in an effort to help all those boys out there who don't have any tact, let me offer a suggestion for one situation... a suggestion that will prove most helpful if you want to keep your significant others at bay...
if you are in a position where you cannot have children and your significant other is pining a little at the thought of having them... if she is just talking a little about the topic and how it makes her a little sad, do not, under ANY circumstances recite the following line (unless, of course, you are not interested in pursuing a future with said female for longer than, say, fifteen minutes):
'well there are plenty of other boys out there that you can be with...'
honestly, when in doubt, just saying NOTHING and pretending like you didn't hear her would be better than saying that...
this sentence was actually said to me by the muffin about an hour ago...
it was said, i was in shock and then the phone cut off (not deliberately, but because we go through a switchboard. the line only remains connected for one hour and then cuts off).
a little background?
yes, please!
obviously, if you are an avid reader of my blog, you will know that muffin has been fixed... this is old news, but news that muffin has been dealing with by sweeping it under the carpet anytime the topic of children might possibly rear it's ugly head. a topic he is understandably jumpy around due to our history...
you know what though, i'm not unreasonable. i am capable of empathy and i understand it must be hard to start a relationship with someone knowing that you can't give them something that they want quite a lot... i can understand that it must offer a great feeling of inadequacy...
now, because of muffin's tidying habits when it comes to this topic, we have never REALLY discussed it... when it DOES come up and i feel persistent i will push it, not for an absolute answer, but some sign depicting that there might be some chance, maybe, one day that we could have a tiny muffin... that's all i want. i don't want a baby tomorrow, or even next year... i just want to know that the topic isn't closed and if, one day, dane and i decide that we are in a position to do it, we might get his fixing reversed and have a baby... that's all i want.
i want that or i want to know that there's no chance at all so i can make my peace with the topic and brace myself for a future of making friends with other people's babies and perhaps working part time in a nursery, potentially leaving me in a position to go completely crazy emotionally, have a breakdown and kidnap loads of babies and cross a boarder (i'm not stupid, i'm not telling you WHICH boarder!) to start a new life with all my stolen babies.
occasionally he obliges, saying that he's stuck in the middle and has not made any definite decision either way, but i can't help but think that him saying this is his way of shutting me up... making me believe that he might, possibly change his mind one day, but it's most likely not going to happen.
the topic came up today because danie is broody... danie has been broody for nearly six years and occasionally, when a holiday comes up she gets a little sad because she doesn't have a bundle of joy to shower with special festive-themed fabulousness...
most holidays make me think of what i'd do if i was a mum... what i'd teach my child, what kinds of traditions i'd try to start up and just what an overall fabulous mum i would be. i think about all the little crocheted things i would make them and all the cupcakes i would make for each significant event in our little lives.
but now, next door to the normal pangs of broody that i am having resides the horrifying thought that i might never, EVER have a chance to do any of this.
having both of these thoughts swirling around in my head at the same time has played it's course on my emotions the last couple of days and has left me a little fraught (obviously, i am also at a loose end because of the fact that this is my first easter since chris and i split AND it was my mum's birthday yesterday, a lethal combination of four things to have on the brain, really) ... i've been slightly down and a little snippy which has, in turn, gotten the muffin into a tizzy...
today, just a short time ago i was on the phone with him explaining my emotional state and why i have been a little curt with him and when i finished pouring my little heart out about the lack of baby and certainty of the future of my womb he handed me the fabulous line in bold above.
he said this and my heart sank... i had absolutely no idea what to say in response to this, so i said nothing. i remained silent and he babbled about something and then said the phone was about to die. i said okay and that i loved him and hung up.
i don't really know where to go from here... what to say or what to do... i feel completely lost. should what he said have upset me? should i just forget it? should i reprimand him and fight my little corner? will it do any good? the answer to all of these is most likely 'no'...
le sigh.
i shall just eat my chocolate and watch a shite comedy to quell my aching heart.
here's hoping your easter is better than mine.
