it's NOT tuesday!

so... another week of being alive and another week of hearting... it has been a full-on week with lots of things getting done and lots of hearting going on, so i'll just get on with this thang...

• beggars that try to bargain with you... so, true story, on my way home this afternoon a tramp came up to me and we acted out the following scenario...

OPEN SCENE: cut to a young woman, approximately 25, walking down a residential street. this woman is listening to her iPod and quietly singing to herself. it is later afternoon and there is nobody else on the street with her. she walks the length of the street obsessively checking her mobile phone to ensure she has had no texts from someone important... after the third or fourth glance at her mobile she looks up to find a very disheveled-looking man. this man looks to be in his late 50's and has a series of cuts and bruises on all visible parts of his skin. the man walks up to our leading lady displaying a large amount of change in his hand:

OLD MAN: Excuse me, do you have 30pence i can borrow?
LADY: Unfortunately not. i don't have any change at all on me.
OLD MAN: Okay... 20pence?
LADY: Really, i have absolutely no change on me...
OLD MAN: 10pence?
LADY: i have nothing, sorry.

the old man looks the lady up and down suspiciously and walks away.

END SCENE-FADE TO BLACK

• fictional books that are set somewhere you know... i am currently reading a book that is set in derby. it's about a serial killer and all that jazz, but it is just so exciting to have the author talking about all the places i go on a regular basis... places he has mentioned so far are markeaton mark, the eagle centre, normanton, uttoxeter new road and darley park. yay!
• the fact that i got ANOTHER email from augusten burroughs! yeah, that's right, he wrote me again. he wrote to apologize for not writing back sooner and saying that he is working on his list. yayz!
• THE radio... so, after four days of painstaking work and learning to embroider, i have finished the radio for alastair's photocomic. i love this radio more than anything i have ever made. SO excited to show it to pow pow tomorrow. he will weep.

• 

• getting blood drawn... i don't know why, but i have always loved it... i love the waiting and the nervousness when you are sat in that chair whilst the nurse prepares the needles and then when you realize it doesn't hurt nearly as much as you thought it would.
• popping my neck... particularly when lots of people are around to hear it and become suitably disgusted.
• waiting to see what someone has planned for me... there were big plans for my day off monday. i baked, busted my bum to finished that radio and, obviously had the day off... this was mostly all in aid of spending the day working with ali and watching films... it had been planned for a period and as i had not heard anything from him, i assumed all things were go. i then got the text of doom on sunday evening saying that he could not do it and would make it up to me... said making up will be taking place tomorrow (friday) evening. watch this space.
• the way wasps legs dangle when they are flying around.
• the smell of lavender.
• the fact that it is thursday.
• spam.
• how stable i feel now.
• planning movie dates with people.
• the fact that i will get to see jaacq AND alastair's new videos tuesday! yay!
• ordering stationery.
• going to meetings.
• when my nails get really long.
• when i dream about someone i haven't seen or heard from in a long while.
• CHINESE BUNS!
• finishing a project.
• discovering new music.
• the history of prypiat, ukraine.

i heart things and things TUESDAY!! the revival!

okay, i am starting this again as it seems the right time. i am in the process of getting myself better and in a way, one of the best ways to make yourself better is to focus on as many good things as possible. so here we go! weeeeeeeeeee!

