Day 23 - A photo of you that your hair looks nice in.

pshhhhuh! like i could EVER pick just one!

a little late, but with good effort...

I actually typed this list up yesterday, but the occurrance of many fabulous things made it impossible for me to post it... so here we are. It's still Tuesday SOMEWHERE, isn't it?
Today I am tired. It was a long weekend made magical by the occurrence of good gigs, good food, good hair and general goodness. Despite the wonderful weekend I still have little things looming over my head… things which I’ll not go over now because this is meant to be a blog about hearting things… so let’s get on with the list!

Nick... easy first one for this week. First, because we have spent a lot of wonderful time together and second, because it is his birthday (YAY!)! Mr Parker and I have been spending a lot of time together… I think that we are both realising that I am leaving soon and we should have really started hanging out more often like, a year earlier (well, I think that, I can’t speak for him, but I DO love to think that people enjoy spending time with me and wish they had met me sooner, like I do them).  We are in the process of planning a lot of playdates (seaside camping, trips to his sister’s farm and nights out to see what kind of special transvestites Derby can throw at us) and I seem to be lying in constant wait for days that we get to spend together. The most magical thing I can think of at the moment and what will most likely end up being my fondest memory of Nick occurred on Sunday afternoon after a stint of working in the kitchen with him. I had been emotionally fraught for the entirety of the morning and after he made me cry (not because he’s horrible, but because I was a hormonal, over-reacting weenie who needed to get a freaking GRIP). He and I were sat near the back door of the pub, ready to hop to attention the moment the comedy-attendees outside were released for an interval, when I asked him what he always wanted to be when he grew up (this thought came as I was sat watching him as he bumbled around behind the bar being all cute and personable and very much like someone actually CREATED him to do that job). He immediately stopped, look at me in a very matter-of-fact manner and said that he always wanted to be a cloud but that his mum had to break it to him that this was not possible, as he was not made of gas and air, so he decided he wanted to be an assassin. We then proceeded to discuss how incredible he would be as an assassin whilst Buddy licked my right hand and I sipped a cola with three ice cubes and one slice of smooshed lemon. It seems that the scenes of most of my favourite memories at the moment are set at Bar One, the leading man being Nick with me as his leading lady, Buddy would be the wacky side-kick and…  sigh. I just love Nick… I wish everyone who is reading this could just come to the pub and meet him and fall in love with him like I have. He is such a beautiful, genuine and fun person to be around and I’ve no idea what I will do without him for thirteen months.  

MY HAIR… it appears my hair is only capable of looking like win… no matter how nervous I get about doing my hair a certain new way or cutting it a certain way (yeah, I get nervous about hairstyles occasionally, shut up) I always seem to come out looking incredible. My most recent hairspiration came after I had asked all my favourites if I should bleach my hairs again. They all concluded I should. That was going to be that though, I was going to go lighter and keep doing my hair the same old way… this all changed Saturday morning when, after a drunken sleepover with Nick I pranced (yes, folks, I DO prance in the mornings, hangover or not… I LOVE mornings and people who are forced to be near me at this time immediately hate me) in with a cup of tea to see that Nick’s hair looked EXACTLY the same as it did the night before… I enquired as to how this occurred, what special, magical powers did he possess that made his hair behave so well and how could I get my hands on a bit of THAT shizz? He then bestowed upon me his secrets and it was good. The instant he left I made Pow attend to the bathroom with me to deposit bleach onto my hairs… we talked and giggled and joked that we were just like “girlfriends.” I let it set for a short period before rinsing and repeating. Once my hairs were light enough for my liking I began the rigorous task of coiffing. I teased, brushed, slicked on product (which, if any of you know me, you KNOW that I do not use product in my hair!) and teased a little more before ending up with the most beautiful, majestic coif anyone has ever seen. It is massive, blonde and stays so well that I have not had to do anything to make it look better since Saturday. I wake up, pop some pins in my hair and am ready to rock-and-roll. So there we are… I love my hair and you should all be jealous!
My ipod 

