tues... a little (lot) late

fine, i get it, i'm lame and have seriously been lacking in the blogging. let me tell you why...

Janey came to visit for five weeks and i was literally involved in SO MUCH excitement every single day that i couldn't bring myself to pick up my laptop, let alone concentrate on a blog. i've been keeping a list, though, which will certainly help me to get this list rolling.

also? i've got about a thousand blogs in the midst of being written, but i've been trying to concentrate on building a new blog on a different site, which has left me in the mindset of, "i can put it off another day, because i'll CERTAINLY have pulled my head out of my arse soon and have the new, shiny blog up to update with all my shiny, new posts."

that seems to have worked well. clearly.

anyways, here i am today, telling you that i AM building a new site, new format and new EVERYTHING, which should hopefully be done by the end of next week at the absolute latest... i hope. school really eats up my evenings, but i need to just sort my life out and stop creating excuses.

okay, so here's Tuesday for this week, and hopefully i'll figure out a better schedule soon that will allow me to post more regularly.

Will Arnett... hilarious!
Bronner Brothers hair show
Good Hair... i've recently come into a new love for documentaries on hair and it's no secret that i've ALWAYS had a love for black people, so this absolutely had to make it onto my list,
fake punching the dog... he's HILARIOUS and gets REALLY verbal when i fake punch him.
Didi Conn
shredded lettuce
other cars with wiener dog stickers... yeah, we have a fabulous wiener dog sticker on our car and when i see other people with wiener stickers on THEIR cars? i get WILDLY excited and squeal and imagine i could be friends with those people. especially if they are inappropriate (ie... OURS says, "yes, i AM playing with my wiener" and it is HILARIOUS)
the way grass looks when a helicopter is ascending
pizza rolls
ice water
pop-up books
dental training heads
exposed brick walls
pedicures... i've only now officially had two, but they are UH-MAZE-ING!
parafin wax
coupons
cutting hair... it terrified me to begin with. if you had told me seven weeks ago that i would be wielding a pair of shears and altering a person's hair and that it would look amazing in the end? i would have laughed in your face. literally. i would have laughed one of those hearty, guffawing laughs right in your face. now though? i've done a lot of cuts, one or two on an actual alive person, and they've been pretty fabulous.
Janeyvisit... oh it was epic. epic and wonderful. there will most likely be a blog, so i don't want to spoil anything.
Space Needle
mexican food
green nail varnish
Morgan... she's in my class and i adore her. she's tiny, southern and so, SO funny. we work together a lot and really gel well, spurning one another on to do better. it's really nice to have that in class. i don't know what i'd do without her.
LaDonna... literally the best sister in the land! i love her more than most people could ever imagine ever loving their sibling.
learning
collecting art
writing out Christmas cards
Allie's impending moving date
Panera Bread... primarily because she will be moving into OUR apartment complex. SHE WILL BE OUR NEIGHBOUR!! WE WILL DO SO MANY CRAFTS!!!
scarves
sewing
my new anatomy book... i found it for six dollars at a local bookstore and it's a huge book full of original colour prints of the anatomy and surgery plates from 1831 to 1854. it's beautiful and i could literally stare at it for forever. i adore it.
Half Price Books... the book store i purchased the above book at. it's a local store that blows my freaking mind every time i go into it. it's huge, cheap and full of really special, rare finds that make every trip worth the time and effort. also? their warehouse is in Seattle and they have a HUGE sale twice a year (one of which we went to in August) that gets rid of EVERYTHING for three dollars or less. MY MIND WAS BLOWN!
Pepsi
surprizingly amazing thrift stores... you know the ones you've driven past numerous times, dismissing them because they look like giant shitholes? yeah, we've got one of those by our house and we FINALLY went into it last week. EVERYTHING IN THE STORE WAS NINETY-NINE CENTS!! EVERYTHING! i nearly died.

right, time to figure out this other blog thing and snuggle the puppy. he's driving me CRAZY!

have a great day!

one last tuesday

it's late and barely still Tuesday.

 i SHOULD be on a new blog site next week, but i need to go to bed right now, so here's a list, off the top of my head...

taking to Bri again
Ambien
Steve Carrell
photos
water
salad
ugly dogs
JANEY WILL BE HERE IN SIX DAYS
hating Smart Cars
planning an epic tattoo
school
spaghetti bolognaise
Sebass ... i taught him to give me five!
math
clean glasses
taking off my bra
painting
baking
cooking
Instagram
having a bed frame to sleep on
jersey shirts
jersey sheets
planning an epic Passion Party
creating a new blog
Song Pop
Maplestory 
urinating
Nikko Hurtado
socks
cardigans
vinyl
shears
starting haircutting
colouring my hairs
air freshners
my sisters
Muffin
Roseanne
putting my cold hands on Muffin


alrighty, the Ambien is taking over.

have a beautiful day!

<3

moving...

i'm moving my blog to another place.

it's under construction.

deal with it.

learning

so... after nearly ten years out of school i'm back at it and i'm at a loss. it seems as though i had literally forgotten what it was like to go to classes every day and learn in a regimented environment.

for the last several months i've literally been sitting around the house doing whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. i've been hanging out with the dog, baking, painting, crocheting and sleeping at all hours of the day and doing little else. living a little life that didn't entirely fulfill me, but always left me with enough sleep and homemade crap to make me feel slightly satisfied and maybe even a tiny bit agoraphobic. i had developed this sense of security that only the comfort of my image-covered walls and homemade blankets could offer. i had lost virtually any desire to leave the house, not because i was lazy, but because i had fallen into the fabulous state of depression that i have told all of you about ever-so-many times.

now, though... i have a schedule. a rather serious one at that. leaving me responsible for a lot of stuff, but namely, my own future... i've never had so much pressure. never so much riding on my daily activities. i've got a class in the morning and class every night... a class that lasts nearly seven hours.

my first day of school was ridiculous. generally getting used to having to listen to people again... i have teachers that expect very little less from me now, as an adult, than they did twenty years ago, when i was seven (TWENTY YEARS AGO?!?! OH HEY! I'M FUCKING OLD!). i proudly pranced into class two weeks ago expecting the scenario to be more adult, but it literally almost feels as though my fourth grade teacher, Mr Duran, expected more of me than my current teachers do.

i am alarmed (but also slightly NOT alarmed) by how little the educational staff trust us. the first four days at school were literally comprised of teachers telling everyone over and over again how and where to get really basic things like their books (THE SCHOOL BOOKSTORE), financial aid (THE FINANCIAL AID OFFICE) and student IDs (which every student was emailed about two weeks prior to school starting, stating hours of availability and rates (see: FREE) for ease of picking up our identification PRIOR to school starting. please know that i followed the rules and got all my shit prior to school starting, mostly because i didn't want to waste my fucking time!). i am not even kidding when i tell you that non-stop, every single day for the first week, my teachers were re-explaining how to do the most ridiculously menial things that really, everyone should have had the foresight to have taken care of PRIOR to school starting.

the teachers actually make it seem like we are retarded and can't be expected to do anything on our own. i HATE that. i hate that teachers are forced to sweep everyone together under the heading of "stupid, un-independent" because of the many people who can't seem to function without the help of their parents.

maybe right now would be the best time for me to say that i am at least five years older than literally everyone in my class, which doesn't SEEM like a lot until you realize that here in America, the vast amount of twenty-two year-olds could pretty much be classed as mentally handicapped. they act like toddlers that need to be prompted to do everything and can't so much as go to the toilet or eat something without having to gain approval from at least ONE person either via mobile or in person.

most of the people in my class are made exclusively of a special brand of horrible and they make me want to die. not a day passes that i am not floored by some stupid comment, action or piece of insight that is inflicted upon me by one of my fellow classmates.

every single class is pretty much just a constant pissing contest, which is fun (and by "fun," i mean the worst thing in the world). literally ANY time a new topic comes up (a disease, hair condition, skin disorder, etc), someone will ALWAYS chime in with some, "OMG THIS STORY IS SO CRAZY, LISTEN TO ME," bunch of word vomit, only to be followed by someone ELSE with another story, presumably offered to try and one-up the previous storyteller and also because they love hearing their own voice.

lessons take forever because we have to follow the same old stupid script of one-upping and stupid questions. i desperately want to just learn and not have to fuck around with a bunch of idiots who keep asking questions that either have already been answered or are set to be answered in the next several weeks according to the established rubric (seriously, my BIGGEST pet peeve right now is the fact that we are forced to waste SO MUCH time talking about future lessons RIGHT NOW because people can't wait until the scheduled lessons to learn about shit we're not even equipped to deal with right now).

