Saturday, 20 August 2016


Sometimes you just need to make the best of your situation because it's not always as bad as you may think it is. Maybe you're stuck in a rut. You may be struggling paying bills, worrying about your children, hating yourself for getting so out-of-shape, or dealing with any other variety of ugly shit in your life. Sometimes, just dragging yourself out of bed and attempting to put real clothes on seems like Herculean feat. Sometimes, you may feel like you are entirely alone and have no idea where even start. But struggles at the moment don't HAVE to mean struggles for the rest of your life.

Do you guys think I relish waking up every morning to a husband who resents me, a sister who thinks all the decisions I make are bad, and a stepchild who loves calling me a "fucking bitch?" Do you think that me feeling like I've lost all of my closest friends makes me jump for joy every day?

Because in reality, I wake up some days feeling completely lost. I'm in my own bed, wrapped in my familiar tartan sheets with my cashmere-soft dog giving me all the warmth he has to offer, and still, I sometimes feel like I have no idea where I am. I feel like I'm a stranger in my own life. I will sometimes look in the mirror and see a complete stranger looking back at me. And I hate that. All of that.

What do I LOVE though?

Sometimes, my husband will roll over in the early mornings on a weekend he'd rather sleep in, our eyes still bleary from another restless night's sleep, trying to adjust to that beam of hot, Texas sunlight peering in through the tiny crack the curtains above heads. In those moments he will hold me, kiss my face and tell me not to worry about making breakfast because he's got it. And it's always the best fucking breakfast I've ever had. Every time. And sometimes, completely out of nowhere, he will clutch on to me as if I am his life preserver, kissing my forehead and reminding me that despite the occasional lull in our marriage, he is so, so thankful that we've stuck it out.

Sometimes, my just-discovering-himself step-son will sit and quiz me for hours, as if he is trying to construct his own mental encyclopedia of all the things I can tell him about skin, zombies, computers, and the way the world works. And in those conversations we learn about one another and find one more small fiber of respect and appreciation for one another. Sometimes, he will offer to help with the dishes and my incessant compulsion to reorganize our many overflowing bookshelves, pantry, and fridge. Sometimes, he will do everything he can to make me laugh because he can see that I need my chin lifted up.

Sometimes, my blue-eyed, growing-too-fast step-daughter will just text me to tell me she misses me and all the baking, painting, and Minecraft we do together. Sometimes, she'll call me just because, and she will tell me all the things she's learning or looking forward to.

Sometimes, every now and again, one of my bffs throws me a bone and we talk like miles and months and years and deaths haven't ripped us too far apart from one another. Sometimes, they make me feel like they care about the things I'm going through and struggling with and those times ease a tremendous amount of my stress and anxiety.

Sometimes, I'll finish a piece of art, or cook a meal that has superseded the last one as the new best thing I've ever made. Sometimes, I wake up so energized that I immediately get to cleaning the kitchen, mopping all of our millions of tiles, and even find the energy to take a photo of my face that I don't hate.

And sometimes, I will have to stop myself and really evaluate how many of the small, hundreds-of-times a day beautiful things fall into my life. The things that are easy to dismiss because there are "bigger fish to fry."

And that's not okay, guys. I know that. I know that spending more time focusing on minuscule bank account balances, overdue bills, and how we're going to buy groceries next doesn't make my heart feel better. Those big things take over some days and I feel like running and never, ever looking back. But what will that solve? At the end of the day, I'll find a false sense of relief for about three weeks and then realize that I am missing all the gorgeous things in my life because I decided to run from them.

Sometimes, we need to pause and realize that maybe we're too close to the situation, and that the mountain of things in front of us isn't made entirely of ugly things. We need to remember all the people who love us, the fact that we're still alive and breathing, and that it isn't always as bad as it may seem. I get that occasionally life can get in the way so much that you feel nothing but frustration and disinterest in the things or people you usually love, but that doesn't mean that you just cut them out. If you love playing guitar, fucking find new songs to learn and play them. If you are passionate about cooking, get a new cookbook and find that spark again among the new ingredients and flavours. If you have had someone in your life for almost two decades, go on a freaking date and take time to discover the things that made you fall in love with them in the first place.

