Friday, 23 October 2009
you touch me... i hear the sound of mandolins...
oh sleepy. oh danie is so sleepy. He woke me up this morning, so i will let the fact that i was out of bed before ten pass.
i was a big, fat ball of emo last night, leaving Him to be a dancy, prancy creature to try and cheer me up, not realizing that was not a possibility. sometimes i just need to feel down. i know it sounds silly, but it just do. sometimes i need to feel weepy, sad and emo. last night saw that in full effect. He kept pulling faces and being very silly, but i was just having none of it
it's not like this fabulous ball of emo materializes for no reason. oh, there is ALWAYS a reason. last night it came in the shape of jerk-face. he had stayed the night at man-face's the previous night and came home with a big, fat love-bite on his neck and a cocky attitude i wasn't in the mood for. he stormed into my room, took the phone from me, laid on my bed and proceeded to make numerous phone calls. post-telephone calls he then decided that would be the best time to make fun of the delightful photo of i have of Him on my desktop and tell me that my decision to go back with Him was a bad one and i was only doing it to cling onto my youth and not actually grow up. after that point was thoroughly reiterated he moved on to the fact that i never do anything around the house and more-or-less just told me i was lazy and useless.
now, despite the fact that this conversation was ever-so uplifting and fun, i pleaded for him to just go and leave me alone. he sat with a smug little look on his face for a short period, sniggered and walked out.
i now know that i need to be out. we promised we'd stay in the house together until it didn't feel right anymore and it really doesn't. it just feels like poison. it feels ugly and like every day i stay in this house i lose a little bit more of my dignity and self-worth. my plan is to see my birthday through and then get out.
now, it is important for everyone to know that my decision to move out is not solely based on the fact that i live with someone with no tact or respect for me... it is important to know that something magical and fabulous and more important than anything ever in the world will be taking place in the next three months that is prompting me to find a little place for a danie to reside. this magical thing came to light yesterday when He told me that an opening had come up for leave and He was going to need a favour from me. He is filling in paperwork to get his passport so's He can come and see a danie in england! that's right, nine years of waiting will have finally paid off in the next three months. He will be coming to see me for two glorious weeks of tourism, prancing and OMGSOMUCHLOVE!
when He initially told me that He might be coming, i did not get too excited. i have been diligently trained over the last nine years to never, EVER count of Him for anything. He tends to make bad decisions and break my heart on a fairly regular basis. i told Him that i would not get excited until the likelihood was over 85%. yesterday it was at 68.487%.
i woke up this morning to the sound of His voice telling me that He was offered a leave-date of November 3rd (!!) and did i have more information about how Kasey (of american, glorious wonder) got into england without a passport. i said i wasn't sure and couldn't he just ask someone there. we then glee'd for a while and i got online to begin an investigation. an investigation into how one american soldier stationed in iraq could make his way to england sans passport. several hours and many MANY phone calls to the american embassy later, we have decided that we will wait until danie has moved out, that way we can have a wee little nest where there will be no awkwardness or horror.at this time, the percentage was at 84.
so there you have it, danie will begin her 25th year on this planet with a visit from the boy who set her heart on fire nine years ago. she will show Him all her favourite parts of england and prance like she's never, ever pranced in her life.
it is all so... god... there are literally no words. like, the thought of seeing Him again. i constantly wonder what it will be like. i've not seen Him in real life since March 6th 2002. what will it all be like? i dreamed about it the other night. i saw Him but He didn't see me, so i watched Him... wondering if it was real. everything else in the world was non-existent. i just can't imagine what it will be like to be breathing the same air as Him again and just generally existing in the same space as Him again.
He has now bumped the percentage to 85, which SHOULD make me excited, but i won't be excited until i know He has His passport and has a date planned.
well, that's it... danie is gleeful about some things and down about others... 100 cupcakes to bake tomorrow, which will be VERY exciting. MANY photos will occur.