2012... the first Tuesday

ohhh, so i've been SO busy with workies and stuff that i've just not had any time to stop and type. also, the puppy we've got living in our house decided it'd be fun to eat the shit out of my laptop's powercord, so my e-life has been virtually and literally unplugged.

anyway, here's a list...

hand bells
the way dogs smell
fat dogs... there is very little i love more than fat dogs.
basset hounds... this was exacerbated on New Year's Eve when we drove north to see one of Muffin's friends. they have a basset hound AND a fat sausage dog. it was the most exciting night of my entire life.
the mountain... the one constant over the last several weeks for me has been the mountain. Mr Rainier is so, unbelievably beautiful that i can't believe it. every single day i am baffled by the mountain and love that we live someplace that gives me the opportunity to see such beauty.
the first bite of a fudgecicle
Family Guy
all my cupcake stuff... our house is completely covered with cupcake crap... glass ones, paper ones, plush ones, plastic ones, thumbtack ones, snowman ones, post-it ones, Christmas ones... SO MANY cupcakes that you couldn't believe it. i love ALL the cupcakes in our house, every single one.
Laurie getting me all that cupcake stuff... Muffin's mummy got me a whole giant shitload of cupcake stuff for Christmas and i am SO pleased! i love that people just buy me shit loads of cupcake stuff all the time and i love that she thought enough of me to literally get me an entire box filled with cupcake stuff.
Pictionary
Chinese hot dog buns
when children don't have to be told to say thank you
helpful customers... in line with the hanger suggestion from my last list, ANOTHER helpful thing that i love for customers to do is to put all their items on the counter with the barcodes up. can i tell you why? because the whole system at work is for us to have the best numbers for rings per minute, so the helpfulness of a customer who does THAT not only helps them to be more efficient, but also helps MY numbers.
Samuel L. Jackson
Colbert Report... i'm not going to dignify this with ANY blurb, just know that this is the only place or time that you will ever read that.
truckers that look stereotypically like truckers
Taco John's
Honey Habanero Chicken
Raising Hope
sausage dogs

a kind of "BWEEEE" tuesday...

hrm. never posted that other blog, did i? well i WILL, in time. perhaps today? but also perhaps not. there's a lot on this little girl's dinner plate today and i need to get them done before i can sit and go on more than i should about my life in a blog that, more often than not, is not being read and therefore is fairly useless.

alas, i have a list! a glorious list! please enjoy!

french toast and bacon cupcakes... so, for "research" purposes i went to a new bakery that opened up down the road from our house. we went in and i immediately fell in love with the idea of french toast and bacon cakes (complete with a piece of candied bacon on top!). my pout came into effect almost straight away as i began pawing at Muffin's collar, making sure that there was NO DOUBT that i would want a cake and OMGCOULDIPLEASEHAVEITRIGHTNOW?! anyways. i got my cake and good freaking jesus in a handbasket it was beautiful. it was like a tiny bit of heaven was cut from the skies and churned around in a mixer with bacon bits, sugar and maple syrup. it was the most perfect store-bought cake i'd ever had. ever. PHWOAR!
daytime drinking
talking to Carmen... my other sister and i are not too terribly close. we rarely speak and typically when we do it's just not overall very nice. it's usually very mechanical and painful. like pulling teeth, but friday... friday i had an amazing conversation with her that left me heaped in a little ball of weepy in a too-hot-for-me bath. it was a conversation that made me feel like we actually had a connection and that she really, honest-to-goodness cared for me, which i've never really felt before. it was nice. it made me feel nice.
new jewelery
photo collages
valentine's day... which was unbelievably magical this year. this has been the first valentine's day that i feel like i've been really, absolutely in love. i spent the entire day in complete awe of how much i love Muffin... i stared at his hands and feet and nose and literally couldn't believe how much i love him. it hurts, how much i love him. he made it a perfect day and i can't seem to find enough words to thank him for giving that to me.
the fact that i'm fairly spoiled... mmm, i really am. i pretty much get anything i want. mostly. my wants aren't huge, but Muffin tends to oblige... he takes care of me by way of cupcakes, baking trays, shoes, hamburgers... he's magical.
pine nuts
random phone calls
my hairs
oh my LORD sex
tandem showers
the johnny cash project
finding an awesome bargain
mary j blige
julia roberts