i've made a couple of friends in class... literally, two. and they are fabulous.

the other ten people in class make me want to die, each in their own special way. i am sure i'll end up going into all the details about how and why my classmates make me want to die, so i'll leave it for now. 


the very worst part?! our house. i feel like i am going insane because i rarely see things getting done when i am out of the house (except, of course Muffin advancing further on one of his stupid video games or learning a new song on his guitar. thank GOD these things get done! what would we do otherwise?!). virtually no tidying gets done whilst i am out of the house, the list of things that need doing around the house just gets longer. the kitchen is a trainwreck and...

sigh. i'm overwhelmed. i don't even know how to advance this aspect of this blog. my anti-dsepressants ran out, Muffin's been acting like a giant asshole lately and i feel like i'm losing my fucking mind.

i shouldn't have to be SO pissed off every single day when i get out of school only to have my rage fueled when i get home and see nothing has gotten done except for Muffin's spot having been warmed on the sofa. i get so tired during the week with the late hours at school and wish, just sometimes, that i could use my weekends for ME. to recharge and enjoy my time, but nine times out of ten, i have to spend most of my weekend tidying up the shit that hasn't been done during the week.

bleh. school starts soon, so i need to pull my life together and get to the financial aid office to sort out getting my loan paid to me.

snotty Tuesday.

oh MY! the McBlowme household is ill and full of boogers and phlegm! it has been SUCH a WONDERFUL week. I was patient zero, as far as I can tell... Last Thursday i started feeling like I was going to die and have since spread my illness to Muffin (who i REFUSE to feel bad for because EVERY time he came in for a kiss I warned him that I was ill and that he would get ill to, to which he would ALWAYS say that he loved kissing me and didn't care. he's ill now.), three of my classmates and possibly one of the teachers.

anyways, everyone i know is rather ill and it's been a fun time.

i've been in the middle of writing a blog about school for a while, there's just SO MUCH information. it's been SUCH a fun-filled and informative several days. i promise i'll have it finished in the next day or two and you will be pleased, i'm sure of it.

so, school's out for the night, my belly's full and it's time for my Tuesday before i go to beddy-bye.

enjoy!

the growl of an old muscle car
getting an extra chicken tender... there is little that excites me more than when i open my box of five tenders to find six. YAY!
diet cola
New Girl
school... i don't want to give too much away, but it's so much fun and i'm really enjoying learning again.
my teacher... she is literally the most fun, scatter-brained, hilarious person ever. i love her.
tiny hats
chicken tenders
squish-face cats
when my bus is on time... special panic attack for every late minute
Go On... i randomly found it on Hulu and decided that i like Chandler, so i watched it. it's FUCKING hilarious! there's a boat load of amazing actors in it and the premise of it is so different and fun.
water slides
roasted broccoli... Oh. MY. GOD.
raspberry jam
Hotel Transylvania.... it was a double date Muffin, me and my new friend and her beau. we'd been wanting to see it since we first saw a trailer for it months ago. it's SUCH a great film, mostly because of the animation, but also for the really fun, original and entertaining songs that Adam Sandler does in it. go see it, it's awesome.
breadsticks
doodling
blood oranges
planning tattoos... Janeyface is coming in three weeks (AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER) and our local tattooist has opened up his shop to me and Janey for us to use his equipment. i can't WAIT to have more original Janey artwork on me! YAY!
Janey... she literally arrives in twenty days. i CAN'T. FUCKING. WAIT.
pigs
ice water
costumes... particularly animal costumes.
original art prints
painting puppy's nails... he hates it SO. MUCH. i have to attack him whilst he's sleeping and and do one nail at a time... it takes forever but it's totally worth it.
butterflies
hair... i have a completely new-found respect for hair. since we've been studying Trichology i've learned a HUGE amount about these tiny little things that we have all over our bodies. they really are incredible and i am sure you can expect a nerdy hair blog in the near future because i am literally THAT impressed and fascinated by it.
eighties documentaries
beards
rainbow titanium... ALL of my haircutting equipment will be the best haircutting equipment of all time.
hot pink lipstick
Adam Sandler
Roseanne
Netflix
poppyseed muffins
flaunting my puppy at everyone

right, it's time for me to finish this show and go to bed. i really need to get onto a better sleeping schedule. soon enough, i presume.

have a fabulous day all!!

<3
 

this Tuesday brought to you by a poor college student

i'm pretty miserable and stressed tonight, seeing as school is busy and our wallets have been destroyed (even more so after Friday)

anyways. i need to get to sleep soon, so here's a quick list...

puppy
school
my teacher
my sister
Muffin
my schoolbooks
picking my nose
clean glasses
finishing a painting
ice cubes
peach rings
jello
raspberry seeds
diet cola
filling my walls with art
highlighting
new bike
fuschia
scissors
paintings of mountains
Bubble Bobble
zombie games
Obama
snuggles
the American flag
wedding photos
yellow
knitting
Instagram
Ricki Lake
Shirley McLain
long corridors
coconut mocha frappuccinos
croissants
inappropriate band names
riding bikes
cream
malts
the seaside
acrylic paint
glittery nail varnish
pooping
Family Guy
Breaking Bad
snuggling under a blanket when i'm freezing
water
iced mugs
girraffes
nail clippers
sleeping
inappropriate tattoos
fluffy towels
cleavage

eh, the end. i need sleep. 

THIS Tuesday brought to you by Japan!

last week, i received a parcel. the parcel was from a friend of mine who lives in Japan after being moved there by the military a short while ago. prior to her leaving i had met her only twice. once, at Ashley's wedding and the second time was when she very kindly offered to come retrieve me from the airport during a visit to my sisters. she is a selfless, beautiful and perfectly fabulous friend of a friend who i  have been fortunate enough to have made into a personal friend.

since moving to Japan, we've been in touch as i have sent her on a very specific mission to find me as many strange flavours or Kit Kats as she can, as, it seems, Japan is the foremost provider in obscure tastebud friends (such as aloe vera, cheese, lemon vinegar, french salt, royal milk tea, miso and wasabi. i mean, COME ON!!!). alas, she has yet to find ANY Kit Kats anyplace, but has done amazingly well at finding me several other very special foreign treats which arrived and have all been tasted. many of them ruined my life, but overall, i can't help but be filled with glee because i've got such an incredible opportunity to experience new cultures.

and with that, i shall start my list...

Royal Milk Tea... one of the many treats sent to me from Japan that i've fallen in love with! i miss England so much and this beautiful little creamy tea drink made my tastebuds dance with glee.
peachie-o's
Breaking Bad... literally, our new favourite show. we've been meaning to watch it for freaking ages and i finally decided to just put it on the other night because everyone i know wouldn't shut up about it. it's amazingly good though, seriously.
chorizo
LaDonna... she humours me and my love for tattoos. she will listen to me talk about artists and is just literally the most wonderful sister in the world. i love her so much.
newborn calves
Hans Zimmer
ROSEANNE... there is absolutely not a single person i love as much as i love her. i get such a surge of excitement, nostalgia, and glee that i nearly have to throw up. she's just such a magical, beautiful and hilarious person. 
Toys... the film. SUCH an amazing film.
the taste of lemonade... especially AFTER brushing my teeth.
the smell before it rains... which Washington doesn't experience often... it surprises me that such a rainy state can lack in the amazing pre-rain smell, but it seems to have and i've missed it. recently, though, despite the drought we've been suffering, when rains HAVE come, the smell has been incredible!
Five-Year Engagement... great film, go watch it NOW!
Biore face wash
the commisary... pretty much my favourite part about having access to a military base. the amount that can be saved is ridiculous. they literally stock everything and take coupons from EVERYPLACE, meaning that the amount that can be saved is almost joke-worthy. be jealous.
Gilbert Gottfried
book sales... we went to one this last week and every single thing in the store was three dollars or less. i nearly died.
Friday date nights... my Friday's don't feature dates with Muffin though, they're with Sarah! we've been relishing in hanging out every single Friday for the last several months and i completely adore every tiny minute we get to spend together.
woodgrain
steamed buns... burger buns. steamed. heaven.
eggs
hearing Muffin laugh... but only when he doesn't know i'm listening. he sits in the other room and giggles to himself like a little schoolgirl. i love it so much!
car saleswoman... we've been looking at cars for the last week and one of the places we went was a Jeep dealership where the saleswoman literally told me that she knew i didn't have a license, but i could drive one if i wanted. of course, i don't like being illegal, so i totally didn't take her up on the offer. i hate Jeeps anyway.
stuffed-crust pizza
stick bugs
guessing when Walt will unveil the meth cooking... see Breaking Bad.
tiny gauge crochet hooks
malts
chunks in malts... OH MY GOSH I LOVE THE CHUNKS OF MALT POWDER SO MUCH!
white peacocks
when shows have short intros
taking Sebass places... he's SO well-behaved and there is literally not a place i take him where i'm not stopped by EVERYONE to be told how adorable he is.
our wedding photos... which we FINALLY, after over a year, have gotten into frames and hung on the wall.
fairs
caricaturists... it's been SO long since i've gotten to sit down and have a caricature done of me, so i clearly wouldn't have missed the chance to have it done yesterday whilst at the fair with Muffin, Sarah and Randy. the results were AMAZING (see below)!
knitting
new car... yep. we finally got rid of the moneypit that was the BMW and have made a more intelligent and economical move toward a Ford. we love it, mostly because it's glittery, but also because it has satellite radio and INCREDIBLE air con.
SCHOOL
foreign tattoo magazines
imperfections in teeth
haircuts
tiny fish
eels
Panera Bread
blood oranges
filling photo frames
garage sales
Half-Price Books
bookshelves... of which we have eleven... i love them a lot.
vintage guitars
OMG GLEE!! favourite show ever! i wept.


