Saturday, 30 January 2010

Divorce: Day 133

has it ACTUALLY been THAT long? nineteen weeks? nearly five months?!

parts of me feel like it's been longer and other tiny parts feel like it was just last night that we were sat on the sofa watching peepshow and cutting the cord on the trainwreck that had become our relationship.

so many massive things have happened over the last five months that make me FEEL like it's been longer.

i was looking through photos on facebook today and found myself caught short with emotion at the sight of one in particular. this image, the one in question, it is one of the estranged and i... it is from a sporadic night out with goncalves and we both looked beautiful and it is one of the last times i can remember being really happy with him.

the photo you can now see if you direct your eyes slightly to the right, upon first glance, immediately made my tummy flip over in an ugly and unwelcome way. it hit me very, VERY suddenly that, whilst i had forgotten it over the last year, i used to love this person so, SO much. i can recall with perfect clarity what i was thinking when this photo was taken, and that was 'oh my LORD this boy is the love of my life, he KNEW what treat to abscond from work to make his little wifey happy!' (the treat was a roast pork sandwich with applesauce, made with homemade bread OMGNOM). the night featured excellent chats, mojitos and cuddles aplenty.

it is only today after seeing that photo that i am now able to remember brief times where i loved him huge. it was from this photo that i had a little bit of a journey within my head, looking through old photos and remembering as many tiny moments as i could. most of the moments were taken from secret, special dates he and i had in bed, alone, before rising from our slumber. i remember those were the best times for us because it was when we were both still too sleepy to realize that we were not made for one another. those moments, under the duvet, before the rest of our worlds had started stirring were the most magical because they were moments made just for us... moments when we didn't have to argue about who didn't have a job or which one of us spent more on he shopping that week.

i am now very slowly beginning to remember that all our times were not horrific. we had many magical journeys and i feel thankful for the time he and i have had together. thankful enough to have had a piece of him/us etched into my skin.

i was not due to go in to see kevin until later this week but he woke me this morning saying his appointment had canceled and would i like to come in today. what kind of a fool would have said 'no?!' so i pranced into town, procured three bottles of orange juice, drew out my money and made my way to the shop.

it would be a lie to say that i wasn't nervous about going into the shop today. i hadn't been in since gem and mel were around.... since things were normal. i hadn't been back in the shop for near on a year.

i walked in and everything felt like it always had. the boys were wonderful and it wasn't more than seven minutes before kevin started making comments about my 'growler.' the next four hours were spent  with my skirt lifted completely up and getting stabbed. we talked, caught up and poked a little fun at the estranged (as the boys were NEVER his biggest fan). thomas told me he had missed me and scratched my head and it was just generally a glorious day.

so, at 1600 this afternoon i emerged from the tattoo parlour with a new ink baby on my leg. he has not been named yet, but he is beautiful. i got a puffin because they are one thing that always made me think of chris most. the reason of this stems back to one of the above-mentioned morningtime dates. typically, when we had just woken, i used to turn the telly on so it could create a fun soundtrack to whatever it was we were doing or talking about. one morning, there was a documentary on about puffins.  a scene came on where they showed the mummy and daddy puffins bringing foods to their babies. the babies, referred to as 'pufflings' were squawking and generally being loose cannons and chris immediately turned to me and said that it appeared they had captured ME in this documentary. from that moment on the name he called me most often was 'puffling.'

the lightbulb was totally because kevin, thomas and i thought the puffin looked sassy and like he had just had a thought, so we whacked it on there.

rewind twenty-four hours and you will find me waiting on a phone call from pow pow with a bucket in my kitchen. a bucket filled with water, salt, soda crystals, washing-up liquid and a pig's face.

yes, you read that right, a pig's face. thursday evening saw me open the door to kate and mike... mike had a carrier bag in his hands and i immediately began to squeal. the following two hours featured us watching mike skin the pig's head, playing with the pig's eyeballs and investigating the inner-workings of the pig's head.

so yes, last night i was waiting, mobile in hand, for a call to say we would soon be beginning what i presumed would be the best date in the history of AP/DVB dates. he arrived at a little after eight and we ate din dins (homemade chicken stir-fry and fried rice). we talked a little and we pranced up to my room so he could finally see where all my fabulous creations are made.

on a side note: i ADORE my bedroom at the moment. it is a delicious combination of fabulous clutter and inspiration for me. i feel like at the moment my brain is going at full-speed with ideas for things to make and my bedroom is doing nothing but inspiring that. it is the perfect place for me to sit down and think, create and plan things. i love my little nest. 

anyways, pow pow investigated my room, enjoyed my clutter, watched the muffin's new video (which can be viewed at the end of this post) and helped me carry a giant piece of wood down the stairs for nailing the pig's face to. the next three hours we drank MANY cups or tea, cured the pig's head, took over 100 photos and had some really fabulous chats.

honestly, there is nobody else in the world that i love doings things with more than him. he is just so silly and wonderful and we are so often on the same wavelength with most everything (which he confirmed last night by saying that he felt like we had gotten closer over the last couple of weeks. it makes me happy to think that i'm not just imagining it). we made some more plans for johnny, took some obligatory AP/DVB photos and he made his way home for OMGSLEEPYTIMES.

so, i now have a pig's face nailed to a piece of wood in my kitchen, drying out very nicely. it feels nice to have ANOTHER piece of johnny finished. i know it's only the start, but it's something and it makes me happy to see pow pow so happy.

so, post-133 days, i am happy as a little clam. i have amazing friends, health and a pig's face. what more could a girl ask for?

now, please see my muffin's new video and fall in love with his face and lyrical styling. this is just ANOTHER reminder of why i adore him.


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