Thursday, 21 January 2010

5: love my life: for the wonderful journey's i've had...

i have been incredibly fortunate in my life. fortunate because i have had and seized many opportunities that most people haven't. i guess, like everything else, the best way to cover this is via list... this list is mostly going to be made up of more deep, metaphorical journeys, rather than actual lois and clark-style treks. i find my journeys are more special anyways.


  • attention homes... there is no journey that i have embarked on in my life that i am more thankful for. going into the home was the single most important thing that has happened to me and i can honestly say that were it not for that home, i would absolutely not be the person i am today. that home shaped me into the forgiving, confident, personable individual that i am today and i will never, ever be able to express my gratitude enough. all the things i saw and experienced whilst in the home from the concerts to the house lockdowns, they were all just the most perfect combination of everything i needed and i will forever be in the debt of the staff of that facility. 
  • my mum... everything i went through with my mum. many of you don't know a great deal about my past, but essentially, my mum fell ill when i was very young and i was left to care for her for several years. all the things that i went through surrounding that were special... prior to her falling ill though, we had many, MANY magical adventures. gah... getting a little sad thinking about it. my mum was always such an amazing woman. she always, ALWAYS gave me the best she had to give. before she fell ill she took me so many places and did everything she could for me. i wish i had more photos of her and i from when i was younger. after going into the nursing home, every visit i  had with her, no matter how painful, was so, so special. oftentimes our visits would just feature me laying on her bed whilst she scratched my head and i mused about how much i loved chris. she loved me more than anybody ever has and i will always remember that. the love that she always made me feel. 
  • england... there is no bigger journey than the one where you realize all of your life's dreams. since i was a wee child i always, ALWAYS wanted to move to england. i remember when i turned eight i started calling my mom 'mum' and spelling words with a 'u.' everyone laughed at me and i just smiled because i knew something they didn't... i knew that i would eventually live in a country where this was regular practice and then, THEN they would all see who was laughing. i am here today, five years into the life i had always dreamed of and couldn't have EVER imagined anything better. living in england is everything i could have imagined it would be and then more. i feel so much like i fit in here and like this is where i belong. the people i have met, things i have seen and foods i have eat have all been EXACTLY how i hoped they would be. i adore the fact that i decided to get on that plane on that outrageously beautiful november day. i adore the fact that i decided to come out of the bedroom that even when pow pow came round to say hi to stu and chris. i especially adore the fact that i know, without a doubt that this particular journey is not over... this journey, my life in england will never, ever end. i will continue coming back as i know that this is where i belong in the long run. 
  • my mental health... and what a journey this has been! whilst very trying at times, there is nothing that helps one learn more about themselves than mental and emotional turmoil. i have plunged into the deepest depths of myself and come out with a new and humble view on life. it feels as though i went through the last several years of chaos only to learn how to rebuild myself bigger and better than i was before. every single time i go through an 'episode' i seem to get lost and find just what i need to make it through that with little or no hindrance. having mental health problems is something that is indescribable. the things you are given the chance to see within yourself and others are incredible. 
  • friends... jesus crisps. every single person i have ever met in the course of my entire life has offered me some form of a journey. from stuart, who was an amazingly close friend and eventually turned into satan... from pow pow, who has been one of the single most important creatures i have ever met... to janey, who has saved me from myself more times than i am able to count. every person that has swooped in and out of my life has been my companion in a fabulous adventure that has shaped my life (and hopefully theirs). 
  • the muffin... and what a fucking journey THAT has been! from meeting him ten years ago and falling immediately in love with him, to spending every single day for several months with him in a bundle of love and kisses, to seeing him for the last time on march 6th 2002... this boy has offered me one of the most prolific journeys of my life. he has single-handedly taught me more about people, forgiveness and love than any combination of events or people ever could. there is not a time over the last ten years that i haven't thought about him or wondered about what his face looked like at that particular moment. he has had an all-consuming hold over me and i wouldn't have it any other way. i always knew the danie/danish journey wasn't over, but i never, ever imagined it would be making a stop here, at my house, in england... i couldn't have imagined it and i couldn't be happier about it.


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