Pow Pow… literally, my favourite person in the world. Why, you ask? I’ll set the scene: it was a Wednesday afternoon, we were at CEX, perusing the DVDs for something stupendous to add to our collection… him near World Cinema, me near Documentaries… we had been shouting at one another in Southern accents all day. Whilst I am running my fingertips across the titles spanning from Auschwitz to Sharks he says to me, “OH! I saw a shop this morning that was selling Toy Story toys!” I turned to him and smirked (this is because whilst I know why this is important to me, I wanted to make sure that POW knew why this was important to me and that he wasn’t just spouting out random nonsense) and asked him why I would want to know such information. He looked at me with a DVD in his hands and said, “Because it was your sister’s first date with her husband and she collects stuff from it.” literally, I almost died right there in that shop… I hopped over to him and rubbed his arm, completely unaware of how he had come to know this information but full of happies because he did. This boy who most would see as a useless, forgetful silly-billy actually listens and remembers things when they are really important. Aside from this special moment we shared, our lives together have been completely blissful. We exist on a day-to-day basis in such a fun, perfect way that I can’t understand how I never spent this much time with him before. When Nick and Franny came round the other night we bumbled around the house making cups of tea and burgers, talking amongst ourselves for about ten minutes before Nick said that we were like some demented couple from a bad sitcom. I love that about us. I love that we can have so much fun together and I love… sigh. I was laid in bed last night after a fabulous evening of din dins (homemade spaghetti bolognaise, in case you were wondering), ice cream and films… we had been laid on the sofa for several hours taking in everything Clive Barker and Stephen King had to offer us, both eating out of the same tub of ice cream and randomly chatting before we had our nightly hug at the top of the stairs and went to our perspective rooms and texted each other from bed until we fell asleep (yeah, I get it, we’re homosexuals). As I was drifting off I rolled over and thought to myself that this is my best friend and I have no idea how I am going to spend a year away from him… how I am going to go a year without having his reassuring glances, his jokes and random singing… nobody knows me as well as Pow does and I worry nobody ever will. He’s amazing and I love our friendship so, so much. Being away from him is gonna make this the hardest thirteen months of my life.
Franny
Sellotape… OMG!! ON EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!
Dr Pepper
REALLY creamy yoghurt
Flowers in the Attic… the film and the book… not random flowers on the upper-level of a house.
Chicken
Sweet Peas
John Goodman
Deep Heat 
Watching the stars at night… I’ve only recently come to find the joys of the really little things in life. The stars became my bff at three on Sunday morning after the gig at Bar One. Pow and I were walking home and just as we turned onto our street Pow caused a massive scene, flailing his arms around and shouting about how great the stars were. This came after another scene which saw him tell me about how much he needed the toilet, a cup of tea and some toast. I told him I would take care of the toast and the tea if he went to the toilet and asked if we could PLEASE sit out in the garden and watch the stars. He said yes and I went on to tell him that I had never seen a shooting-star. We approached our door and he said he would make me one… he turned me around and pointed to a gap between some houses and said to watch there. I watched as he un-locked the door and pretended to be talking to the sky, beseeching for it to supply us with a shooting-star. I turned to him and giggled and he said to keep looking. I watched and he shot his hand across my line of vision then shouted and asked if I had seen it. I clearly had and thanked him. he then burst through the door to the toilet as I made cups of tea and perched outside on a cushion. He minced down the stairs and shouted that we needed to eat scones. So there we were, half past three in the morning, eating scones, drinking tea and watching the stars. We talked about how much we were going to miss each other and how good ASDA’s baked-goods were until we decided it was time to go in. like I said, the stars are my new bff… how could someone have an experience like that and NOT love them?!
“Red Light Special” by TLC
Dexter
Daisies
Gardening
Hellraiser
Pubic hair
Disabled animals
Tight shirts on big guns
Snow globes
People-watching with Janey… because there is nobody in the entire world I am more belligerent, judgemental and out-of-control with than janey. We entertain most of the people within our direct vicinity with our incessant discussions about how much we hate that person’s trousers or that man’s pink shirt or OMG that child’s face. We are delightful and fun and it’s one of my favourite things to do with one of my favourite people.
Giving back rubs
My mugs
New York accents
Palindromes
Serial Killers
Saying “GOOOD!”
Videos of people getting their throats cut
Anatomy documentaries
Telling people about my Carbon Monoxide Poisoning incident… oh yes… tiny danie, aged seven. The sky was full of flurries and I was asleep in the back of our old car. I don’t actually remember anything from that night, just what my mum told me… that I had shot up, started trying to take my trousers off and then passed-out again. my mum grabbed me and hung my head out the window as her boyfriend drove us to the hospital. I was air-lifted to the children’s hospital in Denver and was there for several weeks, watching The Little Mermaid constantly until I was allowed to go home… I always find it fun and interesting to be able to tell people that I had such a serious accident (can it be referred to as an ‘accident?’ it’s not technically an accident, is it?) when I was a child. 
Thick-framed glasses
Getting lovely emails from people
Rubber gloves
Lobsters
The first shopping adventure Pow and I had together at ASDA… mmhmm! We spent three hours and £122 there last Tuesday afternoon and every single second of it was amazingly fun. I don’t think we went out of our Southern characters once during the entire shopping experience and I don’t imagine anyone’s ever been stared at so many times as this girl with a coif and ducks tattooed on the side of her head! 
Tiny, fluffy dogs
Oranges
Curly fries
BBQ Sauce
Scissors
Cherry Carmex
Chewing on wax
Tipp-Ex
Popping my neck
Water chestnuts
Feeling like an adult
Good shoes
Being in charge
Geometric patterns
Talking with Pow in a southern accent
My new sausage dog handbag
Imagining being Muffin’s “trophy wife”
The Simpsons
Smoked meat
Good habits
Whoopie Goldberg
Easter-European men
Suckers
Stigmata
Halloween
Ice cream trucks
Tortoise-shell glasses
“Simon Says”
Good pens
“Candyman”
Strong jaw lines
Selena
Marshmallows
Facial wipes
Grape jelly sweets
Scones
Buttercream icing
Jeff Bridges
Good textures
Squids
“The Men Who Stare At Goats”
George Clooney
When Pow talks to Chevy
Popping blisters
When Pow calls me “Superdan”
Buzzards
When clergy are Irish in films
When records skip
Billy Ray Cyrus
When my head’s freshly-shaved
Letterman jackets
The smell of fresh roses
1950’s Cadallacs

Stay Tuesday

Urgh… I am very torn about this week… the week itself has been barely ‘blah’ with a slight twinge of ‘hooray,’ a mix that is altogether okay, but could be better… 
Today I find myself in a bit of a melancholy mood, which is odd after the amazing amounts of win that my night last night was made of (please see below for further information). I find myself struggling to be anything but sassy to anyone who says more than one sentence to me… those poor souls don’t seem to know what’s hit them when they approach me and I immediately become filled with sass and moody, spewing all of that forth onto them in an unapologetic way.
I am not entirely happy with my mood today… in fact, I hate it when I am like this… when I have this stupid cloud of arsey floating above me that I can’t seem to shake.
Despite the fact that my levels of arsey are so high, I’ve been very, VERY delighted with a lot of things this week. Please see the list below… 