• i heart husband! he has been absolutely, unbelieveably the strongest, most consistent thing in my life since my most recent breakdown. he may not agree and may say that he has spent a lot of the time feeling very unsure of himself and like he is worthless (as i have had a nack for making him feel like this), but he REALLY has gone the extra mile to try as many different things as he can to make sure that i am getting through this. although sometimes he has tried things that have just not worked and made me arsey, i still have to credit him for trying and sticking with me whilst i have turned into satan. he is a fabulous creature and i could never, ever tell him i love him enough.
• the fact that augusten burroughs emailed me!! i still cannot get over the fact that someone like him could have actually been willing to take the time to email me and not treat me like the scratty stuff he'd scrape off the bottom of his shoe. oh how exciting!
• andrew jackson jihad! there is actually no better band in the world at the moment! they are the greatest, most fun, hysterical band ever. all their lyrics are incredible and i just absolutely love them.
• starting new medication! i both heart and hate this. at the moment i heart it mostly because i feel positive about it. i feel like this may be the one that sticks and gets me onto the next stage of my treatment. i am on an anti-depressant that i used to be on in america and it worked a treat. alongside this, the doctor has given me some valium for my anxiety. this, i enjoy mostly because it is identified by most people as quite a 'crazy' medicine, so the fact that i am on it is delightful. i've only taken one and it worked alright, i guess. watch this space.
• feeding our goldfish! it is mostly fun and exciting because they get themselves so worked up that i have to cackle at them. before i feed them they just sit there in a little huddle in the corner of the tank and STARE. they stare and shake their little fishy bums until they see me grab the food container which sends them wild and they fling themselves around the tank in a wild frenzy. post-feed they spend their time hunting through the rocks and sand to find the last, tiny morsels that will get them through the rest of the day.
• 1000 awesome things!! which is pretty much the greatest website at the moment! it just goes over some of the most splendid things that make you feel all excited for knowing exactly what he is on about.

Honourable mentions!!

penpals, twix, my sister, my lists, coca cola, having a sick day, lying in bed, tidying, spore, random delightful documentaries on telly, stripey shirts, getting excited about another trip to london, getting emails from my niece, fast downloading speeds, roseanne, foreign films...

Baked and destroyed

well, for the love of god i took long enough to update, didn't i?! for anybody who actually takes the time to read this, i really, honestly do apologise. i promised myself every morning that as soon as i left work that evening i would come and get on the computer to post a blog. obviously, that never happened... but here i am now. has it really been three freaking months?! i actually can't believe it! let's re-cap what has been happening these last few months, shall we?

March

• i generally just slowly bobbed along, trying to make sure i didn't bump into anything that would make my life more horrible than it needed to be.
• i got a letter form Dr Denny in response to my previously posted letter, which generally said i was lying and that he was referring me onto a new consultant. YAY!
• Satankim went off work for a month! her holiday began march 17th and she went to Australia on a holiday she did nothing but complain about for the two months prior to her flight-date. her holiday featured TWO cruises and endless tours all over the land i oh-so-badly want to visit.
• i was introduced to the glorious band that is Andrew Jackson Jihad who as just the most witty, funny, dancy, fabulous band ever! look them up immediately!

April

• Jerryfest FINALLY happened and it featured a massive amount of glorious dancing, prancing and eating.
• i baked 100 cupcakes at the Aga shop for Jerryfest and made everyone happier than they knew it was possible to be.
• had an unexpectedly longer visit from claire and mark due to Ryanair being satan (they got to the airport and checked in then waited for their flight. the boarding call occurred, everyone began boarding and then the flight people just STOPPED boarding with six people left. the flight was not full, they just didn't feel like boarding anymore people, i guess.). so they came back to ours and we pranced for several days in a musical flurry.
• we got a new guinea pig who is a stupendously precious creature who i bought only on a whim when i saw her cowering in the corner of an entirely empty cage. the backstory of her life is as such

once upon a time, there was a tiny princess-like guinea pig born who was yet to be named. she was ginger and incredibly cuddly but she was also the tiniest little guinea pig of the litter. all the other pigs hated her and made fun of her tiny face and her even tinier feet. she just continued to prance and dig in the hay, knowing that one day she would be loved.
-ENTER DANIE- 4:45pm, Pets at Home, Derby, UK

the shop had been open all day, all her brothers and sisters had been sold within a timely manner and an excitable american pranced in and sees her tiny, beautiful red eyes and knows that she must be hers.

and to be honest, that was the end of that story and the beginning of a new one. she is tiny and we called her Chopper... named because of her tiny ears which had been mostly chewed off by her siblings due to her small size and bizarre social habits. initially, she was tiny and awkward with the other two ladies, but she has now become one of the family. she is the noisiest of all of our pets and the most fabulously lovely as well (bar chevy, of course!)

