Tuesday, 8 September 2009

i heart nothing today. nothing at all.

-enter rant-

I have just gotten so tired of the fact that most of my friendships are more-or-less one-sided. I put a lot of time and energy into all of my friendships only to find myself exhausted at the end of the day with nothing to show for it but a knackered phone bill and an empty facebook wall. It sounds stupid, but I am sick of people just taking all I have to give and then shutting down when I’ve gotten tired. People don’t call ME. I am almost always the one doing the calling, texting, planning, etc. It makes me feel like some saddo because I have no friends who care enough to ask ME when I want to hang out next… and very few friends who will come to MY house to watch films or whatnot. I hate that even what I consider to be my closest friends have only been to my house like, three times when I’ve been to theirs more than fifty. Why do I always have to be the one to put in the legwork? Why am I always the one who has to make the effort to make our friendship something worth having?

People tell me ‘oh dan, you are just such a good friend!’ you’re damn right I am! What else could you call a mug who enables you to never leave your house and asks ‘how high’ when you say ‘jump?’ I hate that so many of my friendships are like this. I wonder sometimes if I were to stop, would they notice… probably not… I’m just tired and want a break. I want someone to come to MY house to watch films or do crafts… I want someone to make ME things. I want someone to buy ME cakes!




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