Tuesday, April 22nd...

GUYS! WE ARE ALL SET UP IN OUR NEW HOUSE!

And I literally couldn't be happier if I wanted to be. Our lives are finally reaching a point where things are more manageable. Things are crazy busy, but totally great. I'm working at the school, working at LUSH and going to school full time and I am in love with how busy I've been. After months that turned into years of being stagnant and listless, I'm making up for it with no days off (I'm doing as much as I can now so that I can have time off when Molly gets here this summer), which has been fulfilling but goddamned exhausting.

I've got some schoolwork to do, so I should probably get this bad boy out of the way.

Here, have a list...

New Blog... So I started a new blog. A blog that I can use to pretty much talk about my experiences as a step-mom. It's been a long, hard road that has left me almost completely debilitated some days, but the sun is finally beginning to shine and I want to share hope with other people who may still be lost in the darkness like I was for so many months. It's hard and I want people to know that this is manageable. This can be gotten through, and they will do it. I want to share my experiences... Things that have or haven't worked, as well as just talk about things that maybe I wish I'd known three years ago. Go have a gander and let me know what you think.
crocheting... I've been doing a lot with my hands over the last several months and I've been enjoying it so much. I feel like that has been one of the things that have kept me grounded... Creating and making people happy (well, SOME people. Apparently BJ just couldn't handle the really thoughtful gift I sent to her for her baby, but other than that, people are grateful and receive my gifts with smiles.). My most recent was a cell that I made for class which, upon giving it to my teacher for grading, became everyone's new favourite thing in the world. My teacher actually wept as she clutched it to her chest. It took me three days to whip out and was worth every single moment that I spent agonizing over what stitch to use or what colour should represent what.
having a yard again... I LOVE mowing the lawn and I LOVE watching Sebass prance into the grass to roll around like a pig in mud. I perfectly adore sitting in the grass with the puppy and watching people cycle by. It's just delightful.
Wolf of Wall Street... Yeah, we watched it again. I love it. Deal with it.
LUSH... For YEARS, guys. YEARS! I  have lusted after a job at LUSH for literally almost an entire decade. I have forlornly sauntered past every shop I've come into contact with more times than I can count, wishing desperately that I could be cool enough to wear that fabulous black apron and smell sweetly of flours, blackcurrant and tea tree oil. And now? NOW!? I WORK THERE AND IT'S EVERYTHING I HOPED IT WOULD BE! I come home every single night smelling sweet and COVERED in glitter. I adore the people I work with and am madly in love with learning everything there is to know about every product and ingredient that we have in store. Also?! Now I know what EVERYONE will be getting for every one of the holidays for the foreseeable future because I get the sweetest discount in the world!
coconut milk
step-parenting books... I've really spent a lot of time over the last year consuming as many books as possible about shared households and what things are best and worst to do in order to cultivate a healthy environment for little ones. I have spent so much time being lost, like I said, and the books I've read have helped me to see the error of some of my ways and reestablished a lot of my own core values. It's been interesting and inspiring. I still have a few more that I need to get to, but it's been interesting.
ham
magazines on my Kindle... OMG SO EASY AND CONVENIENT!
breakfast burritos... Muffin and I spent the bulk of Easter morning frying breakfast sausage and eggs and whipping out breakfast burritos in bulk to freeze for future breakfasts. It was a goddamned pain in the ass at the time, but totally worth it this morning when I dug in the fridge for food to fill my belly at half past six this morning.
Costco
Hobby Lobby
John Carpenter films
Fargo... not just the film now. The TV adaptation started last week and it's blown my mind. I am in love with it and can't wait for the next episode!
Billy Bob Thorton
unpacking
standing up for myself... Go find my new blog.
Almond Roca
Etsy
Easter
DVR
planning our summer... We are just SO excited for summer! Not only are we finally in a house with a porch where we can have actual, real-live barbeques, but Molly will be coming to visit, we will BOTH be walking out prospective stages to graduate, and we will have another photoshoot. There's a lot to look forward to in the next several months that I am ecstatic for.