completely, absolutely unexpected surprises... after receiving many, many magical gifts on valentine's day i felt relaxed and pleased. i occasionally prodded Muffin, saying that he SHOULD have gotten me flowers, as EVERY girl likes getting flowers. it wasn't until i was about to begin cooking our amazingdindins when he asked if i needed anything from the supermarket. i grinned at him, knowing that he was going to go get me some flowers and used my need for prosciutto to be able to away himself to a local florist to find me some sort of lily. whilst he was out i readied the supplies for the chicken parmigiana. i laid out the breasts, cheese, basil, bay leaves and olive oil when booger went nuts, signaling the return of his father. Muffin walked into the kitchen with one hand behind his back and the other holding a supermarket bag with my ham. he mumbled about flowers and how he hadn't gotten me anything huge and then pulled me close and handed me a cutesy ceramic cupcake with five carnations and a heart in it. i was immediately delighted with the glitter, cupcake and flowers and sat the gift down to kiss his face off for being a good listener when he pulled away and said, "oh dear, it looks as though this came with a ring." it was at that moment that i forgot how to speak and how to not weep. i just smiled and saw the tiny glittering ring being held in place by the heart. he proceeded to explain to me that this ring meant that he was mine. that he would be mine and nobody else's and that one day we will, when the time is right, become engaged and wed. he then removed the ring from it's flowery bed and placed it on my tiny finger (which seems to have become even tinier since it was measured last, as a spacer had to be purchased today so as to avoid the loss of said promise of foreverlove). literally, receiving a ring from Muffin was the last thing in the entire world i expected and i have spent the last twenty-four hours in a state of excitement that cannot be contained, staring at my hand, but doing so in secret so as to not look like a goddamn weirdo. just, SQUEEE!
mozzarella cheese
bill murray
valium
honesty
cardigans
clearing out the garage
cooking magazines
william elliot whitmore
love songs
marvin gaye
coming out of dark places... i'm going through dark places. places i've kept secret because i don't want people to worry. even Muffin has been mostly kept out of the loop. i've wanted to travel them alone and came dangerously close to losing myself, but i feel like slowly, right now, i am making it through. it feels like, but still slightly unstable.
inappropriate post cards
taxidermy
finding dead animals on the side of the road
blueberry cakes
angel hair pasta
how tiny my hands are
cleavage
chewing plastic
how sexy a simple pair of underwear can make me feel
cupcakes that are so beautiful it makes my head hurt... like these:

mmm, that's good enough. i have a romantic dinner to prepare for. have a lovely week. <3

the laziest of tuesdays

good GOD i am having a lazy tuesday.

i've been in the middle of writing a fairly epic and emotional blog for the last two days, so i needed to literally pull myself away from the computer last night and just give myself a break. i am sure i'll post it sometime tonight or tomorrow, so expect THAT... it might be a trainwreck, it might not. we'll see.

so, today has just literally consisted of me sitting on the sofa and doing things just for me. no tidying, no laundry, just danie, booger, cookbooks, magazines, this week's coupons and season two of desperate housewives. all of this lazy has only been interrupted three times to allow breaks for me to have a fag and grab some better cheddars and nail varnish. it's been glorious to just take a day for myself. a day to reel back all of the energy that i've been exerting on every other aspect of my life and pour it all on myself. to just take care of danie.

now though, i thought i would list.

figs
the parcel of glee from LaDonna... and the fact that no matter what "phases" i go through (when i was a teenager, i was TOTALLY into rubber ducks, a few years later i couldn't get enough of henry rollins), LaDonna ALWAYS, without fail, finds me the greatest gifts. she hadn't sent me my christmas present yet, due to her having had surgery and then her husband having surgery almost a week after her. she finally sent it out last week and it arrived today, completely filled with amazingly cutesy and perfect cupcake-themed decorations and nick-nacks (a fucking SEXY apron, recipe/photo holders, magnets, stained-glass window ornaments, a manicure kit, a magazine filled with cupcake recipes and some cupcake-scented hand sanitizer.) she's just wonderful at picking out all the best things and i just love her so much for that.
better cheddars
chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
prism nailpolish
aprons
scissors... it's pow's fault. i never really gave them much notice until i started working with him on Johnny. now though, i tend to go all gushy when i see a particularly sexy pair of scissors or a picture of a pair of vintage scissors. PHWOAR! that's all i can say.
frozen blueberries
lip balm
tom waits
the boys at the tattoo shop... at THIS tattoo shop, here. crispy, sailor cam, grover and maxwell. they're all just the loveliest boys. they're lovely in a different way than the boys back in derby in that they're not so confrontational with their vulgarities. they are incredibly polite and kind and i love all of their tiny faces. this can be seen with every batch of cupcakes i lovingly bake and bring in to them each time i go to the shop. i'll look forward to getting many, many more pieces of work from them and baking them no less than five hundred more batches of cakes.
the new tattoo... she's beautiful. planning for her began over a year ago. i had asked jaacqy what he wanted me to get tattoo'd on me for him and he said he wanted a mermaid. i told him i'd get one but was stumped, as i didn't want just any ORDINARY mermaid. i wanted a special mermaid. one that would go with the rest of my tattoos (well, as much as the rest of them go with one another) and that would look like something i would get on my body. it was within a week that janey (jane hallam) presented me with the sushi mermaid. i immediately asked if i could have her and put her on my body. and the story's history from there, as i finally, after nearly a year, got her inked onto my skin for forevers. she's perfect and everything i hoped she'd be. she plays very nicely with her tattoo brothers and sisters and will eventually have a sexy background to go along with her.
reading crochet pattern books
the smell of our laundry detergent
meatballs
tinned pineapple
grilled chicken
japanese zombies
coupon day
ice water
bright lights
early mornings
christopher titus
the eels


merp! not a very long list this week. sorry. i thought there was more going on in my head than this. in any event, at least i made SOME kind of list. have a glorious week.

over and out.