Powface… yeah yeah, I know… you’re sick of hearing about him. Prior to last night, so was i. despite all the reasons that I should hate him and stop hanging out with him, I just can’t because of magical nights like he and I had last night… from time to time many days will go by with nary a word from him. I hate these lapses for many reasons, the biggest being the fact that they ALWAYS seem to come when I need him the most. As the days whittle by I begin to devise ways that I can be aloof and sassy towards him to show him how much I HATE the way he abandons me, but then… THEN, he ALWAYS shows up like he did last night. Danie was sat at a table at the pub, having just made BFF with an elderly man who was enamoured by her tattoos, she had settled in to study her book about life in the UK. In the days leading up to this date I’d been warning Pow about the fact that I felt like I was going through an ‘ugly phase’ where I hate my hairs, face and body… prior to his arrival I sent him a reminder that I am going through an ugly phase and not to hold it against me. He walked up to me and immediately said, “no you aren’t” and gave me a hug. I held him tight and for a long time, trying to memorize as many things about him as possible then sat back down and he got a drink. He returned to the table and told me that I looked really good, almost like something ‘magical had happened’ to me and I looked completely blissful. I told him to stop being gay. We bantered and talked about his projects and Muffin and Amy and general existence… it was just lovely. It’s always just lovely. Every single moment that I spend with him is highlighted with wonderful… from the way he sometimes gives me a little rub on my arm or leg to show me he’s around to the way his little face falls when I mention my moving away to the way that he says things that I don’t expect and completely take my breath away (ie. Last night, upon our arrival to the date he looked at me with a very serious expression and said to me, “Hey , if another sassy american turns up on the scene whilst you’re away, don’t worry, you’re  my number one sassy american dan.” This came completely out of nowhere and totally blind-sided me. I wept and this will forever be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.). I love his beautiful giant face and how much fun we have when we’re together. (I ALSO love that he has promised me that he will ABSOLUTELY attend the Scharff/Verlaque wedding in america so as to be able to give his tiny danie away) 

Bangkok Ladyboys… I have had the desperate desire to go and see these fabulous creatures since I moved here back in 2004… Chris always very aggressively denied me the pleasure of being able to see men dressed like girls prancing around the stage… the moment I saw the first poster up this year I told myself that I was going to go and Pow was going to go with me; he happily obliged and we finally had the date of glory last night. we arrived not really knowing what to expect, sat at our designated table (number 28) and waited with wild anticipation… we giggled, took photos and offended the rest of the people at our table with our discussions about erections and the need for extra pairs of pants. the lights dimmed and we fidgeted as the announcer called out his opening words and the curtain opened to reveal the mystical world of Victorian Thai Ladyboys. From there we were pulled into two hours of hysterical cabaret, amazing costumes and wigs… oh my LORD so many wigs. I watched with glee as these mystical creatures performed their amazing dance routines with perfect step and sync. They were beautiful, their tits were perfect and everything was tucked away in all the right places for optimal confusion and self-doubt. The whole night was sprinkled with fabulous little comments from my favourite, asking which my favourite was or pointing out how amazing their nipples were. It was glittery, exciting and truly outrageous; a definite recommendation to anyone who wants a great night out.
Birdsong
Cherry Carmex
Drawing up ideas for Johnny
Being told I’m beautiful, even when I don’t feel it
When people notice the huge holes in my ears
The alarm in some people’s faces when they find out I’m getting my scalp tattooed
Work
Pauly Shore
Nick Parker
John Goncalves
Making things for people
Chevy
Planning the Scharff/Verlaque wedding (all details to come in due course, I promise)
Knowing that I’ll not be gone from England for more than a year
Things that smell like my childhood
When people ask me questions about my appearance
Buttons
Gays
Bacon fries
Kopparberg Elderflower Cider
The fact that browsing the internet on my mobile is free
REALLY cold cans of cola
Halloumi cheese
Samosas
Triple chocolate muffins
Glitter
When I find people have ACTUALLY read my blog
Finding a dress that looks relatively fabulous on me
Red peppers
Risotto
REALLY cold water
Sunny days
When I get a ride into work
Walking home whilst drunk
Goldschlaager
Paperclips
Comfortable shoes
Having a fag in the bath
Burger King french fries
Fat dogs
How easily I can talk to Muffin… I am used to avoiding most difficult topics as part of my specialist training as the wife of Mr. Butcher, so I find myself very often settling with unhappiness or angst rather than just letting it out and talking to Muffin. He hates that I do this and it causes some tiny rifts under our little cruise boat of love… this is clearly an issue I need to deal with promptly because every time, no matter HOW much of a tizzy I get into it is easy peasy to talk to him… he always approaches any of my problems with a wonderfully open mind and amazing thoughtfulness. He’s just the epitome of tact, gentleness and love and I can’t believe that I’ve been so lucky to have ensnared such a special creature into my life for the foreseeable future.  
How much Muffin can make me laugh
Bananas
Days when Pow texts me a lot
Blood orange juice
The projected plans
Talking about my move to America... whilst this originally offered me little more than OMGSTRESS, i am now in a position to be able to talk about it with a rational head that knows i won't be away from my favourite place in the world for too long. i am now getting excited about talking to people about my move and all things that surround it... what things i will store in Pow's roof, how long i will stay in cheyenne, what kind of place Muffin and i will get, etc... it's all just very exciting!
Having really long, deep conversations with Pow
Audio-typing
Telling people how beautiful they are
When Muffin posts lovely things on my wall
ALL the things in my house
Chicken Kievs
The flavour of blood
Helping people
Jon Pitore
The tiny hat i made for Curtis's baby
Trees with moss on
Coke Zero
Dane's hair
Writing on my hand
Looking forward to something
When i remember my dreams
The fact that my sister didn't freak out when i told her about my scalp tattoo
Being entrusted with big tasks
Birdsong
Crossing days off in my diary
Raffles
Emails from Dane
Vegas planning
Pow hugs
Nice days
Warmer weather
Mojitos
My hair... kinda

have a glorious week everyone! i hope it is as stupendous as you all deserve!

i believe in a thing called tuesday

Well… here we are… the tenth Tuesday and the eighth IHTATT of 2010. I am still prancing through my little life existing for one blissful moment after another and am utterly, absolutely delighted. The year so far has offered me almost exclusively wonderful and I couldn’t possibly have asked for more than I have received. 

I guess a great deal of what I have received has come at the very meagre price of my eternal excitement for life… were it not for my ability to bounce back when things seem the lowest I could easily be living at the bottom of the hill again… granted, the camp would be pretty with lots of colours and patterns, and I TOTALLY would have mastered campfire cupcakes by now, it would still be lonely and I would still feel daunted every single day. 

