Sunday, 5 January 2014

December 2013, the decided end to some misery...

So I've made a decision that December 2013 is going to be the direct end of my unhappiness. I plan to not let my life be consumed by hideous emotions anymore... The anger and frustration has been dwindling over the last couple of months and I plan to finally see the end of them beginning this year. I am choosing to be happy and choosing to not let other people destroy my happiness.

I am going to be in charge of my emotions and with that decision I will choose to be happy, full of glee and open to offer my happies to everyone I encounter.

Things i love most RIGHT NOW:

  • My weightloss... I've lost a little over thirty pounds now and I happily won the class weight loss challenge. I've still been eating healthier (although not as healthy as I COULD be, I really need to get myself back on track) and been taking care of myself. I'm seeing a lot of changes in myself and I couldn't be happier.
  • Sifting through the memories from the last year... It's been a long year and a lot of good and bad things have happened that I'm spending a lot of time going through them in my mind and appreciating all of them. My grandmother dying, which was horrible, but offered me the opportunity to see my family and some friends. Molly got to come visit a couple of times this year, which was GLORIOUS! She actually just left this morning after a little over a week here and it was such a magical time. After all the terrible things that have been happening this year with court and stuff, having Molly here and seeing her spend time with us perfectly happily was so special. She's such a great little girl and I love seeing her with Muffin. Their eyes light up so much when they get to give one another hugs. It's been an eventful year and I appreciate every memory that I've had the chance to take part in.
  • Investigating future educational endeavours... I'm contemplating  going to school for a little more in-depth education once we've settled next year and I've been putting a lot of thought into what I'd like to do. I have a few ideas, including studying to become a paralegal in Family Law, but it's all still very up in the air. It's exciting though!
  • Drawing... Indeed, I've begun to draw again. I started last week when Molly first arrived because she's really into drawing. We would sit every night before bed with a sketch pad and we would draw fish and mandalas and furbies. It sparked something in me that has pushed me to do a lot more doodling and drawing.
Things that are consuming my life right now:
  • Arrested Development... GOOD GOD. EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW! We've just discovered it and I'm not even exaggerating when I say that we've nearly finished all four seasons in one week. I love every single actor in it and the writing is amazing. We're four episodes from the end and I'm already concerned about how I will fill the void in my life once it's over.
  • Stephen King... So, I love Stephen King and when Doctor Sleep came out I got myself super excited to read it because I LOVED the film adaptation of The Shining. Except, I realized that I should probably read the actual book first, because no matter how many times I've seen the film, it is always worth reading the book to see what might be different. I am wildly delighted that I DID read The Shining first though because, to say the film was liberally adapted is a major understatement. The book is incredible and full of a lot of alarming imagery that diverts from the film in countless ways and I wish so much that the film was more closely mirrored to the book.  I've just started Doctor Sleep and so far it's pretty great. We'll see though.
  • Stepping... I've been really learning a lot about how to effectively be a step mother that promotes a healthy blending of homes without interfering too terribly much. I let Muffin spend time with Molly and bond with her and smile with glee at how insanely happy they both are allowed to be, even if only for a week at a time. I've been reading a lot of books and talking to a lot of people in my situation and have decided that rather than being miserable about how crazy life has been and how much I am personally being attacked, I plan to be happy that I get to see Muffin bond with one of his kids and be a passive  part of such a special little girl's life.
  • Sorting out my finances...We're getting there and planning on ways to get ourselves into a better place financially. Muffin got a little shafted by his ex with a repossessed car and that's effectively destroyed his credit rating, so he and I have been trying to make smart decisions to get ourselves out of this rut that, admittedly is also partly his fault. It's going to be a slow road, but a road that will make our lives easier and better.
Things I want to tell January Danie:
  • "You guys are still doing the right thing. Be cautious and make decisions that are led not in anger or spite but in love and the want for a better life. It's going to work out. I promise."
  • "You are doing SO AWESOME clearing out your house! You've literally taken like, ten boxes to sell at the bookstore and that's great! I bet you feel better about how much more space you have now, don't you?"

 last but not least... here's a quote. a very important quote that I need to keep in my mind.


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