Maleficent...

This film.

This is a film that I have been indescribably excited about for years now. Since Angie first signed on to be a part of it, I have been waiting with bated breath, periodically checking IMBD for any sign of progress.

Not being a particularly huge fan of the whole Sleeping Beauty franchise myself, my excitement was not driven by a long-standing love for Aurora and her story of  a curse bestowed upon her that was only broken after many years of being asleep and the kiss of a strange man who always made me quite uncomfortable (I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT GUY JUST ROAMS THE FOREST TO FIND SLEEPING GIRLS TO KISS?!). I recall the only part about the story I enjoyed being that the entire kingdom would become entirely overgrown as all of its inhabitants slept. I LOVED seeing all the different interpretations on a deserted kingdom. The way the vines would take over every aspect of the town, twirling around the ovens of abandoned bread and closets filled with lavish  fabrics and gowns. That, being the creepy kid I was, was always my favourite part. Not the kiss. Not the search for true love. The desertion and dark.


This film changed everything for me.

First and foremost, I need to tell you guys that the cinematography? Mind-blowing. I could hardly believe the incredible background. Every detail was accounted for in this perfect re-imagining of the classic Sleeping Beauty story. The creature-creation was wonderful. I loved the way the entire land was created seemingly from scratch to establish a world that only could be inhabited by fairies and fantastical forest creatures.

Second? The makeup and hair blew my goddamned mind. I couldn't find one single flaw in the entire film (barring, of course, Aurora's stupid eyebrows, but made me want to kill myself every time she was on the screen. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BE SO DARK?!). I was stunned by how perfectly executed each prosthetic and brush stroke was. In fact, after the film, Husband and I were discussing Maleficent's makeup and how the horns were installed, only for me to find out that Justin Smith Esquire, a gorgeous milliner from London who I hung out with just prior to leaving the UK, created the headpiece. I was delighted to find this out and felt marginally closer to the film and Angie with this knowledge. He's a wildly talented man and I couldn't have been more pleased for him.

The biggest, and most glorious thing about the film was the storyline. The way that the story had been twisted not only from the point of view of the villain, but also from the point of view of a villain that hadn't always been a villain was spectacular. the scope and approach to the story was superb and I couldn't have even hoped for it to have been better. I found the script to be perfectly executed and the cast immaculately selected to interpret the story just as it needed to be.

Overall, it is a fabulous film. Incredible to watch for young, old, male, female, everyone. My ten-year-old step-daughter adored it, as did her grandmother AND my husband. It's worth a watch and worth dragging any and all of your loved ones to. 

don't stop until it's tuesday...

oh my LORD in HEAVEN what a week of hearting! it's late so i have to whack this one out quick!

enjoy!

• Charming telephone manners… so, I just had a call from a kind gentleman from N Power (my energy supplier) who, upon my excitable answer said the following: ‘hey, is that Miss… uhhh… Valackee or whatever? (**he proceeds to spell my name**)’ I confirmed that I was indeed born to that name, to which he replied, ‘I’m Tyrone calling from NPower and I need your meter readings, can you give me them?’ I advised that I was at work at the moment and that that would not be possible as my home was not within the vicinity. Tyrone seemed alarmed by this and demanded I get the readings tonight and have them ready for a phone call from him again tomorrow… what excellent interpersonal skills NPower instil in people!
• The fact that people refer to me as ‘tiny.’ I’m not sure where this came from or who started it, but it pleases me. janey ALWAYS refers to me as ‘my tiny’ and potterton sent me a text last night referring to me as a ‘tiny princess.’