I strive and succeed to find beautiful things every day… I have a book that I keep with me at all times that proudly bares the words ‘I HEART THINGS AND THINGS!’ on the front amongst the ever-changing collage of pictures that completely cover the entire outside of the book… in my book I attempt to write at LEAST five things every day. Most days I supersede this goal with abundance, but occasionally I struggle… and when I struggle, all I have to do is look at the cover of the book or look around me. I do nothing but surround myself with things that I love. My room is a beautiful collection of things that make me pleased and smile, my desk at the office is home to the happy mess that I call work and my mobile is ever-pinging at me, signalling the delivery of messages from all my favourite creatures in the world (top texters this week: Janey, Pow and Stephanie! Yay!)

Every list I make every week is a compilation of all the things I have written in my book for the week… I love my book and… well. I guess I thought I would just offer a little insight into my world and how I make my lists…

Please, enjoy my list this week: 

Diet cola

My laundry detergent
Pow pow phone calls… lately these have been coming in more often and the content has been more fabulous… these are my favourites because when I talk to him we talk about so many things and I can totally just have a laugh. The bulk of our conversations revolve around Johnny, which I ADORE talking about at the moment. When we’re not talking about Johnny, I’m making fun of him or we are talking about our personal things… I love that I have a friend that I talk to almost daily and that I know I can rely on for a phone call to cheer me up at any time… I love that we have a billion little inside jokes and pre-written scripts that we play out no less than three times each time we speak… mostly I just love talking on the phone, but when it’s with someone you love as much as I love him, it makes it all that much better.
Planning muffin’s trip… the last week or two have been a flurry of me filling in my diary with the events that will take place during the muffin’s visit… I have been filling it in, highlighting it orange and ringing and texting people to make sure that they are around for OMGDANISFUNTIME. It’s just been incredible fun to be able to plan things and organise nights out… I am most likely looking forward to these two weeks just as much as Dane because it will give me a chance to go sight-seeing and see a lot of people that i don’t get to see as often as I would like. On the itinerary are cinema dates, a gig, nights in hotels, OMGLONDON, tattoos, playdates with Pow and nights out at the pub… The best bit about EVERYTHING is that I will be doing it all with him… my beautiful muffin… who better to share all of these things with than him?
OMGTHREEDAYS… literally… I am dying. People are actually slightly worried that I haven’t freaked out as much as they had anticipated, but inside, I AM freaking out. Inside, my heart feels like it might burst out of my chest. It seems that every passing day causes my laugh to become more hysterical… a fact we discovered last night whilst on a playdate with Pow, Dean and Stacey. Overall though, I am really okay. I think more than anything, I’ve become INCREDIBLY nervous. I feel a lot of tension in my little tummy at the thought now of HIM being here in three days. This time in three days, I will be waiting for his phone call… freaking out every time my mobile goes off. I am aware that he will most likely not show up until Saturday, but a girl can dream, yes?
Alice in Wonderland in 3D
Popping spots
Cutting and colouring my own hairs
Felt-tip marker pens
Danish phone calls… these are special for multiple reasons… special because they are not as often as I would like, so I have to appreciate them more when I DO get them… but also special because I get to hear his voice. The instant I hear it I immediately fall in love with him all over again. His voice brings me back to the first couple of days when we were dating when I was fifteen… curled up on my bed, writhing around in glee because I had found THE ONE. I was so in love with him and there was nothing I could do to hide it… his voice takes me back to those nights… fifteen years old, giggling on the phone and whispering ‘I love you’ as many times as possible in between pauses. I love every single thing he makes me feel… everything. He is an amazing boy and I can’t wait to see him again.

ManFace… lol. This is the female that my estranged husband is currently seeing… he met her three days after he and I split and started shagging her seven days after that. She got off on a bad note with me in what would be a story too long to tell here… basically, she lied to me and I hate liars. Her loving nickname is derived from the fact that she looks surprisingly like a man… not too dissimilar to Rocky Balboa or Robert Z’Dar. She is, from what I understand, incredibly lovely, and you know, I don’t doubt that for a second. I am sure she is really delightful and to be honest, I am also sure that she and I would get on like a house on fire, were she not a liar… a liar with the face of a man. I was attempting to refrain from posting an entry about her, but a series of texts this morning from Janeyface inspired me. apparantly, from what I have been told, she was down in London with The Estranged meeting up with what used to be an old friend of OURS, Stuart (please see: Arch Enemy #2), who chris has decided to become bff with again since our split. Janey’s ‘husband’ seems to have some serious infatuation with her (which I can only suspect is attributed to two facts, she IS indeed lovely and also, he HATES the friendship I have with his ‘wife’ and wants to drive a nice little wedge in any way that he possibly can), so he decided to hang out with her, The Estranged and Stuart yesterday… he rang Janey at workies yesterday evening inviting her out and my poor little creature was too tired to attend, so she went home. It seems that this morning, her ‘husband’ divulged that ManFace was quite upset that Janey didn’t come out because she ‘wants to meet her and become friends with her.’ Now, this delights me for multiple reasons… I shall give you two… first; I LOVE that she feels it is not weird to try to become friends with the BEST FRIEND of her new boyfriend’s estranged wife… slightly odd, no? Second; it’s NOT happening. Janey is mine and I am fairly confident that she would make ManFace feel incredibly alienated and uncomfortable whilst just being herself… being the beautiful, wonderful favourite creature of mine that she is. Gah! This pleases me to no end! I cannot STAND ManFace and her disgusting face and I LOVE that she stands no chance with my favourite of favourite creatures… (as a side note, I ALSO love the fact that whilst attempting to appease The Estranged by calling ManFace by her real name nobody I speak to on a regular basis knew who that was, so I have had to revert back to calling her the loving nickname that I concocted for her. Yay for things catching on!)
Talking to my sisters
Talking to Paige… particularly because she seems to have suddenly turned into a tiny adult… I received a tiny parcel from Carmen on Friday which held within it school photos of Evan and Paige, a letter from Paige and a Valentine made for me by Paige. I decided that I should ring the kids to thank them on Saturday… I spoke to Paige for  ages and we had a fabulous talk about my divorce, school, friends, weight loss, hair dye, tattoos and London. She is just a fabulous little girl and I can’t WAIT to spend more time with her.