<3

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

baking. i wish i was better at baking.

Day 14 - A picture of your favorite pastime.

crocheting and cupcakes. i could never chose one over the other. i love them both so much.

Everything’s jamming… and not in a Bob Marley sort of way…

No. I am not good this week, for many reasons, most of which I am finding it hard to put my finger on specifically. 

I SHOULD be happy… a great deal of fabulous things have taken place in my little life in the last week that could possibly be glorious enough to make a rich man happy, but no… I am hard to please with all my stress and blargh. 

Yesterday afternoon I arrived home after several days in London (but it was my last trip to London before I leave, adding a great amount of doom and gloom to every corner we turned and piece of siu mai that I ate.). I had spent the previous four days in a state of almost constant laugh with janeyface as we went on adventure after adventure. 

The adventures began on Thursday evening when I arrived after having been journeying on the train in First Class accommodation. I decided to treat myself since it was my last trip to London for a long while and since it was totally only a fiver. I minced into train car “G” in my jeggings, lemon-yellow Dr Martins and gingham cowboy shirt with a giant smile on my face. I am generally friendly to everyone and was especially friendly to the lady that was sat across from my designated seat. She immediately judged me, presumably because of my tattoos and amazinghair… without a second’s hesitation I became Vivian Ward from “Pretty Woman” and she became the shopkeeper (who I shall name, for the purposes of this blog, Katrisha). i went about my business… I sat proudly in my extra-roomy seat and pulled out my crocheting and tub of blueberries and strawberries. I began working on my latest project whilst Katrisha sat across from me pretending not to judge me. She kept her head directed towards her HR Service Level Agreement but kept sweeping her gaze across me and no doubt wondering why National Rail would allow scum like me to sit in the first car when it was CLEARLY only for high-powered business people and high-class prostitutes (Katrisha was the former, but COULD have been the latter, were she about twenty years younger). As the ticket inspector shuffled up the aisle to make sure there were no intruders she began to trundle in her seat, no doubt excited beyond belief to witness the forcible removal of me from the car after I was dramatically unveiled as the holder of an economy ticket instead. I passed my ticket to the gentleman and he glanced at it for a moment, Katrisha stared at him with relentless intent, desperate to hear him announce loudly to the entire car that I was NOT to be sat there and could I please move and that I needed to quiet down or he would call for backup (because clearly, all ticket inspectors have a stock of backup inspectors for the particularly rambunctious passenger who is insistent on staying put). The inspector looked at my ticket, smiled at me and stamped it before handing it back to me. Katrisha was instantly deflated, you could see that. The remainder of my journey was spent being watched by Katrisha and a very mature gentleman who spent the first half of the ride swapping between seats, falling over and crying. They both watched me intently as I crocheted… I am certain the gentleman wanted to talk to me which is why he stared at me so incessantly, but I was uninterested and therefore ignored him. 

Anyways, talk about being side-tracked! 

So I went to London and janey and I participated in a great deal of activities and funtimes… it wasn’t until my last day that it really hit me that every single thing that I did whilst I was there would be my last. Each shopkeeper that I had become so familiar with over the years, each street name I had studied so as to navigate on my own seemed to all be in vain, as I would not be returning to Hackney ever again. 

Alas, we played like we’d never played before. Thursday we drank, made friends with some random ethnics, drank more and slept nude for some reason. Friday we went to Dim Sum, pranced in Chinatown and went home to craft and watch a crap-ton of films. Saturday we went to Walthamstowe (see below) and then to Brixton (also see below) for a Caribbean meal. Sunday was Hackney Farm (ALSO see below), a long walk to a taxidermy and surgical tool shop and home for tattooing and Father Ted. It was a glorious weekend and I couldn’t have imagined a better last trip to London. I love janey and I love our adventures. 

I came home with slight hesitation but a bounty of gifts for Graham and Pow. Prior to my leaving I had a conversation with Graham about his skin colour and the fact that I thought a red shirt would really suit him. He advised that he had no red shirts and demanded I get him one during my trip to London, but stipulated it could cost no more than £3. I did this times two and he was pleased with his bounty of gifts (see “Dexter” below). I brought Pow a pair of surgical scissor-type things for Johnny and three seashell animals for our shelf… he had been quite emo as of late and after a long, drunk texting marathon with him on Thursday I was feeling quite sick at the thought of facing him. Things felt odd and mechanical between us, so I hugged him and went to the pub. A series of events took place that left me feeling quite dejected and left me questioning the foundations our friendship is based on and now I am left here, this afternoon wondering what it will be like when I see him later today. 

This wondering comes after a series of incredibly aggressive texts and curt replies from him. he’s never been like this with me and I hate it. I just want to hold him and will both of our achey, stressy awful away but I don’t feel like he’ll let me do that. I am terribly pensive about going home this evening for fear of what is in store for me… I guess all I can do is hold my breath when I open the door and expect the worst and take whatever’s coming to me. 

So… there we are. my week in a nutshell… I feel like our photocopier, jamming-up every few minutes with all the junk that is being put through me. I’m feeling so fragile at the moment that if I were to even be bumped too hard by a passing pedestrian, I would most likely fall to pieces…

here, have a list.


