i heart things tuesday

has another week ACTUALLY passed? it feels like i was just sat here yesterday doing a list for people that most likely don't even bother reading them. (except for princess ashley, who i can always count on). let's just get to the nitty gritty...

• the science of sleep! fuck me this is a fabulously beautiful film! i watched it a couple of weeks ago with powers and to be honest, i am still shocked that i didn't put this on my list ages ago. the film is a mix of french and english and just the most beautiful set design and scriptwork. i can't believe what a magical film this was. it was obviously made all the better with ice cream, powers, hannah and blue hair dye. if you watch this film, try and make it as magical as possible for you... things that can assist you in achieving this include, but are not limited to the following... clotted cream ice cream, a good friend, a craft to work on, some fluffy cushions, a mobile on silent, a glass of your favourite beverage and comments that will be remind you of a fabulous afternoon each time you watch it from then on.
• telly time with husband! husband has decided to grace me with his presence more often this last week in the shape of watching several films and programmes with me. we have consumed such gems as Doomsday (which is made of a small bit of fail), the Machinist (which was surprisingly delightful with its imagry and twist which, by the way, i figured out BEFORE the end of the film, which is nice!), Mum and Dad (which is also made of fail, but fun in the horrible imagery), Butcher Boy (which is fabulous! i bought the film solely based on the cover and it totally didn't disappoint!) and Inside Nature's Giants (which was a documentary filming the dissection of an elephant. holy wow they has amazing intestines!). it has been really nice to spend time with him. because i am an emotional trainwreck at the moment, it has been nice to spend time together that does not feature me crying or being arsey.
• CHALLIS!! she is a beautious creature that i want to fold up, put in my pocket and keep with me for always. saturday was the first time her and i hung out like, for reals and it was just lovely. we have a lot in common and she loves my cupcakes and we can just talk and talk and talk. i heartz hers so muchz!
• CUPCAKES!!!! OMG i made the greatest cupcakes evar this last weekend. they were just the most beautifully perfect, tasty, colourful cupcakes ever in the world. every batch i make is better than the last and gets me one step closer to starting my wee home-based business.

eh. husband just threw a patty and now i am not in the mood. that's all for now.

the oldlywed game!

How many times have you watched a "Newlywed Game"-style game show and thought to yourself, "Ugh, I know we could go on there and do SO much better!"?
Here's your chance!
Unlike the typical let me tell you all about my significant other survey, this one requires the participation of your one and only. Answer each question on your own first... then consult your boy to see how close to the right answer you actually were.

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He's sitting in front of the TV; what is on the screen?
She says:he HATES sitting in front of the telly, so if he does happen to make his way to the lair of the television it is during 'my shows.' these include Friends, Hollyoaks and documentaries.
He says: I don't really watch TV from my own motivation. I watch things with other people because it is the only way to socialize with some of them and I like to share films and games with people I think will also like them though I get told off for talking. If it was just me then it would likely be a blank screen? That sounds terribly depressing but really I'm trying to rationalize something outside my comfort zone.

You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?:
She says: some sort of vinigrette.
He says: Vinaigrette! Olive oil/balsamic/salt/pepper.

What's one food he doesn't like?:
She says: oh gosh, hamburger helper. he LOATHES that stuff. (he apparently does not consider this food, which is why he did not answer this)
He says: I don’t like certain types of ‘envelope pushing’ seafood. From being a moderate poof with a mild dislike for large prawns to actively disliking calamari and straight up drama of rather-die-than-put-into-my-mouth things like oysters and mussels.

You go out to eat and have a drink. What drink does he order? She says: non alcoholic would be fanta and alcoholic would be some sort of bitter.
He says: Beer! Bitter.

What size shoe does he wear?:
She says: i THINK he wears 12 or 13.
He says: 12 UK, 13 US.

If he was to collect anything, what would it be?: She says: OMG! he collects anything that might have a slight possibility of coming in useful. stuff i know he would really like to collect are sound engineering equipment, ciclids and every terry pratchett and viz book in existance.
He says: Bits of metal junk, wires, components, nuts, bolts and screws. I’m a firm believer in a second male puberty which is reached once you have collected a sufficient amount of these things. Lost the nut from a bolt? Don’t panic! I have a jar full of those, what size did you need? This is Godhead. Also I have a hard time throwing away anything of a machined nature, crap like tins and threaded bars, emphasizing quality and consistency. Don’t you know this is 440F grade stainless steel? How could you throw this away!