My next tattoo booking… Oh. My. God. I honestly don’t think I have EVER been as excited for a tattoo booking as I am for this one. I am scheduled to receive janey into my home on Monday the 26^th of April for a night of fabulous OMGFUNTIME with her and Pow (please see: NO DRINKING!)… Tuesday morning she and I will meet Pow in town at Thai Boran for a giant English breakfast before prancing next door to the tattoo shop to get my next tattoo… I will be getting the very famously kitschy three ducks flying… on my side of my head. Yes, that’s right kids… danie is going to get her scalp tattooed and she is SO proud. Janey will hold Danie’s hand through the entire procedure and Pow will attend for a brief time so he can take photos (hopefully with his new camera, SQUEE!), only to meet up with us post-tattoo to go out and get horrifically drunk. It will be quite possibly the GREATEST series of days in the history of the world… ever. So there you have it, danie will be getting her next tattoo on her scalp… Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

OMG bacon fries!

Talking to Dane's dad... yeah... being the wonderful female i am, when the muffin told me his parents wanted my contact details and suggested i ring them and talk to them, i did... i was all over that shizz... i ran and spoke to his mum and she was lovely but she's got NOTHING on his dad... we chatted for about twenty minutes and he is just a wonderful, beautiful man. he's since emailed me (in response to an email i sent him with my contact details and the number for the mobile i have secured for dane for his visit) and said, and i quote: 

HI Danie,

 Thank you fro being so efficient and reliable....

Dane needs this type of help as he has not had it with the other females he has been with. It is nice to see that someone can be responsible. Again, I hope the two of you have a very pleasant and enjoyable time together.

 Take care

i think they he will be my favourite father-in-law ever... in the world. 

Dr Pepper

My tits

Cardigans

My blue coat

Quavers

Yazoo banana milk

Fried eggs

The feels of the wind as a bus or truck drives  by at speed

Lobsters

Lady Gaga

Yellow hair

Bubble wrap

Internal envelopes

Riding in cars with safe drivers

Pizza

Diet pepsi

Hard-hitting adverts

Stripey tops

Scrubs (the show)

Muffin voice

Wheelchairs

The Sleepaway Camp trilogy

Scotch eggs

Lincolnshire sausages

Diet cola

REALLY curly hair

Cutting my own hair

Really good death scenes in a film

Triangle... if you've not seen it, sort your fucking life out! 

Survive Style 5... please see above!

The fact that all the holes in my ears are different sizes

Spray paint

Discussing controversial things with people

'Parachute' by Cheryl Cole

Milk

People-watching

Gossiping

Vincent Price

Good taxidermy

Bad taxidermy

Pregnant Bellies

Full-body massages

When i feel sexy

Fitting into a pair of trousers for the first time in a long while

Creating a new, sexy spreadsheet

Doughnuts

The Simpsons  

Old episodes of South Park

Scratching my head

Love stories

Polka-dots

Excellent hair

Bears

Calling Pow Pow a paedo

Hot pink

Killer whales

Roseanne

Down pillows

Side ponytails

Boiled potatoes

White wine sauce

Chicken

Dean Whatton

Wearing mis-matched gloves

Red pens

Big Macs

Working on the pig face

When my room is tidy

First Push

Having paper and a pen beside my bed just in case i  have a sudden brainstorm

When the muffin's online in the morning before i go to work

Making responsible, well thought-out decisons

Pow's dad

Talking about and planning new projects with Pow

Brown and yellow together

Glass tree frogs

American Dad

Family Guy

The way people look at me when i get REALLY excited 
Good GOD janey phone calls!

AND my new haircolour! 

 

you just keep me hanging on...

oh my... weeks upon weeks, huh? it seems like they're all blending together at the moment into one big ball of... i don't even know what... something big, daunting and oddly beautiful. the week has seen me get my own computer set up (as christopher does not want his time with man-face interrupted anymore), seen me stay up later than anything ever for nightime chats and has seen me get a special phone call from iraq... all of these and more to be listed in my things i heart this tuesday!

• mental health professionals... i know i go on about them a lot, but today i had an appointment. it was my appointment for CBT... well... COMPASSIONATE SELF GROUP THERAPY. i went to the appointment not knowing more than what the brief letter had said... the general gist claiming that there will be a group starting soon that will assist people in finding ways to cope with personal emotional problems in a 'safe' environment. my first thought is... GROUP?! um... no thanks. i HATE the thought of it. i hate the thought of having to sit in a giant room with lots of people and talk about my issues and listen to theirs... i just want a safe place where i can go talk to one person and only have to worry that that one person will be going home to talk about the 'crazy american' that was in their office that day (you can say that it doesn't happen, but people ALWAYS talk about things... they just get out of it by not saying names). the day started badly actually yesterday... i got up at early'o'clock and started making my way to the locale, ringing into work to check what time i had put my appointment as on my calendar... judith then informed me that my appointment was not until today. SO today i made my way there... still not remembering what time the appointment was. i arrived an hour early and sat. all the magazines were from over a year ago and i was cold and wet so i settled in with my current book friend and read for the next fifty minutes. just after my arranged appointment time the doctor came in and called me into another room. she was a very fabulous woman with beautiful brown hairs and quite possibly the shortest skirt i've ever seen a mental health professional wear in my life. we sat and she immediately turned into a giant ball of lovely. she apologised for the room being so large and said that she had some letters from my consultant but would rather just get the information from me. within the first five minutes we had covered the sordid details of my upbringing (me having to care from my mum from a young age and my father never being around). she pulled a lot of sad faces that made me feel she was either genuinely moved by my story or that she was just putting on a really good show to make it look like she cared more than she did. we talked for an hour and she told me how she was impressed that i had such a strong insight into my own problems and that the main reason i might be beneficial to the group is as a role model. we then delved a little deeper and she came to the conclusion that i do a lot of the things i do for love... i bake, crochet, go out of my way for people because i feel if i don't, they may not love me... she asked me if that sounded accurate and i was loathe to admit that yes, it was... i had never really thought of it that way, but i really do... i am forever doing things, going out on a limb, forgiving people. i am forever exhausting myself in fear that if i don't, i won't ever speak to those people... she reckons the group would help me in that aspect. to help me realize i need to let those people go because i am only exhausting myself, which i don't deserve. she also wants to refer me to the day hospital because i've not been eating or sleeping. she said she'd at least like to see me go to an assessment and i wouldn't have any obligations from there. ho-hum. we'll see.
  
