really, really

Today marks one week… 

Seven days… 

168 hours… 

10,080 minutes…

604,800 seconds until I get to see him… 

Give or take a few thousand seconds.


At this specific time, in seven days, if he isn’t already in my arms, I will be a complete basket case. I will be checking my mobile every two seconds, prepared to completely lose it when that one special call finally does come through… 

Next Friday morning he will be leaving Iraq destined for Kuwait and then leaving Kuwait destined for Germany where he will then learn the specific details of his flight and ring me with the phone card I will be purchasing for him in the next two days. When that call comes a chain reaction will be set off that will feature danie hysterically bumbling around whatever locale she is in and then ringing Hannah and Dave to squeal at them and plan the picking up of the love of my life. 

I can feel it already… the hysteria building. It became embarrassing this morning when I was preparing for work and kept shouting at Stacey that he was going to be here NEXT WEEKEND and OMGINEEDTOTIDY! i just keep repeating to myself that he is going to be here NEXT weekend and that I only have to wait a matter of DAYS until he arrives now… 

This event that I never, ever thought was going to happen, me seeing dane again… it’s about to happen and I am beginning to feel the nervous twinges in my tummy about it. I don’t actually even KNOW what I’m nervous about… I’m just feeling very tense about the whole thing. 

Like, I am sure I am building it up to be more than it needs to be, but good LORD… this boy that I fell in love with all those years ago and haven’t SEEN but wondered about and pined after for JUST shy of eight years (tomorrow, actually will OFFICIALLY be eight years since I saw him in person, which is alarming in and of itself.) will be in my house, in my bed, holding my hand in just seven DAYS. This boy that has always been an almost magical creature (in that he swept into my life, altered it dramatically and then left regularly, all without being seen) will finally… sigh…  I’m trying to build up some image for you of how huge this is for me… it’s just not working. 

Dane will be here in seven days and this, all of this, it’s something I never actually imagined would happen. I never, ever thought I was going to have the opportunity to see him again. I had resigned myself to believe that that last night, back in 2002 was going to be the last time that I saw him again for the rest of my life. I wish there were more things I could remember about it… I remember almost all of it with perfect clarity, but there is more… so much more I wish I could have remembered. We just tried to scramble too many things into that last seven minutes… I wish I had looked at his eyes more. I wish I could remember better what they looked like in person. 

Prior to our last meeting, the last time we saw one another in person was some weekday in September 2001. I had been in the home for nearly two months and had been granted the ‘luxury’ of going to public school. Dane picked me up one morning with a bunch of roses and a card. I presented him with the blanket that I had toiled over for the previous two months and we got in his car and went back to the place he was staying. We snuggled under the blanket in all of its six-foot by nine- foot glory and pushed our toesies through the holes in it. We talked and kissed and cried. 

One month before that I was retrieved from the home to ‘pick up’ some of my stuff… I diverted the driver (one of my mum’s friends) to the house dane was staying at at the time. we pulled up and I said I wouldn’t be long. I went up the stairs and walked in to see him sleeping… I watched him for exactly two minutes and then kissed his face in the sunlight. I remember exactly how his face looked. He smiled and as soon as the haze of slumber lifted he held me… so tight. i remember exactly how he smelled and just what his face looked like, still with the tiny creases from the pillow pressed on his cheek, just next to his left eye. 


every single moment that he and i spent together seemed to have been made completely of magic... obviously, some of the emotions i feel about the time we spent together are as a result of nostalgia... my brain associating all the special memories with the freedom of youth and learning about a new love... 


but dane... he's different. i've had boys come and go in my life and nobody has ever left an impression like he has. i have never loved anybody like i loved him... being taken away from him that day in july was horrific. not being able to see him but knowing he was out there, somewhere... it was agony.

