really rare to meet a child of her age these days who is aware of Johnny and i could really appreciate that. i spent the rest of the evening glee'ing all over the store.
having my stuff... probably the best and worst thing about my life at the moment. the day after Super Bowl i literally had forty boxes delivered filled with a combination of books, films, clothes, blankets, cushions and kitchen stuff. our apartment is SO full of stuff that, for a short time, we were unable to move. since the delivery, several stops have been made to Goodwill and the dumpster and since then, we only have a couple of boxes left. it's been nice to be able to go through and recall what things i have been missing for the last eighteen months. i am so happy to finally have it all.
Jeff Goldblum
cream top yoghurt
huge guys with tiny dogs
successfully putting together a bookshelf... and you can imagine there's a boatload, given the amount of boxes that have recently arrived at my apartment.
the books i got... one of which is a journal that says, "i heart everything" on the cover. it's pretty magical.
Smash Books
when cashiers read my order back
Cee Lo
taking the dog on a car ride... because he is just SUCH A GOOD BOY and behaves so well in the car. he gets so excited and looks so happy. i love him so much. 
dog parks... they are just wonderful! we took the puppy there last weekend and i'm sure it was his first time at a dog park. i have never, ever seen him so excited and despite initial concerns that he might be super naughty and run away, never to be seen again, he stayed with us the entire time and came every time we called him. more trips will be taken to the park in the last few weeks we have him.
my pearl necklace... tee hee. i never, ever get over saying that. Muffin got me a set of pearls for Valentine's Day and i couldn't be more pleased. they are beautiful and it's nice to know that he listens sometimes.
the Tacoma skyline
Mike Rowe
my hair right now... which i've been hating a great deal recently, but fell back in love with last night after finally bleaching it again. it's light, soft and just barely long enough to tie back. i am SO happy.
brownies
good dreams
Julie West... who's art i've been reminded of since the arrival of my items and i adore. she is SUCH a talented artist!
Archie McPhee
REALLY hot showers
special effects makeup

eh. Mike Rowe's on right now and i have some cream top yoghurt to eat, so i'm gonna go. i hope you enjoyed this. i'll surely be doing a blog again soon that's not just a list. we'll see though.

have a beautiful day.
 

January 2012

my favourite things about January can not be pinned down to just one or two. there were so many things that made my favourites list... having a puppy in the house, excelling at work, Muffin's hair, spending more time with Troy and Liz, talking to Janey, seeing Sarah finally get her surgery and feeling more like an adult by making a car payment. all of these things shaped my month into a fairly magical beginning to the new year.

my favourite things to watch in January were The Switch, Up All Night, Whitney, The Thing, Bob's Burgers, Raising Hope, A Family Stone, Fright Night, Glee and True Blood. LOADS of films and telly have been consumed in the last month in the McBlowme household. we've been doing a lot of writing and doodling and snuggling and what's better than to have a little background filmage whilst doing so?

my favourite books from January were incessantly interrupted by my constant schedule changes at work. despite this, i have definitely had my nose in the new Stephen King book (11.22.63), 642 Things to Draw (which as SUPER made my life better because it's really prompting me to doodle and draw and really challenge myself. i absolutely adore it), Q & A (which is REALLY amazing and has become a five-year commitment that i think EVERYONE should take part it. i totally love having one little thing at the end/middle/beginning of every day that i can go to and ground myself.) and I Like You by Amy Sedaris (it's adorable, fun and COMPLETELY full of adorable ideas to do for dinner parties and other entertaining.) i wish i had more time to read and i may try to really push myself to read more during my off-time.

my favourite photos from January can be seen below...

the things i'm most excited for for February are my things arriving from England (OMGMONDAY!), clearing out my closet (a little pre-spring-cleaning), getting our tax return back, the Valentine's Day surprise Muffin has planned for me, losing some weight, crocheting some more and Superbowl Sunday partytime with Sarah, Troy and Liz.

