i'm afraid...
i was laid in bed on thanksgiving night, filled with yum yums and realizing something that terrifies me.
during my time in England, the one thing i was and am most thankful for was the opportunity to learn about all the different films, music, food and art that i did.
the realization came because i was watching a film that Muffin had bought. a film that is not too dissimilar to most of the films that he owns/watches. typically, the films are slapstick-y and star adam sandler, rob schneider, seth rogan, will ferrell or some other "funny guy." (here, just now, i feel it very necessary to note that i have NO problem with these films and really, honestly do like them, a lot). i watched the film and enjoyed it the same way i do all the other films that i watched with Muffin... mindlessly and without having to think or process any meaning or feeling that the director or screenplay writer was trying to get across to the viewer. i watched it and went to sleep without any further thought about the actors or the film... just further thought about england and the experiences i had there...
during my time in england i was constantly being pushed by Christopher, Pow, Janey and other misc people to broaden my horizons when it came to the films that i watched... i arrived on the continent a very naive nineteen-year-old who was raised in Cheyenne, Wyoming and had little or no knowledge of films beyond the mainstream. england and all the creatures i loved most forced me into a world of independent films and foreign films and animations and all things different. initially, i was terrified and fought the introduction of these films into my life with a violent tongue and harsh opinion... i was slowly broken-down by the different things people were introducing me to... vintage horror, black and white, war-themed... i learned to love them all with a new pair of eyes and a new mind. one that now, today, still yearns to see these from time to time.
it's not just films though, this was the case with everything. my culinary and musical palettes were pale in comparison to the ones that all my british favourites had and only after a series of fighting did i finally break down and learn the glory of stodgy european pasta dishes, homemade booze and andrew jackson jihad...
i feel my time in england has served to open my eyes to so many things that most people don't know exist... things people are sometimes scared to approach.
like, when i attempt to introduce a new film to Muffin, it is only after i harass the crap out of him that he finally breaks down and watches it under what i can only imagine is resentful duress.
foods... it's the same. he rarely wants to try anything new and when i DO attempt to put something new in front of him, he just placates me by eating AROUND the things he doesn't like, not even giving the baby corns or bamboo a CHANCE to change his life (and digestive transit).
musically, he's a good boy, but his passion is the music, whereas mine is the words... he'll listen to something, but if it doesn't excite him musically, he will rarely give it another chance... i heart words and i will listen to ANYTHING if the words say something special to me or strike a chord close to my heart...
i don't know, i just feel like i am not being challenged like i used to be. musically, film-wise or gastronomically.
i feel like...
hrm. i need to make friends. that's what i need... i need to go out and find people who i can cook for and show new music and films to, that way i can feel fulfilled in that way, because i am very, VERY aware that it's not healthy to just expect Muffin to fulfill ALL those criteria. to eat EVERY food ever, watch EVERY film ever and listen to ALL the music in the world... it's unreasonable and i need to broaden my people-horizons...
eh, off to make bolognaise and bread... for the third time in the last month.