Alright. Time for homework! I hope you are all having a fabulous day and have an even greater week!
 
 

are you really okay, tuesday?

it's been weeks and for that i apologize. not only has it been weeks, but it's also been months since an actual meaty, informative blog. so many things have come to pass since i posted anything of value... i got married, moved house, drove to and from Cheyenne, flew to and from Cheyenne, got a root canal and a bunch of other things that COULD be listed here, but won't, because i am actually going to kinda do an update right now. it could be good, it could be bad, i have no idea. my mind's just been racing and i need to vent it in a more constructive way, so that's what's going to happen right here.

i feel like, in the last seven or eight weeks i've been trying to very carefully hold myself together... to not fall to pieces. emotional pieces and physical pieces. i've been ill, weepy, tired and generally not great.

like, i've not been suicidal or so desperately miserable that i can't function... i've just been tired and sad a lot which has kind of left me moping around the house trying to piece together the parts of my existence that i still have any kind of control over. i guess i can offer an overview of what you've missed, hey? it may be scattered, but here it is...

we got married and it was wonderful. i got to share some very special time with some of the most important people in my life and those moments leading up to McBlowme wedded bliss and every moment during our wedding, which has been described as "like nothing that could have been done better by the Coen brothers and Tarantino, had they been working together." it was a day filled with tears, hugs, laughter and finally, the moment i've been waiting for for the last ten years... finally becoming his and finally having him become mine. it couldn't have been more perfect even if i had wanted it to be.

the McBlowmes moved house and we've been trying to get used to it for the last six-ish weeks. it's an adorable apartment within a huge community that i fell in love with immediately and now kinda hate. i don't hate it because of the window or the huge bathroom or even because of my very special crafting corner that's been established... i hate it because our neighbours are morons and it literally seems like there is not one single nice person living within a mile of us. the boys living above us are a pair of your stereotypical piece of crap young soldiers, just out of their parents house and apparently just learning about drinking and loud music, as that seems to be all they know how to audibly accost us pretty much every night. i've met a couple of our other neighbours, who i was REALLY hoping would turn out not crappy and terrible at communicating, but it seems i am doomed to not make any friends from within our apartment community. i guess if upstairs is a reflection of what the rest of the people here are like, i don't want them to be a part of my life.

also, a couple of weeks ago i had a kidney infection, which was REALLY special. i'd not had one of those in so long i'd almost forgotten what they were like. it started as an evening of dying on the sofa in between bouts of vomiting and freezing to death and ended with me in hospital with a temperature of 105.8, getting an EKG, CAT Scan and chest x-rays. i literally thought i was going to die and poor Muffin was such a trooper, staying up with me all night, nestled in next to me on my hospital bed despite being the most tired boy in the land.

the kidney infection left and Muffin shipped me off to Cheyenne so's i could spend some time with my sister and so's he could plan some birthday things. it was really, really nice just to be able to go and spend time with LaDonna and not have any other crap to do whilst i was there... however, i DID get to go on a glorious playdate with my beast to an amazing show called Beast Women, which you should totally look up and chase down whenever you get the chance. it was a marvelous collection of musicians, comedians, burlesque and sass that i am so pleased i got to see. 

in between everything else, i've been facing the loss of one friend and still mourning the loss of another. in my time in America it's been a struggle to find people to connect and talk to, living in an entirely new place again has completely destroyed my confidence and strength completely and when i finally felt i was connecting with one person, i guess i put too much stock in the fact that her and i connected and were able to talk candidly and now it's completely fallen apart. one of the few people in my own time zone that i felt i could talk to has decided to hate me and it's bashed any semblance of confidence that might have built up as a result of it.

eh, i think i'm just gonna do my Tuesday... this blog has turned out crap and not at all how i wanted. i'll sit down again soon and do a better one, i promise.

