Saturday, 10 March 2012

adventures on ritalin

a couple of weeks ago i was sitting in the passenger's seat in our car (aka: "world's loudest car") playing on my mobile phone whilst Muffin dodged traffic with an ultimate destination of my doctor's office.

i'd been meaning to ring and book an appointment for nearly two months, but i had been coping with a very special bout of depression. since i lost my job i had been struggling to find the energy to do anything but move from the bed to the sofa and back to the bed again at the end of the day.

people who've not experienced an extreme depression could never understand how difficult it is to deal with even daily tasks such as signing onto Facebook or tidying up the tremendous amount of boxes that have been taking over our house since the delivery of all my stuff from England.

my depression was spiraling out of control and my entire life has been forced onto the back burner whilst i figure out what the hell i've got going on in my head. i had been to the doctor many times to try to figure out some sort of medication system to manage my lack of sleep, incessant need to eat and ultimate decline of my well-being with little or no result. every single aspect of my life felt like it was falling apart and i needed it fixing.

the most recent visit was set up after my realization that our healthcare will be running out on March 12th. my internal alarm set in and i called and booked in and now we're back to the first paragraph... i was in the car, playing Robot Unicorn Attack when we pulled up to the office.

we checked in, the nurse came out to get me and we sat in the office discussing my smoking habits, physical health and general mental state. i indicated my lack of interest, attention and sleep on a scale of one to ten to the nurse whilst Muffin sat across from me looking like he was trying not to be alarmed. i had become so depressed that i had completely closed down and stopped talking to friends, family and my own husband. he had no idea how bad things in my head had actually gotten.

after i received a terribly high score on my depression scale the nurse went and got my doctor (who is one of my favourite people in the world. he's like an american version of Harry Hill and i adore him). he came in, asked how the old anti-depressant i was on was going and went on to explain how difficult it is for a doctor, particularly when they have only a certain amount of time with a patient. he told me that he sometimes feels like he's failed a patient when he's unable to fix what they need fixing in the time he has with them.

after i reassured him that he had helped and reminded him of the fact that i only had three weeks left of healthcare he started the long process of thinking out loud. we discussed the medications i've tried that haven't worked and he finally settled on an option that he explained was slightly uncommon, but has been known to work.


he explained that the prescribing of Ritalin, particularly to an adult, is slightly unorthodox, but helps to accelerate the effects of the anti-depressant i take at night. he instructed me that i am only to take it during the day, as it is basically speed for adults, and that if i find myself suffering from any unwelcome side-effects, i should stop taking it immediately and call in for another appointment.

so here i am, two weeks into my new life on Ritalin and i have to say that i am much more stable than i have felt in a long time. the first day i took it i was pumped. i literally couldn't sit down. not like you'd imagine it would feel to be on speed, but just... i wanted to be up doing stuff. i wanted to be tidying and baking and re-organizing stuff. so i did.

since then, i really am grounded now. i am able to concentrate so much better than i can remember being able to in a while and have EVEN learned to knit (which, if you know me, is a huge feat, given that i have been trying to teach myself to knit for no less than seven years with no luck. i would try for half an hour, lose a lot of stitches, not be able to decipher what i had done and throw the needles into the drawer until i accidentally uncovered another knitting pattern that i NEEDED to try.)

also, i've unpacked all of my boxes from England, organized every one of my books (after having to literally get five more huge bookshelves to house them, which i ALSO put together), started re-vamping my crafting area according to craft (knit, crochet, drawing (which is FURTHER broken down by paint, marker, fine pen, broad pen and pencil), scrapbooking and dead animal crafting) and gone through all of my clothes to finally get rid of stuff i really don't NEED anymore (which, again, is a big feat for me if you know me, because i am a goddamned hoarder and hate getting rid of anything, ever).

things are okay right now and my biggest daily battle is just learning to deal with the little emotional curveballs my head likes to throw at me.

so, there you go. that's where i've been, what's been going on and why i've been so wildly elusive recently. i am making efforts to change that and have about five blogs i'm in the process of writing, so keep your eyeballs peeled and be well!

