Friday, 12 September 2008

was i ever yours, were you ever mine?

firstly, meh.

i have been busy but not all at the same time the last week. work is still made of teh suck. it was nice because my boss (known from here on out as satankim) was out on holiday... as a result, everyone kept prancing in and chatting to me. i learned a lot about people, the biggest revelation being that i am not the only person who hates satankim. she rubs everyone the wrong way and everyone there thinks i should get out as fast as i can as working for the NHS is for the elderly and bitter. apparantly, i am a previous creature who should not let herself become tainted by the NHS and the horrors that inhabit it. so, as a result, i have been searching like a madwoman for a new job. no fruit has been born yet, but i am feeling confident.

i haven't been swimming in a few days as it seems that i have one of the most unreliable swimming buddies ever. we had a tiny bit of a falling out, actually... but only tiny. i am generally the most excited communicator ever in the world. i love to send emails and texts and IM's and the lot. especially lately, since i have been feeling so off, i have really been leaning on the support of people that will give me the time of day (ali, anna, eddie). ali has been ill for a few days and since he has been ill i have sent him a couple of texts and emails just letting him know that i am thinking about him and asking how he is. it seems though, that that was too much for him and now he is just not talking to me and has just generally been off.

it just feels like, especially with ali, that i have really been pushing myself to help him... making a lot of phone calls, helping him with his comic, tidying his house, spending time with him, swimming, giving him my old mobile so he has something to take photos with... it just seems like now he has gotten what he wanted, he is just dropping me. just cannae be bothered now he has leeched as much out of me that he can.

it really hurts, you know? i am really struggling now and i could REALLY use his support and just some hugs or ANYTHING... much like what i did for him, but he just won't. he is 'too sick' to hang out now. apparently not too sick to stay up until five in the morning posting photos of himself or anything, just too sick to have a friend who needs some TLC away from home around for a cup of tea.

it's nice to know that people are aware of what friendships are really for. i just need a friend, you know? just someone who isn't lame or unreliable. just someone who will actually do what they say and not take for granted the things that are being given to them.

relationship things are meh. we have a wondrous fight every night before bed, which is nice, because i hate sleeping anyways. he is just being overbearing and stressful to deal with and really pushing me away.

bleh. i gotta tidy. mr winn is going to be here soon.

will post more soon, i suspect.


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