Today marks one week…
Seven days…
168 hours…
10,080 minutes…
604,800 seconds until I get to see him…
Give or take a few thousand seconds.
At this specific time, in seven days, if he isn’t already in my arms, I will be a complete basket case. I will be checking my mobile every two seconds, prepared to completely lose it when that one special call finally does come through…
Next Friday morning he will be leaving Iraq destined for Kuwait and then leaving Kuwait destined for Germany where he will then learn the specific details of his flight and ring me with the phone card I will be purchasing for him in the next two days. When that call comes a chain reaction will be set off that will feature danie hysterically bumbling around whatever locale she is in and then ringing Hannah and Dave to squeal at them and plan the picking up of the love of my life.
I can feel it already… the hysteria building. It became embarrassing this morning when I was preparing for work and kept shouting at Stacey that he was going to be here NEXT WEEKEND and OMGINEEDTOTIDY! i just keep repeating to myself that he is going to be here NEXT weekend and that I only have to wait a matter of DAYS until he arrives now…
This event that I never, ever thought was going to happen, me seeing dane again… it’s about to happen and I am beginning to feel the nervous twinges in my tummy about it. I don’t actually even KNOW what I’m nervous about… I’m just feeling very tense about the whole thing.
Like, I am sure I am building it up to be more than it needs to be, but good LORD… this boy that I fell in love with all those years ago and haven’t SEEN but wondered about and pined after for JUST shy of eight years (tomorrow, actually will OFFICIALLY be eight years since I saw him in person, which is alarming in and of itself.) will be in my house, in my bed, holding my hand in just seven DAYS. This boy that has always been an almost magical creature (in that he swept into my life, altered it dramatically and then left regularly, all without being seen) will finally… sigh… I’m trying to build up some image for you of how huge this is for me… it’s just not working.
Dane will be here in seven days and this, all of this, it’s something I never actually imagined would happen. I never, ever thought I was going to have the opportunity to see him again. I had resigned myself to believe that that last night, back in 2002 was going to be the last time that I saw him again for the rest of my life. I wish there were more things I could remember about it… I remember almost all of it with perfect clarity, but there is more… so much more I wish I could have remembered. We just tried to scramble too many things into that last seven minutes… I wish I had looked at his eyes more. I wish I could remember better what they looked like in person.
Prior to our last meeting, the last time we saw one another in person was some weekday in September 2001. I had been in the home for nearly two months and had been granted the ‘luxury’ of going to public school. Dane picked me up one morning with a bunch of roses and a card. I presented him with the blanket that I had toiled over for the previous two months and we got in his car and went back to the place he was staying. We snuggled under the blanket in all of its six-foot by nine- foot glory and pushed our toesies through the holes in it. We talked and kissed and cried.
One month before that I was retrieved from the home to ‘pick up’ some of my stuff… I diverted the driver (one of my mum’s friends) to the house dane was staying at at the time. we pulled up and I said I wouldn’t be long. I went up the stairs and walked in to see him sleeping… I watched him for exactly two minutes and then kissed his face in the sunlight. I remember exactly how his face looked. He smiled and as soon as the haze of slumber lifted he held me… so tight. i remember exactly how he smelled and just what his face looked like, still with the tiny creases from the pillow pressed on his cheek, just next to his left eye.
every single moment that he and i spent together seemed to have been made completely of magic... obviously, some of the emotions i feel about the time we spent together are as a result of nostalgia... my brain associating all the special memories with the freedom of youth and learning about a new love...
but dane... he's different. i've had boys come and go in my life and nobody has ever left an impression like he has. i have never loved anybody like i loved him... being taken away from him that day in july was horrific. not being able to see him but knowing he was out there, somewhere... it was agony.
I am now caught up in the final whirlwind of preparation prior to his arrival… I will be going and buying the last bits and pieces that I want to make sure I have in the house for his visit, getting his SIM card so’s he can have a mobile and tidying up the house so it looks slightly less shocking.
i guess the most i can say is i am now in a state of shock... i can't believe this is actually happening... that in a week's time i will finally be able to plug my heart back in to it's adaptor for re-charging... i need it, the battery is super-low...