I am now caught up in the final whirlwind of preparation prior to his arrival… I will be going and buying the last bits and pieces that I want to make sure I have in the house for his visit, getting his SIM card so’s he can have a mobile and tidying up the house so it looks slightly less shocking. 

i guess the most i can say is i am now in a state of shock... i can't believe this is actually happening... that in a week's time i will finally be able to plug my heart back in to it's adaptor for re-charging... i need it, the battery is super-low...

tuesdays are made...

This last week has been gloriously blissful… it seems like my life becomes more wonderful with every passing week, like I have someone out there in the cosmic unknown watching out for me and finally repaying me for all the stuff that I have done and been through in my life. 

Then I come back to earth and remember that all the magic that I have in my life has come as a result of all the hard work I have done to make that magic… it’s like I’m an actual magician… pulling one trick after another out of the bag. 

Let’s move on to the best bit, hey? I have a busy day ahead of me and really should get this show on the road…

Enjoy!

·      the following conversation… which was had between my colleague and I this morning (my colleague is a tiny, forty-something woman who always has the most sassy, wonderful things to say and has been ever-so patient with my out of control bursts of talking about the muffin, pow pow, my divorce and Johnny):

Me: OMG! TEN DAYS!!
Al: Is that ALL?! (**sarcasm**)
Me: OMGYES! I am going to be hysterical this time next week... I’m sorry in advance for how out of control I am going to be Al. 
Al: Well, I’m sorry in advance in case I hit you. 

·      the costume… which I am not at liberty to share MANY photos of, but I have (as you can see) shared one… a very tiny teaser. I am outrageously proud of this costume. I went into this particular project with no forward knowledge of how to scale up a pattern, how to cut a pattern or even where to start with putting one together, so to think that I have come so far with it today, three weeks after starting it, makes me feel incredible. The costume remains in a constant state of hung next to my bed… I stare at it as I fall asleep, I stare at it when I am on the phone to the muffin, I stare at it when I am on the phone with Pow… I stare at it constantly… I love the costume and I can’t actually believe that I have created something so stupendously perfect. I think my absolute favourite thing about it are the immense levels of happiness that I see on Pow’s face when I show it to him with slightly more finished on it.  His little (giant) face lights up like Christmas and I love that I can bring that much joy into someone’s life. 

·      Johnny dates with Pow… these are quite possibly my favourite kind of date in the world at the moment. I love sitting down with him and talking about all things Johnny-related. I love planning things and drawing things and generally feeling like I am a part of something so wonderfully special. 

·      Good GOD ten days… oh yes, today officially marks ten days until the arrival of the muffin. Ten days until I get to see the love of my life again for the first time in eight years… ten days until I get to see how real this all actually is. This time next week, it’ll be THREE days! SQUEE!

·      The ‘bulimia banter’ janey and I have… this is particularly a favourite because it just offers hours of fun. It all started back when I lost all the weight when chris and I first split… there was an individual who was concerned I was bulimic and was genuinely concerned for my health… this branched into janey pretending I was bulimic in public every time she saw me because I had lost more weight with every visit. This has now reached a full-blown out of control status with the banter we have on facebook… I returned home from my last trip to London with the following posted on my wall…

Danie, i love you very much, and i love having you stay, but i think its time we addressed your current situation; i found lots bags in your room left behind from where you stayed this weekend. bags of sick in the wardrobe. did you think i wouldn't find them? and all that food you bought while we were out. all wrapped up... and stuffed under the bed. did you think i wouldn't notice?
like i wouldn't notice how much more weight you've lost, and how you always go to 'powder your nose' after every meal, and return smelling of toothpaste and mouthwash.
i HAVE noticed and i'm worried.
i love you so much and can't stand you wasting away in front of my eyes.
i'm always here, and i'll always help you, but its breaking my heart when you do this.
xxx

To which I replied…

you know what jane?! it is just SO like you to feel like it's appropriate to bring this bullshit up like this in such a public place? where do you fucking get off thinking it's appropriate do smear my name like this in front of all my friends? so, i have a problem, i eat a little less than other people do... i sick up more often than some... my body my choice! ♥

her rebuttal…

argh! thats your answer to freaking everything: 'my body my choice!'
danie stop being bulimic, don't get the vagina tattooed on your head, don't lie on the floor... all thrown back in my ever loving face!