Utorak

well, it's Tuesday and i want to die.

my belly is outrageously sore and i have no idea why. i had dinner and by the time we got from the PX to Target i literally felt like i was going to explode. i had SO MUCH wind in my belly and was letting out the most whistly and offensive-sounding farts in the land.

now home, watching The Thing, i am settled in with some ice cream and a really stressed Muffin (our financial life is just getting worse and worse every single day. it's quite special to see all the different ways that the ARMY and other government affiliates can fuck us over financially). my tummy is settled and the dog is running around like a wild man with his squeaky toy. right now, all things considered, things are okay. not awful, not awesome, but manageable.

anyways, i need to do my list. i've little time left on this Tuesday and i've other things to get done, so let's get on with the only reason you are all here anyways, yeah?

Alan Ruck... i finally saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off and immediately fell in love with Cameron and his cute, bumbly charm. i now officially have a massive crush on Mr Ruck and i'm not ashamed at all, even a little. 
sped up decomposition footage
the intro to True Blood... the song made me love it at first and then i paid attention to the footage and when i would ordinarily fast-forward through the opening sequence, i watch it attentively and have done so through three seasons thus far.
True Blood... while we're at it, Muffin forced me to watch True Blood a week ago, despite his awareness that i FUCKING hate vampires (not out of fear, mind, but because i think they're homo, stupidly supernatural and have perpetuated the disgusting gothy craze that i hate ever-so much), thinking that i MAY appreciate it, and i DO! now though, that we're in the third season, i kinda want to die again because of all the werewolves, shifters, maenads and faeries. it's all a little homo and i'm purely hanging on because i like to watch Lafayette, Tara and Godric.
people with gaps in their front teeth
actually achieving when training a dog... since we've had the puppy in the flat, it's been a constant battle with his fucking chewing shit (first, he destroyed a rug, then some shoes, then my laptop wire, THEN every single thing on our coffee table). after several days of issues we broke down and bought him a kennel and for the last two weeks we've been trying to teach him to use his kennel and the hard work finally paid off when i was about to leave for work the other day and i stepped into the room and said "kennel" to him and he immediately hopped up and went straight in. treats were abound and since then, he is completely and officially kennel trained and we couldn't be more happy.
red shoes with a blue dress
whole grain mustard
when Caribbean Queen comes on at work... who fucking knew Kmart would have such an amazing playlist that included my favourite song ever?!
The Thing... absolutely one of the greatest films i have literally ever seen in my life. the imagery in it is astounding and the special effects completely blew my fucking mind. seriously, if you've not seen it, please know it's totally worth the money and you should go rent, buy or download it as soon as you can.
Up All Night
Bob's Burgers
cooking magazines
MY STUFF... which should be here from England in like, two weeks, maximum.
Dr Pepper
photo frames... and the fact that i got TWO amazing and huge ones for SIX dollars!
amazing bargains
Service Desk... it's fun and challenging and has really made me enjoy my job more.
how great i am at my job... so great, in fact, that i was commended with a photo on the wall in the communal room saying i'm a "Game Changer" AND i got a pin AND a gift card!
Phish Food ice cream
wool
old photos
Godiva dark chocolate
fried rice
sleeping with a dog in the bed... because he gives the best snuggles AND keeps my feet warm.



and there we are. i need to eat more ice cream and relax, my tummy's acting up again. thanks you all for reading and have a fabulous day/night/afternoon.

<3
 

2012... the first Tuesday

ohhh, so i've been SO busy with workies and stuff that i've just not had any time to stop and type. also, the puppy we've got living in our house decided it'd be fun to eat the shit out of my laptop's powercord, so my e-life has been virtually and literally unplugged.

anyway, here's a list...