and that's that!  have a marvelous day!

wordless Wednesday 1

Tuesday brought to you by wiener dogs...

phew!

i'm finally sitting down to this blog after a fabulously wonderful morning at a new friend's house. her name is Allie and she has a wiener dog. a girl wiener dog. named Ruby. who is now Sebastian's bff and eventual girlfriend. i shall get into how i met Allie in another blog, so let's just focus on the fact that i've finally found someone else who loves wiener dogs as much as i do!!

so, Sebass, Muffin and i spent the day at Allie's house, watching our wieners prance around. it was fabulous.

now, i'm home, Sebass is dead to the world, Muffin's out at a friend's and i'm sitting here with a belly full of curly fries and diet cola. i can't see any reason that i shouldn't post a blog!

here we go!

wiener dogs.... pshhhhh! like this WOULDN'T be the first thing on this list! there's not a single thing i DON'T love about wiener dogs! they're adorable!
documentaries in English... because i watch a TON of documentaries, but i also like to craft and generally multi-task whilst doing so, meaning the ones in English are the best for me. problem is,  the ratio of English to non-English is like, 1:5, leaving me pretty screwed and stuck with my eyeballs reading the screen and not watching stitches being made into blankets or toys. sigh. what a difficult life i lead!
diet cola
pretzel buns
Benicio Del Toro... STUD!
sedation rifle needles... i pretty much just love them because they have those adorable little balls of fluff at the end of each of them. it's cutesy!
Oreo crusts
Fruit Bars... i picked some up on accident at the supermarket one afternoon when i was legitimately concerned i might die of heat exhaustion. i picked up some coconut flavoured Dryer's Fruit Bars and they blew my goddamned mind. since then i have gotten my paws on a blueberry one, a lemonade one and the best one of all, a pineapple one! they are filled with natural fruit juices and chunks of fruit and they make me SO HAPPY!
Jason Segel
painting my nails
sleeping in
preparing for school
anatomy charts
bugs
Bremerton
clam chowder
giant ships
pineapple
curly fries
CLEAN glasses
dark chocolate
thick accents
 
 the end! it's time for another fruit bar!

i love Antonio Banderas and you should too!

yep. it's Tuesday and whilst my life is typically incredibly uneventful on a daily basis, today has been ridiculous.

the plan was for us to lie in, me to read until two, take Sebass to the vet and then come home and literally do nothing for the rest of the evening.

pshhha! like a day could ever STAY as simple as planned! it seems the days i WANT things to be exciting or eventful are the ones that lag the most and the days i'd rather just lie in bed all day reading somehow fill up with countless lists of shite.

we arose as planned and i lazily writhed in bed as Muffin stumbled around the house. Sebass and i snuggled and snoozed until breakfast lured me from my fluffy nest. we ate, paid bills and went home where i laid in bed reading with Sebass until appointment time. 

the appointment initially went as i expected, everyone fawning after him, as he is literally the most adorable dog in the entire world. he pranced, got lots of treats and then got poked like a little pincushion. he got shots for Distemper and Rabies, got his temperature taken (via his butthole) and then was taken in back for his microchip. i immediately hated the dumpy ginger veterinarian who whisked him away because he yelped. a lot. a shrieking, miserable yelp that i couldn't do anything about. Muffin lied to me and told me that it wasn't him, generating a story about a tiny chihuahua that was taken in back who MUST be the one yelping.

she came back and Sebass leaped into my arms. Dr. Dumpy tried to win his and my affections back with snacks, but i knew we'd never trust her again.

post-vet we came home to a stupid goddamned neon sticker on our second car which we only noticed aster seeing a similar sticker on a neighbour's car. the sticker claimed we would have our car towed (at OUR expense) in two days time if we didn't get our tags updated (sidenote: the reason we'd not gotten our tags updated on our second car was because we're poor and hadn't had the cash to update them.) to add insult to injury, we only had a hundred bucks left between us and our working car had become decidedly NOT working during our drive to the vet when the check engine light came on, meaning we couldn't safely drive to the Department of Licensing to get new tags.

so we walked.

anyways, we got tags for our car which needs an emissions test, so the tags only allow us to leave the car parked, not drive it anywhere, ever. we walked home and made a quick pit-stop at the office of our apartment complex to complain about the sticker and the sneaky, shitty way that they went about notifying us that our car should be moved.

now though, we're home, bellies full of pizza (which we decided we needed after our shitty day) and Cola. Sebass is lethargic and feeling terrible for himself and we're watching Desperado, which has completely reminded me how much i ADORE Antonio Banderas... which leads me to my list....

Antonio Banderas... who, when i was younger, i loved SO MUCH that i used to write him letters professing my love to him and begging him to keep growing his hair long. also, i had the above images VERY proudly hung above my bed as a young teen. i was just SO in love with him. when i was younger i loved EVERYTHING he was in and HATED Melanie Griffith for marrying him. i literally wouldn't have anything to do with any film she was affiliated with for the longest time.
Antonio Banderas' face
Antonio Banderas' voice
Antonio Banderas' hair 
Antonio Banderas' cheekbones
Antonio Banderas' eyes
Antinio Banderas' lips
snuggly Sebass... which mainly only happens first thing in the morning or whilst medicated.
Muffin... he's my favourite and always will be.
pineapple on pizza
Oreo crusts
pecans
Stephen  King
painting
Michael's 
planning for Halloween... firstly, because Janey will be here and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER! secondly, because Muffin, Janey and i will be going as part of an amazing theme that will blow people's minds. thirdly, because I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
pregnant bellies
days that i feel less fat
taxidermy
tuna
saving money
Master Chef
Fall Lineup... pretty much ALL of our favourite shows are on in the fallm so in the next month we'll be glued to our telly, laughing our arses off.
The Jetsons Movie
blueberry ice lollies
coupons
talking shit about Quentin Tarantino.. because i hate him and he's a cunt.
holographic glitter

eh, i think that's it. i can't find my cord to plug the fan into my laptop, so i've got a pretty roasty lap right now.

have a fabulous week!
 

FINALLY!! A TUESDAY!!

right, after the previous epicblog, i think i just need to churn this epiclist out.

please, enjoy!