here, have my list...

hard-hitting anti-drug campaigns
how much Muffin makes me laugh
dahlias
Velveeta Cheesy Skillets adverts
when i get a wild tile on Words with Friends
new hoodies
my new laptop
iv's
Muffin sitting with me at the hospital
CAT Scans
friendly doctors and nurses
being in the situation to be able to buy gifts for other people
sending cards out on time
prompting Muffin to make good decisions
memories
my photos
REALLY curly hair
blow dryers
cats
Percoset
pork belly
The Addams Family
when sales clerks talk about poop
dogs with underbites
stop animation production
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Shannyn Sossamon
Reese's
The Roast of Charlie Sheen
Pike's Place Market
Chinatown
Raybans
glittery dresses
Chevy Chase
Rob Coddry
pickles on a burger
eggs on a burger
Alice: Madness Returns

taco tuesday

i'm kinda in the middle of doing a billion things at once, so i'm just gonna throw this list out there and get back on the laundry and menu planning for the wedding. please, enjoy!

giant tree roots
having my head touched
talking to LaDonna... she's my sister and i adore her. for years i always wondered what it would be like to have a sister like in the movies or on telly... the type of sister that i talk to all the time and that i never have a loss of words for. the type of sister that cares and worries and that i do exactly the same for. she's all of that for me. LaDonna is a beautiful, fun, wonderful person i am SO thrilled for her to arrive in the next couple of days so we can prance around together. in the last couple of weeks we've been talking pretty much every day. we call for random reasons and sometimes unreasonable hours and almost ALWAYS talk longer than we most likely planned to, but you know what? i don't care. she's special to me and i want to have every moment possible with her because our relationship has developed into everything i hoped it would one day be. i can stop leering at people in public and tuning out the mushy family scenes in films because i have that and i can totally relate!
watching Muffin march... i got the opportunity to a Change of Colour ceremony last week for the first time and it was really, unexpectedly great. the only real experience i get of Muffin in his uniform is when he leaves for or comes home from work each day or on the random times i get to go to his office, so when i got to go on post last Thursday it was just a perfect afternoon for me to be able to see him march and be a part of something a lot bigger than the singular soldier i am so used to seeing... i got to see him as a part of a whole GROUP of soldiers doing their soldier thing and you know? it made me feel proud for so many reasons. it made me feel proud to be American (which was a weird feeling, but it happened), it made me proud to be a part of the military culture in some way and it made me proud to know that i will be marrying this boy who has sacrificed a LOT to get where he is today. it added a whole new level to my love for him. i love him as a man, a friend, a lover and a soldier. he's a beautiful person.
Dick Van Dyke... his smile is the first reason that i heart him. the second reason is because he makes me think of my mum. every time i see him i think of my mum and the days we would sit and watch "Diagnosis: Murder." she loved him and would go on and on about him, so it always makes me feel slightly closer to her when his cute little face pops up someplace.
Val Kilmer
the Batman films
food banks... again, i'm not proud, but also not entirely ashamed, that we are poor and have had to resort to attending a food bank once a week to get some extra bread and tinned food. it really makes a difference in our cupboards and everyone that works at the one we go to is just lovely and super friendly.
powerful one-liners
girls with boy's names
referring to the circus as the "Big Top"
when people OTHER than JD narrate on Scrubs
the way i have to stand on my tippy-toes to kiss Muffin
when they sky's green just before a tornado
Milky Way Midnight Dark... my current confection obsession.
TWELVE DAYS... and oh YES will that day be full of glee and squealing and everything else that's wonderful! the time's really flown by and my sister will be arriving this week and everyone else's flights come in next week and THEN we will be getting married! i can't believe it's happening. every single day i have to stop and stare at his face and remind myself that this is real and that i am finally marrying this boy.
dark chocolate
eating chocolate with Better Cheddars
sweet tea
my new lighter... which i found totally at random and grunted with delight at upon first glance. it's got really amazing images of bees and flies on it and it's a wonderful green colour. i heart it, a LOT and won't let ANYONE else use it, ever. i always have two lighters on me now, one for me and one for everyone else.
Silence of the Lambs
sparklers
driving
Anthony Hopkins
cheese curds
burnt hot dogs
hot dogs with tons of ketchup
Amy Adams
the neighbour's baby... mostly because he calls me "Nanie" though. he's two and is VERY excited about offering me salutations every single time he sees me. it's adorable.
drag queens
quick change artists
the smell of fireworks
Gary Sinise
oil paintings
talking to Angel... my father's other daughter and therefore my sister. she calls and it really always makes my days feel so good. it's still a little different for me, but so nice to know that i have more people in the world to love me and for me to love.
having a cat in the house... yes, we're caring for Sarah's cat whilst her and Randy are away for a vacation and having their cat in the house is always fun... from the way he likes to leap under my feet and almost kill me every time i walk anywhere in the house to the way that i have to escort Booger EVERYWHERE because he lives in complete terror of the cat... it's fun and adds an interesting new dynamic to the house, even if it IS just for one more week.
sewing machines
the new spicy buffalo sauce from McDonald's
The Dilema.. a film i hadn't originally intended on watching because i'm a little sick and tired of the Vince Vaughn/Kevin James crap, but i had a free rental on RedBox last night and it was the only film there that sounded good. it was surprisingly interesting and delightful. not the typical cheesy crap they come out with, but rather a film with slightly more depth (READ: not a LOT of depth, but some, which was refreshing for them) and a rather interesting story. it also wasn't acted entirely terribly.
the way watching ANY proposal ever makes me weepy... yeah, i'm THAT girl. any proposal in any film, book, show, ANYTHING, will make my eyeballs misty. shut up.

