Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Sometimes Silence is Better than Bullshit...

Today marked thirty-four days since we handed Molly (Muffin's daughter) off to her mother in a relatively public place.

What a fucking unnecessarily hard day THAT was.

In preparation for the day, I had planned to take Muffin straight from the chosen place of exchange to the local two-dollar cinema to see Evil Dead again, that way, in my thinking, he would be able to cry if he needed to, shrouded in the darkness of the cinema. the offer was taken up and so we left the house on Tuesday morning, the back seat completely full of all the new clothes, toys, books and other kid stuff that Molly had acquired during her visit. Her face was still wet with tears shed as we left the house and she said goodbye to Sebass. She fell apart and just wanted us both to hold her. She switched between the two of us for a long while before we HAD to leave for fear of showing up late to the scheduled trade-off.

My decision that preparation was needed came after a long night prior to her leaving. As with every single child in the world, when those dreaded words, "alright, it's bedtime!" are uttered, she immediately had to find SOMETHING to attempt to distract us from our goal of getting her into her bed and that chosen something was tears. She threw herself onto our bed and sobbed about how much she was going to miss us. I am fairly resilient when it comes to a child's tears but you wanna know what I'm NOT resilient to? Muffin's tears. Seeing his eyeballs get all moist whilst his daughter clutched him crying broke me. I immediately felt a sharp pain in my heart that didn't leave for days. I could see how much it was going to destroy him to have her leave in the morning and how much he just wanted to hold her until he couldn't anymore. One has no idea how much their mama bear rage will flare up until they see one of their loved ones weep and then shit gets serious. It was then that I decided I was going to make sure he saw Molly as often as possible. I was going to fight and persevere with all my step-mum might (which, can I say, isn't much, given that every single thing that has ever gone wrong with Molly is all my fault, apparently).

The day we did the swap I hand-served some court documents to Muffin's ex-wife. Some very serious documents (she decided to just move states without offering Muffin the court ordered sixty-days written notice prior to moving, which essentially boils down to just plain old negligence) that at the time I was really quite torn about serving her. I felt for her. I understood how much stress she must be under and really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I respected her and tried so hard to understand her, always reaching out and talking to her in an attempt to de-escalate and generate an amicable and healthy relationship not for her, not for me, not even for Muffin, but for Molly.

But despite all good intentions do you know what doesn't help? When the person you're trying to feel for is a sociopath wrapped-up in a special, not-at-all-accurate super-mummy package. We tried, guys. We tried to help her so that we didn't have to take her to court. We contacted her at least once a week to ask her if she had turned the paperwork in yet, not to be patronizing, but because we know that sometimes, in a move, people can get jumbled and forget what was or wasn't done. I cheerfully chatted with her about her upcoming move, asked if there was anything I could do to help and if she had sent in the documents. Each and every single time her response was that she hadn't done it yet, but she would do it later in the week. It never happened, so court was our only option. Do you not see that we tried guys?! Do you not see that we gave her countless attempts to make it right?! We're not Satan, right?

No, not right.  Within forty minutes of dropping Molly with her she called Muffin. Called and begged. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? (because you need to obey the law) THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!  (because it's apparently the court's fault and they have it out for her, which, can I just say,  if the courts, schools, doctors and dentists apparently all have it out for you I'd recommend you reevaluate your life) YOU'RE TRYING TO RIP MY FAMILY APART! (well what about Muffin's family? He's been ripped from his child for six years, which nobody's seemed to have any problem with) WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! (STOP BREAKING THE LAW!) I'VE NEVER TAKEN YOU TO COURT AND I COULD HAVE! DO YOU REMEMBER THIS AND THIS AND BLAH,BLAH, BLAH..." Her entire tirade was made worse with the sounds of Molly's crying in the background, which is a nice touch, by the way. It's always super-appropriate to have your nine-year-old child listening to all the hateful things you're saying to her daddy. SUPER HEALTHY!

It was an hour of crazy. She cried, begged, pleaded and made sure she regularly moved closer to Molly to make sure Muffin could hear her crying, It was a disgusting thing to have to listen to. How can a parent feel justified in using their child as a weapon like that? It blows my mind that someone feels it is appropriate to wield their child around like a ton of bricks as a means to making people feel bad.

Can I just please go onto a side tangent again about how hard it is to be a step-parent? I am so tired of dealing with the levels of crazy that I am forced to. I have been nothing but cordial and kind to her with nothing but bullshit and horror in return. She has moments when she's not crazy, but those are few and far between. You know what, though? Those moments are fabulous. She's hilarious, really kind and dedicated to her children and I respect her for that. I have so many emails from her that are kind and friendly and seemed to be from someone I could like. Her emails told me that she respected me also and hoped that me being in Muffin's life would help him to be more responsible and have more of a presence in his children's lives. They wished me well and told me she appreciated me being around to be concerned for Molly and help Muffin, but now that things are actually changing she feels it's appropriate to fabricate whatever she feels like to make me out to be the bad guy. I've not changed, but it seems as though all the well-wishing that she had originally bestowed upon me was bullshit and that sucks. It sucks because she is raising her daughter with those morals. She's raising her daughter to be kind to someone until she stops getting what she wants, at which time it becomes entirely appropriate to start lying, backstabbing and blackmailing. It's sad and it makes me worried for Molly's future.

Anyways. Back to the alienation of Muffin directly in front of his daughter. THAT was fun.

Since then though, silence.

She got a lawyer at the very last moment, effectively pushing the court date back two weeks, which really only suits us to accumulate more information and maybe even find ourselves one of these fancy lawyers we've been hearing so much about. We're not concerned, she fucked up and is now going to have to suffer the consequences. I just wish that she could pull her head out for one hot minute to see that we're not Satan, we're not trying to take Molly from her and we're not even trying to shine her in a bad light. We just want for her to uphold the rules just as we have. Is that so much to ask? I just wish she would open her eyes and see that we're not being unreasonable or spiteful... Muffin only wants to be a part of his daughter's life. Something that her mum seems to be fighting tooth and nail to stop from happening.

I really wish her well, but more than anything, I wish, if she can't figure it out on her own, that she would just listen to her lawyer and stop being silly for just a moment. Long enough to take a breath, see what's really happening and make this less difficult.


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