Becoming Whole Again
The Process of Grieving
When we experience any kind of devastating loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a dream, or a relationship, feelings may arise within us that are overwhelming or difficult to cope with. This sense of grief can also come up when we are separated from anyone or anything we have welcomed into our lives. And while it may feel like we are caught up in a never-ending spiral of sadness and emptiness, it is important to remember that the grief we are feeling is not a permanent state of being. Rather, grief is part of the process of letting go that in many ways can be a gift, allowing us to go deeper within ourselves to rediscover the light amidst the seeming darkness.
The emotions that accompany any kind of loss can be intense and varied. A sense of shock or denial is often the first reaction, to be replaced by anger. Sometimes this anger can be directed at your loved one for “abandoning” you; at other times you may feel outrage toward the universe for what you are enduring. And while there are stages of grief that people go through – moving from denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance – the cycles of grief often move in spirals, sometimes circling forward and then back again. You may even experience moments of strength, faith, and laughter in between. While these emotions seem to come and go sporadically, it is important to feel them, accept them, and allow them to flow. With time, patience, and compassion, you will eventually find your centre again.
As we move through our grief, we may find ourselves reluctant to release our pain, fearing we are letting go of who or what we have lost. We may even regard our movement toward healing as an act of disloyalty or giving up. Know that while the hurt may fade, the essence of what you had and who you loved will have already transformed you and forever stay with you. If anything, once you are ready for the pain of your loss to subside, their memories can then live more fully within you. Remember, that healing is a part of the spiralling cycles of grief, and that in letting yourself feel restored again, you are surrendering to a natural movement that is part of the dance of life.'
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i came home yesterday to the above in my inbox... it seems that everything in the world knew that i would see what i saw friday night but me. it also seems that people i know and trust(ed) saw these these and decided to hide them before i saw them myself.
it was brought to my attention that someone may have seen him getting off with this female before i did (as, apparantly, it happened more than once friday night). this someone is a person i thought i could trust and someone that has shown his true colours as poop-coloured since the event occurred. whilst small gestures have been made, i was still left to deal with the fallout with strangers whilst he pranced off with the very female my husband got off with... i was still left to go home without any of my stuff because some more interesting and attractive female invited him to go to TK Maxx with him... i have now been left hanging as to when i will be getting my things from his house because he seems to enjoy ignoring me.
it's nice to know who your real friends are. you fucking put a lot of effort into making a friendship worth having and then when the chips fall and you need a bit of help, all that person cares about is themselves.
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i am now running around in limbo. chris is trying in vain to act like nothing happened. like he can go ahead and cuddle me and kiss me and that everything is fine. it isn't... it won't be for a long time, if ever. barely 24 hours have passed and all he can think about is when he will get his next shag. i just want to figure this all out. i don't want to be rash or make a decision i will regret.
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