My response…

oh THAT'S RICH coming from you, jane i-like-to-piss-myself-in-the-middle-of-the-train-station hallam. fuck off with your 'caring' if that's what you can call it. i'm not interested. if you loved me you'd love me for everything that i am, not DESPITE my problems. i need a friend jane, not a counsellor.

And finally, from her…

at least i learn from my mistakes, and try and help others! and it wasn't piss- it was very liquid feashus from my tummy bug!

i love janey more than most things and people!

·      The way people smile to themselves when they receive a lovely text

·      A pair of massive tits in a tight top

·      Watching clouds move

·      Hot chocolate

·      My special black, shiny M&S shoes with the ribbons

·      Lee Lee dates

·      Really extravagant and elaborate coving

·      The teeth alastair’s making for Johnny

·      My penmanship

·      ‘Rehab’ by Amy Winehouse

·      The fact that Pow knows to stop changing channels when he sees Alan Carr on telly

·      Finding an excellent bargain

·      Hannah Zair cuddles

·      LOTS of glitter

·      Nick Parker

·      Robert Z’Dar

·      The silhouette of a tree that’s lost all of it’s leaves

·      Saline drips

·      Getting away with being naughty

·      Yankee candles

·      Long emails from the muffin

·      Having neon blue hair

·      Love songs

·      Rubbing soft things on my face

·      Good posture

·      Lee’s tartan jacket

·      Sassy haircuts

·      Cranberries

·      Dim Sum

·      Su Mai

·      The greasy spoon date with Pow (and the fact that he KNEW I’d want to take the little order number slip for my book

·      Shopping for Johnny stuff with Pow

·      Bacon

·      How excited about stuff Stacey gets

·      Bright, contrasting colours

·      Wearing a ring in my lip (as compared to a stud)

·      Fizzy water

·      Chewing on plastic

·      How much Ali’s dad likes to talk

·      Dane’s dogtags

·      My cleavage

·      The 80’s night at Bar One where I sat and sang 80’s songs and watched mannequin, ghostbusters and goonies with Nick

·      Disaster movies

·      Tibet

·      Spam fritters

·      Mayo and ketchup mixed

·      Massive explosions

·      Vuze

·      Binary

·      The French language

·      Pretty nailpolish

·      The Mona Lisa

·      Shopping with Pow Pow

·      Russian Accents

·      Buddy, the puppy at Bar One

·      Well-behaved youths

·      01032010, movie date with Pow

·      ‘Where the Buffalo Roam,’ both the film AND the song

·      Bill Murray

·      Beef stroganoff

·      The photoshoot with Nom and how unbelievably beautiful the photos are and how outrageously sexy I felt

the end! Have a stupendous week all! Yay!

don't stop until it's tuesday...

oh my LORD in HEAVEN what a week of hearting! it's late so i have to whack this one out quick!

enjoy!

• Charming telephone manners… so, I just had a call from a kind gentleman from N Power (my energy supplier) who, upon my excitable answer said the following: ‘hey, is that Miss… uhhh… Valackee or whatever? (**he proceeds to spell my name**)’ I confirmed that I was indeed born to that name, to which he replied, ‘I’m Tyrone calling from NPower and I need your meter readings, can you give me them?’ I advised that I was at work at the moment and that that would not be possible as my home was not within the vicinity. Tyrone seemed alarmed by this and demanded I get the readings tonight and have them ready for a phone call from him again tomorrow… what excellent interpersonal skills NPower instil in people!
• The fact that people refer to me as ‘tiny.’ I’m not sure where this came from or who started it, but it pleases me. janey ALWAYS refers to me as ‘my tiny’ and potterton sent me a text last night referring to me as a ‘tiny princess.’