Inception
Cillian Murphy… PHWOAR!!
watching pen ink dry
stand-up comedy 
my cupcake tattoo… for the amount of times I have been asked if it is real or how it looks so perfect, I love it. From the handles of the scissors to the bottom of the lowest pink splodge, I love my almost-newest tattoo. Not just the tattoo though, but the entire session as well. I love Thomas and I love getting work done by him. We spent the whole time listening to Eminem’s new album and talking about his new procurement of the shop. It was a wonderfully perfect day and it is a wonderfully perfect tattoo.
being sung to… Graham sings to me almost every time we are together and I love that… I love it when he grabs his guitar and starts to strum one of the special emo chords that make my heart want to burst. When Graham isn’t singing to me then Pow is and my favourite is hearing him sing. He sings random silly things to me that I try to memorize so I can take them with me to america, but there’s no way I could ever remember every one of those details. Sigh.
Pow smell
contemplating band names
dogs carrying newspapers
Janey… a janeyblog coming this week, keep your eyeballs peeled.  

Dexter… it was last Wednesday evening. I was sat on the sofa with Graham and watching Zoo TV, singing along to one of Bono’s many hits and ostracizing his trousers every chance I got, whilst I was doing this my fingers were wrapped with brown and orange wool, working on a fox for Chris Tree. Graham watched me for a short time before asking me if I would make him something. Ever-looking for an excuse to not work on the fox I said yes. He asked me if I would make him a Dexter… I asked what a Dexter was and he told me that he was a 2-d cartoon he had created a while back that is used for many little sketches he does. I said yes and that was when the project planning meetings began. We had three that night and by Sunday Dexter was complete. Monday afternoon I pranced out to the back garden with Dexter in hand and asked Graham if he wanted to see him. He nodded and I passed him over. Pow took photos of Graham’s tiny, happy face the instant he received Dexter, but I have no idea where they are… it was the most beautiful little face you could have ever imagined. He beamed like a new parent and snuggled Dexter to his chest immediately. He said he was perfect and hugged me. those are the moments that I live for… the ones that allow me to hand over something someone has been wanting and see how their faces react. It’s a beautiful thing to know that I am able to do that to people… make their faces light up so big. Dexter is one item I am particularly proud of making… probably in the top five.
self-heating face masks 

Hackney Farm… by far my favourite farm that I have ever been to. It’s so, so tiny but also so perfect. it’s got a ridiculous amount of chickens (the ones that wear trousers), a small mammal area (with guinea pigs and rabbits), goats, cows, a donkey, sheep and PIGS!! The most recent daytrip to the farm allowed me to see the two ginger beasts who have no names… I call them Danie and Janey as they remind me of us (lying around being flatulent and kicking one another). I remember when I very first went to the farm almost three years ago. Those two ginger ladies were so tiny compared to their massive size now. I always go to them first and pat their bellies with force, talking to them in a squealy voice before being startled by a chicken or lured by the other pig… the biggest of them all… she’s beautiful and I love her. I love farms and I love Hackney Farm most.   
Kimya Dawson 

Graham Williams… he is just SUCH a special creature and I hate that I only just met him. most nights we stay up on the Book of Face or on our mobiles, messaging back and forth about the news, music or racist things (I must point out here that I am NOT actually a racist, I just find the words and entire concept hysterical). Yesterday whilst I was on my way to the shop I asked if he wanted anything from the shop and he offered me a list consisting of one fizzy pop that is neither light nor dark, one sweet that had been dipped in something and one packet of crisps that are crunchy. He stipulated NONE of the packaging could have red on them and spouted off a number of other things that I didn’t pay attention to because I was attempting to memorize the moment. He is just literally the funniest, most fabulous person I’ve ever met in my life and I love spending time with him. This week will feature a playdate on the swings, blue cakes with coconut in and emo megamixes we’ve made for one another. I am muy excited!
Stafford… a stupendously jolly man who runs a Caribbean restaurant in Brixton… I love him and his wife’s incredible cooking.
riding first-class on the train
mega-mixes
discussing food with janey… because that’s literally all we ever do… discuss food or sex. I love janey.
stopping-off at random pubs with janey
bratwurst
Franny… one of the few people I feel genuinely close to at the moment. For all the people that seem to have abandoned me, Franny is there offering me hugs every chance she gets. I love her and I love spending time with her. she’s a beautiful creature inside and out and is another person I HATE myself for not having bonded with sooner…
Lee Lee
Thai breakfasts… sausages, egg, curry and rice OH MY!!
when Muffin surprises me… he’s getting better, slowly. He’s been surprising me with random phone calls and photos at least daily and my heart is all pleased for this. he’s a delightful boy.
apple juice
Sam Rockwell… PHWOAR!
dim sum
Brixton… full of all the most fabulous trinkets, clothes, foods and people ever. I love it so big.
sea shell animals… oh. em. gee.
taxidermy
elderly couples
good buttercream icing
cowboy shirts 