Sometimes, it's okay to just allow yourself be happy and find your way through the shitstorm in front of you when you have more strength and maybe even an extra hand or two to save you from getting lost. You aren't alone, even when you feel like you have nobody else that you can rely on for positivity. There are people that love you despite all the things you may hate about yourself, and sometimes, THAT is enough.

Saturday, 5 September 2015

What I've Learned From Moving to Texas...

Since moving from the Pacific Northwest to the South. The hot, miserable South, a lot of truths have become evident. We've discovered a ton of things and have spent two long months adjusting to a new life in a new place. Some of the very real truths that have become very clear to us are as follows...

You don't need jackets. ever. Except in stores, restaurants, and cinemas... When we were still in Washington and I was going through everything in my house to get rid of stuff I was certain I wouldn't need in El Paso, I kept a few jackets. I kept my favourite jumpers and wooly socks, and cardigans. Then it was one hundred and eleven degrees out. And I thought I was going to die. I threw a gigantic hissy fit and bundled all the warm clothes I had dragged with us into a gigantic heap in the closet of my new (hotter than the surface of the sun) closet. I threw them all in there and glared out the window, hating how viciously I had been ripped from all my warm things with nary the chance to say goodbye. And then we took Molly to the lunch and the cinema (to see Inside Out, which, OMG!). I slapped on a suitably light top and flowy skirt for maximum airflow, only to find myself on the brink of hypothermia at both places. And the near freezing didn't stop there. Anyplace we go immediately reminds us of the Arctic Tundra upon passing into the building. It's scorching hot outside and uncomfortably hot outside, leaving us in the very uncomfortable, stupid position of needing jackets so that we can put them on when we enter buildings.
Bugs are a VERY real thing, yo... Everywhere. There are bugs in every single place we go. McDonald's? Yup. Walmart? Yup. Friend's houses? Absolutely. They are in every single place ever, and they fucking take over everything you love. Are you trying to grow plants and vegetables? Too fucking bad, ants will destroy them in a matter of days. Are you just a little too tired to put the dishes in the dishwasher? Too fucking bad, ants will take over your kitchen (something we have not been unfortunate enough to experience yet. I'm on super high alert constantly for insects. I will find myself running to kitchen randomly to check for any infiltration. I can't go in the backyard without trousers and trainers on because ants will eat my feet right off if given half the chance. I hate, HATE the bugs. I am so tired of beetles (and there are tons and they are huge and don't give a fuck about anything you love in the world, they will destroy it) and ants that I could scream.
Rain is something I can smell again... Growing up in Wyoming, one of the best parts about summer and spring was the rainy days. You could smell the rain hours before the first drop actually fell and that smell would refuel even the most empty of hearts. The green skies and rolling clouds are a vivid and beautiful memory from my youth that I'd almost forgotten about. Because Washington and England doesn't have scratch-n-sniff rain. Either it's sunny or it's raining. There's no buildup and subtle hints before a downpour. It's just wet all the time. So coming here... That smell fills out house on warm, nearly too hot evenings. You could be anywhere in the entire house and the smell hits, building anticipation for the fat droplets on the grounds and tin roof outside the bedrooms. I am in love with smelling the rain again.
El Paso is freaking HUGE... And I mean ridiculous huge. Imagine a gigantic "U" with a mountain down the center of it... Now imagine that the right side of the "U" is an entire city, and so is the bottom and the left. That doesn't even do it justice. It's ENORMOUS. Our nearest Target is nearly thirty minutes away, and that's close. I have to plan to drive for forty minutes to get to my nearest Hobby Lobby. The scale of this place didn't hit me until about a week in when we were feverishly trying to acquire furniture for our house and found that every single place we needed to go was at least thirty minutes from the last. El Paso is humongous and I love almost every square foot of it.
None of my shoes fit... Yeah. That's fun. The change in elevation has made my stupid feet swell so much that I'm pretty much existing in flip-flops. It's just wonderful.
Kids remember every fucking thing you tell them... I recall being a child and having my sisters complain about the fact that they could never, ever tell me anything because I wouldn't ever forget it or let them forget it. It wasn't until we moved here and had little Mollyface around all the time that I realized how real things were for my family. Kiddos choose to hear only select things and those things that they hear? They will be embedded in their brains for the rest of eternity. You'd be wise not to ever say anything to a child just to shut them up, as those idle promises will last until forever in their minds and will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Lightening storms are legit in Texas... Much like the rain, lightening and thunder are very serious here. I watch the storms from every window in my house and am in love. The entire sky lights up purple and blue and the mountains are silhouetted so perfectly that the lightening storms have to be my favourite part about moving so far.