okay, time to finish whatever it is i'm watching and fold the laundry before going out for Two Dollar Taco Tuesday at Hell's Kitchen with Muffin. there's a punk show. i'm not THAT excited, but Muffin says the tacos are amazing, so i guess i can compromise. i mean, i can't just NOT EAT, can i?

have a beautiful week!

a mostly foody tuesday

a quick list... i've got shit to do. brace yourselves for a blog tomorrow...

chest bumps
when someone in a show has something i have... ie. in Raising Hope, they have my wooden ducks!
Raising Hope
Cloris Leachman
Mary Tyler Moore
mariachi bands
mud
walnuts
red rover... the game, not that stupid character.
hearing Muffin sing along to KatyPerry... which he does. a lot.
slight-of-hand magic
acrobats
giants
peach pineapple salsa
double bubble
cinnamon discs
robins
watching Muffin skateboard
"old school" skateboarders... because they are so polite... they clap and congratulate the other skaters when they pull off a trick. it's really nice to see.
having a toilet roll holder now... because my boy takes care of ME and installed one in our bathroom this weekend!
DRESS
roast pork
ibuprofen
cow's heart
the way Muffin licked the envelopes for me... i wrote all the invites out, but he was just so kind as to lick all the envelopes for me so i didn't have to go through the mess of pulling a face and causing a mini-scene every time i had to.
gerbils
My Name is Earl
the way the back of Hallmark envelopes taste
GLEE
Bizarre Foods

the laziest of tuesdays

good GOD i am having a lazy tuesday.

i've been in the middle of writing a fairly epic and emotional blog for the last two days, so i needed to literally pull myself away from the computer last night and just give myself a break. i am sure i'll post it sometime tonight or tomorrow, so expect THAT... it might be a trainwreck, it might not. we'll see.

so, today has just literally consisted of me sitting on the sofa and doing things just for me. no tidying, no laundry, just danie, booger, cookbooks, magazines, this week's coupons and season two of desperate housewives. all of this lazy has only been interrupted three times to allow breaks for me to have a fag and grab some better cheddars and nail varnish. it's been glorious to just take a day for myself. a day to reel back all of the energy that i've been exerting on every other aspect of my life and pour it all on myself. to just take care of danie.

