like, i still feel quite low and am not really eating or sleeping. the divorce is still really affecting me in a big way but there are these magnificent little balls of glitter that are growing ever-larger each day...
let me show you them... things danie hearts...
- Him... literally, i feel like a schoolgirl again. the excitement and glee and OMGYAYness that happens just when his little icon pops up when He comes online makes my heart ache. He makes me laugh until i cry and makes me feel so loved and special and magical and... it's just magical. we talk throughout the day and we talk about EVERYTHING. i can talk to Him about my family and work and my illness and my clothes and my everything and He listens and actually acts interested. we are still at 85% for Him coming, but it's all down to if He gets His passport in time. god... He has just made all of this crap that i'm going through here at home so much easier. He is just a glorious creature and i am so happy that He seemed to have magic'd His way back into my life just when i needed Him most.
- Dexter... for FUCK'S sake! i downloaded all the seasons aaaages ago and finally got around to watching the first season a few days ago. OMG. i literally can't get enough of it. it's like desperate housewives and csi had a beautiful baby. i heart it ever-so much and am in the middle of season two now... **squee**
- MY BIRTHDAY!! oh yes, it is a mere nineteen days away and i am literally crapping my pants with excitement. every day i get a little more excited because something else comes together or someone else confirms they're coming. it is going to be a night of epic proportions and will be talked about for years to come.
- smoking fags... oh yes, i know it is a terrible vice to have, but i loves it ever so much. i am trying to get as much of it in as possible now as i plan to quit the monday after my birthday (so as to allow me ample chainsmoking time with my janeyface before she leaves!)
- stretching my ears... this has always been a favourite, but today it reached new highs when my ears became the new owners of the sexiest tunnels that were ever made. they are covered in rhinestones and make me feel all glitzy!
- talking to my grandparents... so yes, i am the prodigal granddaughter. they love me and dote on me, so my telephone call to them last night was a magical experience for all involved. it was the first time i had spoken to them since i was in america last and it was really nice. typically, when i ring them they get all awkward and hate that i'm spending money ringing them, but this time was different. i talked to my grandma for a while and then she passed me on to my grandpa. he's quite ill at the moment. has something called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), so he's all wheezy and coughs a lot. i told him i was getting a divorce and he immediately asked if i was moving back. i told him that i would be, as soon as i had the money saved up and he was all but glee'ing over the phone. i told him i would be moving back at the end of next year and would most likely live in colorado, to which he exploded with delight, saying that would mean he'd get to see me more. i'd like to see them a lot. that's one of the reasons He and i want to live in colorado, that way we're close to His kids and my family. my grandparents are old and i'd want to go visit them as often as possible. it will be lovely.
- embroidering... oh yes, embroidering has become my new bff... i have been working on an amazing little project for Him and it is almost finished. it has taken all of my freestyle embroidering skillz to the next level and for that i am pleased!
- washing my face... nothing is quite so relaxing as washing my face at the end of the night. pulling out one of my gloriously-scented face wipes and giving my cheeks and forehead the old once-over. mmmmm...
- waking up to His voice... a few times over the last week He has graced me with a phone call first thing in the morning, waking me up and making my day just THAT much easier to face. i don't think He realizes how much He helps me... it goes back to making me feel like a little kid again... like, in the evenings before, when He tells me He's going to ring in the morning i crawl into bed and snuggle in with my 'mink' blanket and just can't sleep. it's like when you were young and you couldn't fall asleep on christmas eve for all the excitement of santa and his magical sleigh... urgh, that just makes me sound gay, doesn't it?
julie west, janey, jaacq, taking baths, popping spots, getting emails, facebook updates, doing my makeup, payday, my new mobile, taxidermy, planning my move back to america, cold pizza, knowing that work is falling apart without me, lists, the eels, danish photos, the fact that my ring line from my wedding ring is almost gone, my tattoos, planning my next tattoos, playing the 'i love you more' game, texting, taking photos, my blue hairs, planning crafts, my dymo machine, my external hard drive, desperate housewives, felt, etc...
so, things have been... OKAY. things could be better, things could be worse.
i went to the GP today to see if i am 'fit to return to work' and the outcome was that they wanted me off for at least another two weeks. post-GP i decided to prance into work to give them my sick note and sort out some things that had fallen apart since i've been gone. i sat and chatted with judith for a while and then was told by multiple people how sickly and thin i look, which was nice.
just after i left workies i got a phone call from my consultant saying, and i quote, '...as far as i'm concerned, to hell with work, we need to get you better.' he is referring me to the day hospital and, well, we'll see what happens from there. i will have an assessment and see what they suggest. dr gillespie is really the best thing that could have happened to me. he's so pro-active about my care and has helped me more over the last five months than dr denny did in the three years i saw him. so, hopefully i will have my assessment at the day hospital this week and see where we are from there.
let's see... with my time off i'm being encouraged to try and get out and do things as much as possible, so i am planning to have a serious playdate with pow pow this week and MAYBE go see my lee lee soon. we'll see though. i need to start saving monies for serious now in preparation for... well... for a lot of things. danishvist, christmas, moving house, moving back to america... i just need to save money.
meh, there we are... danie in a nutshell.