Seven days…
168 hours…
10,080 minutes…
604,800 seconds until I get to see him…
Give or take a few thousand seconds.
At this specific time, in seven days, if he isn’t already in my arms, I will be a complete basket case. I will be checking my mobile every two seconds, prepared to completely lose it when that one special call finally does come through…
Next Friday morning he will be leaving Iraq destined for Kuwait and then leaving Kuwait destined for Germany where he will then learn the specific details of his flight and ring me with the phone card I will be purchasing for him in the next two days. When that call comes a chain reaction will be set off that will feature danie hysterically bumbling around whatever locale she is in and then ringing Hannah and Dave to squeal at them and plan the picking up of the love of my life.
I can feel it already… the hysteria building. It became embarrassing this morning when I was preparing for work and kept shouting at Stacey that he was going to be here NEXT WEEKEND and OMGINEEDTOTIDY! i just keep repeating to myself that he is going to be here NEXT weekend and that I only have to wait a matter of DAYS until he arrives now…
This event that I never, ever thought was going to happen, me seeing dane again… it’s about to happen and I am beginning to feel the nervous twinges in my tummy about it. I don’t actually even KNOW what I’m nervous about… I’m just feeling very tense about the whole thing.
Like, I am sure I am building it up to be more than it needs to be, but good LORD… this boy that I fell in love with all those years ago and haven’t SEEN but wondered about and pined after for JUST shy of eight years (tomorrow, actually will OFFICIALLY be eight years since I saw him in person, which is alarming in and of itself.) will be in my house, in my bed, holding my hand in just seven DAYS. This boy that has always been an almost magical creature (in that he swept into my life, altered it dramatically and then left regularly, all without being seen) will finally… sigh… I’m trying to build up some image for you of how huge this is for me… it’s just not working.
Dane will be here in seven days and this, all of this, it’s something I never actually imagined would happen. I never, ever thought I was going to have the opportunity to see him again. I had resigned myself to believe that that last night, back in 2002 was going to be the last time that I saw him again for the rest of my life. I wish there were more things I could remember about it… I remember almost all of it with perfect clarity, but there is more… so much more I wish I could have remembered. We just tried to scramble too many things into that last seven minutes… I wish I had looked at his eyes more. I wish I could remember better what they looked like in person.
Prior to our last meeting, the last time we saw one another in person was some weekday in September 2001. I had been in the home for nearly two months and had been granted the ‘luxury’ of going to public school. Dane picked me up one morning with a bunch of roses and a card. I presented him with the blanket that I had toiled over for the previous two months and we got in his car and went back to the place he was staying. We snuggled under the blanket in all of its six-foot by nine- foot glory and pushed our toesies through the holes in it. We talked and kissed and cried.
One month before that I was retrieved from the home to ‘pick up’ some of my stuff… I diverted the driver (one of my mum’s friends) to the house dane was staying at at the time. we pulled up and I said I wouldn’t be long. I went up the stairs and walked in to see him sleeping… I watched him for exactly two minutes and then kissed his face in the sunlight. I remember exactly how his face looked. He smiled and as soon as the haze of slumber lifted he held me… so tight. i remember exactly how he smelled and just what his face looked like, still with the tiny creases from the pillow pressed on his cheek, just next to his left eye.
every single moment that he and i spent together seemed to have been made completely of magic... obviously, some of the emotions i feel about the time we spent together are as a result of nostalgia... my brain associating all the special memories with the freedom of youth and learning about a new love...
but dane... he's different. i've had boys come and go in my life and nobody has ever left an impression like he has. i have never loved anybody like i loved him... being taken away from him that day in july was horrific. not being able to see him but knowing he was out there, somewhere... it was agony.
I am now caught up in the final whirlwind of preparation prior to his arrival… I will be going and buying the last bits and pieces that I want to make sure I have in the house for his visit, getting his SIM card so’s he can have a mobile and tidying up the house so it looks slightly less shocking.
i guess the most i can say is i am now in a state of shock... i can't believe this is actually happening... that in a week's time i will finally be able to plug my heart back in to it's adaptor for re-charging... i need it, the battery is super-low...
