Monday, 9 November 2009

this tuesday... THIS TUESDAY!

i know it's early, but i know if i don't do it now, i will never, ever do it. the last week could be compared to a cake. a fabulous cake made of magnificence, win and glory sprinkled only lightly with a little morose.

the week saw me go out for a night out that ended up being unbelievably wonderful, saw me finalize all plans birthday-related and saw me attend my first official day at the Resource Centre Day Hospital.

a full and concise list of things i have hearted over the last week can be seen below...

  • seeing things i've sent to someone arrive to them safely... one of the three parcels i sent to Him arrived safely into his arms today. luckily, it was the BEST of the three parcels. it contained the wee creatures i made and a special 'letter' i embroidered onto a piece of felt (yeah, i did the lines and EVERYTHING). it is just like... this little thing has brought us even closer if that's possible. i held these items in my hands a mere twelve days ago and now he has them. i was kissing the nose of that giraffe twelve days ago and now i can watch HIM kiss his nose. He cried and i fell in love all over again. He is just such a precious face and it makes me so happy to see that something i do can make someone THAT happy. (SIDE NOTE: the reason He seems to be smelling things a lot is because i infused things with the scent of danie so's He could associate me with another one of his senses.)
  • nights out... very rarely does a night out go as planned... very rarely does a night out actually end up being as glorious as you originally plan for them to. this last saturday was a massive exception to this rule. i had planned this saturday with slight hesitation, given the fail most of the nights out i've had recently have been made of. i went out with a cautious head, determined to at least get a little tipsy and cuddle pow pow's face off. my arrival saw me cuddle many, MANY faces off and prance a great deal with chris tree (of the most youthful face in the world and amazing musical skills) and see many faces i didn't expect i'd see ever again. pow pow was off his face most of the night but he still gave me amazing cuddles and performed amazingly well. given that i had nothing in my belly, i was VERY concerned about drinking, but somehow, by midnight-thirty, i had eleven rum and cokes in me and felt amazing. after multiple photo sessions with multiple beautyfaces i decided to cut my losses and run. the night was amazing and i can't even describe how much fun i had. thanks to everyone. it was perfect and just what this divorcee needed.
  • watching pow pow perform... granted, i love watching ALL people perform, pow pow is always at the top of my list. he pulls some amazing faces when he sings. saturday saw me watching one of his newer bands, hot japanese girl, play. it was my first time seeing them and i was immediately judgmental when i saw him arrive with a ridiculous amount of face paint on. i am a floozy for acoustic music and ali's voice when he is only accompanied by a guitar has the ability to make me weak in the knees, but this... there are no words. they were fabulous. the energy that ali puts into his music is just so intense. it makes me SO happy to see him in his element. 
  • gogol bordello... oh yes, i have fallen in love with them again, in a big way.  it all started last thursday when they posted some photos from their most recent gigs and i couldn't help but re-hash that love affair via youtube. i watched loads of acoustic sets they did for a show and totally remembered why i fell in love with that big-nosed, blue-eyed beauty named hutz. they are such an amazing band. i can't get enough of them and NEED to see them like, now. 

  • my beautiful lee lee... mmm, sunday saw the return of my lee lee for a flying visit due to some magical scheduling at his shop. i was the only individual a privvy to this confidential information and was therefore designated as the orchestrator of people so many deaths-by-glee could occur. i pranced into town sunday morning to meet him and perched at a table at our allocated meeting-spot. i was soon drawn to a whistle stage-right where i was greeted by the most beautiful of little faces. i didn't realize how much i missed him until i saw him and immediately felt the need to grab him and hold him forever. he smelled just like i remembered and during our walk to hannah's i kept having to stop and grab him and squeeze him. he is so beautiful and one of the creatures i will miss most when i move back across the pond.
  • OMGMYBIRTHDAY... oh yes, in a mere five days danie will be celebrating her twenty-fifth year on the planet. i am very aware that this MAY be my last celebration in england for a while, so i plan to make it massive and perfect. all things have been arranged and creatures will begin arriving on thursday, which i am SO looking forward to. it will be a stupendous night and MANY photos will occur. OMGSOMANYPHOTOS!
other things, you ask? oh yes, there are some... please has them!
having a really long and restful sleep, grape soda, lindt lindor truffles, valium, looking at other people's journals, making money doing what i love, maral, reading through all my lists, danishchats, writing up itemized lists, the magnetic fields, cinnamon and sultana bagels with cream cheese on, trying out new cupcake recipes, the skill with which i can crochet, re-connecting with old friends, looking at old photographs, the smell of clean laundry, watching people paint, when i'm able to eat without feeling ill, tandem bicycles, meeting new people and really connecting with them, rob padley, girls with shaved heads, how amazingly wonderful and supportive danish is, when time passes really quickly, skirts that fall below the knees, tights with excellent prints on them, eccentric old women, scottish accents, pulling funny faces, danish videos, chicken sushi, alastair's handwriting, the smell of lush, wellies and mustangs.

so yes, i started the day hospital today. i went in not really knowing what to expect but thinking i had an idea of what MIGHT occur there. hey, i've been in treatment, i know all about groups and all that malarkey... but i must say, no amount of groups could have prepared me for the fail that this day hospital is made of. it was just... it seems to be a place that was created for people that are suffering from much more debilitating mental health problems than me. the people that were there were just so out of it. i arrived an hour early and sat and read... someone came and gave me a tour of the day area and i sat and read some more.

once the day officially began it was just... i don't even know how to describe it. just... i don't know. i participated in two groups today, the first being 'health and wellbeing,' which saw about eight of us sat around a table tasting various different fruits and discussing their texture, colour, flavour and price. danie, being the very worldly and self-aware girl she is, was able to discuss all the fruits in great detail, which left everyone staring at me like i had two heads...

it was like, 'o hai! i has blue hairs, massive holes in my ears and will talk excitedly and at-length about any topic you can throw at me!'

so yes, needless to say, i got stared at a lot by the other inhabitants of the group who were really not well and therefore did not want to participate in the groups.

i just want someplace i can go and actually talk about stuff. i don't want to sit around and do arts and crafts or eat fruit... i want to talk and work through my problems. i am aware i have them and want them to stop. i want to learn how to get through them, not learn ways i can ignore them.

i shall give it another day or two and then ring my consultant and tell him what i reckon. who knows, perhaps tomorrow will surprise me and will be really helpful. i'm not holding my breath though.


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