now though, i thought i would list.

figs
the parcel of glee from LaDonna... and the fact that no matter what "phases" i go through (when i was a teenager, i was TOTALLY into rubber ducks, a few years later i couldn't get enough of henry rollins), LaDonna ALWAYS, without fail, finds me the greatest gifts. she hadn't sent me my christmas present yet, due to her having had surgery and then her husband having surgery almost a week after her. she finally sent it out last week and it arrived today, completely filled with amazingly cutesy and perfect cupcake-themed decorations and nick-nacks (a fucking SEXY apron, recipe/photo holders, magnets, stained-glass window ornaments, a manicure kit, a magazine filled with cupcake recipes and some cupcake-scented hand sanitizer.) she's just wonderful at picking out all the best things and i just love her so much for that.
better cheddars
chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
prism nailpolish
aprons
scissors... it's pow's fault. i never really gave them much notice until i started working with him on Johnny. now though, i tend to go all gushy when i see a particularly sexy pair of scissors or a picture of a pair of vintage scissors. PHWOAR! that's all i can say.
frozen blueberries
lip balm
tom waits
the boys at the tattoo shop... at THIS tattoo shop, here. crispy, sailor cam, grover and maxwell. they're all just the loveliest boys. they're lovely in a different way than the boys back in derby in that they're not so confrontational with their vulgarities. they are incredibly polite and kind and i love all of their tiny faces. this can be seen with every batch of cupcakes i lovingly bake and bring in to them each time i go to the shop. i'll look forward to getting many, many more pieces of work from them and baking them no less than five hundred more batches of cakes.
the new tattoo... she's beautiful. planning for her began over a year ago. i had asked jaacqy what he wanted me to get tattoo'd on me for him and he said he wanted a mermaid. i told him i'd get one but was stumped, as i didn't want just any ORDINARY mermaid. i wanted a special mermaid. one that would go with the rest of my tattoos (well, as much as the rest of them go with one another) and that would look like something i would get on my body. it was within a week that janey (jane hallam) presented me with the sushi mermaid. i immediately asked if i could have her and put her on my body. and the story's history from there, as i finally, after nearly a year, got her inked onto my skin for forevers. she's perfect and everything i hoped she'd be. she plays very nicely with her tattoo brothers and sisters and will eventually have a sexy background to go along with her.
reading crochet pattern books
the smell of our laundry detergent
meatballs
tinned pineapple
grilled chicken
japanese zombies
coupon day
ice water
bright lights
early mornings
christopher titus
the eels


merp! not a very long list this week. sorry. i thought there was more going on in my head than this. in any event, at least i made SOME kind of list. have a glorious week.

over and out.

<3

Everything’s jamming… and not in a Bob Marley sort of way…

No. I am not good this week, for many reasons, most of which I am finding it hard to put my finger on specifically. 

I SHOULD be happy… a great deal of fabulous things have taken place in my little life in the last week that could possibly be glorious enough to make a rich man happy, but no… I am hard to please with all my stress and blargh. 

Yesterday afternoon I arrived home after several days in London (but it was my last trip to London before I leave, adding a great amount of doom and gloom to every corner we turned and piece of siu mai that I ate.). I had spent the previous four days in a state of almost constant laugh with janeyface as we went on adventure after adventure. 

