Tuesday, 17 August 2010

I hate this Tuesday… I hate it and want it to end…

Now that I have THAT out of my system, I shall carry on. 

It’s been a tough week. I’ve had a lot of emotional times as my leaving date draws nearer. I am finding more and more “last times” for things… seeing certain people, eating certain things and doing certain activities. The best I can do when I feel that familiar tense, weepy feeling in my chest is to remember that it isn’t for forever… but it still bloody hurts. Everyone keeps trying to tell me that, that this isn’t a forever thing, and I am perfectly aware of that, but I still want to grieve… I am nervous of leaving all of the things and people I know so well for something I am so completely unsure of. 

Currently, I am nine days away from stepping onto a plane, away from the last six years of my life, all the things I have spent so much time, energy and tears building, only to go to a future I am not sure even exists.
My week, despite emotional confusion and terror has been beautiful, I promise. It has been filled with excellent memory-making, photo taking and cookie baking. I’ve enjoyed nearly every single moment in between tears and will continue to enjoy my moments between tears as much as I can. 

I guess we should just get on with the list… other posts are coming in time to help shed some light on all this stuff, so keep your eyeballs peeled and enjoy my list… 

The fact that Pow sometimes just HAS to call and talk to me even though he knows he’ll see me in like, ten minutes… it started about six months ago… I was walking to the bus that would take me into town for a weekly cinemadate with Pow when my mobile went off… it was Pow and I immediately assumed he was ringing to tell me something had happened and he wasn’t going to make it. I asked what he wanted and he said he was just bored and wanted someone to talk to whilst we were walking… we spoke until I could see his large, bumbly frame in front of me and then went on with the rest of our evening… those are my favourite phone calls… and they happen more frequently now. even just the other night I was sat on the sofa and he rang to ask if I needed anything from the shop as he was on his way home… we talked until the alarm ping went off as he walked through the door and then we finished talking. It’s just… hrm… I love talking to him. We can talk constantly and still never be finished. That’s what I love about us. He’s just an amazing person, that’s all I really need to say, an amazing person that I love to talk to as often as possible.
Stolen flowers
… as a joke relating to ex-husband having only ever given me stolen flowers, Reno stole me some flowers off a table in the pub the other night. they immediately went into my book and make me squee with delight every time I see them and remember his cheeky little face as he handed them over.
The Parson’s Nose
The smell of garlic on my hands when I’ve been cooking
Krishnan Guru Murthy
Interesting news articles
Vivid dreams

Mornings with Pow
… my favourite thing about my days… nothing tops my mornings. I get up, bumble around the house and then go wake Pow. We have cups of tea and toast and talk and have a massive hug before I set off for my day. His face in the morning, seeing it being all big and smiley is just what I need sometimes…
Knowing I only have three days left of work
Good hair days
Pow’s voice
How supportive Pow’s been
… heh, Powblog, it seems. With all my doubts and concerns I’ve been lucky to have Pow around to tell me that whatever I decide to do is okay with him… that he’ll help me and support me. he offers me the good and bad sides of every decision and makes me feel like it’s okay to feel the way I do, knowingly patting my knee and telling me that I’m dealing with everything really well. he’s an amazing friend and I really, honestly don’t know how I would have gotten this far without him.
Days when I don’t question myself
Long coach journeys
Homemade lasagne
Green beans
The way people I didn’t expect are getting emotional about me leaving
…it seems to be happening more and more now... people are coming up to me or getting in touch that i've rarely spoken to... getting in touch and telling me how much they'll miss me. it's nice and makes things feel really special in my life to know that there are people that i've not even clocked who love me.


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