• OMG MILK! literally, i cannot get enough milk at the moment. i can drink it forever and never, ever get tired of it. i don't understand why i go through such serious phases of it, but MAN when i do, i can't stop.
  
• Changing my surname! so, there are plans afoot... it's not for certain, but i am really keen on changing my surname once the divorce is final. my name, IF i so choose to change it, will end up being Danie Honeybun. **squee**
• really special phone calls!! now, typically when my mobile goes and it's a number i don't know, i don't answer it. i hate telemarketers and telesurveys, so i try to avoid them at all cost. last night though, when my mobile went, i looked at the number and my very first instinct was to answer it... i didn't know the number and it was after eight... i don't know why i DID end up answering it. as soon as i picked up i heard someone say 'it's a voice!' and then a rustle. i immediately thought to hang up, but my interest was piqued. i said hello again and heard, in the most glorious of voices, 'is that an american accent?' this telephone call would prove to be in one of the top three most special phone calls of all time. this phone call was to be the call that made me feel slightly less depressed and want to eat more. this phone call was from Iraq. it was Him! it was His voice and it was Him! He had been going from line to line for the last ten minutes so He could hear my voice and i could hear His. the following fifty minutes and four seconds were a flurry of emotion, excitement and glee as we talked about how i was going to beat Him up and we were going to be the best flatmates in the whole, wide world. it was like the last nine years hadn't happened and we talked like we did that first night. we joked and laughed and it was just amazing. i could have literally died happy after that phone call.
• watching people sleep! i have ALWAYS had a thing for watching people sleep. i used to watch my mum, buddy, chris and Him. i find something so magical and relaxing about watching people sleep. the sleep-ee is just so peaceful and angelic, so when He came online last night and said He was going to leave the lights on for me, i was excited. He left the lights on and went to bed. i had only planned to watch for about ten minutes but those ten minutes soon turned into forty, which soon turned into a hour, which soon turned into two. it was so strange. my mobile kept going or i kept coughing and i got all antsy, not wanting to wake Him, forgetting that He is so many miles away that He never could have woken up via my interruptions. even as i typed Him an email and watched him sleep, i was typing as quietly as i could, so as to not disrupt him. how silly is that? it is so calming... watching the chest rise and fall as they slumber.
• my bear ears! i never really gave them the full appreciation they deserved, but they are incredible.
• Elbow... it was just a brief status update that made me look into them. my friend alex was musing about why she hadn't noticed their album 'the seldom seen kid' before now. i immediately looked up the lyrics to some of the songs from the album and fell in love. fell hard and fast in love. since being drawn in by their lyrics i have been drawn in by a series of videos where they recorded with the BBC Concert Orchestra. literally, i was up all night saturday watching all of the videos and falling harder than i have ever fallen in my life. i LOVE strings and his voice is just... wow.

• that 1 guy! for fuck's sake! when He suggested them to me i was slightly dismissive but now i will never, EVER doubt Him or his musical suggestions. if you have not fallen in love with him via my facebook yet, go forth and love him.
• my blue hairs! after a great deal of umm'ing and ahhh'ing about it, i finally took the plunge and stopped being blond. perhaps it was because of my mood or perhaps it was because it was one of only six colours i have in the cupboard, but i went for blue and love it in a hardcore way.
  
• impromptu prances with friends! after my appointment today i thought i'd drop in to see hannah. after appropriate amounts of cuddles we chatted about Him and jerk-face and all other daniedrama. it was fun and delightful. i hung around until her sig-oh (dave of the wondrous dreadlocks and singing voice) arrived with alastair in tow. alastair gave me one of his trademark amazingcuddles and i was suitably delighted and prepared to go home. dave then insisted that i prance out to ASDA (wal mart) with him and alastair as something to do with the afternoon. after MUCH persuasion i obliged and oh how we pranced! it is always quite fun to go out to one of the HUGE supermarkets and just run amok, which we did, beginning in the halloween isle. i heart ASDA.
  

other things i heart in a less-informative fashion are as follows: grammar, watching people's faces when they play drums, brushing my teeths, the videos He's made for me, planning parcels for people, stripey tops, my cleavage, janey, the smell of old books, getting letters from my grandma, making mega-mixes for people, dane cook, when plans come together, dresden dolls, planning my future, talking to ashley, my giant headphones, etc...

19: What is a special compliment you always received?

i was regularly told that i had incredible hair as a child. this was due to the fact that i had the THICKEST hair anyone had ever seen in their lives.

despite the fact that it was very lovely, it was also the bane of my existence, as it loved to rebel as much as it could by way of turning into a rat's nest within twenty minutes of brushing it.

i heart things and things NOT tuesday

so... time has been getting the better of me in the last couple of weeks due to all the faeces that has been raining on me. i'm just gonna pour these ones out at random and see what forms...

• sewing... i have been participating in a massive amount of repairing and general running-up in the recent weeks. coats, shirts, dresses and even the pig skin. i have been really focussing a lot of my energy on creating things rather than destorying things (relationships, chris's things, my body, etc) and it has made me feel increidibly splendid.
• baking! my baking endeavours have been taking on all new forms since i started to experiment with different ingredients. the most recent endeavour were the dark chocolate and peanut butter cupcakes i made today, which ended up being just like angels wrapped up in chocolate. the amount of amazing contained in these tiny pieces of heaven could not be surmounted by anything at the moment. never before have i been able to identify with the people who claim their ridiculous obsessions with chocolate via badge, shirt or otherwise until today. i now know how special chocolate is because i can create things that make my tummy go 'weee!' with delight.
• tracey meek... i have been attempting lately to... i want to use the word 'culturize'... myself via art. since my visit to london last weekend i have been inspired to investigate new realms of art... mostly graffiti, but tracey has really hit me hard with the simplicity that she approaches things with. check it out and delight yourself!
• inspirational websites... i have been almost entirely existing on websites that offer me suggestion and inspiration. a list in no particular order is as follows... seven questions that will prevent regret, feeling sexy in an unsexy world, brush off failures, the tea drinking english rose and a cup of jo...
• making birthday plans! obviously, my birthday is in like, 33 days, so i have been having to plan like a planning fool. the most current (and most exciting) plan (ever) at the moment features myself and chris going to bratislava, slovakia to visit claire and mark. we would go for a week and just prance around the markets and generally make a lot of music. the exchange rate at the moment is 39 slovak koruna to the pound, so that makes me think that my birthday would be the best thing ever. but we shall see...

other misc things... which shall now be listed as i am sleepy and want to go die...