• JUSTIN SMITH ESQUIRE… for weeks I have been pining after this man… actual WEEKS! Since janey told me about him in December I decided that I needed to meet him. I needed to meet him and try to make him mine (despite the clear issue that is his sexual preference). I was out of control with excitement with janey sent me a message several weeks ago advising that she had talked about me to him in the shop (her fish shop) one day and that he had invited the two of us personally to the private viewing of his latest collection. Since that day I had been living in between states of excitement and terror about meeting him. Excitement because, I mean, have you SEEN this man?! Terror because the event would be taking place during London Fashion Week and OMGWHATWOULDIWEAR?! Every single day after returning from a hard day at work I would come home to try on a different outfit, wanting to ensure I picked out the PERFECT one. Perfect dress and makeup picked out and packed, I made my way to London last Friday… Saturday rolled around and I was roused with a cup of mango tea to battle my hangover… janey and I pranced to the carribean shop down the road to find some suitable glitz to wear to the event and then retired back to hers to slather my hair in blue dye and watch some atrocious music videos. When the hour finally rolled around, the two of us, dressed as cute as possible, marched to the bus to meet with Louisa Ryrie. After a short shopping excursion we retired to a pub just around the corner from Justin Smith’s flat and drank. We drank and waited… Missy arrived and then Thuy, which signalled the time for us to blaze a trail to the flat of the man I had begun referring to as my future husband. I was out of giddy with excitement as we walked up the stairs after being ushered in by a boy janey later advised was Justin Smith’s significant other. The stairs twisted and turned until we arrived to the very top where there lived mannequins and vintage beautiful aplenty. I was first through the door into his tiny flat, which had been decorated JUST perfectly… dark lighting and special little pieces of taxidermy scattered in specific places to make them look as though they had been haphazardly strewn (as someone who’s worked on set-design, I KNOW when someone has purposefully placed something to LOOK messy). Through the front door I came immediately into the studio where I saw him… he was stood there in the most perfect little outfit looking tinier and more precious than I ever could have imagined. I instantly spun around and started trying to point in my discreetly drunk manner (which I presume only came across as hysterical) to janey that he was behind me. My message was not clearly put across and we marched into the other room to look at the amazing items and fish. After a brief call with the muffin (which was strained and particularly difficult to pay attention to because it was just THEN that Justin Smith decided to walk out into the hallway, leaving him directly in my line of sight) I padded back upstairs to find janey ready to introduce me to him. we made our way back into his studio where janey gave me a VERY formal introduction and he shook my hand. I giggled and sputtered something about his work being amazing… he then told us to go up to his roof and have a fag, that he would be up in a minute. We scaled the ladder in our various foot-coverings and sparked up a fag each and took in the fact that we were on JUSTIN SMITH ESQ’S ROOF having a fag! He came upstairs and I immediately turned into a complete retard… I couldn’t string together more than once sentence and janey was telling him about the projects I work on and was demanding I tell him about the things I had crocheted. I told him about the doll/bear and then suddenly started talking about baking, for some reason finding it IMPERATIVE to tell him about my bacon and maple syrup cupcakes. He nodded and looked alarmed and said he had to go. I asked if I could have my photo with him and he obliged, wrapping his arm around me and making my life complete. Two flashes of the camera complete, we all traipsed down the ladder and us girls left, danie suitably reeling from the fact that she had officially met the most beautiful man in the world. I am now in the middle of writing him a letter, firstly, to thank him for inviting me and secondly, to ask him for a list. We shall see how that works out. 
• trips to london

