Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Just Under Three More Weeks...

I have just under three more weeks and then I'll be thirty.


I've been spending the last several weeks reflecting on the Danie from ten years ago. The Danie who was about to turn twenty was a goddamned mess. I found her blog and am ashamed that it was me who wrote it. I must say that it's a relief that I've always been so raw with my feelings when writing, but the content itself is so unnecessary and unimportant given the changes that I have undergone in the last ten years.

Turning twenty seems like it was tremendously devastating for me. I was going through what I had assumed would be the largest ordeals of my life, when in comparison, they were small fries. I was preparing to move to England and in turn, uproot my entire life for the sake of a love that I had little expectation would end only slightly less quickly than it had begun. I was drastically in love and content to shout it from the rooftops. I was the centre of my universe with little or no regard to anything or anyone that tried to distract from that. I alienated every single person from my life who didn't hold me on a pedestal, unwilling to acknowledge or feel any compassion for anybody but my own self. And for what? I lost several months of friendship with one of the most important and influential people in my life. I said embarrassingly hateful things to people who wanted nothing but to see me make decisions that were going to make my future as beautiful as I wanted it to be. People who were frustrated and exhausted with my petulant attitude and need for constant attention.

Actual constant attention. I literally posted like six entries a day, every single day. I was begging for people to idolize my desperation. There was no notice of other people, their needs, or really anything except how they could help me.

I was living in an ugly world. Nineteen for me was just an awful time and I wish I could go back and slap myself around a little bit and talk some sense to myself.  So many ties were severed in those several months before turning twenty and I hate that I let myself get that bad.

And since, I have gone to England, gotten married, lost my mother, gotten divorced, moved back to America, lost a couple of best friends, gotten married again, lost my grandmother, begun school, and endured the agonizing job that is step-parenting. And that's a nutshell, just a little snippet of the large, sweeping events that have headlined my life in the past ten years. It's been a highly eventful decade that has seen beauty and horrible. Seen great strides that have been painful, but have turned me into a person that I am proud of who has grown and learned hugely.

Now, today, I am just over three weeks to thirty and over three-quarters into my education, happily making my marriage into something I can be infinitely prouder of every day, and building friendships with people who are special and just as willing to let me uplift their lives as they do mine. It's a much more fulfilling and satisfying leap into a new decade.  I have achieved many things and come through a gigantic amount of experiences and I couldn't be happier with where my life is right now.

So, as I go into my next ten years. My thirties. I'm not as scared as I was prior to my twenties. I am eagerly awaiting what my next adventure will look like. How many more beautiful people I will meet, and what new experiences I will have. I can't wait to find out what I will learn and how I will grow. It's not as scary of a time for me and I welcome it with open arms.

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Tuesday, October 7th

Over a month.

It's been over a month since I've blogged. But don't think that that's because I hate any of you or because I died. It's because I've been busy as holy god in school and then I was organizing the house and then I was sick as a fucking dog. I've only just become able-bodied enough to drag myself off of my sofa, so here I am, after a long day at school and grocery shopping, posting a blog about the things that have been good in the past month.

So here goes!

Hubby got me pumpkin pie... I've been SO sick. I actually thought I was dying for a day. I couldn't eat, had a horrible fever, and couldn't consume anything without wanting to vomit. But the instant I COULD eat again? That gorgeous husband of mine remembered that I'd been complaining about wanting pumpkin pie for weeks. Being the smarty-farty that he is, he went to the supermarket under the guise of getting me anti-nausea pills and a thermometer, also got me an entire pumpkin pie and THEN helped me hand-whip some cream to put on the pie. He's an angel and loves me so much. Almost as much as I love him.
American Horror Story... During my bout of illness I spent a lot of time lying on the sofa and in that time I decided to catch up on my favourite season of American Horror Story in preparation for the upcoming one. So I watched all of Asylum in the last four days and don't feel even an ounce of guilt. Roll on tomorrow for the new season to start!
makeup pallets... I'm obsessed with makeup right now and I've got a fairly substantial collection that I've accrued over the years. I'm a proud girl.
wiener dog races
tuna salad
The Space Needle... So. Last year was Hubby's thirtieth birthday and we couldn't afford to do a single thing for it, so I vowed to make sure that this year was special for him. I saved my ass off and planned like a maniac to ensure that he felt like the most important person in the world. I booked us a Groupon of sorts to eat at the top of the Space Needle, above all the buildings in Seattle. We dined over candlelight and watched the sun go down over the water as we listened to the bustle of all the other diners who were almost certainly not having as glorious as time as us. It was a really special night for him and I am happy that I spent so much time planning and saving for.
organizing our home... trying bit-by-bit to get everything sorted and where I want it to be. Things are coming together slowly, but it's been a challenge with school and work and sickies. It's getting there.
my job... I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love feeling like I contribute substantially to the betterment of our household (which is a HUGE thing for me! My amazing husband has been supporting the two of us almost on his own. But now that I am working TWO jobs, it's been really great for me to feel like things are a lot more equal and fair for him. Plus, I get my own money to spend on things that I love without having to ask for permission, which is really nice)
doing makeup... I'm really good at it and it's super-satisfying, so I've taken a pretty massive amount of time to learn as much as I can about it.
Adam Carrolla... He's hilarious. Go check out his podcast.
OMGBIRTHDAY... It's in a month guys and I've been carefully crafting and saving for ANOTHER special event. I wanted for my thirtieth birthday to be a fabulously spectacular celebration that I've worked hard to have, so I've created that for myself. I'm very excited!
Modern Family
puppy snuggles
soda water
nice doctors
Hubby's new job... It makes me so happy to see him so happy.

Alright, time to go take a bath and chill in bed. Have a fabulous week guys!



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