What is his favorite type of sandwich?:
She says: oh lord. this is hard. he loves sandwiches that involved just-opened corned beef.
He says: Toss up between a BLT and cheese and beetroot. This seems to rarely come up. I don’t make many sandwiches.

What would this person eat every day if he could?:
She says: really spicy curry.
He says: Chinese spare ribs. Holy fuck.

What is his favorite cereal?:
She says: muesli with one pot of fruit yoghurt and a chopped-up banana in.
He says: Muesli with all the trimmings. Man does it keep you regular and it seems impossible to get bored of this. Also I feel like a real somebody eating such a classy breakfast.

What would he never wear?
She says: a shirt that was too brightly coloured.
He says: Sandals.

What is his favorite sports team?:
She says: ha... we has no interest in sports. i will await his answer.
He says: Uh.

What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?:
She says: spend money so wildly, watch so much telly, be so random with my medication.
He says: Try to hilariously emphasize a characteristic to both entertain and amuse. When told this is highly irritating do it a thousand times harder.

You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
She says: black forest gateau.
He says: Black forest gateaux! This thing is the best but must be done right. Dark chocolate. Kirshwasser. Proper bitter cherries. Anything amiss ruins it for me and therefore it is hard to actually purchase these done correctly. Making them is therefore awesome.

What could he spend hours doing?:
She says: playing certain video games, making/recording music or reading up on one of the items on his endless list of interests.
He says: Just about anything. Reading things on the computer.

i heart things and things tuesdays... i heart hearting

so, in a time when being positive is incredibly hard, it is nice to make myself take the time to think about and make myself realise that there are indeed some things in life that i really love, even if i am in the middle of hating most things... the list this week is as follows:

• the fact that we have a fish that sulks like a baby when we clean his tank! chikatilo (to be known as chik from now on) is our newest and most fabulous fish. he is an oscar who was a bit of an impulse buy but has ended up making a beautifuly lovely talking and viewing point in our dining room. all of that is beside the point though. what i am here to talk about is the fact that, as a species, oscars tend to 'play dead' or 'sulk' when they feel frightened. chik is no different. every single time we clean his tank he falls into deep sulk-mode which tends to prompt husband and me to shout to one another 'OMG is he totally dead? should we just throw him in the bin?!' which, of course, is all in jest as we are aware that he is living if only because he still moves his eyes around. sunday when i cleaned the tank was no different, as he immediately 'died.' i thought it would be fun to see what he would do if i covered him in gravel, which led to him just lying there looking as though he had been tucked in for a good night's sleep. he is most definitely the most precious of precious men.
• the fact that husband is building a bike for me! that's right, danie will maybe be mobile in a faster way soon. ever since husband got his new bike he has been harassing me to start riding his old bike which i insist is far too large for me. i am still insistent that it is too large for me but i am being persuaded by the fact that he tossed lots of pots of paint in front of me and demanded i choose what colour i want it. since then he has completely taken the bike apart, sanded, cleaned and painted it. he is, at this very moment outside slathering it in silver paint which will no doubt make the flapper pink-ness of it even better.
• ROSEANNE! so, i have now downloaded every single episode ever of roseanne and have been consuming it in small doses. i will never, ever be able to get over how nostalgic and happy this show makes me. i have been trying to watch it with husband but he really doesn't get it. i suspect this is either due to the fact that he is not american or because his mum was not an exact replica of roseanne.
• the new eels album! which is just the greatest, most special album ever. i mean, how can you not love an album that has a song with lyrics like the following...