almond flour
corriander
Holocaust documentaries
Pixar films
how i feel when i eat healthy
Wall-E
rice
my pestle and mortar
Honey Rivers Band
when Muffin cleans the kitchen... it's been happening much more often recently and i absolutely LOVE it when he prances off to the kitchen and tidies, even if it's just to do a few dishes.
Pictoplasma
lounge songs
when people on talent shows completely surprise me... i LOVE when i'm watching something like The X Factor or America's Got Talent and someone comes out and they completely take me by surprise with their act... if they look like a filthy country bumpkin and sing a stunning opera number. it's wonderful and ALWAYS gives me chills.
fountain cola
feeding Sebass a new food... since we've had him we've fed him just about everything we've eaten ourselves and i LOVE when it's a completely new food because he just doesn't understand how to eat it. it's hilarious.
continuous shots in films... for an amazing example, please go watch Children of Men, right now.
Sarah's weight loss... she had surgery in January and looks SO incredible now! every single day she looks better and i am so proud of how far she's come and how fabulous she looks!
Deja and Jason... they're beautiful people and i just love their wonderful little faces!
Muffin kisses
Evil Dead films... yeah, i suck and only just saw them for the first time recently. they're not amazing, but they're better than i thought they'd be.
stop animation
fire... i'm not a pyro, it's just pretty
fans... particularly in the summer! we've only barely survived the summer with the help of our fans!
gratuitous blood in films
my book collection
the sound of chainsaws
my Nook... Muffin got me one for our anniversary and it's completely renewed my love for reading! i always had trouble reading because my favourite time to read is just before bed, but Muffin has the light on HIS side of the bed, so it made reading difficult. since i've had my Nook i've literally gone through like five books and i am SO happy about it! i have missed reading so much and for as much as i battled having one, i couldn't go back. 
hearing Janey's voice... i miss her so much. i hate being so far away from her and i LOVE when she rings me and we get to giggle and muse about her upcoming visit. i love her so much.
blood splattering on a lightbulb... ALWAYS a wonderful touch in a gory film.
homemade tortilla crisps
finding INCREDIBLE cards
rocking chairs
quesadillas
Percoset
when outtakes are played during credits
laying with my face so close to Muffin's that i can kiss him constantly
old people who talk excitedly about my tattoos... old man at Midas talking about blank spots, cigarette advert on my leg
David Letterman... i used to watch him all the time as a kid with my sisters and i'd totally forgotten how much i loved him.
bok choy
little girl, hot tub... during our anniversary weekend Muffin and i were sitting in a hot tub and a little girl who couldn't have been more than six or seven came and sat in the hot tub and immediately began grilling me on my tattoos. she liked me reading the sentence on my leg and had me read it to her no less than six times. she was INCREDIBLY interested in the holes in my ears and was VERY determined to find out the exact number of tattoos i had, what order i got them in and if i planned on getting any more. it was a very fabulous hour and i love when little kids aren't scared to ask questions.
Joan Rivers
our Soda Stream... seriously, it's changed our life! we make our own cola and it's SO MUCH BETTER than the canned stuff!
my hairs... i went and got them done properly and i love them! they're red and black and getting rather long.
Red Genie Pizza... oh. my. GOD. it's the BEST pizza in the land! during our trip to the seaside for our anniversary we asked around about good places to eat. we'd planned on going to one of the two pizza places in the tiny town and whilst shopping for buttered-popcorn flavoured salt water taffy the clerk told us that we should TOTALLY go to the other one... i was personally VERY concerned about the other one because there were NO other patrons and it looks rather ram-shackle and crappy. we trusted the clerk though, and went. i was terrified when we walked in and the lady who seated us sounded like she MUST have been smoking since she was four and smelled just as terrible. can i say though, it was literally the greatest pizza i have ever had.
air con
sand dollars
my shark... whilst at the seaside i got a shark in a jar. i named him Snake. he's handsome.
cola
the sound of the sea
the smell of the sea
Muffin skateboarding
how smug i feel watching shows about naughty dogs... because Sebass is literally the most handsome and well-behaved dog in the land!
Muffin's feigned interest in my hobbies... literally the ENTIRE time i was reading the trilogy of 50 Shades of Grey he let me tell him what was going on and pretended to enjoy talking about it. he does the same with Desperate Housewives, Diablo II and Glee. he's a good husband.
when parents see their babies for the first time
shower puppy... so, our dog HATES baths. there is nothing that makes him want to die more, so we'd just resigned ourselves to have a filthy dog. that is, until one day Muffin and i were in the shower together and Sebass couldn't handle that he wasn't in there with us. he whined and tried to jump in, so we brought him in and now, we have a dog that LOVES showers!
Evelyn Giennie... she's a percussionist and she's baffling.
Olympics opening ceremony... blew my goddamned mind.
hot tubs
swimming
POSTCARD FROM JAPAN
Wes not being obsessed with video games... Wes is my step-son and he came to visit last month. it was a week of stress with the best thing being that he wasn't obsessed with playing on our mobiles or other games console. he's able to entertain himself, which i wish more kids these days could do.
our car after a trip to Chinatown... as it ALWAYS smells of chinese buns!
pulled sugar sculptures
when people take my Ranch problem seriously... i ALWAYS say i need more ranch than most people would, and about seven times out of ten, i will only get a tiny container. i LOVE it when a waitress actually takes me seriously and brings me a soup cup full.
petrol stations that put fresh flowers outside
How I Met Your Mother
Cosmetology School... yep, i've enrolled and am ready to start. the excitement is unbearable.

it's gotta get bad before it gets good...

so, the other night i'm laying in my bed. i'm laying there and doing an intensive internal assessment. checking in with parts of my body, to see if they're all still there, working and not needing any sort of medical attention. this need to assess my physical well-being comes from the fact that America is AWESOME and unwilling to provide any kind of socialized healthcare to people who need it despite certain individual's needs.

i checked with my legs and instinctively began scratching. since my first trip back from England in 2004 i have suffered from a horrible case of itchy legs. i would scratch and scratch until i bled. there are countless scars all over my legs from years of scratching. actually, little known fact, the main reason i originally started to get my legs tattooed was because i hated seeing the scratches and scars all over my legs.

moving on, i checked in with my belly by giving it a squeeze with both hands. trying to compare the size of the amount of fat i held in my hands to some sort of fruit or vegetable. it used to be a grapefruit and has, over the last several months, morphed into a large honeydew. i frowned and hated myself silently for a moment, thinking about how much weight i had let myself gain in the last year. i have literally put on over forty pounds. seeing that number even just now makes me wish i was willing to lie, but i know it won't do much good. i need to be able to see that number and know that i need to do something, that i need to change my way of living because i'm not healthy and i'm only going to become MORE unhealthy if i don't sort my life out.

i checked with my back. presumably as a result of my weight gain, my lower back has been killing me. i can't walk for more than ten minutes at a moderate pace without needing to stop and complain because my back literally hurts THAT MUCH. i worry about my back because the last time i experienced a pain like i am right now was when i had a kidney infection. i can't afford to have any kind of illness right now, but a kidney infection would literally be the worst. i've been VERY careful monitoring my internal organs because i can't even imagine what would happen if i fell ill with a kidney infection again.

finally, i made a stop in my head, checked how my mental health was doing. this is always the most fun for me. i'm now hitting the last of my supply of the anti-depressants my doctor prescribed me before our healthcare ran out and i am to the point now where i've got so little Ritalin left that i have to ration it to days that i know i might want to be more active.

anyways, the internal mental health check was alarming. i'm a mess. i'm existing in this place at the moment where i'm completely unwilling to pretty much do just about anything. i don't want to get up in the morning, participate in anything during the day and CAN'T sleep at night. i'm depressed. again.

i've been dealing with this very special bout of depression for several months now, which has resulted in the elusiveness on my blog, along with other things. this depression has been crippling in a whole new way for me. i'd gotten myself into such a fabulous cycle of self loathing, indifference and cynicism that i'd just completely given up on literally everything. i'd stopped doing my hair, wearing anything other than sweatpants, crafting, writing, talking to people and worst of all, communicating in an age-appropriate and conductive way with Muffin. i had just set myself up in a horrible little hole of misery that was made up of nothing but sadness and disappointment (pretty much all of which, i must add, was self-induced).

to be fair, my entire adult life has been made up a string of situations that have left me feeling HORRIBLY disappointed. i have spent a great deal of time wondering why i constantly felt like i was existing in such a massive state of disappointment; why i just couldn't be happy.

wait, i want to start this miserable part of this post saying that i love Muffin. i love him so, so much more than i think anybody could ever understand. the love that i feel for him, it goes beyond any means of description or explanation.

anyways, do you know that feeling after an argument where you feel like... sigh. you feel completely deflated. no matter how amazing your day may have started out, everything is gone after that last snide, shitty comment. i've got that right now, kinda all the time. lately Muffin and i have virtually lived exclusively between a string of FABULOUS arguments that are born from simple, piece of shit comments that turn completely out of control VERY quickly. i won't bore you with the details, but there tends to be IMMEDIATE escalation and doors are slammed and i am just so tired of feeling that horrible smug, yet ashamed feeling in the pit of my stomach that i inevitably always experience after every single argument.

so tired, in fact that last Monday i just got so, SO tired that i just gave up on any even sort of rational arguing and i reckon Muffin felt the same, because we pretty much broke up for about two hours.

yeah. my life's been THAT magical.

we've both just been walking on an emotional tightrope with our own personal battles staring us down every single minute of every single day. we're both tired, uninspired and angry. not at anybody in particular, but every single tiny bit of anger, sadness and frustration that we had burst into a horrible, disgusting relationship-shifting bubble that i think we kinda needed...

