54. have at least twenty more moviedates with Pow Pow

given the state of our friendship, i won't go into detail, just know that the dates happened. many more than twenty. and they were good. so good.

here's photos from the first twenty moviedates since the original post...

reflecting

so, it was nearly one year ago that i sat at my desk and cited the things i would like to see myself accomplish in 2009... a year since i made resolutions for the first time in my life with the intention of actually following through with them.

i wrote them and planned to see how i progressed with them without any specific prodding, as it were. i planned to write them and leave them to be reflected upon within the year to see how i did... i hate the convention that people follow that calls for them to write them out and demonize themselves when they do not follow through with any one or combination of them... i wrote them and am now looking at them for the first time since i posted them to see how i did.

please enjoy, as i am sure i will...

• become better with money... well, i can most certainly say that my money-management has improved. the shift in my fiscal abilities occurred in september as a result of the divorce. as someone who is typically atrocious with money, i immediately realized i had to snap to attention and sort myself out because the estranged was very good at enabling me, which in turn made me lazy, ungrateful and irresponsible. here i am today though, more-or-less able to manage my money.... i have not had to borrow money from anyone (bar that £20 from janeyface) since september, and have been very delighted to see at least a tenner left in my account at the end of each month.
• cut down on cola products... i went through phases through the year, but it was not until the separation that i actually stopped having cola products all together. well, not ALL together, but it is a VERY rare occasion that i will have a cola now. i feel incredible for having done that as well...
• sort out my health... as many of you have witnessed over the last twelve months, the biggest problem i have faced is my mental health. it has been a bloody rough ride, but i have been fortunate enough to finally find a consultant that actually cares and he has helped me to completely pull myself out of this rut. my mental health, whilst rocky at the beginning of the year, has mostly been sorted. i have been off my medication now for about a month and feel incredible. i feel happy and well and confident. a lot of this confidence has to do with the improvement of my physical health. in the last three months i have lost three stone (42 lbs) and i feel freaking awesome! i am eating better, drinking better, have quit smoking and am overall the happiest little creature ever!
• crochet more... and oh have i crocheted my face off this year! i have created so many fabulous things over the last twelve months... i can't even begin to name them all. suffice it to say that they have all been wonderful and have all found their way to happy, wonderful homes.
• finish all my started projects... heh, yeah, no. i am looking around my room and noticing that i have not actually finished even ONE of my started projects. blankets, skirts, paintings, dolls... all still in random states of un-finished. i have just spent too much time consumed on OTHER projects and, if anything, i have only added about twenty MORE items to my list of unfinished things. i really need to sort my life out!
• write people more... well, in some ways i have absolutely done this... because i am planning to move, i have been going through a period of re-connecting. i have been contacting the lovelies i will be returning to so i can make sure they know i adore them and want to prance with them upon my arrival to the mother country. alongside that, i have been putting in a serious effort to cuddle, write and kiss as many of my english beasts as often as possible... i NEED them to know how special they are to me and i NEED to make sure that those bonds are as strong as possible before i go so they don't break whilst i am away.
• tidy more and better... again, since the split, i have REALLY sorted myself... well... overall, i am not THAT tidy of a person, but i have really been putting in the effort to make sure i keep my life in some state of order now. particularly at the moment, i have been trying to de-clutter... this is both in aid of getting all of the estranged's stuff out of my life, but also for me to prepare for my move back stateside... i only want to take the most special of the special back with me, so i need to clear my life.

• blog more... oh yes, this is something i can most definitely say i have been better at. not great, but better. i have tried to make sure that i have posted at least once a week, missing only a month or two here and there when i was having a particularly difficult time. i have been better and am pleased with what i have done thus far.
  
• learn to bake the perfect cake... not cupcake... PROPER cake... no... just no. granted, i DID bake the most perfect carrot cake in the world on easter, i have yet to be able to consistently be able to churn out the perfect cake. i can still blast out the most fabulous cupcakes anyone has ever eaten, but i STILL want to master the perfect cake. 
  
• watch more films... absolutely 100%! i have been SO good this year with films! this is primarily thanks to my beautiful pow pow, as he has been my special date for most of the films i have watched this year, but i can happily say that i have totally crammed in as many films as i could have hoped. i has a satisfied!
  
• collect more lists... meh, i only got a couple dozen this year, certainly not as many has i had hoped... at least i got SOME though!
  
• go out more... in some ways, i guess i have. i have absolutely been making attempts to go out of my comfort zone and see more people, do more things and generally be less of a hermit. i most certainly could have gone out MORE, but i am content with the amount of time i have spent out of my house this year. 
  