The longing is a pain A heavy pressure on my chest It rarely leaves And my day becomes a quest To try not to think about here And all that she brings Forget about her magic All the beautiful things Surely there are other things to life But I can't think of one single thing That matters more Than just to see her Her smile Her touch Her smell Her laugh The longing is a friend A way to stay close And feel like she's here And feel like she knows That when I say I would die for her it's not just words I really would And to make the world a safer place for her Well, I believe I really could Surely there are other things to life But I can't think of one single thing That matters more Than just to see her To see her Her tears Her sorrow Her faults Her doubts

• the fact that i won my very first piece of taxidermy on ebay! yeah, that's right! i won a fabulously stuffed mink that is mounted on a wooden shield. i am more excited than anything ever to receive it and place it on the wall in my lounge.
• the fact that satankim stopped being satan for a short while! true story... since i had to have a couple of days off because of the effects of my medication, satankim was delightfully cautious around me. although it only lasted a couple of days, it was well appreciated. she has since reverted to her satanic ways, but the reprieve was nice.

Honourable Mentions!
Twix, getting letters, taxidermy, polka-dots, motown music, clarissa explains it all, foreign money, ash-beast!, chevy, awful horror films, husband, my lists, when people get excited and start participating in my lists, katy perry, Challis, stretching my ears

picture THIS!

A picture of you in your room:

A picture of you posing with someone you don't actually like:

it is not immediately noticeable, but the creatures behind and on either side of me are my arch enemies. the one to the left of me is my boss, satankim, and the one to the right is AMY who asks to many scrutinizing questions that i want to stick pencils in my ears.

A picture with a former crush:

ah yes, cock-face the magnificent. him and me at the prime of our love-fest. fucking dick.

A picture of you with a parent or two:

a fabulous photo of pretty much the whole family the summer husband came to visit america. from left to right you have my mum, my sister ladonna, me niece paige, me, husband, my nephew evan and my other sister carmen. sadly, this is the only photo i have of me with my mum with me as a grown up.

A picture of you on your birthday:

my birthday last year in slovakia. i was horrifically drunk and dancing with this precious elderly man who immediately became un-precious as soon as he drunkenly started to thrust at me and grunt during this dance. **shudder**

The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form:

this is officially the first photo of me evar. what a preciously fat baby!

A picture of you showing off a new haircut:

not so much a new haircut as an abomonation.

A picture of you truly being yourself:

The most recent picture of you:

A picture you're tagged in on Facebook that you aren't actually in:

i was tagged in this photo because i am the one who made his hairs blue. i heart them!

A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't:

i miss when jane and i were really close and visited each other more often. good fuck i miss this!

i miss the summer that made me who i am. ashley, prancing, thrifting and generally being completely in love with everything, ever.

i miss when all of us were close. when nobody lived in different countries and we got kicked out of pubs for being too happy.

A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is:

jenni and me in poland. although she was amazing and we had lots of fabulous times, i am glad that that particular type of poison has left my life.

A picture with your oldest friend:

jessica and danie circa 1994?

A picture with your newest friend:

jaacq! OMG he is the most fabulous new friend everyone could have. i could squeeze him to death.

A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken:

A picture you taking a shot/chugging a beer/downing some sort of mixed drink:

i don't actually have any photos of me in the process of drinking but i DO have photos of me being precious with my favourite beast pre-sip. GOD i miss you ashley!

A picture of you with someone you love:

A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day:

just being out of control, pleased and covered with joy from my friends.

A picture that makes your heart hurt:

this was one of the last times we hung out before jerry died. i miss his face so much.

A picture that makes your heart smile:

this is my favourite photo ever in the world. ever.

25: What Troubles did you have with your parents?

oh my!

there were a massive amount of problems when it came to my parents as a child.

my father was never around and when he was, it was only for the purpose of trying to see me (which usually involved him attempting to snatch me from various locations). my father was never officially in the picture, he was more-or-less just someone who my mum painted a very frightening picture of for me... which is most likely one of the reasons that i was terrified to go anywhere in public.

my mum fell very ill when i was very young and i was immediately thrust into a position of carer for her. she only got sicker and sicker which made my life more difficult.

so there we are... deadbeat dad and sick mum... those were my troubles.

i heart things and things TUESDAY!! the revival!

okay, i am starting this again as it seems the right time. i am in the process of getting myself better and in a way, one of the best ways to make yourself better is to focus on as many good things as possible. so here we go! weeeeeeeeeee!