The kids don't like anything you would expect they would like... Seriously, like nothing. I have so many things that I remember being madly in love with at their age and they couldn't give two actual shits about most of it. I was CERTAIN they would love Ace Ventura... Nope. I was wrong. They were bored and miserable for over half of it. Napoleon Dynamite was a fail. As was Ducktales. You know what they DO love though? Bar Rescue. I can't get the kid to shut up about wanting to watch that show. So there we are.
Swamp coolers are terrible... What I wouldn't give for an actual air conditioner.
It sometimes get so hot that I legitimately feel like I'm going to die... There have been moments in the past two months that I have seriously thought I was going to die. Sometimes it gets so hot that all you can do is lie on the sofa like a starfish with your pant legs rolled up and try not to have to share the fan if you can help it. For hours. It's awful.
Some people thought us moving out here was a terrible idea, but have changed their minds... There were some people that have told us they thought us moving was the worst idea, that it was a fleeting fancy and that we would move back to WA within six months. And you know what? Those people have changed their minds. They see how happy we are, how much we have dedicated ourselves to making this work, and have retracted their statements that were spoken behind closed doors. I appreciate those people, firstly for sticking by us and just letting it play out. I love that they respected us enough to let us make this decision, no matter how poor they thought it was. Second? I appreciate those people for being honest and telling us that they can see how happy this decision has made us.

Going from zero to two kids is exhausting... Holy CATS is it ever exhausting! It was so totally worth it and amazingly fun, but it was a challenge!
The form ice is dispensed is pretty much the most important thing in the world... Ice is fairly serious business down here and if the ice isn't crushed, you can suck it. I get super indignant about ice now and didn't realize it was possible to be quite so discriminatory about something so mundane, but this is real life.
Drivers here don't give a single fuck about anybody else... Nobody. Drivers don't care about a single person down here. It's insane how many times a day we almost die on the road.
I really do know who and what is important to me now... Moving here has been a huge eye-opener for what people and things in my life should have a permanent place. It's been a very cleansing experience overall and I'm thankful for it.
My marriage is tremendous... So, so very tremendous. We had a horrible start to the year and trudged through it to come out in this glorious, happy place. We communicate better and have hit a rhythm that we've never had before. Nobody will be able to tear this down, not even if they try, and I know there's some fuckers out there trying. We're happy and blissfully in love at the moment, working back up to one hundred percent together, and that makes the whole job a whole heck of a lot easier.

September 2015...

And here we are, flying directly into autumn. I'm thrilled and tired and ready to see what winter is like here in Texas. It's certainly less hot than it was when I was penning my last post, but it's still hot and I'm hanging by a thread. I've got lots of tidying to do and some sexy spicy teryaki to cook, so I'm going to get this blog going so's I can get everything else done...

Things i love most RIGHT NOW:

  • My patience... And boy do I have a ton of it. I have wanted to burst into fits of giving people stern talking-to's pretty much nonstop for the past month, but I've restrained myself, in hopes that perhaps things would level out. Nope. Shit's ugly and all I can do is smile and patiently wait out the storm in hopes that things will become more sane after a few months. We shall see.
  • My husband... He's my rock. Our marriage has never been stronger and that strength comes from a lot of goddamned hard work. I love that man every moment of every day and can't imagine going through this life without him. He's hilarious, strong, devoted, loving, and great to spend time with.
  • Our kitchen... This kitchen isn't a joke, guys. It's got some seriously sexy features that make me giddy every single time I even catch the tiniest glance of it. I spend so much time in here that it's ridiculous and I'm not even mad about it. It's beautiful.
  • Benadryl... My allergies have been cray for the past month. I'm itchy and miserable pretty much constantly, so I've been living on a steady stream of OTC shit to get me through a lot of my days. Those little pink pills are my favourite, though.
  • Headbands... I'm trying so, SO hard to grow my hairs out. They are longer than they've been in a couple of years and the urge of shave is hitting me hard, so I've been trying to stave it off with a collected of beautiful, sassy headbands. So far, we're working together, so send good vibes. Growing one's hairs out isn't a joke.
  • Water... All day, every day. I've decided I need to pull my life together and refuse to have anything but water to drink every day until I've consumed at least four seventeen ounce bottles of water. It really jumpstarts me being healthier each day and has made the world of difference for me so far. I just need to step it up a little.
  • Chilis...  On everything. All the time. I don't know if it's because Mexico is fifteen minutes away or if it's because I have some deep-seated need for spice in my life, but I put it on everything. I make salsa pretty much constantly and enchiladas and chili, and everything spicy all the time. I heart chilis.
Things that are consuming my life right now:
  • Crocheting... I have tons of gorgeously pregnant friends and tons of other friends who I just love and want to make things for. As a result of this, I've taken my newly organized craft stash as a sign that I should totally make all the things all the time. I spend the bulk of every one of my days crocheting. I can't seem to stop.
  • Maintaining my patience... Which is a challenge, but I've had some mantras and have been taking some me-time to chill and regroup. I need this patience to keep strong, because I don't imagine the need for it will peter any time soon.
  • Writing... I'd forgotten how much I love writing. I lost my drive for it for a while and had a block that made it hard, but I seem to have found my voice again, so I'm running with it.
  • Organizing... And I want to organize ALL THE THINGS. I've been orchestrating several family and household notebooks, as well as busy books (for any little assholes that decide to say they're bored in my house, myself included), and calendars. I'm crazy for organizing right now, so I'm running with that too.
Things I want to tell October Danie:
  • "Nope. Kindness doesn't prevail. Self-preservation is what you need to kick into now."
  • "Not all people have the capacity to change. Let those shits go."

last but not least... here's a quote. 


Friday, 3 July 2015

July 2015...

Sweet merciful god. It is hot. I am working on another blog post right now about our gigantic move, so I'm going to do this post about things I adore at the moment and then move on to finishing the other blog.

Things i love most RIGHT NOW:

  • Air conditioning... Good lord it is hotter than blazes here. Like, legit, I have never been so hot in my entire life. I may have mentioned being hot in the past... I was wrong. Very, extremely wrong. I regularly have sweat in places I had no idea were able to sweat. I want to live in a cool shower and/or lie on the sofa in a bathing suit constantly. However, the socially unacceptable nature of those activities meant hat we have a swamp cooler that helps us to exist. Not a perfect existence, but an existence. The car and any public stores are my favourite things right now because they pump air conditioning to the masses like it's water.
  • Ice water...I LOVE ice. And water. And ice water. Our ice maker is pretty much my bff at the moment.
  • Ice cream... I am sure you're sensing a theme. Ice cream is making every void in my life complete at the minute. It's gorgeous icy-ness is everything that I could ever need in the world. And I'm not limited to creamy treats. I am madly in love with sorbet as well.
  • Having a kiddo around... It's so nice. Our house is completely full of laughter and snuggles and general glee. It's so magical to have a little person around to ask questions and absorb everything we say like a little sponge. She says hilarious stuff all the time and makes us challenge ourselves and our beliefs. It's a really special things to have her around. 
  • The El Paso skyline... Seriously. It does not matter where we turn, those enormous mountains command all attention. I discovered that the mountain that runs down the center of El Paso represent the southernmost tip of the Rocky Mountains, which is super exciting. It's an enormous range of mountains that take my breath away every single day. They're no Mt. Rainier, but they are spectacular in their own right.
Things that are consuming my life right now:
  • Making our new house a home... Guys, this house is beautiful and I couldn't be more pleased with it. But we have a lot of stuff that needs unpacking still. We've made a ton of headway, but there's still a lot of work to do. Pictures are being hung and trinkets are being displayed, so it's coming along.
  • Cooking at home... Muffin and I need to eat better. So does the little lady. We are working on being much healthier and making better decisions when it comes to snack and meal time. I've been stalking recipes on Pinterest and have been making a lot of lists. It's been relatively successful in the past week, but we could do better. Wish us luck.
  • Killing ants....  Seriously. Ants are ruining my life. Our actual entire back yard is completely covered in ants. We tried to plant some fresh veggies to grow and the veggies were covered with ants within hours. We have tried coffee, grits, baby powder, and two types of poison with no luck so far. I am at my wit's end. Any suggestions!? Bare in mind that I have a puppy and a kiddo to keep safe and healthy!