maybe i'm the only one that needed it, really, but it was big and offered me a lot of insight that i hadn't realized that i'd just shut out of my life because of the mess i'd let myself get into emotionally. 

since the day i met him, eleven years ago, i have been madly in love with Muffin and knew that he was the person that i was meant to see my oldest years with. there's never been anybody that i'd be willing to love as blindly as i have him. in the time i've known him i have seen him cheat on me, lie to me and break countless hearts, and you know what? i'd forgive him anything if it meant just a little more time with him.

at least that's what i THOUGHT i felt. it wasn't until last Monday that i realized that i've been holding him emotionally hostage and it's been destroying our relationship. i've been accusing him and hurting him making being with me nearly unbearable, all under the personal thought that i was making things better. i've been arguing blindly with him, not allowing him to offer me any input because i felt justified after what HE had put ME through. i just bulled on ahead with my own agenda, thinking it was helping, and not at all realizing that i was very slowly chipping away at the foundation that our lives were built on.

for months i've been searching aimlessly through countless internet sites trying to find the answers to questions i didn't even have the words to voice. why he was acting the way he was, why he wouldn't change and why he was so angry when he was the one who made the mistakes in the first place... i spent so much time focusing on what HE was doing wrong that i never took the time to stop and ask myself what in the world i was doing to fix things. i was just sitting back, expecting HIM to change, not even toying with the idea that i might need to step up and help. i was so focused on the hurt that he had inflicted on me that rather than letting the wound heal, i would just pick it and pick it and pick it, never, ever giving it a chance to scab over and get better.

last week helped me realize just how volatile i had become... just how difficult i had made life for the both of us. now, we're working together to make things good again. we're working and taking really great steps toward a better life.


the awesome thing? now, since i've stopped hounding him and feeling the need to monitor his every move, i've found myself feeling so much lighter and less strained. i've found myself with more time to crochet and paint and prepare for school (which starts in just over a month!!) i've found myself with the time and strength i was missing for ME, which is awesome.


things aren't perfect right now, but they are most absolutely on the right track. we hit the hideous rock-bottom we needed to and now we're headed back to where we need to be and i couldn't be happier to see the horizon.

RANT

today, i couldn't even muster the energy to wish Muffin a happy Father's Day like i did last year. i woke up and tried to just shut it off in my brain. i just don't have the strength today. after Mother's day, a day that i tried to make as special as possible for as many of the mother-figures in my life, with absolutely no recognition at all, i just couldn't. i ended up far too raw after sending cards and emails and texts and love to everyone in my life who plays some sort of a mothering role in their daily lives.

do you know what hurts more than anything? it's halfway through the day and there's been only one call from one of his sons and not one card has arrived... it just pretty much seems like Molly's mum doesn't give a shit about Muffin being the father of her child. i bet, without even a tiny shadow of a doubt, that Molly's STEP-father got a fucking card and wonderful hug and kiss from her, but not a single peep to the father that helped MAKE her (the fact that STEP-dad gets love kicks me in the guts even more because i didn't hear one goddamned peep from her, or any of the kids, on Mother's day. i'm not saying i deserve it, but if, in Molly's house, the STEP-parent gets precedence, why did i not hear a single thing?!)

what makes it worse? i emailed Molly's mum weeks ago to remind her to please send something to Muffin because he's been really down and it would be nice... nothing. how can someone actually be so heartless? like, are people literally incapable of stopping and thinking to themselves how they'd feel if the tables were turned? it just baffles me.

this post is coming after much aggravation, childlike behaviour and a complete lack of respect from Molly's mother. i am now completely finished grovelling at the feet of someone who demands such a high quality of respect but refuses to offer it to anybody else. i am finished with cowering under the shadow of threats and fear-based actions. i am finished worrying about the feelings of someone who cares nil about anybody but herself.

do you know what i don't understand?

how someone, a parent, can feel it is acceptable to try to stop a step-parent (or ANYONE) from being in their child's life. how can someone actually feel like they need to "protect" their child from being offered MORE love? what must be going on in someone's head to feel like it's alright to actually deprive their child from receiving more love? i thought part of the point of being a parent was to make sure that your child was surrounded by as much love as possible as often as possible?

all of my original fears about my relationship with Molly are coming to life very quickly at the result of her mother. her mother does nothing but make me trying to take part in her life more difficult. her being constantly flippant, regularly telling me i'm simply not allowed to speak to her anymore because of some silly thing i've done to upset her (you wanna know the most recent reason i'm not allowed to try to be a part of my step-daughter's life? i wanted to know what Girl Scout Troop she was in. yeah, can you believe what a monster i am?!) she literally contacted Muffin and told him that if i don't stop texting her, she will change her number and Muffin will only be able to talk to Molly via email. are you LITERALLY kidding me?!

Muffin doesn't help either. rarely talks about me with Molly, and i imagine her mum never says anything nice about me to her.the overall result of all of this is just frustration for me. frustration in the fact that i can't be a part of her life. her mother's refusal to involve him more than the bare minimum. and frustration with the fact that Muffin won't try harder. i just don't know what to do. i don't know what i can do.

i didn't agree to come into this relationship with the intent to ignore blatant disrespect of me, Muffin and Molly. that's all i see, pretty much constantly. selfishness on her behalf and everyone else being very openly disrespected for whatever reason she has decided is appropriate.


sigh. i guess, happy Father's Day to anybody who might have a kid. please, embrace your child and don't take advantage of it. you have a child in your life that you're actually allowed to love and nobody should ever be allowed to try and rob you or the child of that.

Tiwesdaeg + updates

urgh! it's been too long! i'm so terribly sorry.

things in my life have been busy/happy/stressful/sad and that's kinda just left me completely devoid of energy, desire or time to post. in a nutshell, i shall offer you a list of the recent comings and goings in my life...

job... i got a job. i started working in March and i totally was in love with every single second of it. i use the past-tense because i have since lost the job. i worked there and worked hard. put every tiny bit of me into it because i ADORE working with customers and i can't get enough of working the graveyard shift. it was perfect until literally four days ago when they called me into the office, and after weeks of managers not-so-subtly dropping hints about the lack of funds and hours, they let me go, saying that they simply couldn't keep me anymore. devastated, i came home and have since just felt completely lost and have totally enveloped myself into SUPER training our new puppy.
puppy... who we have officially named Sebastian Stinkfinger (known from here-on-out as Sebass), was picked up last Thursday after a two-hour drive to Arlington (which was amazing, by the way! a little beautiful Northern Washington town just covered in huge farms, trees and lakes). we've now had him for three full days and we love his little face. i especially love that he's around pretty much all the time for me to snuggle during my days without a job now. he's been so much fun in our house and we couldn't be happier.
Muffin and me... we've been having a few problems recently, over the last several months. he's been making a lot of silly, selfish mistakes. we've been ironing a lot of wrinkles that seem to be really making a huge difference now. things have felt so much better over the last couple of weeks, and despite the fact that i hate how much we've had to endure to get to this point, i love that we seem to have finally hit the home stretch.
creating... which i've been doing a lot. i've been crocheting, knitting, scrapbooking, painting, embroidering, drawing and writing. it's been really nice for me to have a series of outlets.

which my Tuesday list is... an outlet, so have it!


elephant shrews
when dogs are missing their teeth... BECAUSE THEIR TONGUES STICK OUT AND IT'S ADORABLE!
damsel flies
cats with big noses
sunny but windy days
finally sorting the house out
hologram nail varnish
my hairs... which i've been braiding and pomping and pig-tailing and generally making wonderful.
cola from Taco Bell... it is ALWAYS, without fail, the best cola in the world!
our mailman... he's sassy, black and really funny. i love him.
Lush
Life documentaries
delusional cigarette purchasers... the ones who are blatantly over twenty or thirty and still feel like they NEED to show their ID because they are SURE that they look underage. their delusion makes me chuckle.
Etheopean Wolves
Jason Segal
21 Jump Street... literally, the funniest film i have seen in a VERY long time.
Instagram is FINALLY on Android... for MONTHS i've hated every single person that had an iPhone who could post those adorable, beautiful and fun photos on Instagram. FINALLY though, Android has it and it is everything that i hoped it would be!
Fried Egg Jellyfish
documentaries
onion straws
Me, Myself and Irene soundtrack
Diane Keaton
Hooters wings... particularly the garlic parmesan ones.
JANEYVISIT... yes, the day has finally come that my favourite Janey will be coming to visit the Muffin household!! the excitement is beyond explanation and the list of activities we will be doing whilst she is here will be the longest list in the land. BWEEEEE!!! I CAN'T WAIT!
anniversary planning... which is shaping up very nicely. we shall be going back to the place of our honeymoon. same city, same hotel, new memories. we've booked the hotel and gotten a fucking SWEET upgrade. Sebass will be attending with us and we can't wait to see the ocean again.
old photos of tattoo'd women
preparing for Puppy
Muffin changed the background of his mobile... he always acted so blase about the puppy, so when i came home one evening to him standing at the front door with his mobile in his hands and a big smile on his face, i didn't expect to see the fluffy little face of our soon-to-be little man as his wallpaper. it made me realize he was just trying to act big and tough, but he was excited, which got me MORE excited!
Sebass going into his kennel on his own... anybody who's ever had to kennel train a dog of any age, they KNOW how exciting it is to have their little guy or gal prance into their kennel all by themselves and sit down contentedly. Sebass did just that yesterday and i was SO excited! it's not an easy road, but we're getting there. 
Muffin's inquiring... he's particularly delightful, conversation-wise, at night, just before bed. the night we got Sebass, in his sleepy lull, Muffin turned to me and asked if i thought a dog's vagina was like a woman's when it came to having a baby. he then led the conversation to Sebass's mum and what i thought her dog-vagina looked like and if i thought it would go back. yeah. i'm a lucky lady.
 