• JUSTIN SMITH ESQUIRE… for weeks I have been pining after this man… actual WEEKS! Since janey told me about him in December I decided that I needed to meet him. I needed to meet him and try to make him mine (despite the clear issue that is his sexual preference). I was out of control with excitement with janey sent me a message several weeks ago advising that she had talked about me to him in the shop (her fish shop) one day and that he had invited the two of us personally to the private viewing of his latest collection. Since that day I had been living in between states of excitement and terror about meeting him. Excitement because, I mean, have you SEEN this man?! Terror because the event would be taking place during London Fashion Week and OMGWHATWOULDIWEAR?! Every single day after returning from a hard day at work I would come home to try on a different outfit, wanting to ensure I picked out the PERFECT one. Perfect dress and makeup picked out and packed, I made my way to London last Friday… Saturday rolled around and I was roused with a cup of mango tea to battle my hangover… janey and I pranced to the carribean shop down the road to find some suitable glitz to wear to the event and then retired back to hers to slather my hair in blue dye and watch some atrocious music videos. When the hour finally rolled around, the two of us, dressed as cute as possible, marched to the bus to meet with Louisa Ryrie. After a short shopping excursion we retired to a pub just around the corner from Justin Smith’s flat and drank. We drank and waited… Missy arrived and then Thuy, which signalled the time for us to blaze a trail to the flat of the man I had begun referring to as my future husband. I was out of giddy with excitement as we walked up the stairs after being ushered in by a boy janey later advised was Justin Smith’s significant other. The stairs twisted and turned until we arrived to the very top where there lived mannequins and vintage beautiful aplenty. I was first through the door into his tiny flat, which had been decorated JUST perfectly… dark lighting and special little pieces of taxidermy scattered in specific places to make them look as though they had been haphazardly strewn (as someone who’s worked on set-design, I KNOW when someone has purposefully placed something to LOOK messy). Through the front door I came immediately into the studio where I saw him… he was stood there in the most perfect little outfit looking tinier and more precious than I ever could have imagined. I instantly spun around and started trying to point in my discreetly drunk manner (which I presume only came across as hysterical) to janey that he was behind me. My message was not clearly put across and we marched into the other room to look at the amazing items and fish. After a brief call with the muffin (which was strained and particularly difficult to pay attention to because it was just THEN that Justin Smith decided to walk out into the hallway, leaving him directly in my line of sight) I padded back upstairs to find janey ready to introduce me to him. we made our way back into his studio where janey gave me a VERY formal introduction and he shook my hand. I giggled and sputtered something about his work being amazing… he then told us to go up to his roof and have a fag, that he would be up in a minute. We scaled the ladder in our various foot-coverings and sparked up a fag each and took in the fact that we were on JUSTIN SMITH ESQ’S ROOF having a fag! He came upstairs and I immediately turned into a complete retard… I couldn’t string together more than once sentence and janey was telling him about the projects I work on and was demanding I tell him about the things I had crocheted. I told him about the doll/bear and then suddenly started talking about baking, for some reason finding it IMPERATIVE to tell him about my bacon and maple syrup cupcakes. He nodded and looked alarmed and said he had to go. I asked if I could have my photo with him and he obliged, wrapping his arm around me and making my life complete. Two flashes of the camera complete, we all traipsed down the ladder and us girls left, danie suitably reeling from the fact that she had officially met the most beautiful man in the world. I am now in the middle of writing him a letter, firstly, to thank him for inviting me and secondly, to ask him for a list. We shall see how that works out. 
• trips to london

• THE date… oh. My. GOD! I was a big, fat bundle of excitement all day Saturday… I KNEW that he would be getting his orders on that day and I KNEW that I should be expecting a call at any time after 1500. I waited, pined and drove janey crazy from the instant I woke up until we arrived at the pub round the corner from Justin Smith Esquire’s flat.  I kept telling janey that I was SURE he was going to ring whilst we were at Justin Smith’s… that I would be SO cross with him if he did… no more than three minutes after arriving at Justin Smith’s flat my phone begin ringing. I cursed very audibly and pranced halfway down the stairs and answered. His voice sounded perfect and wonderful. It had been days since I’d heard it. I had missed it. He said that we only had six minutes and a date. I told him to spit it out. He told me in a cranky, pouty voice that our fears had been founded and that he would be later than we had hoped (only by one week, but, it seems, enough to make his little voice and face sour). I squee’d and told him that it was perfect… that he was going to be here… and he IS… it all feels so much more real now. Now we have an actual date of arrival for the muffin I feel so much more… hrm… what’s the word? ARRRRRGH! Yeah, that’s it. I can’t actually believe it. At this time in two weeks I will be actually dying and completely unbearable. My co-workers have already started joking that they are all going to go off work for that last week and leave me to it. Post-phone call I went back upstairs and felt conflicted, emotional and fucking excited. MY muffin is going to be here in just over two weeks and I MIGHT die! SQUEE!
• Dressing up

• Louisa Ryrie… never, ever did I think I would see the day that Janey I’m-a-loose-cannon Hallam would call someone more of a loose cannon than her! yes, folks, that’s right… that day has come, the day when we realize that there is someone out there who is more of a loose cannon than janey…  I met Louisa through pow pow as she will be one of the stars of Johnny. She is a tiny, outrageously beautiful little ball of energy that I am in complete awe of. 
• Jane Muthafuckin' Hallam... so, SO big... let's just say there is nobody else in the WORLD that I could drink wine, eat chinese buns and wasabi peas with on a bus in central London late at night with. She is amazing and I adore her more than I adore most people. 