Things I want to tell August Danie:
  • "You're in Texas now. You're here and you're roasting hot. Get used to it. It's going to be hotter before it gets cooler."
  • "Hopefully things have continued on as positively as they have been. Keep being kind and maybe that kindness will follow."

last but not least... here's a quote. 

Friday, 5 June 2015

June 2015

Well, we are now successfully into June and we are now officially sixteen days away from moving halfway across the country and I am fucking exhausted. My entire existence is made up of equal parts cardboard, packing paper, yarn, and homework. I have had hardly any time to myself to stop and take a moment to breathe. I am just on full blast, running at top speed, burning the candle at both ends, and all the other sayings that exist to denote frazzled.

Only just now have I taken an evening to do some relaxed activities which include organizing my Pinterest, planning moving tactics, and figuring out what I'm going to pack next. I'm going to get this list out now, that way I can get to bed and be up bright and early for some packing fun.

Things i love most RIGHT NOW:

  • Cutting hair again... It seems that all my neighbours have decided to realize that I cut hair NOW, instead of for the past year. As a result, I've been cutting a ton of hairs and I forgot how much I love it! Now though, we're moving in two freaking weeks and those turds decided to wait until the last minute to want me as their hairdresser. Great. Hopefully, I'll take over all of El Paso with my shears and colour brushes.
  • OMG NEW HOUSE... You guys, we got a house in El Paso and it's pink and I love it. We had initially set out to have a house paid for and ready to move into the instant we moved to Texas and many, many people attempted to shatter our dreams of a seamless move by telling us horror stories and generally shrouding our hopes with doubt. Little did they know, we had the most fucking awesome good luck to be introduced to an amazing woman in El Paso who has done a lot of footwork for us, looking at houses and giving us information. She has been a godsend and I don't know how we could have gotten through the past few weeks without her. Anyways, she went and looked at some properties for us and Monday she went to look at a house that we fell immediately in love it! It's completely refurbished and has an enormous backyard!! Photos will occur and you will all be very impressed!
  • American Ritual Tattoo... I'm so pissed that it took us until a month before our move to discover the gorgeous people that work at this shop. They are the funnest, sweetest, and most wonderful people and the work they do is fantastic.
  • Organization...This whole move thing has really prompted some serious organization in our lives. I am organizing the fuck out of EVERYTHING! I am loving purging and sorting things into different, useful places. Hopefully, all this work will pay off when we arrive in Texas, because if it doesn't, I'm going to lose my mind.
  • My beast is pregnant... My most favourite, gorgeous human in the world is FINALLY pregnant! That gorgeous Ashley of mine has a tiny baby in her belly and I couldn't be more excited for her if I wanted to be. For over a year now I've been patiently waiting for her and her husband to announce a bun in the oven. Every time she's posted a photo I've secretly hoped that it was an announcement that another beautiful human being would be brought into the world.. But it wasn't until last week that I got a text from her with a photo of a hoodie-shrouded belly telling me that she wanted me to be one of the first to know. My little heart swelled and that reminded me how much I love her and how much love that tiny human will be surrounded with. Ashley is a fantastic person and deserves wonderful things in her life. This little man is going to be rad.
Things that are consuming my life right now:
  • SELLING ALL THE THINGS... I have hit the point in our move that I want to literally just burn our house down. I am sick of packing and I am sick of negotiating space like I am playing a life-size version of Tetris. As a result of this packing exhaustion I have decided to rid our lives of as many things as I possibly can. We're getting rid of pretty much anything that we are able to, so I've been flogging things left and right everywhere we go. We've gotten rid of a pretty substantial amount of crap, but there's still a ton to go.
  • OMG PACKING... Yeah. My world is made up of boxes. Everything in my life is in or around a box right now.
  • Ice Cream... It is hot. So hot. And I hate heat. So ice cream is my bff right now. It is all I want to eat at the moment. Just ice cream, all the time. Watch out Texas, you'll have a cold treat shortage in two weeks.