my Kevin tattoo
Father Ted
Belle & Sebastian
Ardal O’Hanlon
smoked salmon… but ONLY when accompanied by soy sauce and wasabi… NOM!!
being familiar enough with London to be able to navigate confidently
The Lucy Show
my hair
all-butter cookies
my drawings
fresh watermelon
riding the underground
Paige
English Countryside
sideshow freaks
caravans
Flight of the Conchords
wigs
spinach dumplings
soy sauce
boiled potatoes
strange and confusing game shows
clouds
sunny days
courgettes
Polish soup
really old hospitals
animals that have been preserved in jars
Walthamstowe… best market, chinese pound shop and people-watching locale in the WORLD. Fact.
good posture
Fox Gloves… the flowers, not tiny mittens for woodland creatures, although wouldn’t THOSE be CUUUTE?!
caramel shortcake

9: love my life: for the work i do...

and but oh do I do a lot of work for others! It seems as though I pretty much do nothing but things for other people. 

I’m not complaining here though…  I love the work I do… I love every single little tiny thing I create and every single little smile I generate on another person’s face as a result. 

The obvious things I do are my cupcakes. My cupcakes always make me the happiest because they are something I tend to offer exclusively to other people. When I bake, I tend to bake just for other people and don’t often eat any of the cakes myself.

I bake, lovingly mixing all the ingredients whilst singing along to whatever words I have placed on my megamix for that specific day. 

I decorate, carefully piping, glittering and placing each and every decoration with love and attention.
I watch. 

This is my favourite bit… watching people eat my baked goods. There is very little I love more in the world than to sit smugly as I see all the muscles of the recipient’s face turn into putty and fall in love with me, my cakes and all things sweet. I love that people come and hug me after I’ve baked, I love that I am known, seemingly around the world, as ‘The Cupcake Lady’  or ‘Danie Cupcake.’ I love, love, LOVE my baked goods. 

Alongside my cupcakes are the things I make. The woollen toys, hats, scarves and any other miscellany you can conjure. These things come fewer and further in between but generate the most amount of glee… most of my creations lately have been for Pow, but no mind, as his happy face is one of my favourites. When I present him with a new bizarre toy or idea I see his eyes go bright and the corners of his mouth immediately turn up into a smile not dissimilar to that of a toddler on Christmas. 

Alongside all the things I do (my actual job, sewing, tidying, cooking, tanning pigskin, etc) I feel that even the most simple things, that wouldn’t ordinarily be considered ‘work’ to people, are often taken for granted as gifts to other people. 

A mere smile or squeeze of the hand can be life-altering for some people, depending on the day. I am a firm believer that every single little thing that one does alters the world, much like the old adage about if a bird flaps it’s wing in America then  someone will feel a breeze in Japan or something (I don’t know quite how it goes), but everything everyone does is crucial to someone, somewhere. 

So for now, I will continue creating, smiling, baking, writing and taking photos, as I believe these things are the biggest and most special gifts that I give to people…. 

tuesday...

this week had been a little slow on the hearting things side... i haven't really found myself in such an excitable and superinlovewitheverything mood. i don't really know why... i have just been overall covered with a thin blanket made of morose. it may be because my birthday and all the excitement involved with that has passed now and i am just on the kind of end-of-year run-down, but i just... i feel all tired and saggy and perhaps definitely ready to go back to work.

meh, let's do this thang...

danie hearts:

• the cupcake necklace... gifted to her by the beautiful hannah on her birthday, she loves it more than any of her other pieces of jewelery. i love always having a cupcake on me so people KNOW... i worry sometimes that people see it more as a fashion symbol than a way of life, but i don't give a fuck... i know what i wear it for and hope that people will ask me. 
• fried rice
• reading old poetry

• my desk at home... i have begun to really adore my desk here at home. it is my fabulous little safe haven where i can create or brainstorm or do anything i want. it is filled with all the things that inspire me and make me happy and i love it. 
• disco balls
• watching the way light glistens on wet pavement at night
• weeing
• planning my next london excursion... this is particularly exciting primarily because i will not be doing what i typically do in london (exhaust myself in chinatown, overeat and drink way too much). this journey will feature me prancing to a pub in bethnal green and watching my precious jaacq perform his little heart out during the last leg of his tour. i was so worried that i was going to miss out on watching his performance, but it seems i will catch his very last show and will be attending with janey, pow pow and eleanor. it will be glorious! 
• rice with butter and brown sugar on
• planning a day out with pow pow on thanksgiving so i don't have to feel so alone... GOD i hope he comes through on this. i have a feeling he won't though.
• yvonne
• creating more animals for my tiny zoo
• boys with pretty eyelashes
• julie west
• janeytexts
• grandma's boy
• danish voice... he seems to have this unbelievable calming affect on me, even just by saying 'CPN 2 Sergeant Scharff...' when he answers the phone makes my heart beat faster. his voice sounds exactly how i remember it when i met him all those years ago and it seems to have this way of making everything in the world go right where it needs to be. he has actual magical powers, that muffin. 

meh, that's all... i need to hit the hay.

i heart things tuesday

has another week ACTUALLY passed? it feels like i was just sat here yesterday doing a list for people that most likely don't even bother reading them. (except for princess ashley, who i can always count on). let's just get to the nitty gritty...