• sleeping (A LOT!), trying to sort out my problems, hannah, stretching my ears, bleaching my hairs, the cosmic sausages, salami, painting my nails, the little mermaid, crochetting, lists, water, collecting ring pulls, planning new hobbies, taxidermy...

eh, sleepytime...

enjoy the cosmic sausages...

dear hairs...

please understand that i do not hate you for being impossible with me. i completely understand that i have treated you quite badly in the past and can see why you would just not want to have to go along with one of my antics again. i know i have asked a lot of you in the past and i appreciate if you do not want to listen to me ever again, but i could really use your help.

last night you and i tried to have a date. not ever in the history of our relationship has a hair date gone so badly between us. i didn't brush you correctly and you wouldn't dry or hold any sort of pose long enough for me to photograph it. you know i think you are beautiful and you still insist on hiding that special beauty you have behind a mask of flat and dull horror after letting me see a small sneak peek of what you have to offer.

i don't know how much longer this is going to be able to work out hairs. it just seems like things are going downhill with us. i try to make you happy, i do. i have an entire cupboard full of bottles and pots of things i thought you would be pleased with but you still just hate me. what can i DO!?

please, just this one time, know that your help would be amazing. this will be the last thing i ever ask of you and then we can go our seperate ways. i just want to look splendid at the wedding. can you please help me do that?

yours truly,

'the head'

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i just cannae believe how impossible hairs can be sometimes. in an effort to make myself the most beautiful creature for the wedding i attempted pincurls last night. i felt wildly confident in the beginning. i got them all twirly and set and put a little rag on my head to help in drying and generally looked sassy.

i left the hairs to their own devices for like, two hours and ran around the house, did washing up, pranced to the shop, snuggled the rabbit, ate dinner, watched hollyoaks and a bit of aladdin.

now, here's the thing. because i have the shortest hairs in the world AND because they are ever so thin now, i had thought that they would SURELY dry within two hours. i mean, the girl in the tutorial i had read said her hairs dried in two hours and she had the longest hair in the world ever. so, i take the first one out and am so pleased with the springyness that it has to offer that i take a seat to delve further into agraba whilst removing the remaining hair pins of doom.

well, it seems that that first one was the ONLY one who decided to dry. to make things worse, i did this trial run so late in the evening that i did not have time to make my hairs right again before bed, so i have had to attend work this morning with a bit of a frantic mop.

my hair is larger than it ever has been and i am not impressed. as i only put pincurls in the front of my head, it is huge in the front and flat as a wee english pancake in the back.

oh hairs, how i loathe the!

how to look fabulous whilst being extremely disappointed

i have been pining again the last couple of days as husband has gone away for a workies event in telford. i hate hate HATE when he is away. i realised this last week and i still notice, there is no need for that ever-present spiritual guide to push this feeling further into my conciousness. i am aware that i have been taking him and everything he does for me and us for granted and i am aware that i need to make changes but it is hard sometimes. i have been going through a lot of ups and downs in the recent past and it is causing me to take a lot of evaluation of myself and what i am and want in life.

things have been reasonably on track regarding money and general day-to-day living. we have done a massive tidy of the house and i am really trying to keep it right.

i have finally got a start date for my permanent derby job, which is brilliant and i have JUST picked out a dress for the wedding, as the dress of homemade doom has won the battle of wills. because i am a hefty girl and because this is my first sewing project, i have decided that perhaps i should make something that does not hold something so importance on its successful completion as a co-starring role in a wedding. the dress i have decided on is much like this one, but is all black with an exciting lacy black layer over all of it. it is truly incredible and despite the fact that on a regular basis, things that do not have straps and i do not get along, it is totally rockin' with all the tattoos and my general shape.

this dress was actually picked out because the other (less important) bridesmaid is wearing the exact dress on the left but i am moody and need to have something different from everyone else! so i shall be prancing into the store tomorrow to invest in the dress of my bridesmaid's dreams and then try and match shoes with it that will not cost me my soul.

accompanying the dress will be a splendid and notably HUGE red rose that will be placed somewhere and somehow in my hairs. i have tried breaking this information to my hairs gently, that they will need to play nicely with the flora so as to avoid ruining the special day for myself and the entire wedding processional. we shall see what happens, although i do not hold very high hopes, as my hairs have been particularly moody lately and are most likely holding out for the biggest rebellion ever.

the disappointment which i speak of involves the previous entry's leading lady and her leading man who should not be her leading man. i am just always so shocked by the decisions that people make... when someone is burned by a stove, do they go back to it again? you know.... i will give them one time. yes, they can go back one time and perhaps get burned again but they most assuredly will NOT go back for another scalding will they? well, i can say that our heroin has done and will most definitely get burned again... she has done this with so many people and i just hate to see that she is just so... i don't want to say trusting, but i also don't want to say stupid... she is just naive. oh so extremely naive. i just want to cry when i think about how silly her decisions are... oh my lord jesus.



in other news, chevy is the most handsome man in the entire world and i just want to never ever stop squeezing him! i have been contemplating getting him a bff, who i actually saw this morning on a trip to someone's house who is getting rid of a wee man. he looks like so...

so i am on the hunt to learn if the young man would be able to integrate with the lard easily... anyone who has ideas, please PLEASE let me know.

i heart things and things tuesday and other things that don't have SO much to do with hearting

i heart some things this week. to be honest though, it would be much easier for me to be able to list the things i HATE. i have toyed with the idea of having a 'i HATE things and things' day but the first and last thing on that list would be that i hate the idea of that! i hate the negativity associated with it and refuse to ever let people make me lists of things that they hate. so, in keeping with the tuesday spirit...