Things I want to tell May Danie:
  • "All this shit will be over with in two weeks. You will be on the road to a new life in two weeks. Are you ready for how fantastic this is going to be?!"
  • "Be patient."

last but not least... here's a quote. 

The only barriers that you have are easily overcome if you push yourself hard enough. Find your dreams and make them happen. That's what we're doing!

Sunday, 5 April 2015

April 2015...

April is coming together interestingly and with a boom and a bang. It's been a long month already and how that could possibly be will come in a blog possibly tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We shall see.

I'm just going to go ahead and get my list moving so that I can get back to homework and stuff, but know that I have been elated, delighted, and every ounce as happy as it is physically possible for me to be. I hope you have too. So much. I want everyone to feel the air or gorgeous lightness that I am feeling. I want everyone to know that good things will come and that faith must be had that things will fall where they are supposed to. Please, take time to yourself and make your mind calm in the fact that the world, your world is going where it should. I promise.

Things i love most RIGHT NOW:

  • My new Beats... I got them as an early graduation gift and I literally don't think I could be more pleased. I have verbally abused many people about how ridiculous I think it is that people feel the need to have such an expensive piece of technology in their lives, but now that they are adorning my ears (and I have not depleted my own bank account for them), I am in love. They are the most beautiful colour, with the most gorgeous sound quality. I'm sorry for any hateful remarks I have made about them. They are my new BFF. 
  • Getting rid of junk... SO, Dane and I are moving. In seventy-three days we will be bundling ourselves into a Penske truck to begin a twenty-seven hour drive to El Paso where we will begin a new life with lots of sun and possibly chickens (more on that later!). Because we're moving ourselves, I've decided that I want nothing to do with transporting more crap than we need to. I have a tremendous amount of stuff. Countless books, a craft store's full stock of yarn, and more cardigans than I have ever seen anybody have, and I've realized that perhaps the reason I feel so overwhelmed and anxiety-riddled is because I am literally surrounded with an excessive amount of just STUFF. Not things that I need or have any specific use for, just stuff for the sake of having stuff. So we've decided to deplete. So far seven (pretty large) boxes of books, four garbage bags of clothes, three boxes of DVD's, and a couple of pieces of furniture have been shifted out of our lives, and I feel so pleased and marginally more free. We're purging a ton of stuff, and I'm so very excited not only to have the weight of the junk we have off of me, but also to be able to completely start from scratch with a lot of stuff. When we get to El Paso we'll be able to go find a new dining table and sofa, along with other things we need. We'll be able to create a new home in a new place and that is so thrilling. 
  • Breakfast... I am currently obsessed with breakfast, particularly steel cut oats. I discovered them when we were in California last and my mother-in-law fed me some, and the romance has been rekindled given that I have TONS of it in the pantry and I want to spend less money. Oats are just so delicious and I adore how many different ways that I can make them such. I have a fridge full of fresh fruit that I cut over them, or I have cocoa that I can use to make them taste like brownies, or I have brown sugar and butter for a really easy morning. They are fantastic!
  • My marriage... Despite how horribly things could have become with all of the changes in our lives these last few weeks, things have only become more beautiful. Rather than choosing to be overwhelmed and exhausted, we've decided to be delighted and laugh as often as we can. For every moment that we have panic about the move, we shift our focus to things that are going to be gorgeous about it. We have been talking and sharing small stories about our childhood. We've been snuggling and giving kisses every time we have a spare moment. I couldn't even begin to explain how terrified I was a month ago about the future of our marriage, but this past couple of weeks has shifted everything into a bright patch of light that has reminded us that things are okay and it's alright to trust one another and I can't believe how furiously it's made me love everything else in my life.
Things that are consuming my life right now:
  • Moving hacks. I want to make this move as easy as possible. I am on Pinterest constantly looking up ways to move specific things (and guys, if ANY of you know of a majestic ways to move all of  my makeup and cosmetics without them killing themselves in the heat, I would love for you to share them) and have found a TON of fantastic ideas, but please feel free to share any special trickery that made your lives easier in the moving process. Particularly things involving cosmetics, paint (acrylic and liquid watercolours), and my stinky puppy (who I plan to sedate for the bulk of the trip, thanks vet). 
  • My iTunes playlist. More than consuming my life, it's destroying it. For months now I've been slowly working on new playlists for a new iPod I've had sitting on my bookshelf for literally a year. I want that iPod to be perfectly organized and every song on every playlist to be suitable for the mood that playlist is meant for (sleepytime, emotional cutting, and exercizing, to name a few). I'm getting a little irrationally crazy about it, but I want it to be done and to not have to touch it again for forever, so I've been obsessing over it. I'm so close to being done, but then the double-checking will come into play, and the light at the end of THAT tunnel seems exponentially far away. 
  • Studying for state boards. I'm about to certify in Esthetics in Washington and I've been crazy-studying. I take my practical test on Wednesday and my written on Saturday. I want to pass them both IMMEDIATELY, so I've been cramming like crazy. THEN, I'll have to take both tests again to certify in Texas, which is just so exciting, so I've been preparing for that as well. The requirements for Texas are tremendously different than those for Washington, so it's not going to be devastatingly difficult, but it's a lot to prepare for. 