Tiistai

tuesday, eh? it literally feels like every single one of my days has completely blended together. i tarted a new job and work really odd hours and alongside trying to juggle my home life, relationship and work with a new sleeping schedule that doesn't leave me feeling like a goddamned zombie during the very few hours i'm not at work or sleeping. it's been difficult, which is why i've not been in contact at all with anybody, really. i feel terrible about having completely fallen off the grid. i mean, i am seriously never on Facebook and haven't properly checked my emails in weeks.

this job is much more demanding than any i've had before and it's really taking a lot of getting used to.

anyways, it's been a long few weeks and this is a long-assed list, so i'll get it done so's i can get some sleepies in before my graveyard tonight. here, have it.



Hoarders... again, i've become obsessed with Hoarders. Netflix added a new season and i seem to have not been able to stop watching it since i found out. i love the show, but also hate it. i feel the need to watch it, but it upsets me because of the house i grew up in.so many of the episodes remind me of my mum and our house and i KNOW what it's like for those people. it's embarrassing, smelly and devastating.
"bless this mess"... there's little i love more than when there's a sign in a hoarder's house that says something about the mess and how they'll clean it later or they like it. it always makes me giggle.
Sizzler
beetroot
Lactulose... because i LOVE poopin'!
my doctor... my healthcare ran out last month and during my final visit with my doctor there was a short, emotional goodbye. he's such a wonderful doctor and i really believed him when he told me that he hopes things go okay for me.
old station wagons
New York accents
Muffin protecting me at gigs... he's such a huge, wonderful bear and i LOVE having him around at gigs because i like to stand at the front and he'll position himself behind me and literally destroy anybody who might display any threat of crushing me. he just makes me feel so safe and pleased.
when the members of bands you love turn out to be nice... too many times i have fallen in love with a band only to find that they are complete douchebags. it is because of this that i find it so wildly refreshing to walk up to someone who creates music that has changed my life and have them react kindly and like a friend.
Sean Bonnette... as per the above, i can officially say that the lead singer of Andrew Jackson Jihad is just one of the nicest people i have ever met. as soon as Muffin and i arrived at the venue and i saw Sean soundchecking i immediately got all squirmy and pleased. once they were finished i stood to go for a fag and saw Sean. i anxiously walked over to him and gushed about how amazing i thought he was and how i had missed them play in Derby just after i left England. he was so inviting and really friendly and remained such the entire night, even after i harassed him like six times for autographs and to tell him facts. he even ended up dedicating a song to me during their set. meeting Sean totally made me love Andrew Jackson Jihad even more than i already did. he's an amazing guy.
the dog... we're still watching the puppy of one of Muffin's friends and i just love him so much! he so smart and funny and has really given me something tangible and small to love and care for. i'll miss him when we send him off.
JOB! so i now officially have another job! i work at Walgreen's and have done now for just over five weeks. it's fabulous and really nice to have something to do, have money coming in and meet new people.
broccoli
Spring Forward... despite the fact that i hate losing an hour, i ADORE later sunsets and never have anything to complain about when the spring forces us to push our clocks forward.
cats with folded ears
when our upstairs neighbours SHUT UP
cider
pens
the conversation i had with Muffin last night... Muffin and i were laying in bed when he turned to me and literally said "Would you rather be invisible or fly. But get this, if you're invisible, everything you eat isn't and so your poop wouldn't be." my husband is a delight.
Friday nights... these are my favourite nights at work because on Friday nights, on the overnight, the trash guys come and clean up the entire parking lot, empty bins and dust out fag trays. that literally means that about a quarter of my work is completely done for me.
loud, trumpet-like farts
James Cameron... who, after an interview on The Colbert Report, delighted me by being incredibly funny, friendly and not at all what i expected.
Hank... the street cat who is running for senate.
rat hands
skunks
when an animal collapses from a tranquilizer... i'm not saying i like it when animals are shot by them, but when a horse or a deer are needed for medical treatment or movement is shot and, after the long wait, they collapse to the ground like a sack of flour being dropped, i really think it's funny.
lemurs
porcupines
Stockard Channing
SOMEBODY GUESSED MY SCISSORS RIGHT... one of my biggest annoyances comes from people seeing the tattoo of scissors on my chest and asking if i am a hairdresser. i get that question about four times a day and finally, after nearly two years, have had ONE person guess that i am a crafter. YAY!
Celebrity Apprentice
Fifty First Dates
Janey parcel

Trixie at Denny's... the best negro waitress in the world who calls me "babygirl" and "mama."
graveyard shift... it's the best shift ever. i had completely forgotten how much i adore the overnight, busy-with-actual-work shift. i get to spend a lot of time actually doing heavy-duty work that helps pass the time much faster than the busywork that is constantly interrupted by the heavy flow of customers. granted, i'm in the middle of a seven day streak of overnights in a row right now, but i am still happy.
dog on his pain meds... he was SO loopy and it was so funny.
payday
being able to pay bills by myself
milk
Audubon paintings
 
 right, i have to get myself together for work. i shall do another more informative blog on my next day off, i promise.

have a fabulous day!

<3

adventures on ritalin

a couple of weeks ago i was sitting in the passenger's seat in our car (aka: "world's loudest car") playing on my mobile phone whilst Muffin dodged traffic with an ultimate destination of my doctor's office.

i'd been meaning to ring and book an appointment for nearly two months, but i had been coping with a very special bout of depression. since i lost my job i had been struggling to find the energy to do anything but move from the bed to the sofa and back to the bed again at the end of the day.

people who've not experienced an extreme depression could never understand how difficult it is to deal with even daily tasks such as signing onto Facebook or tidying up the tremendous amount of boxes that have been taking over our house since the delivery of all my stuff from England.

my depression was spiraling out of control and my entire life has been forced onto the back burner whilst i figure out what the hell i've got going on in my head. i had been to the doctor many times to try to figure out some sort of medication system to manage my lack of sleep, incessant need to eat and ultimate decline of my well-being with little or no result. every single aspect of my life felt like it was falling apart and i needed it fixing.

the most recent visit was set up after my realization that our healthcare will be running out on March 12th. my internal alarm set in and i called and booked in and now we're back to the first paragraph... i was in the car, playing Robot Unicorn Attack when we pulled up to the office.

we checked in, the nurse came out to get me and we sat in the office discussing my smoking habits, physical health and general mental state. i indicated my lack of interest, attention and sleep on a scale of one to ten to the nurse whilst Muffin sat across from me looking like he was trying not to be alarmed. i had become so depressed that i had completely closed down and stopped talking to friends, family and my own husband. he had no idea how bad things in my head had actually gotten.

after i received a terribly high score on my depression scale the nurse went and got my doctor (who is one of my favourite people in the world. he's like an american version of Harry Hill and i adore him). he came in, asked how the old anti-depressant i was on was going and went on to explain how difficult it is for a doctor, particularly when they have only a certain amount of time with a patient. he told me that he sometimes feels like he's failed a patient when he's unable to fix what they need fixing in the time he has with them.

after i reassured him that he had helped and reminded him of the fact that i only had three weeks left of healthcare he started the long process of thinking out loud. we discussed the medications i've tried that haven't worked and he finally settled on an option that he explained was slightly uncommon, but has been known to work.