• i heart husband! he has been absolutely, unbelieveably the strongest, most consistent thing in my life since my most recent breakdown. he may not agree and may say that he has spent a lot of the time feeling very unsure of himself and like he is worthless (as i have had a nack for making him feel like this), but he REALLY has gone the extra mile to try as many different things as he can to make sure that i am getting through this. although sometimes he has tried things that have just not worked and made me arsey, i still have to credit him for trying and sticking with me whilst i have turned into satan. he is a fabulous creature and i could never, ever tell him i love him enough.
• the fact that augusten burroughs emailed me!! i still cannot get over the fact that someone like him could have actually been willing to take the time to email me and not treat me like the scratty stuff he'd scrape off the bottom of his shoe. oh how exciting!
• andrew jackson jihad! there is actually no better band in the world at the moment! they are the greatest, most fun, hysterical band ever. all their lyrics are incredible and i just absolutely love them.
• starting new medication! i both heart and hate this. at the moment i heart it mostly because i feel positive about it. i feel like this may be the one that sticks and gets me onto the next stage of my treatment. i am on an anti-depressant that i used to be on in america and it worked a treat. alongside this, the doctor has given me some valium for my anxiety. this, i enjoy mostly because it is identified by most people as quite a 'crazy' medicine, so the fact that i am on it is delightful. i've only taken one and it worked alright, i guess. watch this space.
• feeding our goldfish! it is mostly fun and exciting because they get themselves so worked up that i have to cackle at them. before i feed them they just sit there in a little huddle in the corner of the tank and STARE. they stare and shake their little fishy bums until they see me grab the food container which sends them wild and they fling themselves around the tank in a wild frenzy. post-feed they spend their time hunting through the rocks and sand to find the last, tiny morsels that will get them through the rest of the day.
• 1000 awesome things!! which is pretty much the greatest website at the moment! it just goes over some of the most splendid things that make you feel all excited for knowing exactly what he is on about.

Honourable mentions!!

penpals, twix, my sister, my lists, coca cola, having a sick day, lying in bed, tidying, spore, random delightful documentaries on telly, stripey shirts, getting excited about another trip to london, getting emails from my niece, fast downloading speeds, roseanne, foreign films...

Baked and destroyed

well, for the love of god i took long enough to update, didn't i?! for anybody who actually takes the time to read this, i really, honestly do apologise. i promised myself every morning that as soon as i left work that evening i would come and get on the computer to post a blog. obviously, that never happened... but here i am now. has it really been three freaking months?! i actually can't believe it! let's re-cap what has been happening these last few months, shall we?

March

• i generally just slowly bobbed along, trying to make sure i didn't bump into anything that would make my life more horrible than it needed to be.
• i got a letter form Dr Denny in response to my previously posted letter, which generally said i was lying and that he was referring me onto a new consultant. YAY!
• Satankim went off work for a month! her holiday began march 17th and she went to Australia on a holiday she did nothing but complain about for the two months prior to her flight-date. her holiday featured TWO cruises and endless tours all over the land i oh-so-badly want to visit.
• i was introduced to the glorious band that is Andrew Jackson Jihad who as just the most witty, funny, dancy, fabulous band ever! look them up immediately!

April

• Jerryfest FINALLY happened and it featured a massive amount of glorious dancing, prancing and eating.
• i baked 100 cupcakes at the Aga shop for Jerryfest and made everyone happier than they knew it was possible to be.
• had an unexpectedly longer visit from claire and mark due to Ryanair being satan (they got to the airport and checked in then waited for their flight. the boarding call occurred, everyone began boarding and then the flight people just STOPPED boarding with six people left. the flight was not full, they just didn't feel like boarding anymore people, i guess.). so they came back to ours and we pranced for several days in a musical flurry.
• we got a new guinea pig who is a stupendously precious creature who i bought only on a whim when i saw her cowering in the corner of an entirely empty cage. the backstory of her life is as such

once upon a time, there was a tiny princess-like guinea pig born who was yet to be named. she was ginger and incredibly cuddly but she was also the tiniest little guinea pig of the litter. all the other pigs hated her and made fun of her tiny face and her even tinier feet. she just continued to prance and dig in the hay, knowing that one day she would be loved.
-ENTER DANIE- 4:45pm, Pets at Home, Derby, UK

the shop had been open all day, all her brothers and sisters had been sold within a timely manner and an excitable american pranced in and sees her tiny, beautiful red eyes and knows that she must be hers.

and to be honest, that was the end of that story and the beginning of a new one. she is tiny and we called her Chopper... named because of her tiny ears which had been mostly chewed off by her siblings due to her small size and bizarre social habits. initially, she was tiny and awkward with the other two ladies, but she has now become one of the family. she is the noisiest of all of our pets and the most fabulously lovely as well (bar chevy, of course!)