Things I want to tell May Danie:
  • "Dude, you are literally moving in a month, have you got your shit together?!"
  • "You are a special person and lots of people love you, please don't forget that during this moving process. You will be saying goodbye to a lot of people and they have each touched your life in some way. Show them how much you appreciate them as a reminder to yourself of how blessed you are and as a reminder to them that they mean a lot to you."

last but not least... here's a quote. 
I am an emotional and physical hoarder, so I need this reminder. I can't keep clutching on to things that don't matter anymore. 

Friday, 20 February 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey...

Well, he saw me and I don't know how I feel about that.

I went to see Fifty Shades on V-Day. That gorgeous hubby of mine surprised me with a morning out to breakfast followed by a movie date to see a film I wasn't entirely sure I was desperate to see in the first place.

My reservation came before even reading the books. I spent over a year refusing to read them and found myself hating any conversation about the books before it even began because I KNEW that I would be dissatisfied. I knew that all the hype that built up around these "racy" books would leave so much to be desired that I would hate myself for reading them if I ever did break down, which was inevitable. It happened one day, after over a year, and I decided to read them. I downloaded them so as to avoid any kind of a papertrail that would indicate I even thought to read them. I anticipated before I read the first word in the first book that I would detest them, so I didn't want to have a tangible reminder of the fact that I caved and read them sitting right there on my bookshelf for any period of time. I wanted them to be on my Kindle, for free, and then I wanted to delete their existence forever whilst being able to justify to myself smugly that at least I tried.

I nestled into bed with that stinky puppy and snoring husband of mine, fully planning to begin reading the first book and then shut the rest of the hype down. My belief that I would hate those books was so enormous that I literally didn't even plan to finish the first book. I was going to put in a cursory effort and stop reading the instant I lost interest, all so I could participate in snippets of conversation, gasp at how shocking the sex scenes were, and then fade into the distance, hoping nobody would notice.

But then I started reading and literally read that first book in just over eight hours. I read it and without even skipping a beat, began the second. The same pattern repeated itself with the third. I literally didn't sleep for two nights and finished all three books in three days, which is practically unheard of in my world. Only a handful of other books have had such an effect on me, but this one was a strange one. I didn't find myself consumed by them because they were so enthralling that I just had to finish them all immediately. I read them aggressively because I had very, VERY meager expectations of them and they met and superseded those tiny expectations. I fell in love with them because they really did offer me something different (from my typical true crime and anatomy books) and were relatively enthralling. They were exciting, interesting enough, and honestly, they inspired me to be slightly more adventurous (albeit not quite as saucy or disgusting) in the bedroom.