Danie hearts things and things... it's true!
i heart planning and proceeding with a brilliant dye job on my hairs!
i took the wool out of my hair last wednesday due to the horrible amount of fighting it was doing with my real hairs and was at a loss of what to do with my hairs. they were blonde and looked boring and tired. then, lo and behold! i stumbled across a 99p hair 'casting creme' that made my hairs jump with glee and so i promptly made friends with it and pranced home to make my hair brown again with blonde streaks. i was suitably unhappy with said streaks of light horror, so i delved into the cupboard and made the pink participate and it did... BEAUTIFULLY!!


i heart tattoos!
yesterday featured pain and glee in the shape of a wee fox. for the last several weeks, when i would go into the shop mel would hassle me for another chance to hurt me. this is due to the fact that she has been taken on as one of the new apprentices underneath kevin. thus, she wants to offer as much pain to me as possible and i do so happily, as i am just SO excited to have an 'amy winehouse arm' this is a feat i have achieved quite brilliantly thus far, and am pleased to say will be progressing into a full on sleeve with time.

the fox was the new addition. it is the first of my tattoos that i refer to as a girl, which pleases me to no end.

i heart swapping things internationally!!
in the past couple of days i have had the intense desire to participate in communities that feature international swaps of crafting items, cakes, sweets and kwaii goodness. due to this desire... no, NEED, i have attacked livejournal and found a few willing souls to make nice with me and send me delights from places like spain, morocco and malaysia. the excitement that has mounted up due to this has become almost completely unbearable. i cannae wait!!

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overall, it has been a bit of a stressful week. it seems as though every person in the world has decided to be as rude and awful as possible to me. i had a horrible pakistani man shout at and berate me in the street yesterday due to my tattoos, had someone i work with continually interrupt me today, had a man shout at me on the phone and the pièce de résistance is the following series of emails i had from a man today. the background on this is that there is a local community for trading and getting rid of unwanted goods to people who DO want them. due to the fact that i am incredibly into salvaging as many things as possible, husband and i are friends with this site. i made a request for a SEGA Mega drive and some scrap fabric, which prompted the following response:

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Jack: Just read your 2 Wanteds, and not one please or thank you anywhere! I bet I'm not the only one to have messaged you about it either!

Moi:actually you are. thank you for being rude!!

i am sure i am not the first or the last person to not say please or thank you. i bet it makes you feel lovely to point that out to people. do you do that for fun?

Jack:
You're calling ME rude?! I always use manners when I post a Wanted. You, however,didn't.
No you're not the first but it doesn't cost anything to say please, especially when you're asking for expensive items.

Moi:

unfortunately, i am fully aware of the prices of the items i am looking for, which is why i am also aware of the fact that asking for them on a free site is not unreasonable. fortunately for you (and seemingly for myself), we are seperate entities and the fact that i have not said please and/or thank you on these three occasions (out of the approximate 20 or 30 that i have done... good statistics i might say, as very few things in the world today can offer you 9 in 10 chances of being perfect everytime) has no baring on you or your personal life.

perhaps you should worry about your own life, like how you feel it is necessary to contact a complete stranger and berate them with the thought that you, and your self ritious-ness is the almighty truth.

please, get a life and leave me alone.

Jack:
exactly when your asking complete strangers say PLEASE OR THANK YOU.......now ill leave you alone.....

Moi:

you should have left me alone to begin with love, as i am now going to have to report you.

it was not your business to come to me in such a rude way to advise me of my need to say please and thank you. you are not my husband or my father.

bare that in mind when in the future you want to harass innocent strangers.

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i just heart how delightful some people can be.

alongside these lovely gems, our party yielded the information that chris' mum had to be admitted to hospital due to a possible heart attack. i told him he had to go see her, so he left and i was thus thrust into the lifestyle of a bachelor for four days. it was horrible and the pining chevy and i participated in made us want to die. the 'heart attack' was downgraded to a coronary embolism which, i found out today only ended up being gas. it would have been a bit of worth while had my pining been for a heart attack of embolism, but as it stands, i am disgusted. but pleased that the mummy does not have anything to worry about.

husband was pleased to be able to see everyone. he hadn't been back to melksham for two years, so it really did him some good. he returned today and i have been gleeing around the house in a big sleepy haze.

the biggest and most distressing part of the week has been to see that a very special person in my life has decided to make a huge mistake and allow a creature back into her life which has wronged her to no end. i have seen her do it before with another beast, but the doings of this most recent creature have slayed her inner beautiful straight to the core. i am so disgusted when i see her prance around with him as though nothing has happened. it is just like, does she not realise what she is most likely getting herself into? feck's sake!!

grrr! i has a husband to go cuddle. hooray!

4: How did you rebel as a child?

i went through three phases as a child when rebelling became the name of the game. first it was when i was extremely young... i must have been around nine. i HATED brushing my hairs and just refused to ever do it. no matter how much people hassled me, i would always say 'no way jose! Rod Stewart doesn't brush HIS!'

and thus was my argument for at least three years until i saw the film mi vida loca. a film that completely convinced me that i was indeed a mexican and i was to look like one in all ways possible.

during this rebellion, i invested in a giant amount og wet'n'wild makeup in as many browns, whites and tans and possible and wore out at least two curling irons trying to get my hairs exactly like sad girl's.

unfortunately, said coif never materialised and i learned the joy of another mexican lolita i could emulate by the name of Selina. once i saw her live performance of 'dreaming of you' i was a convert to the life of a beautiful mexican princess who could sing and was obsessed with making sure everyone knew that the lady that killed her was guilty and needed to die. my hatred for this woman was such that i still cannae look at the woman that played her in the film without clenching my fists.

alongside the mexican phase, i also participated in the wave of JNCO which made everyone in my family actually want to die. i was a huge fan of making sure i had the widest legs possible for maximum irritation factor.