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

יום שלישי

well, it's Tuesday and seeing as both Muffin AND Sarah felt it was necessary to tell me that my last Tuesday blog was lacking in heart, i am dedicating this one especially to them, so please, enjoy my list and also enjoy the blogs i will be posting either later today or tomorrow.

have a wonderful Tuesday!

when a bathroom is called a WC... i don't know why, but it just makes me so happy and i love it ever so very much.
dogs with floppy ears... after many, MANY hours at the dog park now, i can officially say that i have seen every type of dog ear ever and i simply cannot get enough of big, floppy dog ears. every time we are at the dog park i am just wild with glee over every dog there, but mostly the floppy ones.
my rack
bling plugs... for years i've been trying to find plugs that are shiny and inappropriately full of bling and you wouldn't expect it to be as hard as it has been. the problem is, my ears are at 38mm and there is virtually nobody out there who makes bling in that size. only recently did i stumble across Alternative Dollie Art on Etsy where i saw she makes custom bling. i immediately ordered a pair and have pretty much not stopped wearing them since their arrival. they are such a beautiful addition to my ears and i can't thank her enough for making them for me.
the fact that Sarah showed me her vagina... yeah. it was after her surgery and we went to see her at the hospital. of course, i HAD to see her surgery wounds and after ushering Muffin out of the room, Sarah pulled up her gown and showed me the five cuts on her belly alongside her heiney and vagina. it was special because there's been a constant joke between us that i am not actually her best friend in the world, but only in Washington... so after her surgery, when she literally bore all for me, she told me none of her other friends have seen her vagina and that, my friends, means i AM her bff!
when clouds move really fast
Belle and Sebastian
the hare's face... a little over a week or so ago i got a parcel from my favourite girl in England addressed to "Danie Sharts." after the initial laughter and wondering what the apartment office thought of the name, i carried the parcel home and upon opening it, had to place it aside for a moment. the stench that escaped from the parcel was ridiculous. i soon gained the composure to slip the handwritten letter out and read she had virtually sent me a "parcel'o'death" that included some fishies that she had dried for me and a hare's face that she bought for me a while ago that finally made it to America. it is literally the face of a wild rabbit that has been cut from it's skull. i love it so, very much and have since hung the face, still in it's special plastic bag, on the wall above my desk, so i have constant view of it. i have no idea what i will end up doing with it, but it will be spectacular.
having Sarah to talk to... she is such an incredible friend and i love that i have her around to get feedback from and generally laugh with. i adore her and how, despite all the years we've known each other we've still found one another and are still friends.
when several drivers work together to stop douchebags from being bigger douches
when Muffin puts the subtitles on for me... i don't know why it is, but when i watch a film or telly i really enjoy having the subtitles on, i always have. i like them because people inevitably like to talk during telly time and that way i don't miss anything. i also like them because they let you hear, or at least read, every single tiny thing that the person who made the subtitles wanted you too... so if someone mumbles something in the background that has something to do with the plot, you don't miss it just because you talked through it or weren't paying attention. i love that! also, sometimes, subtitles allow you to feel like you're participating in karaoke because occasionally the lyrics to songs will play alongside them and you can sing right along!
the chip in Jim Carrey's tooth
Adam Carolla
finally getting that piece of crap from between my teeth... recently i have been madly in love with ice cream that has pecans in it and as a result, i get tons of bullshitty little pieces of pecan skin stuck in between my teeth that literally makes me want to die. for several hours after eating that fabulously sweet ice cream i am stuck in a perpetual routine of trying to suck the junk out of my teeth. that final, amazing moment when i get whatever i have stuck in my teeth out is such a glorious moment that i tend to bask in silently, but very smugly. obviously, this plague is not limited just to pecans. other culprits are popcorn, steak, corn on the cob and very occasionally, crisps.
popping my ankles
Whitney... every single aspect of this show is my favourite ever. Whitney Cummings in hysterical and makes me think of a very tall, thin me. Chris D'Elia is unbelievable and makes me want to die so the laughter will stop making my mouth and chest hurt. it's such a deliciously fun show and if you haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet, stream it or download it. it's worth it!
Craphound... it's pretty much my most favourite thing ever.
restaurants where you can throw nut shells on the floor
Muffin watching Toddlers and Tiaras with me... he accidentally sat down one afternoon to work on a website and found himself completely sucked into the horror and intrigue of Toddlers and Tiaras. it is SUCH a terrible show and he, like me, could not stop watching it.
tickling Muffin
Muffin's hair
owning my favourite perfume again... oh GOD it's good to smell amazing again!
the cat/dog standoff... so Sarah dropped off her cat last Thursday. her cat is a staunch one animal per household activist and the existence of the puppy pretty much ruined his life. the puppy only wanted to play and the cat just wanted to scratch his eyes out. the standoff eventually ended in the dog getting his face clawed which gave him a very special eye infection which we are now treating, but until then, it was fun to watch.
creating amazing dinners with limited ingrediants
turtle feet
Nick Cage
Mama Cass
THIS Family Guy clip

the end!


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