For the film though, I expected more. I expected my imagination to be met by Hollywood for a visual explosion on the screen. Instead, my aggressive hopes for the film were devastated upon the casting of Christian Grey. Never, under any circumstances was there anybody else that could have played Christian better than Alexander Skarsgard. Instead, they picked Jamie Dornan, the sack of shit, which actually could have played Christian better than the person they actually cast.

I literally seethed for months and the day casting was announced was the day that I decided I wasn't going to like the film. This decision broke any semblance of hope that I had for the films. Like every other person that read the books, I had an image in my head of what Christian looked like and it most certainly wasn't Jamie Dornan.Occasionally, it was my husband, and the rest of the time, it was Alexander Skarsgard. The huge, beautiful, blonde Adonis that steals my heart every time his gorgeous Swedish face is caught by my eyes.

So that is the first factor that needs to be taken into consideration when it comes to my personal opinion of this film. I was devastated by the terrible casting of the single most important character in the it. I don't care about who they cast as Anastasia, Kate or even Elliot. There was never a clear picture of them in my mind. They were a non-entity, so whomever they cast as them would be fine.

But Christian. Sigh. I know that Universal Studios themselves were never going to be able to please everyone, so why would they single me out as the one person that they would satisfy with their casting of Christian? The problem is, I literally don't know a single person who was pleased with the casting choice. I'm sure there ARE people who are more than pleased with him, but of the many, MANY individuals I know, not one of them can say with any form in clarity, that they felt that Universal made the right choice.

As for the actual review? First and foremost, the acting was terrible. Now, to say that the acting was terrible, that is indeed taking into account the fact that I am VERY aware that the storyline they had to work off of wasn't top-notch to begin with. I KNOW that the film's script is almost a carbon-copy of the books, which I loved. I adore the fact that the screenwriters really kept with the book, leaving no lingering hopes for scenes from the book. The script,  scene direction, and even wardrobe was everything I expected it to be. It left nothing to be desired.

In fact, this was my second largest concern about this film. I never, ever, under any circumstances will go out of my way to read a book before it is made into a film. I will typically avoid it at all costs. I know that the world as a whole is split pretty consistently down the middle on whether they like to see the film before or after reading the book, but I myself am of the former persuasion and like to go into a film surprised and also satisfied that I am not missing out on my favourite bits of storyline that I drew grand images of in my mind. I've been burned far too many times this way and just don't want to have to allow that kind of disappointment into my world if I can help it. So when the announcement was made that there would be a film made from the books, I was pretty devastated. I had read the books and developed the characters, locations, and quirks in my mind and was pleased with my work. I didn't NEED Hollywood to come in and stomp all over them with their shit-covered boots like they tend to do with any other book-to-film adaptation that they do.

So I went in with supremely low expectations, which were met. I mean, it was a very low bar. I knew, prior to the film even being made, that it was not going to be the best film I ever saw, and I was pleased to see that it also wasn't the worst. At it's base, it's a story about a consensual sexual relationship between a man and a woman. Two people who are broken to some degree and who make one another better. It's a story about liberation, discovery, and stimulation of desires that are often left in the wayside because of social taboos that have crippled our world. I think it was approached tastefully and with a pretty hefty degree of modesty given the content and stigma attached to the content.

Neither of the main actors were overly convincing in their passion and position in social standing, which was disappointing, but not devastating. I've watched enough B-Z movies to know bad acting from worse acting, so the displays put forth by our Mr. and Ms. were manageable to watch. I just wish that they had tried a little harder.

The soundtrack was glorious. Danny Elfman can do almost no wrong, so that was a plus. It doesn't hurt that I am a particularly large sucker for cover songs of any variety.

Other than the terrible casting, mediocre acting, and wonderful soundtrack, there's not a lot to report. It's a movie. It's a bit of a love story, there's a heap of boobies and bush in it for the men-folk, and you get a pretty heaping dose of Seattle, which is nice for those of us who either live here or are in love with the rainy wonder that is the Pacific Northwest.

Overall, I'd give the film three out of five stars. Not the best and certainly not the worst. 


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