The adventures began on Thursday evening when I arrived after having been journeying on the train in First Class accommodation. I decided to treat myself since it was my last trip to London for a long while and since it was totally only a fiver. I minced into train car “G” in my jeggings, lemon-yellow Dr Martins and gingham cowboy shirt with a giant smile on my face. I am generally friendly to everyone and was especially friendly to the lady that was sat across from my designated seat. She immediately judged me, presumably because of my tattoos and amazinghair… without a second’s hesitation I became Vivian Ward from “Pretty Woman” and she became the shopkeeper (who I shall name, for the purposes of this blog, Katrisha). i went about my business… I sat proudly in my extra-roomy seat and pulled out my crocheting and tub of blueberries and strawberries. I began working on my latest project whilst Katrisha sat across from me pretending not to judge me. She kept her head directed towards her HR Service Level Agreement but kept sweeping her gaze across me and no doubt wondering why National Rail would allow scum like me to sit in the first car when it was CLEARLY only for high-powered business people and high-class prostitutes (Katrisha was the former, but COULD have been the latter, were she about twenty years younger). As the ticket inspector shuffled up the aisle to make sure there were no intruders she began to trundle in her seat, no doubt excited beyond belief to witness the forcible removal of me from the car after I was dramatically unveiled as the holder of an economy ticket instead. I passed my ticket to the gentleman and he glanced at it for a moment, Katrisha stared at him with relentless intent, desperate to hear him announce loudly to the entire car that I was NOT to be sat there and could I please move and that I needed to quiet down or he would call for backup (because clearly, all ticket inspectors have a stock of backup inspectors for the particularly rambunctious passenger who is insistent on staying put). The inspector looked at my ticket, smiled at me and stamped it before handing it back to me. Katrisha was instantly deflated, you could see that. The remainder of my journey was spent being watched by Katrisha and a very mature gentleman who spent the first half of the ride swapping between seats, falling over and crying. They both watched me intently as I crocheted… I am certain the gentleman wanted to talk to me which is why he stared at me so incessantly, but I was uninterested and therefore ignored him. 

Anyways, talk about being side-tracked! 

So I went to London and janey and I participated in a great deal of activities and funtimes… it wasn’t until my last day that it really hit me that every single thing that I did whilst I was there would be my last. Each shopkeeper that I had become so familiar with over the years, each street name I had studied so as to navigate on my own seemed to all be in vain, as I would not be returning to Hackney ever again. 

Alas, we played like we’d never played before. Thursday we drank, made friends with some random ethnics, drank more and slept nude for some reason. Friday we went to Dim Sum, pranced in Chinatown and went home to craft and watch a crap-ton of films. Saturday we went to Walthamstowe (see below) and then to Brixton (also see below) for a Caribbean meal. Sunday was Hackney Farm (ALSO see below), a long walk to a taxidermy and surgical tool shop and home for tattooing and Father Ted. It was a glorious weekend and I couldn’t have imagined a better last trip to London. I love janey and I love our adventures. 

I came home with slight hesitation but a bounty of gifts for Graham and Pow. Prior to my leaving I had a conversation with Graham about his skin colour and the fact that I thought a red shirt would really suit him. He advised that he had no red shirts and demanded I get him one during my trip to London, but stipulated it could cost no more than £3. I did this times two and he was pleased with his bounty of gifts (see “Dexter” below). I brought Pow a pair of surgical scissor-type things for Johnny and three seashell animals for our shelf… he had been quite emo as of late and after a long, drunk texting marathon with him on Thursday I was feeling quite sick at the thought of facing him. Things felt odd and mechanical between us, so I hugged him and went to the pub. A series of events took place that left me feeling quite dejected and left me questioning the foundations our friendship is based on and now I am left here, this afternoon wondering what it will be like when I see him later today. 

This wondering comes after a series of incredibly aggressive texts and curt replies from him. he’s never been like this with me and I hate it. I just want to hold him and will both of our achey, stressy awful away but I don’t feel like he’ll let me do that. I am terribly pensive about going home this evening for fear of what is in store for me… I guess all I can do is hold my breath when I open the door and expect the worst and take whatever’s coming to me. 

So… there we are. my week in a nutshell… I feel like our photocopier, jamming-up every few minutes with all the junk that is being put through me. I’m feeling so fragile at the moment that if I were to even be bumped too hard by a passing pedestrian, I would most likely fall to pieces…

here, have a list.