• the show that was filmed last JULY finally aired and it was exciting. it was only an hour-long show that was meant to be a look at the drinking habits of females of all ages but our bit was about twelve minutes long and oh-so-fabulous! i had a lot of air-time due to my being american and having the ability to discuss the difference in drinking habits between here and the states. it was incredibly exciting.
• i was harassed constantly with phrases such as 'hey, aren't you that girl from the telly?!' and 'didn't i see you on t.v. the other night?' to which i always blurted in the most excited manner that i could that i was, indeed the female from telly and they should all fawn after me as i am now famous.
• Satankim returned from Australia with nay a postcard or foreign treat. bitch.
• we celebrated Easter in a very special fashion by having a brilliant easter-basket swap and meal. the meal was bountious and i baked a cake that ended up actually being the greatest carrot cake that has ever been baked or eaten by anybody, ever.
• i got my newest and most loved tattoo of the moment for Jerry.
• we got a new printer/scanner/photocopier which has made it possible for me to FINALLY put all my lists up and print things in colour! be jealous!

MAY!

• i had my very first appointment with my new consultant, dr gillespie. he is a REALLY lovely man who immediatly apologised for the problems i have been having with dr denny and said that it is clear i need help and he is going to give it to me.
• i had an interview as directorate secretary for surgical services at the hospital which went incredibly well but i did not get the job for.
• i went out on a stupendous evening with jaacq, powers, lee lee and everyone else. an evening which was amazing for many reasons.... 1) i LOVE seeing my jaacq! 2) i got to see ali's new band, dulcinea, play for the first time (fabulous!) 3) it was like EVERYONE was out and i just got to prance around and feel normal for a while. overall, it was just the best night in a while. i loved it.

• EUROVISION!
• we got a new video card which has made my life about 800,000,000,000 times better. this is because i can now fully immerse myself in games such as spore (!!!), Sims 2 (PLUS expansion packs), stubbs the zombie and diablo 2 (which isn't really as a result of the video card, we just remembered to download it again)
• i went to see 'drag me to hell' with powers. that film is actually a bag of crap and i have never been so disappointed with a film in my life.
• i started a new anti-depressant. we shall see.
• we got the new fishy!! husband and i had a random outing to a big fish shop near our house and saw a flurry of oscars (a breed we have been lusting after for some time now. the only reason we have avoided getting one until now is because they get HUGE and need a big tank.). we pretty much instantly fell in love and picked the most handsome of the bunch to come live with us. he was put into the old tank and named Chikatilo (after my favourite serial killer)
• we moved into the new building at work. it was a sad day, but the new building is REALLY huge and lovely. i like it a lot!
• i emailed augusten burroughs on the off-chance, to see if he would be willing to write me a list and HE REPLIED!!!

JUNE!!!

• i went to see 'coraline' with powers and lee lee. it was fairly exciting, mostly due to the fact that it was the first 3d film i have ever been to. i wanted to steal the glasses but they had glasses nazis at all exits so at to prevent miscreants like myself from popping them into my bag.
• i had my first appointment with my new CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who is rather lovely. she says that although it seems it is clear i have depressive problems, i appear to have control over it and knowing when i need to get help and there is not a lot she can do for me. she will keep seeing me for another month and then see where we are.
• we got a new, giant fish tank which has made our lives about a million times better. we have put Chik in it and the giant catfish.
• i have started taking chevy out into the garden with a lead on. he is mostly delighted about it. i am attempting to train him in the art of being well-behaved so i can take him to the park on the lead eventually. husband will have no part of this.

and that's it. my life in a general nutshell.

i PROMISE i will keep you up-to-date more often and better from now on, i PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE!!!!