Friday, 7 January 2011

2011: the resolutions

i began the year with no real desire to actually lay out any kind of resolutions for myself, concerned that the uncertainty that i live my life with would hinder me from achieving anything that i would ever be able to set as a promise to myself, but over the last couple of days i have really been feeling like there are things that i want to do. maybe not promise i will absolutely do, but that i would like to try to do, without a fear of failure. i want to go forward with these small promises to myself with an open mind and know that if i don't achieve them, i don't have to be too terribly hard on myself, but really, just be happy that i at least tried.

so, with that in mind, i shall just get on with it. there's not many, but they are things i feel will benefit me greatly in the next year.

bake... i love baking and am feeling more and more lately that i am not THAT great at churning out confections. i don't know why, but i just feel so much like the things i make are very much less than adequate. i want to work on making the things i already know how to make better and learn to be less scared to try new recipes. i have countless books and magazines that are heaving with bookmarks and dog-ears and notes and i want to finally take action on all of those by way of endeavoring to bake something every week.
draw... i love to draw. i didn't know it until last year when i started scribbling on pieces of paper and notebooks. since moving from england i had nearly forgotten that i love to draw and resorted to contacting janey when i thought of something i really wanted to see drawn. it was only just the other day that i realized that i could totally draw. maybe not as well as her, but i can and i should give it a bit more of a shot. so i will!
craft... crocheting, embroidering, casting things in resin. i want to practice as many things crafty as possible.
work out... just to feel like i have some discipline and structure. i've lost that structure in the last few weeks and i need to get i back.
be more positive... i'm finding myself losing the excited little positive bubble that i typically live in. i mean, it's still there, but much smaller and infinitely harder to catch without it bursting. i need to remember to stop and remember all the good little things that are in the situations that could otherwise be seen as horrible.
have more compassion for myself... i'm severely struggling with my self esteem at the moment. i am terribly hard on myself and my personal sanity and relationship are suffering as a result. i need to be less hard on myself. i need to stop passing such harsh judgment over my actions and feelings. i'm allowed to feel and talk and be myself and should have to make myself feel terrible because it doesn't necessarily make everyone happy. sometimes the truth hurts and i need to learn to be more open to the possibility that the things i'm doing or subjecting myself to aren't always worth the pain.
write... letters. blogs. recipes. patterns. anything. i just need to write more.
take photos... today, just this morning i was inspired by this woman's story and the photos that have been discovered since her death. i want to take more photos of the little moments. the ones that i am terrified i might forget. i want to remember as many small things as possible, so i shall attempt to do so.


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