Inception
Cillian Murphy… PHWOAR!!
watching pen ink dry
stand-up comedy 
my cupcake tattoo… for the amount of times I have been asked if it is real or how it looks so perfect, I love it. From the handles of the scissors to the bottom of the lowest pink splodge, I love my almost-newest tattoo. Not just the tattoo though, but the entire session as well. I love Thomas and I love getting work done by him. We spent the whole time listening to Eminem’s new album and talking about his new procurement of the shop. It was a wonderfully perfect day and it is a wonderfully perfect tattoo.
being sung to… Graham sings to me almost every time we are together and I love that… I love it when he grabs his guitar and starts to strum one of the special emo chords that make my heart want to burst. When Graham isn’t singing to me then Pow is and my favourite is hearing him sing. He sings random silly things to me that I try to memorize so I can take them with me to america, but there’s no way I could ever remember every one of those details. Sigh.
Pow smell
contemplating band names
dogs carrying newspapers
Janey… a janeyblog coming this week, keep your eyeballs peeled.  

Dexter… it was last Wednesday evening. I was sat on the sofa with Graham and watching Zoo TV, singing along to one of Bono’s many hits and ostracizing his trousers every chance I got, whilst I was doing this my fingers were wrapped with brown and orange wool, working on a fox for Chris Tree. Graham watched me for a short time before asking me if I would make him something. Ever-looking for an excuse to not work on the fox I said yes. He asked me if I would make him a Dexter… I asked what a Dexter was and he told me that he was a 2-d cartoon he had created a while back that is used for many little sketches he does. I said yes and that was when the project planning meetings began. We had three that night and by Sunday Dexter was complete. Monday afternoon I pranced out to the back garden with Dexter in hand and asked Graham if he wanted to see him. He nodded and I passed him over. Pow took photos of Graham’s tiny, happy face the instant he received Dexter, but I have no idea where they are… it was the most beautiful little face you could have ever imagined. He beamed like a new parent and snuggled Dexter to his chest immediately. He said he was perfect and hugged me. those are the moments that I live for… the ones that allow me to hand over something someone has been wanting and see how their faces react. It’s a beautiful thing to know that I am able to do that to people… make their faces light up so big. Dexter is one item I am particularly proud of making… probably in the top five.
self-heating face masks 

Hackney Farm… by far my favourite farm that I have ever been to. It’s so, so tiny but also so perfect. it’s got a ridiculous amount of chickens (the ones that wear trousers), a small mammal area (with guinea pigs and rabbits), goats, cows, a donkey, sheep and PIGS!! The most recent daytrip to the farm allowed me to see the two ginger beasts who have no names… I call them Danie and Janey as they remind me of us (lying around being flatulent and kicking one another). I remember when I very first went to the farm almost three years ago. Those two ginger ladies were so tiny compared to their massive size now. I always go to them first and pat their bellies with force, talking to them in a squealy voice before being startled by a chicken or lured by the other pig… the biggest of them all… she’s beautiful and I love her. I love farms and I love Hackney Farm most.   
Kimya Dawson 