• the show that was filmed last JULY finally aired and it was exciting. it was only an hour-long show that was meant to be a look at the drinking habits of females of all ages but our bit was about twelve minutes long and oh-so-fabulous! i had a lot of air-time due to my being american and having the ability to discuss the difference in drinking habits between here and the states. it was incredibly exciting.
• i was harassed constantly with phrases such as 'hey, aren't you that girl from the telly?!' and 'didn't i see you on t.v. the other night?' to which i always blurted in the most excited manner that i could that i was, indeed the female from telly and they should all fawn after me as i am now famous.
• Satankim returned from Australia with nay a postcard or foreign treat. bitch.
• we celebrated Easter in a very special fashion by having a brilliant easter-basket swap and meal. the meal was bountious and i baked a cake that ended up actually being the greatest carrot cake that has ever been baked or eaten by anybody, ever.
• i got my newest and most loved tattoo of the moment for Jerry.
• we got a new printer/scanner/photocopier which has made it possible for me to FINALLY put all my lists up and print things in colour! be jealous!

MAY!

• i had my very first appointment with my new consultant, dr gillespie. he is a REALLY lovely man who immediatly apologised for the problems i have been having with dr denny and said that it is clear i need help and he is going to give it to me.
• i had an interview as directorate secretary for surgical services at the hospital which went incredibly well but i did not get the job for.
• i went out on a stupendous evening with jaacq, powers, lee lee and everyone else. an evening which was amazing for many reasons.... 1) i LOVE seeing my jaacq! 2) i got to see ali's new band, dulcinea, play for the first time (fabulous!) 3) it was like EVERYONE was out and i just got to prance around and feel normal for a while. overall, it was just the best night in a while. i loved it.

• EUROVISION!
• we got a new video card which has made my life about 800,000,000,000 times better. this is because i can now fully immerse myself in games such as spore (!!!), Sims 2 (PLUS expansion packs), stubbs the zombie and diablo 2 (which isn't really as a result of the video card, we just remembered to download it again)
• i went to see 'drag me to hell' with powers. that film is actually a bag of crap and i have never been so disappointed with a film in my life.
• i started a new anti-depressant. we shall see.
• we got the new fishy!! husband and i had a random outing to a big fish shop near our house and saw a flurry of oscars (a breed we have been lusting after for some time now. the only reason we have avoided getting one until now is because they get HUGE and need a big tank.). we pretty much instantly fell in love and picked the most handsome of the bunch to come live with us. he was put into the old tank and named Chikatilo (after my favourite serial killer)
• we moved into the new building at work. it was a sad day, but the new building is REALLY huge and lovely. i like it a lot!
• i emailed augusten burroughs on the off-chance, to see if he would be willing to write me a list and HE REPLIED!!!

JUNE!!!

• i went to see 'coraline' with powers and lee lee. it was fairly exciting, mostly due to the fact that it was the first 3d film i have ever been to. i wanted to steal the glasses but they had glasses nazis at all exits so at to prevent miscreants like myself from popping them into my bag.
• i had my first appointment with my new CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who is rather lovely. she says that although it seems it is clear i have depressive problems, i appear to have control over it and knowing when i need to get help and there is not a lot she can do for me. she will keep seeing me for another month and then see where we are.
• we got a new, giant fish tank which has made our lives about a million times better. we have put Chik in it and the giant catfish.
• i have started taking chevy out into the garden with a lead on. he is mostly delighted about it. i am attempting to train him in the art of being well-behaved so i can take him to the park on the lead eventually. husband will have no part of this.

and that's it. my life in a general nutshell.

i PROMISE i will keep you up-to-date more often and better from now on, i PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE!!!!