hand bells
the way dogs smell
fat dogs... there is very little i love more than fat dogs.
basset hounds... this was exacerbated on New Year's Eve when we drove north to see one of Muffin's friends. they have a basset hound AND a fat sausage dog. it was the most exciting night of my entire life.
the mountain... the one constant over the last several weeks for me has been the mountain. Mr Rainier is so, unbelievably beautiful that i can't believe it. every single day i am baffled by the mountain and love that we live someplace that gives me the opportunity to see such beauty.
the first bite of a fudgecicle
Family Guy
all my cupcake stuff... our house is completely covered with cupcake crap... glass ones, paper ones, plush ones, plastic ones, thumbtack ones, snowman ones, post-it ones, Christmas ones... SO MANY cupcakes that you couldn't believe it. i love ALL the cupcakes in our house, every single one.
Laurie getting me all that cupcake stuff... Muffin's mummy got me a whole giant shitload of cupcake stuff for Christmas and i am SO pleased! i love that people just buy me shit loads of cupcake stuff all the time and i love that she thought enough of me to literally get me an entire box filled with cupcake stuff.
Pictionary
Chinese hot dog buns
when children don't have to be told to say thank you
helpful customers... in line with the hanger suggestion from my last list, ANOTHER helpful thing that i love for customers to do is to put all their items on the counter with the barcodes up. can i tell you why? because the whole system at work is for us to have the best numbers for rings per minute, so the helpfulness of a customer who does THAT not only helps them to be more efficient, but also helps MY numbers.
Samuel L. Jackson
Colbert Report... i'm not going to dignify this with ANY blurb, just know that this is the only place or time that you will ever read that.
truckers that look stereotypically like truckers
Taco John's
Honey Habanero Chicken
Raising Hope
sausage dogs

post-Christmas Tuesday...

holy GOD it's Tuesday and i'm finally, actually sitting down to do a list! Muffin and i are in the middle of watching a war film and the house needs tidying like nobody's business, but you know what? i have a list that i have been sitting on for bloody weeks.

anyways, here's my list. i've other shite i need to get done, so i'll get this guy out.


reheated pizza... but ONLY if it's been reheated in a microwave... none of that bullshit oven reheating for me!
matte nail varnish... which is literally the only thing i will paint my nails with at the moment. 
super tender chicken tenders
spicy ketchup
cherry tomatos
carpool lanes... because there is NOTHING more delightful than to be able to just pip into the far left lane when all the others are moving slow as fucking shit.
Mel Brooks
heels with jeans
Sweet Jim Beam Bacon Swiss Burger... god bless Ref Robin.
friendly managers
when stars reach out about illness Maroon 5 and adhd
cats on cat nip
Tom Hanks
disco balls
kissing Muffin when he has his beard... oh my GOD i love his beard so much!
neon signs
laying a stench egg as you're getting out of the car and ruining lives... because that stench egg just hatches in the car whilst you are happily doing your shopping and remains, sometimes fermenting until your return, at which time everyone's life is destroyed.
new magazine day
Carole King
local a capella rappers
mocking hipsters
tomato juice
collating the greatest parcel in the history of parcels... oh and i AM compiling the best parcel that has every been received by anybody. Janey, brace yourself for all the horribly inappropriate and epic items in the world.
Vincent Price
Sigourney Weaver
historical horror film documentaries... i've been watching a ton of documentaries recently about the history of the slasher film and it has been so much fun and so interesting.
Stephen King
the fact that everyone i work with smokes... it is always so nice to be able to go out on my break and find SOMEONE out there to bullshit with.
PUPPIES CRAWLING ALL OVER ME... and oh my GOD did i have that happen last week! i had three customers in my lane... the third and final one in my lane being a couple that each had a tiny, six-week-old puppy in their hands. i immediately begged them to let me snuggle them and had two puppies crawling all over me and chewing on my nose and ears. it was amazingly wonderful.
children with ginger hair
the black girl who comes in's hair... it is fucking huge and every single time she comes in i just tell her that i want her hair.
customers who take their hangers out for me... because it makes EVERYTHING go easier. when you go shopping and don't want your hangers, please, for the sake of the cashier, remove your hangers.
when a customer's change comes to forty-one cents... one quarter, one dime, one nickle and one penny. very satisfying.
COWBELL
old American foodball footage
opening my list the morning after a night out
the fact that everyone at work already knows about me and dogs... and how disgustingly obsessed i am with them. and how i will literally get no work done when a dog comes into the store.
the sound of geese flying over
 

i worry...

things in the Muffin/Honeybun household have been tense over the last five days. i've only recently arrived home and Muffin has been dealing with a lot of personal shit. things have been a little too much to handle,for him, mostly, but also a tiny bit for me, because i don't know what to do or how to help. when i try, he gets defensive. when i don't try, he gets defensive... i just don't have any idea what to do... i feel quite stuck, but not so much that i can't find tiny little fibres to grasp onto to hold myself above water. 

