Tuesday, 1 November 2011

are you really okay, tuesday?

it's been weeks and for that i apologize. not only has it been weeks, but it's also been months since an actual meaty, informative blog. so many things have come to pass since i posted anything of value... i got married, moved house, drove to and from Cheyenne, flew to and from Cheyenne, got a root canal and a bunch of other things that COULD be listed here, but won't, because i am actually going to kinda do an update right now. it could be good, it could be bad, i have no idea. my mind's just been racing and i need to vent it in a more constructive way, so that's what's going to happen right here.

i feel like, in the last seven or eight weeks i've been trying to very carefully hold myself together... to not fall to pieces. emotional pieces and physical pieces. i've been ill, weepy, tired and generally not great.

like, i've not been suicidal or so desperately miserable that i can't function... i've just been tired and sad a lot which has kind of left me moping around the house trying to piece together the parts of my existence that i still have any kind of control over. i guess i can offer an overview of what you've missed, hey? it may be scattered, but here it is...

we got married and it was wonderful. i got to share some very special time with some of the most important people in my life and those moments leading up to McBlowme wedded bliss and every moment during our wedding, which has been described as "like nothing that could have been done better by the Coen brothers and Tarantino, had they been working together." it was a day filled with tears, hugs, laughter and finally, the moment i've been waiting for for the last ten years... finally becoming his and finally having him become mine. it couldn't have been more perfect even if i had wanted it to be.

the McBlowmes moved house and we've been trying to get used to it for the last six-ish weeks. it's an adorable apartment within a huge community that i fell in love with immediately and now kinda hate. i don't hate it because of the window or the huge bathroom or even because of my very special crafting corner that's been established... i hate it because our neighbours are morons and it literally seems like there is not one single nice person living within a mile of us. the boys living above us are a pair of your stereotypical piece of crap young soldiers, just out of their parents house and apparently just learning about drinking and loud music, as that seems to be all they know how to audibly accost us pretty much every night. i've met a couple of our other neighbours, who i was REALLY hoping would turn out not crappy and terrible at communicating, but it seems i am doomed to not make any friends from within our apartment community. i guess if upstairs is a reflection of what the rest of the people here are like, i don't want them to be a part of my life.

also, a couple of weeks ago i had a kidney infection, which was REALLY special. i'd not had one of those in so long i'd almost forgotten what they were like. it started as an evening of dying on the sofa in between bouts of vomiting and freezing to death and ended with me in hospital with a temperature of 105.8, getting an EKG, CAT Scan and chest x-rays. i literally thought i was going to die and poor Muffin was such a trooper, staying up with me all night, nestled in next to me on my hospital bed despite being the most tired boy in the land.

the kidney infection left and Muffin shipped me off to Cheyenne so's i could spend some time with my sister and so's he could plan some birthday things. it was really, really nice just to be able to go and spend time with LaDonna and not have any other crap to do whilst i was there... however, i DID get to go on a glorious playdate with my beast to an amazing show called Beast Women, which you should totally look up and chase down whenever you get the chance. it was a marvelous collection of musicians, comedians, burlesque and sass that i am so pleased i got to see. 

in between everything else, i've been facing the loss of one friend and still mourning the loss of another. in my time in America it's been a struggle to find people to connect and talk to, living in an entirely new place again has completely destroyed my confidence and strength completely and when i finally felt i was connecting with one person, i guess i put too much stock in the fact that her and i connected and were able to talk candidly and now it's completely fallen apart. one of the few people in my own time zone that i felt i could talk to has decided to hate me and it's bashed any semblance of confidence that might have built up as a result of it.

eh, i think i'm just gonna do my Tuesday... this blog has turned out crap and not at all how i wanted. i'll sit down again soon and do a better one, i promise.

here, have my list...

hard-hitting anti-drug campaigns
how much Muffin makes me laugh
Velveeta Cheesy Skillets adverts
when i get a wild tile on Words with Friends
new hoodies
my new laptop
Muffin sitting with me at the hospital
CAT Scans
friendly doctors and nurses
being in the situation to be able to buy gifts for other people
sending cards out on time
prompting Muffin to make good decisions
my photos
REALLY curly hair
blow dryers
pork belly
The Addams Family
when sales clerks talk about poop
dogs with underbites
stop animation production
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Shannyn Sossamon
The Roast of Charlie Sheen
Pike's Place Market
glittery dresses
Chevy Chase
Rob Coddry
pickles on a burger
eggs on a burger
Alice: Madness Returns


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