Ritalin.

he explained that the prescribing of Ritalin, particularly to an adult, is slightly unorthodox, but helps to accelerate the effects of the anti-depressant i take at night. he instructed me that i am only to take it during the day, as it is basically speed for adults, and that if i find myself suffering from any unwelcome side-effects, i should stop taking it immediately and call in for another appointment.

so here i am, two weeks into my new life on Ritalin and i have to say that i am much more stable than i have felt in a long time. the first day i took it i was pumped. i literally couldn't sit down. not like you'd imagine it would feel to be on speed, but just... i wanted to be up doing stuff. i wanted to be tidying and baking and re-organizing stuff. so i did.

since then, i really am grounded now. i am able to concentrate so much better than i can remember being able to in a while and have EVEN learned to knit (which, if you know me, is a huge feat, given that i have been trying to teach myself to knit for no less than seven years with no luck. i would try for half an hour, lose a lot of stitches, not be able to decipher what i had done and throw the needles into the drawer until i accidentally uncovered another knitting pattern that i NEEDED to try.)

also, i've unpacked all of my boxes from England, organized every one of my books (after having to literally get five more huge bookshelves to house them, which i ALSO put together), started re-vamping my crafting area according to craft (knit, crochet, drawing (which is FURTHER broken down by paint, marker, fine pen, broad pen and pencil), scrapbooking and dead animal crafting) and gone through all of my clothes to finally get rid of stuff i really don't NEED anymore (which, again, is a big feat for me if you know me, because i am a goddamned hoarder and hate getting rid of anything, ever).

things are okay right now and my biggest daily battle is just learning to deal with the little emotional curveballs my head likes to throw at me.

so, there you go. that's where i've been, what's been going on and why i've been so wildly elusive recently. i am making efforts to change that and have about five blogs i'm in the process of writing, so keep your eyeballs peeled and be well!

יום שלישי

well, it's Tuesday and seeing as both Muffin AND Sarah felt it was necessary to tell me that my last Tuesday blog was lacking in heart, i am dedicating this one especially to them, so please, enjoy my list and also enjoy the blogs i will be posting either later today or tomorrow.

have a wonderful Tuesday!

when a bathroom is called a WC... i don't know why, but it just makes me so happy and i love it ever so very much.
dogs with floppy ears... after many, MANY hours at the dog park now, i can officially say that i have seen every type of dog ear ever and i simply cannot get enough of big, floppy dog ears. every time we are at the dog park i am just wild with glee over every dog there, but mostly the floppy ones.
my rack
bling plugs... for years i've been trying to find plugs that are shiny and inappropriately full of bling and you wouldn't expect it to be as hard as it has been. the problem is, my ears are at 38mm and there is virtually nobody out there who makes bling in that size. only recently did i stumble across Alternative Dollie Art on Etsy where i saw she makes custom bling. i immediately ordered a pair and have pretty much not stopped wearing them since their arrival. they are such a beautiful addition to my ears and i can't thank her enough for making them for me.
the fact that Sarah showed me her vagina... yeah. it was after her surgery and we went to see her at the hospital. of course, i HAD to see her surgery wounds and after ushering Muffin out of the room, Sarah pulled up her gown and showed me the five cuts on her belly alongside her heiney and vagina. it was special because there's been a constant joke between us that i am not actually her best friend in the world, but only in Washington... so after her surgery, when she literally bore all for me, she told me none of her other friends have seen her vagina and that, my friends, means i AM her bff!
when clouds move really fast
Belle and Sebastian
the hare's face... a little over a week or so ago i got a parcel from my favourite girl in England addressed to "Danie Sharts." after the initial laughter and wondering what the apartment office thought of the name, i carried the parcel home and upon opening it, had to place it aside for a moment. the stench that escaped from the parcel was ridiculous. i soon gained the composure to slip the handwritten letter out and read she had virtually sent me a "parcel'o'death" that included some fishies that she had dried for me and a hare's face that she bought for me a while ago that finally made it to America. it is literally the face of a wild rabbit that has been cut from it's skull. i love it so, very much and have since hung the face, still in it's special plastic bag, on the wall above my desk, so i have constant view of it. i have no idea what i will end up doing with it, but it will be spectacular.
having Sarah to talk to... she is such an incredible friend and i love that i have her around to get feedback from and generally laugh with. i adore her and how, despite all the years we've known each other we've still found one another and are still friends.
when several drivers work together to stop douchebags from being bigger douches
when Muffin puts the subtitles on for me... i don't know why it is, but when i watch a film or telly i really enjoy having the subtitles on, i always have. i like them because people inevitably like to talk during telly time and that way i don't miss anything. i also like them because they let you hear, or at least read, every single tiny thing that the person who made the subtitles wanted you too... so if someone mumbles something in the background that has something to do with the plot, you don't miss it just because you talked through it or weren't paying attention. i love that! also, sometimes, subtitles allow you to feel like you're participating in karaoke because occasionally the lyrics to songs will play alongside them and you can sing right along!
the chip in Jim Carrey's tooth
Adam Carolla
improv
finally getting that piece of crap from between my teeth... recently i have been madly in love with ice cream that has pecans in it and as a result, i get tons of bullshitty little pieces of pecan skin stuck in between my teeth that literally makes me want to die. for several hours after eating that fabulously sweet ice cream i am stuck in a perpetual routine of trying to suck the junk out of my teeth. that final, amazing moment when i get whatever i have stuck in my teeth out is such a glorious moment that i tend to bask in silently, but very smugly. obviously, this plague is not limited just to pecans. other culprits are popcorn, steak, corn on the cob and very occasionally, crisps.
popping my ankles
Whitney... every single aspect of this show is my favourite ever. Whitney Cummings in hysterical and makes me think of a very tall, thin me. Chris D'Elia is unbelievable and makes me want to die so the laughter will stop making my mouth and chest hurt. it's such a deliciously fun show and if you haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet, stream it or download it. it's worth it!
Craphound... it's pretty much my most favourite thing ever.
restaurants where you can throw nut shells on the floor
Muffin watching Toddlers and Tiaras with me... he accidentally sat down one afternoon to work on a website and found himself completely sucked into the horror and intrigue of Toddlers and Tiaras. it is SUCH a terrible show and he, like me, could not stop watching it.
tickling Muffin
Muffin's hair
owning my favourite perfume again... oh GOD it's good to smell amazing again!
the cat/dog standoff... so Sarah dropped off her cat last Thursday. her cat is a staunch one animal per household activist and the existence of the puppy pretty much ruined his life. the puppy only wanted to play and the cat just wanted to scratch his eyes out. the standoff eventually ended in the dog getting his face clawed which gave him a very special eye infection which we are now treating, but until then, it was fun to watch.
creating amazing dinners with limited ingrediants
turtle feet
Nick Cage
Mama Cass
THIS Family Guy clip

the end!

freaking Tuesday

oh. em. gee.

things have not been very sane in the McBlowme household for the last several weeks, which explains my lack of posting. so many things have contributed to my lack of contact, not only on here, but on Facebook, emails and any other type of communication you can imagine. in fact, unless you actually come TO my door and force me to hang out, i can't seem to find the means to conjure up the energy to face life outside my apartment.

i've been rather depressed (again), which is the result of a lot of crappy-crap, including, and not limited to losing my job, gaining even more weight and a fair few arguments with Muffin (which has put a shallow dent in the newlywed armor.

in better news, the dent is slowly being bashed out, i've been applying for more jobs and pushing myself harder than before to get myself to a better and more comfortable weight.

no matter what, though, i am ALWAYS working on lists and i have a list today, finally for this Tuesday. sorry again for the delay, and please enjoy.