• the science of sleep! fuck me this is a fabulously beautiful film! i watched it a couple of weeks ago with powers and to be honest, i am still shocked that i didn't put this on my list ages ago. the film is a mix of french and english and just the most beautiful set design and scriptwork. i can't believe what a magical film this was. it was obviously made all the better with ice cream, powers, hannah and blue hair dye. if you watch this film, try and make it as magical as possible for you... things that can assist you in achieving this include, but are not limited to the following... clotted cream ice cream, a good friend, a craft to work on, some fluffy cushions, a mobile on silent, a glass of your favourite beverage and comments that will be remind you of a fabulous afternoon each time you watch it from then on.
• telly time with husband! husband has decided to grace me with his presence more often this last week in the shape of watching several films and programmes with me. we have consumed such gems as Doomsday (which is made of a small bit of fail), the Machinist (which was surprisingly delightful with its imagry and twist which, by the way, i figured out BEFORE the end of the film, which is nice!), Mum and Dad (which is also made of fail, but fun in the horrible imagery), Butcher Boy (which is fabulous! i bought the film solely based on the cover and it totally didn't disappoint!) and Inside Nature's Giants (which was a documentary filming the dissection of an elephant. holy wow they has amazing intestines!). it has been really nice to spend time with him. because i am an emotional trainwreck at the moment, it has been nice to spend time together that does not feature me crying or being arsey.
• CHALLIS!! she is a beautious creature that i want to fold up, put in my pocket and keep with me for always. saturday was the first time her and i hung out like, for reals and it was just lovely. we have a lot in common and she loves my cupcakes and we can just talk and talk and talk. i heartz hers so muchz!
• CUPCAKES!!!! OMG i made the greatest cupcakes evar this last weekend. they were just the most beautifully perfect, tasty, colourful cupcakes ever in the world. every batch i make is better than the last and gets me one step closer to starting my wee home-based business.

eh. husband just threw a patty and now i am not in the mood. that's all for now.

Baked and destroyed

well, for the love of god i took long enough to update, didn't i?! for anybody who actually takes the time to read this, i really, honestly do apologise. i promised myself every morning that as soon as i left work that evening i would come and get on the computer to post a blog. obviously, that never happened... but here i am now. has it really been three freaking months?! i actually can't believe it! let's re-cap what has been happening these last few months, shall we?

March

• i generally just slowly bobbed along, trying to make sure i didn't bump into anything that would make my life more horrible than it needed to be.
• i got a letter form Dr Denny in response to my previously posted letter, which generally said i was lying and that he was referring me onto a new consultant. YAY!
• Satankim went off work for a month! her holiday began march 17th and she went to Australia on a holiday she did nothing but complain about for the two months prior to her flight-date. her holiday featured TWO cruises and endless tours all over the land i oh-so-badly want to visit.
• i was introduced to the glorious band that is Andrew Jackson Jihad who as just the most witty, funny, dancy, fabulous band ever! look them up immediately!

April

• Jerryfest FINALLY happened and it featured a massive amount of glorious dancing, prancing and eating.
• i baked 100 cupcakes at the Aga shop for Jerryfest and made everyone happier than they knew it was possible to be.
• had an unexpectedly longer visit from claire and mark due to Ryanair being satan (they got to the airport and checked in then waited for their flight. the boarding call occurred, everyone began boarding and then the flight people just STOPPED boarding with six people left. the flight was not full, they just didn't feel like boarding anymore people, i guess.). so they came back to ours and we pranced for several days in a musical flurry.
• we got a new guinea pig who is a stupendously precious creature who i bought only on a whim when i saw her cowering in the corner of an entirely empty cage. the backstory of her life is as such

once upon a time, there was a tiny princess-like guinea pig born who was yet to be named. she was ginger and incredibly cuddly but she was also the tiniest little guinea pig of the litter. all the other pigs hated her and made fun of her tiny face and her even tinier feet. she just continued to prance and dig in the hay, knowing that one day she would be loved.
-ENTER DANIE- 4:45pm, Pets at Home, Derby, UK

the shop had been open all day, all her brothers and sisters had been sold within a timely manner and an excitable american pranced in and sees her tiny, beautiful red eyes and knows that she must be hers.

and to be honest, that was the end of that story and the beginning of a new one. she is tiny and we called her Chopper... named because of her tiny ears which had been mostly chewed off by her siblings due to her small size and bizarre social habits. initially, she was tiny and awkward with the other two ladies, but she has now become one of the family. she is the noisiest of all of our pets and the most fabulously lovely as well (bar chevy, of course!)