• THE date… oh. My. GOD! I was a big, fat bundle of excitement all day Saturday… I KNEW that he would be getting his orders on that day and I KNEW that I should be expecting a call at any time after 1500. I waited, pined and drove janey crazy from the instant I woke up until we arrived at the pub round the corner from Justin Smith Esquire’s flat.  I kept telling janey that I was SURE he was going to ring whilst we were at Justin Smith’s… that I would be SO cross with him if he did… no more than three minutes after arriving at Justin Smith’s flat my phone begin ringing. I cursed very audibly and pranced halfway down the stairs and answered. His voice sounded perfect and wonderful. It had been days since I’d heard it. I had missed it. He said that we only had six minutes and a date. I told him to spit it out. He told me in a cranky, pouty voice that our fears had been founded and that he would be later than we had hoped (only by one week, but, it seems, enough to make his little voice and face sour). I squee’d and told him that it was perfect… that he was going to be here… and he IS… it all feels so much more real now. Now we have an actual date of arrival for the muffin I feel so much more… hrm… what’s the word? ARRRRRGH! Yeah, that’s it. I can’t actually believe it. At this time in two weeks I will be actually dying and completely unbearable. My co-workers have already started joking that they are all going to go off work for that last week and leave me to it. Post-phone call I went back upstairs and felt conflicted, emotional and fucking excited. MY muffin is going to be here in just over two weeks and I MIGHT die! SQUEE!
• Dressing up

• Louisa Ryrie… never, ever did I think I would see the day that Janey I’m-a-loose-cannon Hallam would call someone more of a loose cannon than her! yes, folks, that’s right… that day has come, the day when we realize that there is someone out there who is more of a loose cannon than janey…  I met Louisa through pow pow as she will be one of the stars of Johnny. She is a tiny, outrageously beautiful little ball of energy that I am in complete awe of. 
• Jane Muthafuckin' Hallam... so, SO big... let's just say there is nobody else in the WORLD that I could drink wine, eat chinese buns and wasabi peas with on a bus in central London late at night with. She is amazing and I adore her more than I adore most people. 

• My boys... tonight, just a mere hour ago i had two boys in my bed. yes, that's right... TWO boys. my beautiful pow pow and lee lee came over for din dins (chili, with a special vegan batch for my precious little vegan man) and then a movie in my room (as that is where all my movies are, on my PC, in my bedroom.) they snuggled onto my SUPER comfy bed and played instruments and we talked and watched a film and had a wonderful time. i adore lee lee so, so much. i love when he comes to visit and love the banter and cuddles we have... another date with him is scheduled for friday... SQUEE!
• chili
• when just the edges of leaves have frost on them
• the carribean shop in hackney
• dinner with the digby's
• country bakes from the canteen at workies
• drawing on envelopes before sending them
• having neon blue hair
• the anticipation of going on a trip the hours before you leave
• my hamburger ring
• long emails
• lists
• having access to other people's diaries on Outlook

• Guu Guu (janey's snake)
• Justin Smith Esq's flat
• my Amy Blackwell print
• Pow's girlfriend 
• Liam Sharp
• Cider
• sitting on the floor at St Pancras international train station with janey and being belligerent whilst waiting for my train
• the fall
• sellotape
• making pow smile with my wares
• postcards
• chinese buns
• sushi
• wasabi peas
• this photo... 

the things we did and didn't do...

I should start this by saying that I am hardly ever nervous about anything… ever. I am a fairly confident and with-it female who has her head locked on straight and in the upright position; I know how to rationalize things in a realistic and healthy manner…  

This is why I found it odd to feel my tummy gurgling with anxiety for the entirety of yesterday.

You see, Chris has a sister and her name is Maria. She is absolutely lovely and is the wife of a gentleman called John and the mother of three fabulously beautiful children named Oliver, Florence and Fergus. 

Now, maria and I have never been what one would call ‘close’ during the course of my seven years with Chris… we didn’t talk often and I think I can count on one hand the amount of times we have hung out. She is lovely and we would have very brief but altogether nice chats on the phone when I was around to answer during one of her phone calls, but overall, nay. 