• spend more time with husband DOING stuff... meh... this was never really achieved. i guess we KINDA did some stuff together, but overall, one of the main reasons our relationship dissolved was as a result of he and i just not having anything in common anymore and therefore meaning we didnae go out together anymore.
  
• take more photos... whilst i know i could have taken MORE, i am very happy with the amount i HAVE taken this year. i have photo documentation of most of the things i have done or seen this year and for that i am pleased. 
  
• read more... mmm, sure. again, i could have absolutely read more, but i am content with the amount i have read. i consumed all of augusten's memoirs, countless zombie novels, all the daren king books and many others... sure, there are some specific books i would have liked to have read, but i have been a busy girl.. i'll get to them!
  
• BE IN AMERICA FOR CHRISTMAS 2009! well, i think it is pretty clear why this didnae materialize. the good news is that danie will be in america for christmas 2010 AND the following countless christmasses!! yay!!

and with that, i can say i am happy with all i have achieved this year. there are so many things NOT on this list that i am beaming with pride about...  things i couldn't have even imagined were possible when the clocked turned over to 2009. i have grown a great deal this year and have achieved more than i could have hoped. it has been an amazing year and i am pleased with every single little event that took place.

thank you world, for letting this year pass with such flawless perfect. thank you for escorting me safely to 2010. i'll be thinking about you.

It's Tuesday... Meh

Despite many, many horrific days over the last week or so, i need to do this. it has been a week of constant emotional poo-poo and mygod it has taken almost everything inside of me to get through it. finding things i heart is not an easy task at the moment. let's just push this boat out and see what the waters are like...

• having the house to myself! yeah. husband is away for a few days, so i've had the house to myself. it's just lovely to be able to exist in the house alone and not have to worry about someone coming in and interrupting my fifth film of the day in my pants or something like that. alas, he returns tomorrow, which should be fun or horrific. mostly horrific i reckon.
• hannah! she is just the most fabulous, lovely, supportive friend i could ever have at the moment. she gives cuddles that allow me to shut out the rest of the world and really just tells me how it is. i loves her so mucho.
• the amount of emails i've been getting about my creations! literally, i get like three a day from people just telling me how great i am. it really is just so uplifting and helpful, especially when i've been having such a downer lately.
• movie dates! yesterday was just what i needed. alastair and i went to lunchies and despite original plans, got to spend the evening together with my homemade brownies (!), bacon sandwiches, chocolate milk (banana for him), talk of what we'd do with our lotto winnings, an array of films and my alastair. i just love days when i can slug around and not have to feel any kind of emotional crap... just sit and eat and drink. the day was made especially special because we had a series of fabulous conversations that really put my mind where it needed to be and made it possible for me to joke about some of the things that i've been going through. it was either that or cry... which i try to keep from doing.
• going to bed earlier than anyone ever! every so often i love to get a sneaky early night in... and when i say 'early night,' i mean like, half eight. i love to just get myself nestled into bed with a book and my DS and snuggle in bed until i can barely keep my eyes open (ETA: 9:00pm)
• getting letters from lee lee! i HATED seeing him go. i loves him so much and the night i told him i'd stand by him no matter what he decided to do, i honestly didn't believe he would run away to Cambridge and leave me behind. alas, he has been gone for almost two months and the piece of my heart that went missing when he left is being re-built via post. i sent him my first letter a few weeks ago and got his at the end of last week... i sent him another letter today which i am more excited than anything ever for him to receive as i spent a VERY long time drawing up the letter and envelope.
• Eleanor! eleanor is a creature that i met at a cinema date with jaacq and pow pow. she is made up of beautiful hairs and a long neck. she moved to London yesterday to pursue fashion studies and i HATE that we only met like, three weeks before she left as she is a really, incredibly lovely person. i plan to visit her during my next janeyvisit (which takes place in two weeks!!). she is in love with baking like me and wants to learn my tips as i do hers. gah she is just a big, beautiful lovely that i wish i had met sooner. it seems like a lot of those creatures are coming in and out of my life lately.

Misc!!
Peep Show, Matthew Perry, gold leaf tobacco, listening to people breathe, the smell of american money, crime scene photos, broken family band, westons vintage cider, sassy lesbians, scottish accents, photos of my mum, getting away with not doing work on work's time, smiling at people on the street, dymo machines, when i meet someone who loves henry rollins as much as me, being able to tick things off of a to-do list