• My boys... tonight, just a mere hour ago i had two boys in my bed. yes, that's right... TWO boys. my beautiful pow pow and lee lee came over for din dins (chili, with a special vegan batch for my precious little vegan man) and then a movie in my room (as that is where all my movies are, on my PC, in my bedroom.) they snuggled onto my SUPER comfy bed and played instruments and we talked and watched a film and had a wonderful time. i adore lee lee so, so much. i love when he comes to visit and love the banter and cuddles we have... another date with him is scheduled for friday... SQUEE!
• chili
• when just the edges of leaves have frost on them
• the carribean shop in hackney
• dinner with the digby's
• country bakes from the canteen at workies
• drawing on envelopes before sending them
• having neon blue hair
• the anticipation of going on a trip the hours before you leave
• my hamburger ring
• long emails
• lists
• having access to other people's diaries on Outlook

• Guu Guu (janey's snake)
• Justin Smith Esq's flat
• my Amy Blackwell print
• Pow's girlfriend 
• Liam Sharp
• Cider
• sitting on the floor at St Pancras international train station with janey and being belligerent whilst waiting for my train
• the fall
• sellotape
• making pow smile with my wares
• postcards
• chinese buns
• sushi
• wasabi peas
• this photo... 

fings... i heart them...

just a list... i am sleepy and need to sleep...

• JUST-cleaned glasses... the instant after i've cleaned them and i put them back on my face, the clarity with which i can see, that's my favourite!
• my ash-beast... very, VERY rarely am i at a loss for words... very rarely do i find myself unable to string sentences together in such a way as to express my general excitement, glee and SQUEE for the events in my life... until today. today i pranced down my stairs just before seven in the a.m. after a knock on the door. i had been awaiting the delivery of a special parcel from my favourite beast in america after she had warned me it was on it's way thirteen days ago. i opened the door and saw the handwriting that is ever-so familiar to me and i squee'd then slammed the door. the parcel and i pranced up the stairs and we perched in front of my desk. i opened the parcel to damask wonderful and a little bottle. in the bottle was a rolled-up letter that i unrolled and immediately smelled (it's one of my problems). the letter... heh... the letter caused instant-weep. essentially, my favourite american beast is getting married... she is getting married and we have been all but killing ourselves with the excitement. i was particularly excited to find out that i will be BACK before her wedding and will be allowed to stand up with her. this went a little deeper when i read her letter and found that she wants me... danie... to be her maid of honour. (!!) i honestly cannot believe it. like, literally... it's the last thing i was expecting. i was certain that since i had been away that i would be lucky to be allowed to sit within three rows of the front aisle. there are no words to describe how much this means to me... how amazingly fabulous this makes me feel... how much more freaking excited i am! my newest mission? to find THE dress! 
• the puffin tattoo
• noah and the whale
• OMGJANEYVISIT
• chris tree
• david culleton
• chewing on honeycomb
• sugar cane
• my star jumper
• multi-coloured wool
• hot pink
• ASDA dates
• tidying
• the scent of pink grapefruit

• justin smith esq... this man is ACTUALLY my soul mate! gold tooth? check! handlebar moustache? check! tattoos? check! HUGE nose? CHECK! he is also an accomplished baker, practices taxidermy and a fashion designer. unfortunately for me, he is also a homosexual... a homosexual i will be meeting on the twentieth! SQUEE!
• the smell of insecticide
• long emails
• bubble letters
• feeling needed
• friendly old men
• when people take an interest in my tattoos
• when people refer to me as 'trouble'
• 'slither'
• writing/drawing on oranges
• when the muffin emails me
• ASDA prices
• when people suggest films to me
• the fact that stacey has started counting down now
• 31 days!!!
• numbers and how well i can remember them
• remembering things about my mum
• access databases
• long chats with pow pow
• being watched (not in a creepy way)
• highlighters
• the smell of dry-erase markers
• wasabi
• saline drips
• dusting
• mopping on my hands and knees
• hoovering
• hot pink lipstick
• costume jewelery
• pow pow paintings
• radishes
• apt horoscopes... (today, for example, my horoscope read as follows: 'when you love you love completely. you'd do anything for those close to  you, so to feel let down in this manner is somewhat of a shock. revelations made after 3pm give you back your faith' - of note, at half four, pow pow sent me a text saying he would come round later this week for phototime with the pig's mandible. yay!)
• corned beef
• the boys at the tattoo parlour
• the 'pigface' date of mine and pow pow's
• photos that capture shadows well
• my ability to touch-type
• red squirrels

the end! yay!