• the show that was filmed last JULY finally aired and it was exciting. it was only an hour-long show that was meant to be a look at the drinking habits of females of all ages but our bit was about twelve minutes long and oh-so-fabulous! i had a lot of air-time due to my being american and having the ability to discuss the difference in drinking habits between here and the states. it was incredibly exciting.
• i was harassed constantly with phrases such as 'hey, aren't you that girl from the telly?!' and 'didn't i see you on t.v. the other night?' to which i always blurted in the most excited manner that i could that i was, indeed the female from telly and they should all fawn after me as i am now famous.
• Satankim returned from Australia with nay a postcard or foreign treat. bitch.
• we celebrated Easter in a very special fashion by having a brilliant easter-basket swap and meal. the meal was bountious and i baked a cake that ended up actually being the greatest carrot cake that has ever been baked or eaten by anybody, ever.
• i got my newest and most loved tattoo of the moment for Jerry.
• we got a new printer/scanner/photocopier which has made it possible for me to FINALLY put all my lists up and print things in colour! be jealous!

MAY!

• i had my very first appointment with my new consultant, dr gillespie. he is a REALLY lovely man who immediatly apologised for the problems i have been having with dr denny and said that it is clear i need help and he is going to give it to me.
• i had an interview as directorate secretary for surgical services at the hospital which went incredibly well but i did not get the job for.
• i went out on a stupendous evening with jaacq, powers, lee lee and everyone else. an evening which was amazing for many reasons.... 1) i LOVE seeing my jaacq! 2) i got to see ali's new band, dulcinea, play for the first time (fabulous!) 3) it was like EVERYONE was out and i just got to prance around and feel normal for a while. overall, it was just the best night in a while. i loved it.

• EUROVISION!
• we got a new video card which has made my life about 800,000,000,000 times better. this is because i can now fully immerse myself in games such as spore (!!!), Sims 2 (PLUS expansion packs), stubbs the zombie and diablo 2 (which isn't really as a result of the video card, we just remembered to download it again)
• i went to see 'drag me to hell' with powers. that film is actually a bag of crap and i have never been so disappointed with a film in my life.
• i started a new anti-depressant. we shall see.
• we got the new fishy!! husband and i had a random outing to a big fish shop near our house and saw a flurry of oscars (a breed we have been lusting after for some time now. the only reason we have avoided getting one until now is because they get HUGE and need a big tank.). we pretty much instantly fell in love and picked the most handsome of the bunch to come live with us. he was put into the old tank and named Chikatilo (after my favourite serial killer)
• we moved into the new building at work. it was a sad day, but the new building is REALLY huge and lovely. i like it a lot!
• i emailed augusten burroughs on the off-chance, to see if he would be willing to write me a list and HE REPLIED!!!

JUNE!!!

• i went to see 'coraline' with powers and lee lee. it was fairly exciting, mostly due to the fact that it was the first 3d film i have ever been to. i wanted to steal the glasses but they had glasses nazis at all exits so at to prevent miscreants like myself from popping them into my bag.
• i had my first appointment with my new CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who is rather lovely. she says that although it seems it is clear i have depressive problems, i appear to have control over it and knowing when i need to get help and there is not a lot she can do for me. she will keep seeing me for another month and then see where we are.
• we got a new, giant fish tank which has made our lives about a million times better. we have put Chik in it and the giant catfish.
• i have started taking chevy out into the garden with a lead on. he is mostly delighted about it. i am attempting to train him in the art of being well-behaved so i can take him to the park on the lead eventually. husband will have no part of this.

and that's it. my life in a general nutshell.

i PROMISE i will keep you up-to-date more often and better from now on, i PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE!!!!

i heart things and things NOT tuesday

so... time has been getting the better of me in the last couple of weeks due to all the faeces that has been raining on me. i'm just gonna pour these ones out at random and see what forms...

• sewing... i have been participating in a massive amount of repairing and general running-up in the recent weeks. coats, shirts, dresses and even the pig skin. i have been really focussing a lot of my energy on creating things rather than destorying things (relationships, chris's things, my body, etc) and it has made me feel increidibly splendid.
• baking! my baking endeavours have been taking on all new forms since i started to experiment with different ingredients. the most recent endeavour were the dark chocolate and peanut butter cupcakes i made today, which ended up being just like angels wrapped up in chocolate. the amount of amazing contained in these tiny pieces of heaven could not be surmounted by anything at the moment. never before have i been able to identify with the people who claim their ridiculous obsessions with chocolate via badge, shirt or otherwise until today. i now know how special chocolate is because i can create things that make my tummy go 'weee!' with delight.
• tracey meek... i have been attempting lately to... i want to use the word 'culturize'... myself via art. since my visit to london last weekend i have been inspired to investigate new realms of art... mostly graffiti, but tracey has really hit me hard with the simplicity that she approaches things with. check it out and delight yourself!
• inspirational websites... i have been almost entirely existing on websites that offer me suggestion and inspiration. a list in no particular order is as follows... seven questions that will prevent regret, feeling sexy in an unsexy world, brush off failures, the tea drinking english rose and a cup of jo...
• making birthday plans! obviously, my birthday is in like, 33 days, so i have been having to plan like a planning fool. the most current (and most exciting) plan (ever) at the moment features myself and chris going to bratislava, slovakia to visit claire and mark. we would go for a week and just prance around the markets and generally make a lot of music. the exchange rate at the moment is 39 slovak koruna to the pound, so that makes me think that my birthday would be the best thing ever. but we shall see...

other misc things... which shall now be listed as i am sleepy and want to go die...