This is why I found it rather odd to find her sending me texts and emails regularly about a week after Chris and I split up. Her emails and text were not prying… they were really lovely, in fact. She wanted to meet up and make sure I was well. It all came to a head when she enquired repeatedly until I obliged to a dinner out with her, her husband and the kids for last night. 

This was the source of my nerves… I am honestly not sure at all why I was so nervous… I don’t know if I had expected her to attack me or harass me until I broke down, but what I DID know is my tummy was full of ugly at the thought of meeting up with her. 

I mused about possible events at work throughout the day… Al (a fabulous creature that I share an office with) offering me insight and suggestions for dealing with it. I discussed with the muffin some and just resigned myself to a potentially stressful dinner and then home to work on the costume. 

That is until around half three when I received a text from Pow Pow… the text read…

‘Danie she loved it so much, she was giddy. She wants to thank you somehow. But I’m not allowed to say!x thank you.x so I’ll be back tonight if you wanted to do movies?x’

(It must first be noted that the ‘she’ he is referring to is his girlfriend, Amy, and the ‘it’ that he is referring to is the Chinook of glory. Several weeks ago I asked Pow if there was anything in particular he wanted me to make for him as I felt I was up for a challenge and he replied saying that his girlfriend really liked Chinooks. Whilst I was hesitant at first to share my wares out to a complete stranger, I agreed simply because of the precious pouty face that Pow has the ability to pull. I made the magical Chinook with special heart-shaped windows to be given to Amy for Valentine’s Day.)

I immediately rang him and we chatted a bit about how excited she was about it and then he asked how I was… I told him that I was nervous because of the din din and he said that he wanted me to ring him when I was done so he could offer a ‘pick me up’ (which, when Pow Pow is concerned, always involves snack attacks and omgphotos!) I said I would ring him when I was done. 

The walk to the restaurant felt like it took a billion years… in reality, it only took 32 minutes, but it was a long journey that prompted my ipod to play all the saddest songs it had on its playlist. That, combined with the dreary weather set the mood appropriately. I arrived with a suitable amount of gloom and stood patiently at the entrance, waiting for my masticating companions. 

Every single child that passed me was delighted and/or confused by me. My hair proved to be too much to most of the children that were participating in their parent’s patronage… I just smiled sweetly at all of them and waited. 

It had been three years since I saw them last. Florence was barely two, Oliver was still getting used to having a younger sister and Fergus wasn’t even a glimmer in Maria’s eye. They arrived together and I was greeted with smiling faces and tiny, precious voices telling me about their snow escapades from earlier in the day. 

We were shown to our table and I was situated in the circular booth between Oliver and Florence. As we perused the menus Florence proceeded to offer me her version of the Spanish inquisition. She asked me about why I had two necklaces, what the dog tags said, why I had blue hair, why I had a bird on my chest, did my tattoos hurt, why were all the holes in my ears difference sizes, why did my earrings not match, how did I do my nails, why did I have rubber bands on my wrist, was the starfish in my necklace real, how did I get it, how did it die… I could go on. It didn’t stop. I patiently obliged and discussed all topics danie-related with her. 

The meal went forward with conversations about my moving back to America, my job, projects I’m working on and what I did for the holidays. At one point, we got up to get salad and when I came back I shifted some of the coats and my handbag and they so happened to become positioned between myself and Florence. Flo demanded I move everything so she could be right next to me. I moved the objects to the other side and the inquisition continued.

 

Once we finished eating I held Fergus for a while. He threw a breadstick at my glasses and Maria took photos. Once I handed Fergus to his dad Flo decided she wanted to sit on my lap and she sat there and we talked about the toys I make and tattoos and took photos.

I so rarely spend time with children, but I feel like now, especially now, when I see children I NEED one. I embraced being able to play with them and talk to them last night… I just adore the fact that they are tiny versions of us that have just not been moulded yet. It amazes me and I just want one so bad… one that I can teach and snuggle and read to and just have as a part of my life. 