Graham Williams… he is just SUCH a special creature and I hate that I only just met him. most nights we stay up on the Book of Face or on our mobiles, messaging back and forth about the news, music or racist things (I must point out here that I am NOT actually a racist, I just find the words and entire concept hysterical). Yesterday whilst I was on my way to the shop I asked if he wanted anything from the shop and he offered me a list consisting of one fizzy pop that is neither light nor dark, one sweet that had been dipped in something and one packet of crisps that are crunchy. He stipulated NONE of the packaging could have red on them and spouted off a number of other things that I didn’t pay attention to because I was attempting to memorize the moment. He is just literally the funniest, most fabulous person I’ve ever met in my life and I love spending time with him. This week will feature a playdate on the swings, blue cakes with coconut in and emo megamixes we’ve made for one another. I am muy excited!
Stafford… a stupendously jolly man who runs a Caribbean restaurant in Brixton… I love him and his wife’s incredible cooking.
riding first-class on the train
mega-mixes
discussing food with janey… because that’s literally all we ever do… discuss food or sex. I love janey.
stopping-off at random pubs with janey
bratwurst
Franny… one of the few people I feel genuinely close to at the moment. For all the people that seem to have abandoned me, Franny is there offering me hugs every chance she gets. I love her and I love spending time with her. she’s a beautiful creature inside and out and is another person I HATE myself for not having bonded with sooner…
Lee Lee
Thai breakfasts… sausages, egg, curry and rice OH MY!!
when Muffin surprises me… he’s getting better, slowly. He’s been surprising me with random phone calls and photos at least daily and my heart is all pleased for this. he’s a delightful boy.
apple juice
Sam Rockwell… PHWOAR!
dim sum
Brixton… full of all the most fabulous trinkets, clothes, foods and people ever. I love it so big.
sea shell animals… oh. em. gee.
taxidermy
elderly couples
good buttercream icing
cowboy shirts 

my Kevin tattoo
Father Ted
Belle & Sebastian
Ardal O’Hanlon
smoked salmon… but ONLY when accompanied by soy sauce and wasabi… NOM!!
being familiar enough with London to be able to navigate confidently
The Lucy Show
my hair
all-butter cookies
my drawings
fresh watermelon
riding the underground
Paige
English Countryside
sideshow freaks
caravans
Flight of the Conchords
wigs
spinach dumplings
soy sauce
boiled potatoes
strange and confusing game shows
clouds
sunny days
courgettes
Polish soup
really old hospitals
animals that have been preserved in jars
Walthamstowe… best market, chinese pound shop and people-watching locale in the WORLD. Fact.
good posture
Fox Gloves… the flowers, not tiny mittens for woodland creatures, although wouldn’t THOSE be CUUUTE?!
caramel shortcake

i heart things and things tuesday!!

oh the things i heart!!

• Joe Delucci... OMG i heart this ice cream! not only because it is summer and if i do not put cold things into my body i might die, but also because it is JUST like coldstone, but italian. AND it is £1 a scoop, which fulfills my need to be cheap and full of yum yums! they have so many amazing flavours that make my tastebuds go 'weee!' and the colours of all the ice creams are just like little pieces of the rainbow fell into the freezer.
• dodol! the parcel of delight arrived from malaysia last week and lived the wonder that is dodol.. coconut dodol. it is like the most lovely gummy sweet you will ever eat in your entire life x5,994,033! there were only around fiften pieces in the box, so i am having to savour whilst still sharing small bites with the people i heart.
• breadfruit in all of its starchy glory. vic and i participated in an adventure to birmingham where we were lured into purchasing a breadfruit by a man who haggled the price down by £2 without our help at all. we were looking at them with wonderment when a lady came up to us and bestowed upon us all the secrets that the mysterious thing in front of us held. she boasted that it was best when roasted and my-oh-my did she roast breadfruit well! unfortunately, i did not practise the fine art of roasting... i boiled it and made it into a prawn and coconut curry. husband was more than surprised with the end result that depicted how little fail my cooking is actually made of.
• crochetting! i have taken on the task of creating the bouquet for gem's wedding day and mygod it is fabulous! i have hand-created each and every rose and stem lovingly with wool and pipe-cleaners to create something that gem will be able to keep with her for the rest of her life.

honourable mentions are as follows...

coke, my mobile, my watch, having my teeth fixed, tattoos, flipz, aidan hawken, swapping internationally, chevy, having husband in bed with me, milk, teacakes, pierogis, cheezy horror films, dane cook, working, being able to be bossy, having everyone tell me how much they will miss me when i go, getting ready for the wedding, dying my hairs.

hooray!