• sleeping (A LOT!), trying to sort out my problems, hannah, stretching my ears, bleaching my hairs, the cosmic sausages, salami, painting my nails, the little mermaid, crochetting, lists, water, collecting ring pulls, planning new hobbies, taxidermy...

eh, sleepytime...

enjoy the cosmic sausages...

chevy chase and cupcakes make my heart go wheeee!!

it is like, when i see him, i just get a surge of love and excitement that makes my insides want to explode out of me in a hailstorm of glitter.

he is just the most special boy ever. chris complains because most of the people who come to visit have a huge allergic reaction and need to leave because of his fur. i say, 'if you can't handle the heat, stay out the the flipping kitchen!' he is MY baby bun and nobody takes precedence over him.

i just wanted you all to know how beautiful and special he is... so have a look.

i heartz himz!







also, i made cupcakes for the first time in my life today... be jealous!

big gay weddings and a small amount of disappointment.

a list of things that i did for gem and mel for the wedding?

• made the bouquet of wonder and flowers for bridesmaids to wear.
• cared for their dog in a hotel across the city because theirs apparently does not like dogs (and as a result, was kept up all night the first night due to his incessant groin chewing and leg licking).
• planned the hen night of delight.
• gave up my house and my husband's cooking skills for the hen night so all the ladies had a place to convene, eat a big fat curry, make themselves pretty and suitably inebriated.
• planned and organised the wedding cake of glory to be as they did not have a wedding cake and it is just NOT RIGHT for someone to not have cake on their wedding day!
• went to numerous dress fittings and took photos to help the beautiful gem be sure that the dress was absolutely perfect.
• left work early several times to meet up to discuss wedding-related things.
• made countless phone calls to make sure everything was just right. (this included people bringing things for the hen night, wedding and for the BBC to send flowers to their room on their wedding day)
• spent more money than i ever should have for food and decorations.
• was the only reason that gem had bridesmaids, as she did not even think to have any until i mentioned it.
• was NOT asked to be an official witness to their wedding.

should i be pissy about it? no, most likely not, but it still feels like a bit of a slap in the face because i REALLY put a lot into this. this wedding stressed me out more than my own wedding did and at the end, when the officiator came out to prepare the witnesses for the ceremony, he called sarah up instead of me.
i am not saying i regret doing the things i did for them, and perhaps it is a wee bit petty for me to be upset about it but it just feels like perhaps that would have been the ultimate thank you for someone who threw their entire life out of whack to make sure your wedding and hen night was as perfect as physically possible. am i just being stupid? when i say it out loud i feel like i am just being a big fat stupid face but mygod, i am only human.

**************************************************************************

anyways, all that aside, the wedding and the entire holiday was flipping brilliant. in fact, if i do say so myself, the entire week has been perfect.

it all started last friday when i left work in a big fat hurry to ensure i was home in time to get all the shopping done for the hen night. i tidied like i never have in my life, got all the decorations i could ever need and made all the final phone calls.

saturday was a day of OMG TEH STRESS!! husband was still in a whirlwind of unsure-ed-ness about whether or not he wanted to even come home and help cook. i was running around tidying and answering the almost-constant phone calls from the BBC, trying to figure out when they were arriving. when they finally arrived, it all calmed. i was able to just sit and relax. they helped decorate and we discussed the differences between drinking here in england and america. the crew were amazing. i really enjoyed talking to them.

once everyone arrived i was able to really just chill out. i LOVE playing the hostess and i can say that there is no more satisfaction than pouring your first drink for a guest of the night and watching everyone sit in the garden eating a meal lovingly prepared by your husband...

it went a little like this...

we ate and pranced... once we were finished and we have performed a suitable amount of talking, we then proceeded to take a group photo and run away to another pub of which i am not such a huge fan. it turned out amazing though because SO MANY splendid people turned up.
we were obviously followed by the three from the filming crew for the entire night, but it was so totally fun. cherry, who is in the red top to the right there. she was just like, the funnest person ever. her and i had many a lovely talk that night.

the film crew made a quick stop over to the stag's night just so they could see how much less they are enjoying themselves and we moved on to another pub which sucked balls.


upon arriving, the landlord was incredibly inebriated and therefore the most awkward person on the planet. he decided he would short change husband a pound and when husband mentioned it the guy said that he could make something of it and if he did, he would bar him from the pub. yeah. apparently, he rolls like that. after that incident we decided to finish our drinks off and run away to the next pub where we were to meet the stags.


OMG was this place glorious. i hadn't been there in over a year and since then it had been turned into a gaybar which i had been a bit leery about because it was like, the most heterosexual bar ever in the world before. WELL! let me just say, it was the most fabulous place ever on the planet. and i shall show you!



and OMG the wedding was incredible. i really had a brilliant time in brighton. it was my first time REALLY seeing the sea and i couldn't have imagined it to have been any better.

i am just going to post loads of photos now, as i am completely exhausted.












overall, it was just splendid because i was at at the sea and husband was there and i got to share a really special event with some very close friends. i really, really loved these last few days. they were something i will remember forever. hooray!