work has been iffy. it has been manic and last week i was on a big rush to get lots of things done because i am off this week. the office will actually fall apart without me there if everything is not perfectly orchestrated, so i had to make a lot of lists and have a lot of meetings to make sure nothing got too out of control in my absence.
i am in the middle of a bit of a depressive episode, which made all of the above fun and joyous for everyone involved.
by the time friday rolled around i ended up snapping at satankim in quite a sassy manner which, initially she said would result in a meeting with her, me and her boss, Judith (who is lovely, extraordinarily quiet and oh-so-beautiful). upon her exit from my office i spent a bit of time weeping and feeling all poopy. satankim than retired to a completely different meeting... i seized this as the perfect time to approach judith and talk to her about how satamkim makes me feel (incredibly small, stupid and like i can never, ever do anything right) and we discussed how i am doing mentally and emotionally overall (NOT well... a big, stinky pile of weepy). she was really lovely and we ended up not having the other meeting.
now i am off and OMG it has been non-stop. the in-laws showed up friday afternoon and, as it had been a while since husband saw them, the obivous script for the evening would feature much drinking which would, in turn, alienate danie. this is because i am absolutely terrified of drinking too much on my new medication. the evening worked out as planned and my weep-fest continued with me on my own in the lounge, luckily. it was nice in some ways because that meant husband had people to entertain him and i had a bit of a break.
saturday featured shopping and general prancing. we just sat around town and i felt it necessary to apologise over and over again to my mother-in-law for how i had been acting. she's a psychiatric nurse, so she knows all about what i am going through from a clinical point of view, so she just shrugged it off.
sunday was a delightful day that saw us go to a giant and somewhat delapitated stately home nearby. it was incredibly beautiful. we walked and walked and walked and i really enjoyed it.
monday rolled around and we were meant to leave for wiltshire as soon as i got out of my doctor's appointment in the afternoon but after a great deal of discussion and teetering back and forth, it was decided that we would stay in derby... this was for several reasons... they can be seen listed as follows:
- we are quite short on money and would thusly be stuck doing VERY cheap or free things.
- chris had had enough of his parents and worried that if we were to go down and spend much more time with them he might kill one of them or himself.
- there was a chance that my doctor's appointment would have resulted in me being put on new medication, which wouldn't have been a great deal of fun in a new house and around lots of new/not-so-familiar people.
- we had a substantial number of fishy deaths which left us worrying for john's sanity in taking care of them whilst we were away.
- my very first PAID cupcake job! one of my friends has asked me to bake 50 cakes for a little party she is having for her chorale group. i has an excited. it all feels very official and like something i want to make sure i keep doing for a very long time.
- i am getting to help one of my friends on a short film today and tomorrow. today was just a short day of waiting around, helping set up the set and stuff, but tomorrow will be MUCH more fun and will involve me arriving at the set for seven in the morning and being the wardrobe girl for the two actors. i will be in charge of making sure their costumes are consistent and perfect at all times. i will be doing this until eight at night and them coming home to sleep for OMGbakingfuntime!
- stuffing liam! our guinea pig died last week and whilst it was a sad loss, i am very excited to have my first chance to attempt taxidermy. yay!
- book my tickets for my next trip to janeytown! **scree**
a short list of things i heart...
- cat power
- watching the fish
- feeling important
- ice in my drink on a hot day
- ice lollies
- sleeping in (which i may be able to do again, one day)
- the last video of michael jackson rehearsing
- computer games
- knowing that i can now knit, despite being stupidly slow
- my crocheted phone!
- going through old playhouse wardrobe rooms
- john goncalves
- jarvis cocker