i worry that over the last several weeks, whilst i was away in Cheyenne, i processed a lot of things alone and have not had any form of a safeplace or soundboard to help me to make any healthy or conscious decisions, leaving me wondering if the decisions i've made are okay and will benefit ANYONE, let alone me.

like, i worry i may have missed-out on important things because i've been processing solo... things like speaking to Ryu's grandmother made me really see things. it hit me in the middle of the face on a sunny tuesday afternoon whilst watching Ryu zoom back and forth on his bike. we talked about her deceased husband and how she finds it hard most days now because he was the one person that, no matter what happened, no matter what their moods, he would listen to her and help her process even the most minute of details.

this hit me hard because i have all these stupid things swirling around in my head... Pow things, Origami things, England things, kid things, future things, things that involve me being an actual, real, live adult.

this hit me hard because in all the time i had away in Cheyenne, and even now, five days later, i have yet to tell Muffin everything that's on my mind. i don't feel like i CAN. he just has so much going on at the moment and i don't want to have to add to it with all my crap.

when i DO try to broach a subject, he tends to become defensive without hearing everything and the end result usually just looks like me, curled into a heap on the sofa or bed, feeling slightly weepy, but not wanting to cry, JUST IN CASE he might see me cry and the process with have to start again. i've felt like i need to cry for the last three days. walking around wal-mart, gigs and taco bell with tiny, itty-bitty wells of water in the corners of my eyeballs, ready to erupt given any random assortment of variables that could hit me.

i mean, brief outlines of my junk look like this:

Pow: we're not friends anymore. we have had a huge fight that has resulted in him saying things to me and acting in ways towards me that i have never, ever seen. losing one's best friend is quite possibly the most horrific agony in the world. i've been trying to keep positive, hoping he'll come out of it, but i really, honestly don't think that this is going to happen.
driving: yeah, i've been studying for my driving test. whilst this doesn't seem huge to anyone else, this is gigantic to me and makes me want to die. it's just ANOTHER adult step that i am too tired to have to deal with right now. i WILL do it and i am sure i'll do fine, but it's just another stress i don't need.
Origami: that's a fun one. the entire time i was in Cheyenne, when i explained the situation re: the stupid triangle that is made up by her, Muffin and myself, they just scrunched their noses and asked me why i was putting up with it... i would immediately become riled and wonder WHY i was dealing with all her crap. why all her stuff was still in the house i live in, why she can come over as and when she wants, why she won't sign the paperwork, why she is fucking creepy and weird and...the whole thing is incredibly unnerving and i've no idea how to deal with it because when i DO bring it up, Muffin typically defends her or goes quiet and i'm left wondering if it's ever going to happen. it's one of the topics i've decided to just STOP bringing up because it just bums me out. bums me out and makes me resentful, which i don't need.
England: i'm not coming back for a while. that's the first thing i need to say. it's a hard decision that i've not been able to properly process but seems to make Muffin happy because it means he doesn't have to do much more than move house rather than country. for me, it means i have to completely shred my dreams of living on a cobble stone road again for a very long time which makes me hurt more than anything else. ever.
work: blah. i've applied and applied. even wal-mart has nothing for me. i feel inadequate and really just not good enough for any job.
money: i feel pathetic and useless because i've no money. i hate when Muffin spends money on me because it just makes me feel so, so worthless. i just want to have a job and be able to contribute and buy a bloody chocolate bar when i want to, but i can't because i've nothing. i just hate it. all of this.
dog: Muffin told me i could have a dog... so i have been looking for one. i've been promised three, all of which have fallen through. this is because of the stupid money situation. i've no money. there's SO MANY dogs i want and could have, but the money thing just completely stops me from getting anything, so i'm destined, it seems to be jobless, petless and alone for the eight hours or more a day that Muffin is away at work.

eh. i'm just complaining.

23: what activities besides eating when on at the kitchen table in the home you grew up in?

ohhh...

well, our kitchen was mostly a haven for two of our many dogs who just didn't get on with the rest of the pack. bambi and buck. they resided in the kitchen, behind the confines of a baby gate. mostly the kitchen was not used for anything other than a dumping ground for junk and so i feel i can safely say that the kitchen table served merely as a secret place for bambi to have puppies when she was pregnant.