On our way out the door I sent Pow a text asking him if he was about ready for a visit from danie and he replied saying he was and that he was calling his dad so he might not hear me (this is only funny if you know the ‘code’ that was made up on my birthday… suffice it to say that it delights me to no end that he has started using my code. If you want to know more about the code, as a member of staff.).

I then hugged everyone and got in my taxi. I got in the taxi and immediately deflated… without thinking I said aloud, ‘well THAT was exhausting!’ and he asked if that was my family. Now Danie, being the outrageously open person she is (but also being familiar with this particular taxi driver), decided to tell the whole story about the divorce and the fact that that family was comprised of my estranged in-laws to this almost-stranger… he and I talked about divorces for the remainder of the journey and the fact that I was american and may be moving back. 

I am realising more and more how often I talk to strangers and tell them everything. Stacey finds it incredibly alarming that everyplace I go I find someone to talk to about things… I adore talking to people. It makes me incredibly happy. 

I arrived at Pow’s and I instantly put the kettle on and began the cups of tea streaming. I sat down whilst he did the washing-up and told him how tired and ‘saggy’ I felt. I explained why I was feeling so exhausted and we talked about that for a while… about my fears for moving back to america, my hesitations and general urgh! 

I showed him photos of the kids and said that I wanted one and he said, ‘well, you’ll have other people’s for a while now!’ I both love him and hate him for making this comment. I love that he knows that I will be a ‘step-mum’ of sorts to the muffin’s three children and I also love that he makes light of it when, in actual fact, I hate the fact that it is true… I WILL have to live through other people’s children. Sigh.

He and I talked about avatar (as he had just gotten home from seeing it). This film has been on my shit list since I saw the very first poster for it ages ago. I HATE fantasy films and I HATE the stupid blue faces of the characters. I vowed never, EVER to see it. He reckons I should go see it in the cinema in 3-d and that I would really like it. I might. We’ll see. He then noted that he saw an advert for Alice in Wonderland in 3-d which I have already reserved him for. We will have a fabulous dinner out (most likely at burger king or wetherspoons) and then go and watch some fabulous imagery whilst consuming hot dogs, popcorn and cola. 

We then talked for a while about his past relationships, Amy, Janey and my moving back to america and then put things on his calendar (namely, our mandible date for tonight, my leaving party (which prompted him to call me a bitch), my leaving date and my birthday).

Then his parents showed up. His mum bumbled into the house armed with wool… lots of wool. I had emailed her earlier in the day asking her if I could steal some of it for the bear blanket and she obliged. His dad was helping him with shifting some stuff up into the loft, so his mum and I sat downstairs and talked about wool, the playhouse, her other kids and the fact that she was amazed by how well and fast and I can crochet without watching. She is so, SO lovely. Both of his parents are; I love them so much!

Once they left we watched a bit of telly and then Ladykillers (the remake). We giggled a lot, ate snacks and then, when the film was finished, we filmed a video and took some super-sassy photos.

Around one a.m. I left and upon arriving home I uploaded the photos and retired to bed, bantering via text with Pow until I fell asleep. 

It’s days like that that I will miss… days that are full of lots of things but also full of… wonderful. Work. Meal. Pow. It was perfect. Just to have a friend like that, god I feel so lucky. 

In other news, it is a mere two days until the muffin gets his orders… a mere two days until I will know the exact day my world will stop revolving around anything but myself and my heart. 

All excitement aside it’s been a bit blargh this week between him and me. Like, we’ve talked some and it’s been nice, but we have both been so busy that we haven’t been able to dedicate quite as much time as usual to one another. I still send him long, fabulous emails several times a day, mostly because I LOVE talking, but he rarely responds with much more than a sentence or anything. He’s a busy boy, starting to prepare for leave, so I will leave him to it. 

Sigh… my heart feels heavy. 

Off to London tomorrow to see my janeyface and to cuddle her to death. I shall meet my future husband and eat buns until I explode. It will be wonderful and hopefully not TOO tense.