cherry cola
aquariums
Grimm... which i have recently learned that this is one of the best shows i've seen in a while... content-wise, that is. the graphics aren't amazing and the acting isn't superb, but the premise of it is really interesting and quite fun to watch in general.
when a young child can point out Johnny Cash... i was out a couple of weeks ago and had a Johnny Cash shirt on and i had a little girl, no older than six, shout out to her mother that he was on my shirt. it is really rare to meet a child of her age these days who is aware of Johnny and i could really appreciate that. i spent the rest of the evening glee'ing all over the store.
having my stuff... probably the best and worst thing about my life at the moment. the day after Super Bowl i literally had forty boxes delivered filled with a combination of books, films, clothes, blankets, cushions and kitchen stuff. our apartment is SO full of stuff that, for a short time, we were unable to move. since the delivery, several stops have been made to Goodwill and the dumpster and since then, we only have a couple of boxes left. it's been nice to be able to go through and recall what things i have been missing for the last eighteen months. i am so happy to finally have it all.
Jeff Goldblum
cream top yoghurt
huge guys with tiny dogs
successfully putting together a bookshelf... and you can imagine there's a boatload, given the amount of boxes that have recently arrived at my apartment.
the books i got... one of which is a journal that says, "i heart everything" on the cover. it's pretty magical.
Smash Books
when cashiers read my order back
Cee Lo
taking the dog on a car ride... because he is just SUCH A GOOD BOY and behaves so well in the car. he gets so excited and looks so happy. i love him so much. 
dog parks... they are just wonderful! we took the puppy there last weekend and i'm sure it was his first time at a dog park. i have never, ever seen him so excited and despite initial concerns that he might be super naughty and run away, never to be seen again, he stayed with us the entire time and came every time we called him. more trips will be taken to the park in the last few weeks we have him.
my pearl necklace... tee hee. i never, ever get over saying that. Muffin got me a set of pearls for Valentine's Day and i couldn't be more pleased. they are beautiful and it's nice to know that he listens sometimes.
the Tacoma skyline
Mike Rowe
my hair right now... which i've been hating a great deal recently, but fell back in love with last night after finally bleaching it again. it's light, soft and just barely long enough to tie back. i am SO happy.
brownies
good dreams
Julie West... who's art i've been reminded of since the arrival of my items and i adore. she is SUCH a talented artist!
Archie McPhee
REALLY hot showers
special effects makeup

eh. Mike Rowe's on right now and i have some cream top yoghurt to eat, so i'm gonna go. i hope you enjoyed this. i'll surely be doing a blog again soon that's not just a list. we'll see though.

have a beautiful day.
 

January 2012

my favourite things about January can not be pinned down to just one or two. there were so many things that made my favourites list... having a puppy in the house, excelling at work, Muffin's hair, spending more time with Troy and Liz, talking to Janey, seeing Sarah finally get her surgery and feeling more like an adult by making a car payment. all of these things shaped my month into a fairly magical beginning to the new year.

my favourite things to watch in January were The Switch, Up All Night, Whitney, The Thing, Bob's Burgers, Raising Hope, A Family Stone, Fright Night, Glee and True Blood. LOADS of films and telly have been consumed in the last month in the McBlowme household. we've been doing a lot of writing and doodling and snuggling and what's better than to have a little background filmage whilst doing so?

my favourite books from January were incessantly interrupted by my constant schedule changes at work. despite this, i have definitely had my nose in the new Stephen King book (11.22.63), 642 Things to Draw (which as SUPER made my life better because it's really prompting me to doodle and draw and really challenge myself. i absolutely adore it), Q & A (which is REALLY amazing and has become a five-year commitment that i think EVERYONE should take part it. i totally love having one little thing at the end/middle/beginning of every day that i can go to and ground myself.) and I Like You by Amy Sedaris (it's adorable, fun and COMPLETELY full of adorable ideas to do for dinner parties and other entertaining.) i wish i had more time to read and i may try to really push myself to read more during my off-time.

my favourite photos from January can be seen below...

the things i'm most excited for for February are my things arriving from England (OMGMONDAY!), clearing out my closet (a little pre-spring-cleaning), getting our tax return back, the Valentine's Day surprise Muffin has planned for me, losing some weight, crocheting some more and Superbowl Sunday partytime with Sarah, Troy and Liz.

Utorak

well, it's Tuesday and i want to die.

my belly is outrageously sore and i have no idea why. i had dinner and by the time we got from the PX to Target i literally felt like i was going to explode. i had SO MUCH wind in my belly and was letting out the most whistly and offensive-sounding farts in the land.

now home, watching The Thing, i am settled in with some ice cream and a really stressed Muffin (our financial life is just getting worse and worse every single day. it's quite special to see all the different ways that the ARMY and other government affiliates can fuck us over financially). my tummy is settled and the dog is running around like a wild man with his squeaky toy. right now, all things considered, things are okay. not awful, not awesome, but manageable.

anyways, i need to do my list. i've little time left on this Tuesday and i've other things to get done, so let's get on with the only reason you are all here anyways, yeah?

Alan Ruck... i finally saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off and immediately fell in love with Cameron and his cute, bumbly charm. i now officially have a massive crush on Mr Ruck and i'm not ashamed at all, even a little. 
sped up decomposition footage
the intro to True Blood... the song made me love it at first and then i paid attention to the footage and when i would ordinarily fast-forward through the opening sequence, i watch it attentively and have done so through three seasons thus far.
True Blood... while we're at it, Muffin forced me to watch True Blood a week ago, despite his awareness that i FUCKING hate vampires (not out of fear, mind, but because i think they're homo, stupidly supernatural and have perpetuated the disgusting gothy craze that i hate ever-so much), thinking that i MAY appreciate it, and i DO! now though, that we're in the third season, i kinda want to die again because of all the werewolves, shifters, maenads and faeries. it's all a little homo and i'm purely hanging on because i like to watch Lafayette, Tara and Godric.
people with gaps in their front teeth
actually achieving when training a dog... since we've had the puppy in the flat, it's been a constant battle with his fucking chewing shit (first, he destroyed a rug, then some shoes, then my laptop wire, THEN every single thing on our coffee table). after several days of issues we broke down and bought him a kennel and for the last two weeks we've been trying to teach him to use his kennel and the hard work finally paid off when i was about to leave for work the other day and i stepped into the room and said "kennel" to him and he immediately hopped up and went straight in. treats were abound and since then, he is completely and officially kennel trained and we couldn't be more happy.
red shoes with a blue dress
whole grain mustard
when Caribbean Queen comes on at work... who fucking knew Kmart would have such an amazing playlist that included my favourite song ever?!
The Thing... absolutely one of the greatest films i have literally ever seen in my life. the imagery in it is astounding and the special effects completely blew my fucking mind. seriously, if you've not seen it, please know it's totally worth the money and you should go rent, buy or download it as soon as you can.
Up All Night
Bob's Burgers
cooking magazines
MY STUFF... which should be here from England in like, two weeks, maximum.
Dr Pepper
photo frames... and the fact that i got TWO amazing and huge ones for SIX dollars!
amazing bargains
Service Desk... it's fun and challenging and has really made me enjoy my job more.
how great i am at my job... so great, in fact, that i was commended with a photo on the wall in the communal room saying i'm a "Game Changer" AND i got a pin AND a gift card!
Phish Food ice cream
wool
old photos
Godiva dark chocolate
fried rice
sleeping with a dog in the bed... because he gives the best snuggles AND keeps my feet warm.



and there we are. i need to eat more ice cream and relax, my tummy's acting up again. thanks you all for reading and have a fabulous day/night/afternoon.

<3
 

2012... the first Tuesday

ohhh, so i've been SO busy with workies and stuff that i've just not had any time to stop and type. also, the puppy we've got living in our house decided it'd be fun to eat the shit out of my laptop's powercord, so my e-life has been virtually and literally unplugged.

anyway, here's a list...

hand bells
the way dogs smell
fat dogs... there is very little i love more than fat dogs.
basset hounds... this was exacerbated on New Year's Eve when we drove north to see one of Muffin's friends. they have a basset hound AND a fat sausage dog. it was the most exciting night of my entire life.
the mountain... the one constant over the last several weeks for me has been the mountain. Mr Rainier is so, unbelievably beautiful that i can't believe it. every single day i am baffled by the mountain and love that we live someplace that gives me the opportunity to see such beauty.
the first bite of a fudgecicle
Family Guy
all my cupcake stuff... our house is completely covered with cupcake crap... glass ones, paper ones, plush ones, plastic ones, thumbtack ones, snowman ones, post-it ones, Christmas ones... SO MANY cupcakes that you couldn't believe it. i love ALL the cupcakes in our house, every single one.
Laurie getting me all that cupcake stuff... Muffin's mummy got me a whole giant shitload of cupcake stuff for Christmas and i am SO pleased! i love that people just buy me shit loads of cupcake stuff all the time and i love that she thought enough of me to literally get me an entire box filled with cupcake stuff.
Pictionary
Chinese hot dog buns
when children don't have to be told to say thank you
helpful customers... in line with the hanger suggestion from my last list, ANOTHER helpful thing that i love for customers to do is to put all their items on the counter with the barcodes up. can i tell you why? because the whole system at work is for us to have the best numbers for rings per minute, so the helpfulness of a customer who does THAT not only helps them to be more efficient, but also helps MY numbers.
Samuel L. Jackson
Colbert Report... i'm not going to dignify this with ANY blurb, just know that this is the only place or time that you will ever read that.
truckers that look stereotypically like truckers
Taco John's
Honey Habanero Chicken
Raising Hope
sausage dogs